Rainbow Dash became the element of kindness, because of Twilight's misinterpretations. So take a seat, sit back, and enjoy.
Edited By: Grave Shovel.
Chapters (1)
Sanguine Moon
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...I kinda like the idea of this story. I'll make sure to track this. Can't wait until the next chapter.
6427533
Thanks, I'll be sure to get it out soon
I'm going to leave some negative feedback, but feel free to ignore it.
I felt that the vast majority of this chapter didn't need to be written. We've all seen the episode so there really wasn't much point retracing the entire episode. You did make two changes, but the changes didnt make that much of a difference, meaning that most readers will struggle to become engrossed in a story they have already seen.
Personally I think thaylt you could've jumped right into the Night Mare moon fight right as Twilight began her speach with just a paragraph or two outlining what was going on, then have Twilight misinterperate Dash during that speach.
I would done something like :
Lightning flashed through the air as the newly revealed Nightmare Moon towered over the six mares that until yesterday had never even met. The impromptu leader of the group, elected into the position by being the only one who had any idea what was going on. glared up at the dark devil as she desperately tried to understand why the elements had failed to emerge from their magical mana.
The elements were meant to be the five sources of friendship; kindness, loyalty, generocity, honesty and laughter. But so far the elements thrmselves were nothing but shattered bits of stone. Her new friends had more of that than those worthless stones.
Wait. Her new friends had those elements. Did that mean...
"You think that you can destroy the elements............
And then you continue your changes from there, outlining important plot points in single throw away lines and focusing on what has changed, and what new challenges will occur due to the change. (Like Dash coming to terms with being a bearer of kindness and finding herself struggling to follow her element or something). Always ask what the purpose of a paragraph is.
But again, this is just advice from an idiot so feel free to ignore it
Edit: typing on a tablet sucks.
6430221 You're right, and I honestly thank you for pointing it out. The only reason I did it that way, is because I thought it would be best to start from the beginning. As for Rainbow coming to terms with her knew element and what responsibilities come with it. Well I don't plan on this being all to short. I'm planing to stay away from most cannon episodes, when writing future chapters unless I really think they would turn out differently. One more thing you're not an idiot, and I meant what I said earlier thank you. I was actually kind of worried about why no one has commented anything negative yet, so thanks for being the first. I will do my best in the future to upload better content.
I kinda agree with FFNend; I think this chapter could have been reduced by quite a bit. I understand the desire to establish a beginning, fair enough, and I appreciate the changes that led Twilight to believe Dash was a soft kind hearted mare. However, AJ's, Pinkie's, and Rarity's character moments could have been skipped entirely and had the focus centered on the distortions to the canonical season 1 premier exclusively.
That being said, I still think the writing is decent and it's a clever twist on how minor variances can have a butterfly effect like this. I also find it believable that Twilight, someone who doesn't know Dash, could label her as the kind one given the changes to the story. It's a good idea that I hope to see explored more in future chapters, especially given how this one ended. Overall, I'm on-board but request either more distortions or less focus of the unchanged scenes, although I think that won't be a problem given the set up we ended on.