Life is going well for Gordon. Two years ago he won the jackpot on the lottery and decided to build his dream home in the Yorkshire countryside. 6 months after moving in, he wakes up one day and realises that either the hills have moved, or he has.
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7186312 Pool or Billiards
This story is AWESOME~
P.S. Loss hours of my life reading the comments... Damn bros. Chill out with all the words. Well, can't wait to see what the future have in store for him muhaahahah.
P.S.S. *Eats a pancake*
7189242 Thanks! Glad you like it.
This should prove an interesting read...
I was waiting for the this chapter. Now I shall wait for the next.
I have no idea where people are seeing that Gordon is still holding a grudge. You don't voluntarily go work for people you are holding a grudge against. You don't willingly hang out with people you hold a grudge against. You spend time with those you choose to hang out with, and when you hold a grudge, you stay away from them whenever possible and don't do things like invite them into your home.
Interesting concept (and I'm serious, I like the premise, but the execution went from "Solid, but could be better" to "Yeah... This isn't good..."), but I despise the instant forgiveness cliché that HiE's like this choose to use instead of a more realistic approach of either "Stay away from me" behavior (short/clipped responses, only answering question, refusing to participate in conversations, refusing invitations, outright leaving the first chance you get, etc), or just straight up ignoring them. Having either of those happen would be a refreshing change from this constant (and this story became an almost perfect example of this, see Gordon's interactions with RD) "Oh, you're sorry for attacking me completely unprovoked? Okay, I'm saying I don't forgive you, but I'm acting like I forgive you. Now, let me tell you all of my problems like I've known you for decades and treat you like my best friend." I swear, somewhere north of 90% of humans in HiEs act so naïve...
7189339 Gordon is still holding a grudge (even if he's not showing it) but it's not the girls he's angry with (more or less). Celestia he holds a strong grudge against and Luna he's not sure what to think. He will gain more enemies though, and soon.
I don't like stories where there's instant forgiveness either and I'm trying to avoid it.
7189339 To quote the newest ERPoH, "it's called fantasy: it's supposed to be unrealistic!"
Now that I'm done playing devil's advocate, I both see where you're coming from, and agree with you; there simply aren't enough HiE stories of humans acting in ways that psychology would dictate. There's at least one off the top of my head, but I can't, for the life of me, remember it's title, beyond the word "Monday"...
Nice chapter. Seems AJ and Gordon bonded over having deceased parents, though Gordon might need to watch his back around Big Mac. Seems RD is about to go into heat as she seems to act like a smitten schoolfilly around her crush even though she only recently entered in a,I able terms with Gordon. Her scene with the Skittles and the Pepsi was hilarious and I laughed when she's forced to wear a dress due to a Pinkie Promise. I also liked that Rarity and Gordon have a good interaction and I'm curious as to how they'll interact in the formal party. BTW, the description of RD's formal attire seems very interesting and sexy. If you were to get a pic with the dress, you'd get my compliments. Anyway, thanks for the great chapter as it was an interesting read. Hope the next chapter comes soon.
7189558 Thanks for the feedback. When describing the dress I looked at several images on Bing/Google.
I found these:
http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=silver+dress&view=detailv2&&id=5515335B9F81E701D9A2148FD5BBECCA1B552286&selectedIndex=18&ccid=GAroPIUA&simid=608032478061203002&thid=OIP.M180ae83c85003fee67ff8d848463d6eao0
http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=silver+dresses&view=detailv2&&id=5BA7509B697CC5F96EA6BF9CA82146A9877D84AA&selectedIndex=28&ccid=1PDLQSF%2b&simid=608037215418844910&thid=OIP.Md4f0cb41217eaaa45c749611501daa12H0
http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=Silver+Cocktail+Dresses&view=detailv2&&id=ADD060EF6DA2A5CBEF352CA146971FE28DFE9402&selectedIndex=41&ccid=Y%2bo1MQIk&simid=608023355552694369&thid=OIP.M63ea353102242800d7db97ad51f99f1do0
http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=Silver+Formal+Gowns+and+Dresses&view=detailv2&&id=200B950E0E72B28C29220132FB5649C1F1B383FE&selectedIndex=124&ccid=t5b%2fxH%2fk&simid=608019417061785982&thid=OIP.Mb796ffc47fe47a802239d1fad8b19f1fo0&ajaxhist=0
These are approximations of what her dress is. I'll try and do a drawing sometime.
7189380 shouldn't he hold a grudge against 3 of the girls though. Twilight, Applejack and Rainbow are definitely deserving of that. Plus I don't like the idea of Gordan accepting invites to Canterlot. If the ponies of Ponyville are being prejudice then imagine what Canterlot will be like. I wouldn't be surprise if a lynch mob broke out.
7189731 Twilight he's very wary of due to her closeness to Celestia. Applejack he's slightly warming up to. Rainbow he still has a slight grudge but it starts to wear off after he spends time with her. And about his invite to Canterlot? He has Thestral guards with him just in case. Gordon will gain new enemies, and allies from unexpected places.
7189380
This gets into a double standard issue, but I'll touch on that later. Dash out right attacked him and caused very serious injury (depending on the legal system, that's attempted murder as the trauma required to render someone unconscious runs the risk of causing long lasting or permanent injury). Twilight backed RD up with the intentional bigotry, and AJ is probably the only one that "got away" with the BS she pulled (I can't find anywhere where Gordon was conscious when she did something outrageously stupid, other than a dirty look).
And here's where we get into the double standard. Celestia slapped him when he was restrained and "provoked". RD attacked him with zero provocation. RD gets forgiven but Celestia doesn't? Really? I'm happy more issues crop up, but this double standard does a massive blow to my interest in the story and completely contradicts what you say you're trying to do.
And yet you walked right into it. There's no reaction to any of the ponies that have wronged him. While I could understanding not reacting to Celestia as it was not the right time, nor place, to deal with her BS at the moment, but to not show the least hesitation in granting Twilight's request, walking with RD, opening up to RD about a personal issue, trusting RD to walk around unsupervised in Gordon's home... Those are all actions of someone who has forgiven and moved past the wrongs that were done, not someone who hasn't forgiven them. There is no hesitation, no refusal, and no hostile treatment of those who have done wrong and given a paltry "I'm sorry" that feels more like an "I'm sorry I got caught, f***er" rather than "I'm sorry I screwed up and hurt you".
Honestly, to be able to fix these, you're going to need to rewrite Chapters 2 and 3, because you've already laid the groundwork and solidified the "insta-forgive" cliché. RD shouldn't be trusted (walking home with Gordon should have received a rebuff and dismissal, and she shouldn't have been allowed inside his home) , Twi shouldn't be trusted (her request to see Gordon's library should receive an, at best "I'll think about it" or an outright refusal), nor should AJ (why should she be trusted at all when she surrounds herself with ponies like Twi, RD, and Celestia?). Out of all of them, only Fluttershy and Rarity have actually done things that would put them in a very good light, and Pinkie just for the fact she silently went along with those two (as much of a fallacy 'guilt by association' is, perceptions don't care about logic, usually).
process.
7190078 Changed it. Thanks for spotting it.
7189414
I'm grateful that excuse you used in the first line was a troll. It's the worst excuse a writer can use to try justify lazy writing All story need to have some basis in reality, otherwise the experience will fail to connect with the reader, and it needs to have its own internal logic that it obeys, or the story collapses like a house of cards.
Misunderstandings (by Rogue Wolf) is probably one of the best when it comes to getting the psychology right, as it takes the human MC the entire story to finally be able to move on from what he goes through.
Honestly, now that I've had a few hours to think it over further, I might be a bit overcritical on the cliché, just because I have such a bias against it. A few added actions, a few added thoughts from Gordon, and the cliché would mostly be averted.
7191402 I'll have to read that one; it should at least prove an interesting read to pass the time (until I can satisfy my addiction for another chapter of Co-conspirators)!
I read your story and so far I already love it
I found another great story from a great author
7196528 Wow! That's certainly lifted my gloomy mood. Thanks!
7196977 your welcome if you get any type of writers block i'll help
so far, so good. I hope nothing go worng. right? riiiiiiight?
I wonder how all those nobleponies are going to react to a
monsterhuman?See the problem?
Anyway, I've noticed an improvement in writing quality already. It still needs an editor to pick through it, and a prereader to point out story flaws, but you're getting better. I hope this is a trend. I'll be tracking, for now, so hopefully it is.
7202274
7202276
Fixed those errors. Thanks for mentioning them.
More chapters please !!!
7243781 I'm writing the 4th chapter now.
7246508 YAY !!!
7249017 I'm close to finishing the 4th chapter then I'll run it with by co-writer. If he's OK with it then it'll get published.
"still have hooves instead of feet" yeah sorry mate not reading this because of that
7250766 Why not?
7251349 because I just thiñk that its not very good
Normally I hate the stories that are like; AND SUDDENLY THEIR IN EQUESTRIA. But you did an amazing job on this one. Can wait to see it finished.
Well done my friend I am intrigued on how this story is going to go
7257989 I am ashamed to say I read a paragraph of a story where a guy is hiking in a forest (la dee da), thunderstorm out of nowhere (kraka-BOOM), walks out of the Everfree because reasons (oh look, ponies. Meh. Oh look, unicorns. Meh. Oh look, wood wolves. Meh, why not?), then recognizes the Mane Six when they come to use the Elements on the latest monster that is 'attacking the town' (I'm in Equestria? It's probably a Tuesday), then gets turned to stone and plopped next to Discord's statue. And yes, that all happened in one paragraph.
That party will go discustingly horrible won't it?
I really like this so much I wish I could pay you for a wonderful story.
7456682 PATREON donate a little or or a lot!#notsponsored #satire
I would just like to say, I like what Rarity made for him, it really SUITS him.
7189339 that's exactly what I was thinking. I too think the idea is good, but unfortunately isn't executed that well. Honestly I'm glad I'm not the only one that thought this. I know I'm in the minority but while this story has potential it's really lacking, not one of the worse stories but could be so much more.
their
8968117
Even now, the ones that slipped through the net are still cropping up. Thanks for mentioning it.
This was a a awesomely chill chapter I'm happy there warming up to him.