Greenskull
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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zipmeme.com/uploads/generated/g13371304382124686.jpg
Again,
zipmeme.com/uploads/generated/g13371304382124686.jpg
Thats... different...
Quite an adult take on my two favorite ponies. I agree with SniperHero915 and would like to add that I think what you have written might be a little... excessive... but I'm interested to see where this story goes none the less.
Hopefully it will actually go somewhere :)
Really rushed into it huh? xD But I like the story so far, never thought Fluttershy would have something like that. O_o
730194 Thanks for the comment. This is my first ever clop fic, so it's a bit new to me and I feel awkward with the writing at times. I do intend to continue it, so don't fret :P
730242 Aha! Thanks :D and yeah, Fluttershy isn't so shy anymore.....
730267 Especially around Rainbow :)
Rather good for a first clop fic... But I'm biased here as I think Fluttershy and Dash make the cutest couple ever.
I'm wondering... will they get to have a cool cloud scene later on? (I think you know what I mean... cause that would be awesome.
... If it would in, that is... I don't want to tell you what to write. I only want to help give ideas, if your open to them 
)
If it feels awkward then take a moment to see if you can improve, and make it less awkward for yourself (and therefore a more awesome story).
And good luck. I'll be keeping a close eye on this one.
Interesting... I'd like to see more.
730489 I am completely open to ideas. PM me your skype and we can talk about it more. I don't want to post it publically.
730629 I am going to be updating, no doubt about that. Feel free to watch me on her. I plan to make lots of fics, both erotic and non-erotic.
Hmm,
Very well continue on
732367 I like your name.
Only criticisms (Failed spelling i'm sure,): Could definately be longer. Detail really lengthens clop-fics, and makes it more entertaining. Give it some thoughts/fantasies for her to play out while she's, erm, doing it.
Also, words like 'Slides' and 'Pulls' are pretty contradictory to the narrative perspective you've established, try revising that :3
Not bad all-in-all, I enjoyed it ^_~
732607 Will do, and it is still incomplete. I need someone willing to do revisions on clop fics with me...people are often willing to do it with my average writing because they enjoy it, but most of my friends think MLP is odd......I might be able to talk with FlutterDash about it..Timezones though. All fucked up.
lovelovelovelove <3
Just a note, I closed Fluttershy's Plan because the story took a new turn. Rainbow gets even is also an incomplete chapter!
Very nice story.
nicely done
still good
OMGWTFBBQ. This seems aewsome.
750166 <3 love you too
Having some writer's block. Should be out of it soon..just can't get in the mood to write. Gonna hang out with friends and the lady friend in the mean time. Sorry for anyone who really wanted more...
hmm, needs work. make it a bit longer and we JUST may have something of a first chapter, but i digress. onto chapter two for me!
hmm. as i said in my previous comment. make it longer, and choose your words skilfully. "Rainbow began to ooze liquids from her pussy."
gushed sounds better, don't you concur?
that gives me an odd feeling in my stomach.
still, i like the story and it has much less flaws and misspelled words in it. you get a fluttershy
874654 I appreciate the feedback, and I understand your complaint with oozed. Though I myself have read a many clop fic with that term and never had a turn off...maybe I'm just fucked up like that. I am writing more, if you read above you will see I've been having some life issues. I am writing again now, but I won't update it until I get another sexual scene. Here's a hint. Twi and Nightmare. Also, I give your Fluttershy a complimentary Dash
boooo
885437 Instead of just saying boo, you could tell me why you didn't like it and stop being a cunt
885437
dude, to be a good critique, you godda explain what you didnt like, that way, the author can use this to his/her advaniage. just coming on here and saying boo isnt friendly, and its certainly not helpful.
885601 Like a boss...
This story is great but could use the 'alt universe' tag since its a rather .... alternative ... telling of events.
885639 Fair enough
remind me not to touch twilight's horn. i now know it was in a one thousand year old mare's ass hole!
885637 its incomplete
885870 and?
885911 thats it?
886314 Well hurr durr it's incomplete. I have shit to do. I work at 4am every weekday, and I want to hangout with friends and my girlfriend etc... I write when I can, which I can't always do because if I'm not in the mood to write, it's shit quality. There's several other problems I could go on about, but no one gives a fuck so I won't. If that's why you don't like it, be patient. It'll get done.
886314 THE MAN HAS A LIFE! LET HIM LIVE IT!
888335 dont let these comments bring you down. righting takes a clear mind and leveled head, not pressure.
888438 I'm fine :P Feels good to see people come to my aid though XD. I don't care if people don't like my work, I don't expect everyone too. I just hate stupidity and useless hate. If he had simply given a reason, and not made himself look like a jackass, it would have been fine.
Fucking great. I usually don't like lesbian shippings, but I have an exception for this one. Keep it up
888484
dont let that get to you. your story seems fine for now. no pressure, and its your story, you know?
888335 damn 4 am when do you sleep?
889369 I get up at 4, work till about 8. Get home, eat, shower etc.... by then it's probably 9. Then I write if I feel like it, or derp around online. Today I got home, did that, wrote, and I slept for like 3 hours.
888683 Thank you kind sir
889376 WOW
889440 I usually have to slip early or throughout the day. I want to see my GF though, who usually has a fucked up sleep schedule and doesn't get up until like 3-6pm(I'm lucky today, she's up at like 1pm), so I don't sleep early XD