Just a guy who loves anime, cartoons, movies, and of course, MLP. As well as someone who loves writing about aforementioned media. Enjoy at your leisure, friends!
In order to escape capture by the crystal empire, a lone changeling escapes to the human world. Once there, he becomes the guest of the human Apple family. But things aren't as great as they appear to be for our hero, as an obsessed crystal guard comes to the human world as well with intent to hunt him down, no matter the cost. And to top it all off, that's not even really the biggest worry on our unlikely hero's mind.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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You have a good concept and it's off to a fairly good start. But I do have some things that I think you could improve upon.
1. Cut references to "our hero," unless you really want them there. Blurring the line between the reader and the story like that usually isn't a good idea.
2. Try to think about why the changeling was in the Crystal Palace in the first place. If you don't reveal that now, at least reveal it later, because that question's left hanging up in the air.
3. Put a space in between the scene where the changeling runs for safety and the scene change to Flash and Bolt. The sudden transition is very disorienting.
4. This part: After chasing off the cops, Silver gave chase once more. This part needs more detail added: just saying that he chased off the police isn't enough. How did he chase them off? How did the police react?
5. It would help if we had a description of what the changeling looked like, perhaps in the next chapter where he examines himself more closely and gets used to his own body.
6. Why does Silver still have his magic in the human world?
Overall, this is not bad for a starting writer. With some practice and experience, I think you could be a very impressive writer. Just keep reading and keep writing.
6738273 Don't worry, all of the questions you have (what does the changeling look like, why does silver have his magic etc.) all have answers coming up, or I'm hard at work on their explanations. Thanks for the critique, reading through one of your stories right now. ^_^
One question: which Twilight is this? Pony Twilight or Human "Science" Twilight?
6757784 human twilight
I really like this story! Keep up the good work!
6802396 thanks, I will ^_^
I feel like Sunset should have written 'I don't know about the changeling, but I do know about the knight. He ended up causing lots of property damage, seriously injuring one officer, and is listed as a terrorist. Hardly fine behavior in a knight'
7406396 huh
you're right, that probably should've been mentioned XD
good story, hope you continue it soon. i want to see how this all resolves