After a long dry spell, De Writer has sort of returned. I am now writing again. Watch this space for more new tales and more chapters of the latest
A pony comes to Grumpy Goat to get something dead simple done. Won't pay full price for something so easy.
He just wants two ponies killed.
When he hears WHO the two ponies are, Grumpy, in a towering rage, sends him away.
He then makes a fast contract with an unusual source . . .
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Okay I will admit, I was fairly lost here. Given a lot of stuff, I'd say it's most likely this takes place after certain other stories in this 'verse, so would likely make far more sense if I had read those ones. This does kind of feel like a case of simply wrapping up lose ends from some other story more then a stand alone. Which isn't bad in ant of itself, I just have little clue what to say given I haven't read the one it's following.
First advice would be to make this clear up front where in the time line it places. (Not so much in the story, but more in the description "takes place after story X" type bit on the cover page to make that more clear.) Second, for such a short story, it has both to much, and yet not enough recap. About 1/3 of it's entire length is just recapping the basic foundation of the entire Grumpy Goat series, while ignoring all the more specific details. Now a recap like that, again not really bad in and of itself for longer stories, and helps them be more self contained. But for a story as short as this one, and that has so much continuity just casually mentioned, it comes off as an either or issue. Why recap the basic stuff you'd likely know and that doesn't really impact the story itself, while not recapping these details that do impact the narrative directly.
Nothing to really say about the story itself, mostly because I could say some things, but would rather wait to get the whole story and check out the stuff this story is referencing for context.
I get what you are saying, Seraphim:
I will try to clear things up. When a person is WRITING the tale, it is usually clear as crystal TO THE WRITER!
Upon looking it over, you are, as you so often are, DEAD ON THE MONEY (Grumpy joke there).
This story sprang from incidents in my long running RP, AMONG THE ROM, over on my tumblr.
At the time that it was written, I did not even contemplate putting it here as a stand alone Grumpy >Tail<. It should be fixed. I will get onto it soon.
Thank you once again for a keen analysis.
6972472 Hmmm, based off events in an RP, not a published story.... you know, that actually gives me an idea for this. USE that, use the fact that so much needs to be explained as a way to vastly improve the story. Turn the flaw, into a strength. There is a lot of backstory that needs to be given out, so give it. Use this is a gateway to take some of those RP based things, and actually but them in story form. Have the characters expand on the events. Not as rout exposition, but in flashbacks type way. SHOW the events that are being talked about...... that.. could really make for a great enhancement to the story, while still keeping the core of what it is the same.
Great idea, Seraphim! I will kick it about as soon as I can get to this!
Presently working on a new Caramel Treat - Werewolf tale. It covers the founding of her famous restaurant. Not as easy as just finding a space and "POOF!" restaurant!