Rainbow's Lost Brother

by MahagonyCloud

Shopping for Supplies

Quick Note: This chapter will not be very long because Pinkie will randomly show up at one point because she was told there's a new pony in town. Thank you for listening, now on with the chapter!

________________________________________________________________________________

Near Sugarcube Corner

"Oh thank you, here are your muffins dear."

"MUUUUUUUFFFFIIIIIIIINS!"

"Ack!" Mahogany yells as Derpy Hooves lands on him attempting to steal his muffins. "Get off you silly pegasus!"

"MUUUUUUUFFFFII- Wait, are you a new pony?" Derpy replies as Mahogany scrambles to a standing position. "Yes, I am, but I really don't need muffin-crazed pegasi trying to steal my supplies!" Mahogany says as he repeatedly kicks the basket of muffins away from Derpy.

"But me want zeh muffins." Derpy sadly mutters as her eyes cross even more.

"Eh... Mrs. Cake? Is that normal?"

"Oh she's always like that. Nopony knows why!"

Mahogany Cloud sighs and exits the store, slowly walking towards Sugarcube Corner.

"Hihihihihihihihi! Are you a new pony?" Mahogany hears, but cannot locate the voice until he sees a pink pony walking down a wall. "You just broke around four laws of physics."

"What are physics? Anyway... NEW PONY! ITS TIME TO PAAAARRRTTYYYY!!!!!!!!!"

"New pony?" "A new pony in town?" "Hey look everypony! theres a new one in town!"
________________________________________________________________________________

So many ideas racing through my head! A romance between Fluttershy and Mahogany, and several others! ARGH!!! I need people to help take the load off! Also, post your thoughts down below. I already (maybe) have RikuHeartsLuna helping. But who knows. POST YOUR IDEAS IF YOU WANT MORE! :D

Comments

[abandoned2123]

*sees username and OC name*

Oh my...

media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5fkpxV2OS1r1vcx3.gif

Alright, well. I'm sorry to say that this needs some work. I kind of like the idea of Rainbow having a brother, but the idea of her having a 'mark' just makes it sound very, how do I say it? Anime-ish... You're rushing way too much with the narrative, especially since you're obviously expecting your audience to take in all of this. Having a reader swallow your information and OC takes a careful pace, much slower than the one you've set up for yourself.

[RainbowDashian]

Favoriting because I need to read later, watching because you seem nice.

[Sk8erdude]

I sure like the idea of Rainbow Dash of having a lost brother
Keep going!!! its good

[WonderDash]

wow... less than 600 words per chapter so far. Recommend compiling it to one background chapter...dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Cheerilee.png

[Skrillex]

hmm....*sees OC name and username* i smell a gary stu.

[NaturalGlitch]

Another one of these... dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Redheart_hmph.png People don't generally like it when you mess with canon, especially when it involves your OC and an anime inspired plot. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Cheerilee.png

[MahagonyCloud]

Well i did mention this was intended to be a background story for Mahogany, didn't I? Yeah... Im pretty sure i did. Thanks for your feedback. I shall attempt to make it better.

[MahagonyCloud]

733272
Also... Just what the buck is a gary stu?

[MahagonyCloud]

733055
Why thank you RainbowDashian. That is a (maybe?) positive comment considering the others are (semi) negative even if its intended to be constructive crticism. You, my friend, stand out.

[MahagonyCloud]

733751
"Another one of these..." Another one of these what exactly? People whose Original Character has the same name as thier username? Dont hate bro.

[MahagonyCloud]

733160 I accept your recommendation and shall look into it.
733158 Thank you for liking the idea! :D Though im unsure if the Twi face you used was good or bad intension. (My spelling sucks today :D)
Edit: Sorry for the chain comments. Didnt bother putting all the replies in one comment. Im a silly billy

[Cleopatra]

734700
cancelled?
ok thats just weird.

[MahagonyCloud]

775230 Cleopatra. This story has been cancelled because i am too lazy to do something along the lines of delete and remake chapters. But because you said that, IT STAYS CANCELLED. HAHAHA

[Cleopatra]

837513
darn.

[MahagonyCloud]

837558 *insert trollface here*

[Cleopatra]

i can help you with da trollface
images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20111214064523/halo/images/d/dc/Troll_face.png
tadaaaaaaaaa
and think of all those you are upsetting...sk8erdude, RainbowDashian, WonderDash, and me. You have no idea how horrible it is when you read a good story and there's no ending, do you? you know i'm serious when i bother to use good grammar.

[MahagonyCloud]

Yes, but think about the ponies that are happy to see this story cancelled, which i cannot name because they are mostly unanimous. I mean, really. This story has more dislikes than likes. (Though they may be because it's cancelled, i don't know, and I don't really care.)

[MahagonyCloud]

1087569
Find yourself an avatar and come back later. e.deviantart.net/emoticons/t/trollface.png Hahaha. Just kidding. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Rainbow_dealwithit.png Besides. Me wuv you. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Spitfire.png

[Lord Guffington]

734664 Here is a blog about the Gary Stu