Life is going well for Gordon. Two years ago he won the jackpot on the lottery and decided to build his dream home in the Yorkshire countryside. 6 months after moving in, he wakes up one day and realises that either the hills have moved, or he has.
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You should make the brothers play World of Tanks for a while and then make them play War Thunder after. No doubt they will be complaining about the realism.
Okay this chapter was interesting, I really laughed when the mares watched the Titanic film.
"How are you guys dry? It's absolutely pissing it down." or "How are you guys dry when it's absolutely pissing it down?"
I really like this fic, but there is a rather large number of errs (somewhere from 10-40) in grammar/spelling. I am not officially tasked with fixing them or pointing them out as I am not working on this as a collaborator, prereader, proofreader, editor, or any position which requires me to fix or point out mistakes. I would be willing to edit if you were to reply or send a pm. I won't have much to do soon since Summer break is coming up in, like a week or two. You and your collaborator are under no obligation to accept this, nor are you under any obligation to get an editor or proof/pre-reader, but I would suggest getting at least one, perhaps multiple, as one editor may overlook certain things on accident.
He forgot to show Bonbon the skittles.
7260212 There's time yet, plus after the incident at the end his mood was dampened a little bit.
oh not good, who ever this pony is I hope Gordon need be safe soon
If you wanted proof that you fell into the insta-forgiveness cliche, the quoted section is proof. Within a week, and already RD has been forgiven and is being treated as if she was a friend. If you are holding a grudge, you don't act like this with the person you are holding a grudge against. You can try and Word of God this all you want, but the writing is very clear. RD, after causing serious trauma to the MC, was forgiven for it completely almost instantaneously and is now the MC's friend.
7262615 things aren't always what they appear to be on the surface.
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As I mentioned, you can keep trying to "Word of God" this all you want, but the writing is current saying the exact opposite. At minimum show that dealing with them is tiring/exhausting, or that having them around makes him nervous. A simple "Gordon let out a breath that he didn't know he was holding" after he closed the door when they left goes a long way to prove he hasn't forgiven them.
you did a good how the fans react referee make a call ageist their team. I use to do the same when I become a referee it open up my eyes that they make mistakes they have to use their judgment and trust their partners help them out during the games
Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later. It also looks like Gordon and Rainbow are getting close and Gordon will be getting into a dress (even though Rainbow did shed a few tears). Now, how does the mayor feel about a human in Ponyville? She was notified about it, right?
when are you gonna make the next chapter? the story is interesting!
Wow amazing story I hope to see a lot more chapters update soon!
More chapters please !!!
This is... I'm torn. The concept is fun, the writing isn't too bad(not enough to draw me away). The biggest issue I have is the emotional whiplash the characters go through. Changes need to occur over time, or you cheapen the events.
HE'S GOT A MODEL OF THE FLYING SCOTSMAN?!?
Oh gods, Gordon's Bluebeard isn't he?
While I suppose it is entirely possible that they had "soldiers", I assume this word was supposed to be shoulders.
oh, goddammit, not this cliche again. why can't someone ever just be a tomboy, it always to be some cover for "hidden depths", and they turn out to be a "sensitive mare" underneath. that is a absolutely wretched cliche, and i for one am sick and tired of it.
It actually use the uv radiation.
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LOL. Now I'm picturing him as John Carradine. (John Carradine was in a 40's horror flick called "Bluebeard" where he was an artist that painted women and then strangled them. I like it, but I'm a sucker for old horror flicks).
Good choice picking "titanic". 👍
This was a awesome and chill chapter. I wonder who throw the eggs?