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The Grand Crimson Gala

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The Grand Galloping Gala. It's the most superiffic, wonder-mazing, party this side of Equestria! The favors, balloons, and streamers would make any super duper party pony proud. So, how is it that I walk through the ornate doors of the Canterlot Palace to find a sophisticated, snobbish, and downright BORING gathering in its place? I'm Crimson Gala, this year's Gala director... And it's all my fault.

Chapters (2)

Comments ( 4 )

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Admiral Biscuit

Admiral Biscuit #1 · Sep 3rd, 2015 · · · Chapter 1 ·

I hate to be this guy, and I apologize in advance.

Punctuation is your big failing. Quotes are wrong, and I saw a few misplaced commas. The story felt rushed as it bounced from one thing to another. It's also hard to read because you didn't put line breaks between paragraphs or indent. Generally, people prefer the line breaks.

I would advise reading through Ezn's guide, and making those corrections. If possible, find an editor or prereader to help you.

Aside from that, I'm liking where you appear to be going with the story. You'll probably get some flak from people who don't like the first-person perspective, but ignore them. There is nothing wrong with it.

MagentaBloom