Human: Shades of Grey

by Draven Eclipse

Chapter 6: "Free will is a lie."

“And the Spider Legion made their first mistake, in not recognising who their prisoner was, and provoking the human. Vengeance was swift and brutal, but even after the dust had settled and the Legion had suffered its loss, they still had not yet seen the full brunt of a human’s wrath. Even as they laid dying in the sand, the remaining spiders still could not have even conceived of what unholy retribution would be visited upon them. In their future was scorched earth, and the screams of their children.”

-How the Spider Legion Died, from the Brotherhood of Man’s holy book A Darker World.

***

“Hey, Shining?”

“What is it?” Shining Armor responded with a sigh.

“You guys beat the last two humans and a bunch of other bad guys, right?”

“Yes... Why?”

“Then how the hell did this happen?” Hayato asked.

As much as he would love to have a witty comment prepared, Shining Armor had nothing he could say. The survivors of the assault found themselves bound in chains, being led through the desert by a rather happy group of spiders. Gilda and Spike were directly behind them, and there were dozens, possibly hundreds of captured royal guards both ahead of and behind them too, marching in a line.

“Silence, slaves. You are going to need all of your energy when we arrive,” one of the guards informed them.

“Hey, uhhhh, spider... things... What exactly are we going to be doing anyways?”

“You are going to break your backs with hard labor, in service to the glory that is the Spider Legion. Then, when you are of no further use, you will get the privilege of dying for its glory as well. Your actions will help build the basis of an empire that will stretch to the setting sun, and when our people rule again, the sacrifices of slaves like yourselves shall be remembered, and honoured.”

“Glory my....” Shining Armor mumbled.

“Oh, I’m sorry, does the slave have something to say? Go ahead, slave! I could use a laugh!“

Between the heat of the desert and dealing with Hayato, Shining Armor’s patience had swiftly deteriorated. He was able to remain calm being taken prisoner by his most hated enemies. He had even kept his temper as they added the magic restraining bolt that was now fitted around the base of his horn. But when the spider began talking about their so-called glory, that was it.

“You know what? I think I do! You talk about the Legion’s glory, but I remember nothing but a bunch of barbarians whose false elements were shattered, and whose army was crushed by the might of the Equestrian military. So please, tell me where this glory is, because I haven’t seen it!”

“It’s the glory to be found in the massacre of arrogant ponies, who think that just because there’s less of us and we lost one weapon, that we aren’t still a threat. Believe what you want, captain, but our war is far from over.”

“You’re wrong. The war was over ages ago. All this is, is cleaning up the mess left behind. You think killing a few dozen ponies will change anything? It will only serve to make the rest of the country angrier. And we already crushed the rest of your army, and your leaders! You aren’t the Spider Legion! You’re the remnants!”

The spider snarled at Shining Armor and slammed the pole of the spear into his side, knocking him to the ground. He leapt on him and proceeded to beat him repeatedly until one of the other guards intervened.

“Ignore the mouthy one,” said one of the senior legionnaires. “He will learn his place in time. All of Equestria will. Besides, it will be be that much more enjoyable when we break this one. Perhaps we might be able to keep it alive, and let it watch as we burn their capital.”

All throughout Hayato stood to the side, disturbed by the brutality, but decidedly not interfering.

“Hmmm. Yes, that does sound so much better... Do you hear that, pony? You get to watch your precious cities burn; such an honor you are being given.”

Shining coughed as he pulled himself onto his hooves again.

“You didn’t intimidate me when you actually had the firepower to back up that threat, and you certainly don’t intimidate me now.”

“Oh, we don’t need to intimidate you, captain. We care not for trying to destroy our enemies with words. Those are the weapons of ponies, and other cowards. Actions are what count. Like the things we can do to your loved ones. What about your pretty wife? Oh yes, we know all about her. The Legion’s scouts are everywhere. Or even your child? What’s her name? Neptune?”

Shining Armor’s blood ran cold.

“What’s your name?”

His tormentor seemed confused.

“Legionnaire Marianus. Why?”

“I want a name, so that I can find you later, when I’m free again, and hunt you down. Because I’m going to kill you.”

Marianus, not being the kind to take threats lightly, began to rain more blows down on Shining Armor, beating him to the floor again.

And still, Hayato stood by and did nothing.

“Come on!” Marianus shouted at the others. “Don’t stand there gawking, keep moving!”

The rest of the spiders and captives all continued their marching. Shining Armor was forced back up again and resumed trudging along reluctantly, though now winded.

“Thanks for all your help there, human...” he muttered.

“What was I supposed to do? I’m in chains too.”

“Last time we put you in chains, you sculpted a gargoyle out of the metal! Don’t you stand there and tell me you couldn’t have done anything!”

“I’m sorry, but apparently the spiders actually use real metal to make their chains. Shocking, I know.”

“That stuff WAS real metal! Why didn’t you even ATTEMPT to help me?!”

“Because I despise you,” Hayato said in no uncertain terms.

“Well at least you are honest about something.”

“I know right? It’s a shame that only makes one of us.”

“Why don’t you two just fuck already?” asked Gilda.

Spike stumbled, and nearly tripped over.

“I’ve got a question,” said Hayato. “Why are you the only one I’ve met so far that actually swears?”

“Probably because most griffins don’t care who they offend, and don’t faint when hearing them? Seriously, ponies actually use the word ‘bucking’ as a swear. I feel like I’m in kindergarten sometimes. I at least expected fellow soldiers to be less soft.”

Shining Armor rolled his eyes.

“All the creatures in this world, and the most relatable are bird-lion hybrids,” Hayato mused. “Something is wrong with my life.”

“Actually, if you think about it, the way they use bucking really changes the meaning of apple bucking season.”

Shining Armor groaned while the other three began to laugh.

“You know,” Hayato said to Spike and Gilda, “with you two around, I think this is going to be the best enslavement ever!”

***

Four ponies sat around a table as they waited on their food. It had been ten minutes since they had finished speaking with the princesses, and Abstract was feeling much better now that he was no longer in their proximity. This was quickly picked up on by Fleetfoot, who scooted closer to him.

“Glad to see you finally turned that frown upside down!”

“Hey, Echo, how would you like to fly right now?” the unicorn asked innocently.

“I would love to, but the doc says I can’t fly for the rest of the day, or else I risk messing up my wings.”

“Oh, don’t worry. I know a way to make you fly without using your wings!”

“Really? How can I do that?” she asked excitedly.

“Ruin my good mood, and you will find out.”

Fleetfoot looked at him for a second, before laughing and nudging him with her forehoof.

“You are such a kidder, Abstract! That’s what I love about you!”

“Yes... kidding...”

Bon Bon and Lyra exchanged a worried look.

“So Fleetfoot, how was....” Bon Bon began, but was cut off by the high pitched shriek of a siren that began blasting through the street.

All of the ponies in the restaurant covered their ears as the siren went off.

“WHAT IS THAT NOISE?” shouted Lyra over its wailing.

“THAT’S THE ALARM THAT SOUNDS WHEN SHIPS OR FLYING CREATURES ENTER UNAUTHORIZED AIRSPACE!” Bon Bon shouted back.

“HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW THAT!?”

“LET’S JUST GO SEE WHAT’S HAPPENING!”

The others nodded, and began to make their way outside. Luckily for them, Abstract knew a sound dampening spell, and used it to cover their heads in a protective aura to prevent further damage to their eardrums.

They all looked up in the sky, and saw a sleek blue airship flying in the sky above the restaurant. It seemed like it was struggling to move, and came close to clipping a couple of buildings. Up on the edge, they saw a pony waving down, before lowering a rope-bound lift platform from the airship’s gondola.

Abstract glared up at him.

I’m going to kill him. I swear I am going to kill him and mount his head on my wall.

All four of them immediately boarded the lift, and it quickly rose up to meet the waving pony. Once it was level, Abstract tackled the startled Fancy Pants.
“Are you insane!? What in Tartarus are you doing bringing the ship into restricted airspace?!”

“Ah, you see, I thought I would try my hoof at piloting a ship myself, seeing as I find myself down a pilot since that... tragedy... that I don’t like to think about...”

“There is a reason they make ponies take tests to fly these things!”

“Well I certainly see the problem now... Oh dear, is that the Artemis?”

Abstract turned around and saw the Equestrian flagship moving closer to them. Once their ship was within firing range, the siren was cut, and a mare spoke to them through a megaphone.

“Attention, vessel! You are in restricted airspace! Move your ship or we will open fire, under the powers granted by War Authority Bill. You have five minutes to comply.“

“Fleetfoot, you know how to fly one of these things, right?”

“Implying that being a Wonderbolt automatically means I know about piloting. Wing flying and aircraft flying couldn’t be any more different. These are earth pony and unicorn inventions! If anything, your average pegasus is less likely to know how to fly an airship.”

Bon Bon rolled her eyes.

“I can pilot it,” she said, stepping up to the wheel.

“Again, how do you know these things?” Lyra asked, baffled.

“You have your hobbies, and I have mine,” she replied with a shrug.

Bon Bon began to spin the wheel carefully, making sure not to smash any of the buildings as Fancy Pants had come so close to doing. She ignored Lyra’s stares and kept her gaze focused. Coming from the Artemis, several pegasi were making their way over with weapons.

“Fleetfoot, be a dear and greet those soldiers.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll get right on that.”

Five pegasi hovered just outside the gondola of the Athena. The door opened to admit them entrance, and they flew in and landed. All of them except one had their weapons drawn and trained on them.

“We demand to see the owner of this aircraft.”

“That would be me, ladies,” Fleetfoot said, approaching the group.

The leader lowered her weapon slightly.

“State your name and profession.”

“Echo Fleetfoot. Wonderbolt, war hero, stunt flier, all around amazing pony. I’m sure you’ve heard of me.”

“Don’t forget ‘full of yourself’,” Abstract muttered.

“Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, it’s Fleetfoot you guys!” squealed one of the soldiers, dropping her spear and clapping her forehooves together.

“Calm yourself, soldier,” the squad leader chastised.

“Don’t blame her; I have that effect on ponies,” Fleetfoot replied, shooting a wink at her fan.

The soldier made a strange squealing sort of sound and trotted on the spot.

“I’m sure... Anyways, I have to request you move your ship out of this airspace, ma’am. It does not have authorization, and these airzone laws are strictly enforced. Given who you are, I’m sure you understand why.”

“Oh, sure. My pilot got a little overzealous when he came to pick me up, and missed the docking station completely. I will make sure it won’t happen again.”

“I will let you go with a warning this time. This happens again, you’re getting an arrest and a court appearance, war hero or not. Understand?”

“Clear as day, ma’am. We seem to have have properly turned around, and shall be moving into legal airspace momentarily.”

“Very well. Let’s go, soldiers.”

All of the pegasi took to the air, save for one.

“Uhm, Ms. Fleetfoot, can I get your autograph? I am a huge fan.”

Fleetfoot reached back into her saddlebags and pulled out a quill and ink, which she apparently carried exactly for this kind of situation, and signed a pair of goggles the mare provided.

“There you go,” she said, tossing the goggles to the mare. “Enjoy!”

The moment she caught them with her mouth, the other pegasus looked like she was about to faint on the spot.

“T-thank you so much! I can’t wait to see your next show! I gotta get going. Bye!”

It took the ship ten minutes to move safely into the free flying zone, which the Artemis was kind enough to escort them out of, but to the relief of all, they left without issue.

Fancy Pants was especially relieved, as he now didn’t have to have to explain to Cid why the ship he got just hours ago already needed to be repaired, or worse, buy an entire new ship from him for the second time in a day.

He really didn’t want to give him any more ammunition.

“So yeah, you owe me big time,” Fleetfoot taunted.

And that just made the stallion nervous again; owing Fleetfoot a favor was not a situation you would want to find yourself in.

Afterwards, the Brotherhood all moved into the ship’s dedicated dining area, intended for formal meetings. It was an elegantly designed space, with a mahogany wooden table, crimson red wallpaper and mocks of famous paintings adorning the wall. It was intentionally invoking the same atmosphere as the mansions that most of Cid’s customers lived in.

He had definitely been right about not skimping out on the fineries. The Equestrian military must have had some nice warships.

“Alright, so why don’t we start by sharing what we’ve all learned?” Lyra suggested as she took her seat. “Echo?”

“Sure. The most important thing is, Lord Third has agreed to keep the Brotherhood a secret. When he was being interrogated, he told convincing enough lies to protect all of us. It was so noble!”

“This is very good news,” said Fancy Pants. “At least we don’t have to deal with any public scandal on top of all our other unneeded problems.”

“We heard your teammate, Rainbow Dash was there,” Abstract Theory commented. “Did you get any chance to speak with her? We need to know how the element bearers view Lord Third.”

“Ah, yes... Rainbow...”

“That doesn’t sound good...”

“Well, I can’t speak for the others, but Rainbow hates Lord Third. She’s quite adamant about it too. I did my best to convince her otherwise, but no luck there. Though, that was before she actually spoke with him herself, so who knows? Maybe he changed her mind. I'll keep trying to convince her too; I’m sure she’ll come around once her friends do.”

“Well I certainly hope so,” Fancy Pants agreed. “Our lord shouldn’t have to deal with undue hostilities... Echo, what has you so giddy over there?”

Now that Fancy Pants had pointed it out, they all saw that Fleetfoot was barely able to stay still. They had only seen her this excited very few times.

“I knew I should save this for last in case any of us had bad news, but I just have to share it with you. I was talking to Rainbow Dash on the ship and it turned out Lord Third shared his name with them. His true name.”

“Wait, what!? You actually know Lord Third’s name?!” Fancy Pants exclaimed as his monocle popped out.

“Oh yeah, Princess Celestia called him ‘Mr. Midō’ when we saw her earlier,” said Lyra.

“You know too?! When were you planning on telling me?” he huffed, feeling rather left out.

“Right now, you big foal. Patience is a virtue you know,” tutted Fleetfoot.

“Ahem. Quite right. My apologies, dear.”

“Lord Third’s first name is Hayato. Which makes his full name Hayato Midō, I think. Unless there’s a middle name we’re missing?”

“Middle name or not, that’s a weird-sounding name...” Bon Bon said, earning herself a whack on the back of her head from Lyra.

“Don’t insult Lord Hayato’s name!” snapped Lyra. “This is so great! We are learning so much about him, and humans. I should start a book to record it all in. Then one day I can get the book published and show all of the good he does!”

“What bothers me about this,” Abstract began, “is that Lord Third revealed his name the princesses, but not to us, his loyal followers...”

“What are you trying to say, Abstract?” Fancy Pants asked.

“I think he may have lied to them. The name he gave them might not have been real.”

“What would give you that idea, m’boy? What reason would he have to hide his name?”

“To gain their trust of course,” Abstract said, a grin spreading across his face. “Lords First and Second never revealed their names, and made it appear as they had something to hide. Giving them a name makes them think he is with them, and I would have to say it has worked. Besides, recall the power that human words apparently hold. Lord Second always claimed that he could have destroyed all of pony civilization by speaking a set of forbidden words. Perhaps that’s why they never speak their true names? Maybe their names are dangerous?”

“What do you mean it worked?” Fancy pressed.

“They have invited him into the palace...”

“What?! But I thought he was imprisoned!”

“Oh, he was,” Fleetfoot said casually. “They let him out. He’s on his way to Canterlot right now probably.”

“I say, this is all rather sudden! They not only freed him, but invited him into their halls? First and Second had to break in to gain entrance!”

“Well, maybe the princesses learned their lesson?” Lyra suggested.

“Doubtful, Lyra,” Abstract answered. “You were there; they’re only doing this to cover their own flanks. They went looking for war, but found peace instead. They didn’t have any excuses to hide behind this time. They couldn’t just do away with him ‘for the sake of Equestria’ like they did the last two.”

“Oh dear, that does make a terrible bit of sense,” Fancy said. “The elite do something similar when they try political or financial takeovers. Blueblood did stuff like that all the time. I must say, he has gotten better at it as of late, too.”

“Oh yes, speaking of that stallion, if you can call him that...” Bon Bon began.

Both Abstract and Lyra groaned. All of them had walked away from the encounter with Blueblood feeling that their lives had become shorter and the world bleaker from it. This was also Fancy Pants’ cue to produce a bottle of wine and glasses, and start pouring some for himself. It was a necessity in these kinds of conversations.

“I see... I take it you were able to speak with his, uh, majesty?” he asked.

He finished pouring Lyra’s glass and slid it over to her with magic. She immediately downed the whole thing and then slammed it back on the table.

“SIX CHILDREN!” she exclaimed. “It’s like some dark force is determined to see this country suffer! And don’t even get me started on his wife!”

“Blueblood got married? I heard nothing of the sort.”

“Oh she wasn’t that bad, Lyra. Snooki was... sweet, albeit a little dense.”

“A little?! Bon Bon, she named her foal Sleeping Pill!”

Fancy Pants began to choke on his own wine at that point.

“Oh, it isn’t too bad. Probably the way the foal was conceived. You have to appreciate the symmetry of it.”

“Abstract!”

“Wait,” Fancy Pants interrupted. “Snooki? As in Baron Fine Wine’s daughter? The one who went crazy a few years back and dyed her coat orange?”

Abstract didn’t even bother replying to this, he was too busy laughing on the floor.

“...She’s the daughter of a wealthy baron?” Lyra asked. “Really?”

“Well, he was wealthy. Before he had to pay for her rehab...”

“Oh...”

“But his business is still worth a good amount to some, even if he won’t sell. His daughter will likely inherit it... Come to think of it, this goes a long way to explaining Blueblood getting involved with her...”

“You know what?” Fleetfoot said. “You really need to start sticking with the group, Fancy. You keep missing all the good stuff.”

“Clearly.”

***

Shooting Star blinked his eyes a few times at the sight before him. Approaching the gates of the castle was a number of well armed, leather-clad ponies. While that was strange in its own right, considering where leather came from and social attitudes to that, the strangeness was compounded when he saw that they were carrying a very extravagantly dressed kappa on a large red velvet pillow.

“Either I need to stop pulling double duty, or this is really happening. Tell me this isn’t really happening?” he pleaded to his fellow guard.

“It’s happening... Just get ready for any trouble.”

The orderly procession made its way to the gates and halted. A yellow mare with a green mohawk marched forwards alone and stood before the soldiers.

“The magnificent ruler of Kaprea, his majesty President Captain, has arrived! Prepare your finest accommodations!”

The two guards just stared at her, their mouths agape. She looked back as the kappa on the pillow began to make several motions and gestures with its little webbed hands. After it was done, the mare nodded and turned back to the soldiers.

“The president wishes that you bring forth the Allfather, so that they may be reunited. This is non-negotiable.”

“The, uh... who?”

“Can you bring your superior out here? Perhaps one that can speak proper Equestrian perhaps? Or even better, is fluent in the president’s native Kaprean dialect?”

The two guards just looked at each other, confused. They had never even heard of Kaprea before.

“Yeah, let me get a professional in here...” Shooting Star said.

Five minutes and one very confusing conversation later, the guard returned, flanked by more soldiers and four of the Elements of Harmony. Upon seeing the strange assembly of ponies, Twilight was the first to speak.

“What the hay is going on here?”

“Must I really go over this again?” Whiplash asked. “Fine. His majesty, President Captain, ruler of Kaprea, was invited by your Princess Celestia to hold a diplomatic meeting. The fact that your greetings have been subpar is really beginning to come off as disrespectful. That is not something you want to make the mistake of doing.”

“I’m sorry, but I’ve never heard of Kaprea before. Might I ask where it’s located?”

“Kaprea was founded on the ashes of the ancient city of Hoofington. From there, we expanded greatly, into the forests beyond its borders...”

“Ancient city? What are you talking about? Hoofington isn’t ancient. I was there last week watching Dash and the Wonderbolts perform!”

“What is with all you mares living in the past? You need to start living in the now! Get with the times! The old regime is over! We’re the children of the revolution! Anarchy rules! Fuck the system!”

Behind her, Captain cleared his throat.

“Uh, except for the Kaprean system! It’s really nice and full of hope...”

This mare seems really familiar...

“...Have we met before?”

“A lifetime ago, Twilight Sparkle...”

“Wait a minute... Roseluck, is that you? What happened to your mane? And your coat? And your... everything?”

“That was my slave name! The name is Whiplash, ignorant Equestrian! You would do well to remember that.“

Twilight looked to her friends for help; she had never dealt with a pony like this before.

“Step aside, dear. Let Rarity handle this. I have a great deal more experience spending time with the elite.”

The other unicorn moved to the front of the crowd to address Captain and his entourage.

“I hope you plan on treating the president much better than your friends have,” Whiplash warned.

“Oh yes, of course! I am terribly sorry, your majesty, but dear Twilight has trouble changing with the times. I however see just pure radiance emanating from you. Truly you must be a fabulous leader!”

Captain nodded at this and made a series of hand signals towards Whiplash.

“The president is curious if you have the offering then?” she interpreted.

“I’m sorry, offering?”

“It is customary for a visiting ruler to be presented with a gift. If one of your princesses were to visit Kaprea, they would be extended the same courtesy, so where is it?”

“Ah yes, let me go get one now,” Rarity said, sweat beads forming on her forehead.

Rarity walked back to her friends, trying not to panic. How was she expected to have known about the customs of a country she had never heard of? Nevertheless, she was going to get him the gift.

“Girls. Do any of you have a gift that we could present to the president? This is very important.”

All of her friends shook their heads, except for Pinkie who seemed to be rummaging through her mane, which gave Rarity hope.

“Uhh, let’s see,” Pinkie said. “I got a rubber chicken, some yarn, a can of baked beans, a crossword puzzle cut out of a newspaper, the key to the safehouse, spare parts for a generator, the Necroponicon, and... two bits glued together.”

Rarity blinked.

“Pinkie, why do you have two bits glued together?”

“In case one of them gets lost, duh,” Pinkie responded, as though it were obvious.

Rarity just stared at her friend and wondered why she had expected anything logical to come out of her mouth for once. She simply turned back and walked over to the royal procession.

“The gift is not ready, for I... didn’t know his majesty’s measurements yet! That is right, the gift was to be a full wardrobe of fine clothing, fit for a president, but I need his measurements to begin, so it will have to be delayed until later in his visit after I have made them! Is that okay?”

Captain considered this for a few moments and nodded. He made a few gestures to Whiplash to pass along his approval before a loud shout filled the air.

“THERE YOU ARE! What the heck gives, leaving us to deal with that dragon alone!?”

“Rainbow, is that you?” Twilight asked as the ragged looking mare landed on the ground.

“Yeah, that human’s stupid pet left me and Flutters to deal with a dragon while they flew on ahead!”

“Wait, the president is Hayato’s pet?!” Twilight exclaimed.

“Yeah, and he completely took over Hoofington! They call it Kaprea now!”

“...Where is Fluttershy? The dragon didn’t...?”

“Oh no, she’s making it feel better now. She made it cry.”

“This is all fascinating, but the president is famished, and wishes to dine! How much longer do you plan on delaying his majesty’s entrance?!”

“Oh... right. Right this way, Mr. President,” Twilight said uneasily, motioning for the guards to open the door.

Princess Celestia is never going to believe this.

***

The sun was high in the sky by the time the slave camp came into view. Shining Armor’s pain had eased enough that they were finally able to get back up to normal speed.

All of them were completely parched, and were relieved when the spiders dragged them over to a nearby pool of water. At this point, several other legionnaires came along, and started unchaining the long line of slaves. Not entirely though; the captives were just separated into pairs, but it did provide much greater freedom of movement. Gilda and Spike ended up chained together, and through sheer rotten luck, Hayato and Shining were also a pair.

They were ordered to drink, and the guards for the most part left them alone for a moment.

“Thank Celestia they gave us some water. I thought was going to dehydrate out there,” Spike said before dunking his entire head under the pool.

“Save some for the rest of us, shorty,” Gilda said, nudging the dragon aside.

“Huh, I guess you can lead a horse to water and make it drink,” Hayato said with a dry laugh.

Shining Armor just rolled his eyes; he was too thirsty and sore to argue with him right now. Eventually, Hayato joined them and began to gulp down as much water as he could get. It struck him that between the two armies, his slave drivers were treating him better than the ponies had.

Speaking of, several legionnaires had now returned, including a much larger black one who seemed to be the leader.

“So who do we have here?” the black spider said, homing in on the odd four and ignoring the rest. “A griffin, a dragon, a deformed diamond dog, and Captain Shining Armor himself. I must say, I was rather excited when I heard we got you. I think you will make an excellent worker for the Legion.”

He smiled briefly at the captain and backed off, so that he could address the larger body of slaves that had been taken from the royal guard escort.

“Now, all of you! Pay attention! What you will be doing, is digging out a system of tunnels and caverns for our lair, and hopefully in the long term, maybe even find a certain magical artefact said to be buried under these sands. For now though, we’re just scratching the surface. That means you go where we tell you to, and start digging straight down until you’ve got a perfectly round hole, five feet deep. There is a purpose for this, but we’re not obligated to tell you anything we don’t want to, so keep that in mind.

“You will work in pairs, so get used to your partner. You will be with them for the rest of your short, miserable lives. Slaves who behave and do as they’re told will be treated better, sleep longer and eat more. Slaves who disobey will whipped. Slaves who attempt to outright rebel will die. Any questions?”

“Can I trade partners?” Hayato asked. “I am willing to take a rock. Might get more work done with that.”

The spider looked at Hayato for a few moments, before breaking out into a hearty laugh. He said a few things in some foreign language that sounded vaguely like Latin, and threw shovels at the four of them. Each group was surrounded by soldiers and were handed their own shovels, before being herded out into the desert to begin work.

After several minutes of walking, Hayato began to see signs of life. They were at first little specks on the horizon, but as they came closer, he saw that they were also slaves, already digging.

Most were ponies, but there were slaves from many races of creatures, including a few he couldn’t identify. It seemed like there were more workers than there were spiders to guard them. He didn’t have long to look around though, as they had now reached their destination and were ordered to start digging.

Knowing that he was in no real position to fight right now, Shining Armor picked up the shovel in his mouth and began to get to work.

After a few minutes of digging, he noticed that Hayato wasn’t making any headway with his portion of the hole. Looking closer, he saw that he was simply moving around the same pile of dirt and making it look like he was busy. This didn’t last long, as a guard quickly caught on and threatened to whip him if he didn’t start working.

In the interest of not being beaten like his partner had been before, Hayato began to dig the hole properly. Within minutes he doubled the depth that Shining Armor had, and in fact had to stop for a moment so he could catch up to him.

If I were one of these ponies, I would probably have a shovel as my ass tattoo.

He shook his head.

I think the heat is getting to me.

Despite their mutual dislike of each other, Shining and Hayato got into a rhythm and were making surprising progress on their digging. They had completed two holes before many others had completed one. When the guards called for break, they eagerly ran over to the cart where the guards were handing out waterskins to collect theirs.

Soon after, they sat down to rest next to the holes they had dug out, content not to speak to each other any further. They weren’t left alone for long though, as a shadow was cast over them.

Looking up, Hayato saw a trio of diamond dogs standing over him.

Those he remembered, because they were walking David Bowie references. One was big and bulky, one was tall and thin, and one was a midget. All of them wore vests, and had collars around their necks studded with gems.

“Look boys, that the ugliest mutt I have ever seen,” cackled the tall one.

“Haha, yeah. He barely have any fur. What a weirdo!” the big one agreed.

“So what your deal?” asked the third. “You like those weird hairless cats? Because I not know there dog versions of those.”

...What would be the appropriate response here?

“...Yes. I am a Siamese dog,” he answered. “You’ve never heard of us because... because...”

He looked to Shining Armor for help.

“Because they are so hideous, that their breed is dying out,” Shining said, barely holding back a smirk.

“...Not as hideous as ponies though, am I right guys?” Hayato responded.

“HAHAHA! So true!” the tall one agreed.

“Ugly pony!” said the biggest, poking Shining Armor in the ribs.

“You know, these guys are growing on me.”

“What your name, dog?”

“Hayato. Yours?”

“Me Rover,” answered the tall dog that seemed to be the leader. “Big one is Fido. Little one is Spot.”

“I am Shining Armor...”

“No-one cares,” said Hayato.

“Hey now,” the captain said indignantly. “That’s not very-”

“Siamese dog is right! We no care, ugly pony! Shut up!”

“There’s no need to be so hard on him just because he is a pony,” said a voice from behind them.

Hayato and Shining turned around to see another dog approaching. He was taller than Spot, but was also obviously a lot younger than them, possibly a teen by their standards. Cleaner, too. He looked more like Rover than any of the rest of them, but his fur was a slightly lighter shade, and his collar didn’t have any gems studded into it like the other three.

“Quiet, Remus! Big dogs talking! No pups allowed.”

The other dog just rolled his eyes and sat down beside Hayato by the edge of a hole.

“Yes, uncle...”

“Well, Remus,” said Hayato, patting him on the back, “I hate to break it to you, but this pony is a total tool. It’s okay not to like him.”

“How about I introduce a real tool to the back of your head?” mumbled Shining.

“SLACKERS!”

Out of nowhere, an armoured spider landed in the middle of the group and pointed one sword each at all six of them while balancing on two of its back legs.

“BREAK TIME IS OVER!” shouted the spider, while still maintaining his amazing balance. “BACK TO WORK! MOVE IT!”

***

With the airship properly docked in the skyport, the Brotherhood made their way back to the castle. While they were slowed down by the plethora of greetings that Fancy Pants received, they got there just fine.

Once inside, everypony proceeded to spread out across the castle, as not to draw too much attention to themselves. Lyra was on her way to the throne room to find Twilight, and couldn’t help but notice that the guards seemed particularly tense right now. News of Lord Third’s impending arrival must have spread.

She heard a voice call out from behind her.

“Lyra, is that you?”

Turning around, she found exactly the mare she wanted.

“Oh, hello Twilight! I was just looking for you.”

“Not that I’m not happy to see you, but what are you doing here? Are you performing here tonight or something?”

“Oh no, I was actually here to visit you, if you have the time?”

Twilight looked at a nearby clock and nodded.

“Sure, I have some time until our guest arrives. We can chat in the library. It’s right over here,”

Twilight led Lyra down an offshoot hallway. They didn’t talk along the way, save for idle chatter, but they were soon sitting comfortably on some pillows in the corner of the reading area.

“So what was it you were wanting to see me for? I thought we were meeting next week?”

“Well, I heard about the appearance of another human from Abstract, and I wanted to see if there was anything I could do to help.”

“Oh? Well that is very nice of you, Lyra. I certainly wouldn’t mind the help, but... what do you think you could do?”

“Well, I believe that to avoid risking another incident, that it might be better that we try more diplomatic channels. The first step would to be finding something we have in common with the human. I believe that common interest could be music. The others were known for their singing all the time, and I was hoping that perhaps I could play for him, in an attempt to show how alike we are, despite our differences.”

Lyra held her breath after speaking. She wasn’t sure how Twilight was going to react to the proposal. While it was sound idea, she was hoping that Twilight wouldn’t try reading more into it; she was a very perceptive mare.

“Lyra, that’s a wonderful idea!” Twilight exclaimed.

“R-really? You like it?”

“Of course. The more he sees us as friends, the less likely he is to ever be hostile. I’ll arrange it with the princess.”

Lyra released her breath and visibly relaxed, although she did her best to cover it up as the normal elation at her idea being accepted.

“That is wonderful. Although, Twilight... What do you think about the human? Have you met him yet?”

“Honestly, I am really curious about him. We know next to nothing about humans, and out of all the ones to arrive, this one seems the nicest. Granted, he and my brother don’t get along, but I think that’s just because he arrested him.”

“I imagine that wouldn’t make them particularly fond of each other...”

“Yeah, but I’m daring to hope with this one. I think Hayato may be the bridge we need between our two species. If there are more humans wherever he came from, this could be our chance to develop a peaceful coexistence.”

She was surprised by Twilight’s views and attitudes. She was right in the thick of it during the last human incident, and that would give anypony a reason to be wary of more humans. Yet she was keeping a surprisingly open mind. This was good news, considering she already knew Rainbow Dash’s disposition was not a favorable one.

“What about your friends? The other five Elements, that is? What do they think about him?”

“Rarity is pretty interested in him, like me. Or rather she’s curious about his clothing, but it’s something. Pinkie Pie wants to be his friend, no surprise there. Applejack and Rainbow Dash don’t trust him at all, although in Rainbow’s case she actively despises him, while Applejack is at least willing to be proven wrong. And Fluttershy is afraid of him, but again, no surprise.”

“Poor Fluttershy... I thought she was getting better with those self help courses? I’m pretty sure I saw her talk to somepony when you took her to see one of my shows.”

“Yeah, that stallion she talked to about bees. I think his name was Sherclop or something. But I guess the last two humans left a strong impression on her. I don’t think she spoke up the entire time, she just hid behind Princess Celestia. I haven’t seen her in full-on ‘shy and hiding behind ponies’ mode for years now.”

“So what was it like, meeting the human?”

“He was cooperative, if a tad irritable, but I think that’s just because he had a really trying day. First he was chased by a mob, then he was chained up in the desert, and he was also really hungry; a point he wasn’t afraid to make known.”

“Didn’t he ever get any food? Surely it couldn’t be that difficult. What does a human even eat anyways?”

“He wanted a burger... as in meat.”

Lyra blanched at the thought, but she refused to judge her lord for his dietary habits. After all, he wasn’t the only being who dined on meat. Though she wouldn’t have expected it of him.

“That sounds... um... nice?” Lyra said, trying not to picture it.

Twilight on the other hoof was not as bothered by the fact that humans ate meat. Years of dining with foreign dignitaries had thickened her skin to the culinary ways of others.
“It’s not so bad once you get used to it.”

“YOU’VE EATEN MEAT!?” Lyra exclaimed, earning her a glare from the librarian at the desk.

Twilight realized her mistake at once and began to backpedal.

“No, no, no, no, I meant being around others that eat meat. Sweet Celestia, I don’t think I could ever do that, even if it meant starving.”

“You about gave me a heart attack.”

“Heh, sorry about that. Although I have to admit, a part of me has always been a little bit curious about it.”

“That is so morbid, Twilight,” she said before adopting sly smirk “Although if you’re so curious, I’m pretty sure you could find a guard or two who would be willing to show you.”

“I don’t see how a guard would...” Twilight began before realization washed over her.

Her face flushed and started she started to stammer.

" I'm sure it wouldn't take much for you to have them ‘standing at attention’," she said with a wiggle of her eyebrows.

"Shut up, shut up, shut up!" Twilight shouted as she began to assault her friend with a large pillow.

***

Deciding they liked their limbs where they were, everybody returned to work to continue where they left off. Hayato watched as Remus waved, before disappearing from view into a neighbouring hole.

The sword wielding spider seemed to have taken a liking to Hayato, as it stayed by their work site to berate him on every single thing he did, much to Shining’s amusement.

Eventually, the spider got bored with harassing Hayato and walked away, leaving the two alone once more. Hayato watched as the sun shot through the sky like a hand on a clock moving forward. Even in this world, that couldn’t have been normal. It was almost like Celestia was trying to screw with somebody.

After working for another twenty minutes, Hayato was beginning to get bored. After quickly finishing his digging for that hole, he climbed up out of it and he and Shining moved over to a new location right next to Spike and Gilda’s hole to get to work on the next. They too finished their hole and began to start on another.

And then, without warning, Spike began to use his shovel as a microphone to sing in a voice that sounded nothing like how he usually did.

♪“You've got to go and dig those holes...
With broken hands and withered soles,
emancipated from all you know...
you've got to go and dig those holes...”♪

Piano music, and soon after other instruments too, began playing. Where they came from, Hayato had not the slightest clue. He was aware of the show’s tendency to break out into random songs, but he assumed that nothing like that actually happened in this world, considering how real it had seemed until now.

All around him, more slaves were popping out of holes and joined in with the chorus, which was just chanting “Dig it, uh, oh, oh, dig it,” over and over.

What happened next was strange. One minute Hayato was standing there, dumbfounded by the sight of so many ponies singing in unison when all reason said that just didn’t happen in real life, and then he was somehow joining in with his own lyrics.

♪”With two chains, two cuffs on hand,
I got no respect cuz I'm the new man,
Got my shovel,
shoes full of sand,
Check out the tag, the name is Human.”♪

Free will is a lie. Hayato knew that now. As the chorus picked up once more and his verse was over, Hayato dropped to his knees, holding his throat. Shining swung his head to the rhythm and watched in amusement as Hayato suffered through his first spontaneous song, a rather common occurrence in Equestria.

Shining could feel the next solo well up inside him and got into a good singing position.

♪“Take a bad boy and make him dig five feet,
The dirt in these shovels will give us a beat,
Okay, you've gotta build somethin' never seen before,
If not, we'll just have to dig some more”♪

Hayato scrambled around, trying to feel if he was going to lose control again. It wasn’t that he minded singing, but he liked to do it on his terms, especially because his voice had very little range and there were only a few musicians he could passably imitate without looking stupid.

This was incredibly strange to see though. Hayato looked around at all the other slaves, and wondered how it was that they all knew the lyrics and were able to to so perfectly choreograph it. Sure, this was a cartoon world, but so far it had also seemed to have its own set of internally consistent rules, and its own set of logic and physical laws, unlike a cartoon.

The presence of porn in this world was a pretty clear indicator that it existed independently of whatever was seen on the show, unless it had become an adult comedy overnight and nobody told him, but this seemed to put a hole in that theory, no pun intended.

In the distance he could see the Remus and the other diamond dogs begin to dance as Remus’s verse began.

♪“Your paws may blister,
your muscles stay sore,
You wanna break?
Knock on the warden’s door.
Uh huh...”♪

The verses were the only distraction. Every time the chorus was repeated, Hayato unconsciously tuned it out and went back to his existential pondering, and every time he did, he kept feeling more and more like he was in some cosmic horror story. His own insignificance and powerlessness was being shoved in his face.

An unknown diamond dog took the initiative to sing the next verse, with questionable ability.

♪“A-R-M-P-I-to-the-T,
What is that you smellin’, dog? Thats me,
I don't take showers and I don't brush my teeth,
cuz all I do is dig holes, eat and sleep”♪

Shining Armor followed up, still taking perverse joy in Hayato’s state.

♪“There is no lake,
There is no shade,
There is no place to hide,
So just sit and wait to fry”♪

With more smooth singing from Spike, the song began to move into its final phase. After another round of the chorus, and indeed over the chorus as well, all the singers who had gotten their own verses repeated individual lines. This unfortunately included Hayato, who also found control of his voice stolen from him again between Shining’s parts.

Remus got in another original verse for whatever reason, which he then repeated immediately after, or more like a pair of original lines he repeated once to form a single verse that he did not repeat, and it was followed up by more jazz voice Spike, but that fortunately seemed to be the end of it.

The chorus was repeating several times, but the song was also subtly beginning to wind down, the instruments ever so slowly fading away and the singers’ voices all losing volume until they were mere mumbles. All of this took something in the range of half a minute, after which it seemed to be officially over.

Everyone immediately returned to work as if nothing had happened. Even the spiders didn’t seem to have minded the temporary break for the song. No-one even remarked on it. Hayato continued to just stand in place and stare around him at the diligently working slaves, all hard at work digging out holes for the spiders’ lair.

What the actual fuck is going on here?

***

Celestia sat upon her throne with a neutral look upon her face. It was a practiced one, gained from over a millenia of dealing with unexpected weirdness. However, while things were all calm on the surface, her mind was a different story.

It was true that not many things surprised her nowadays, but the news that an entire town had been taken over by a single kappa was definitely worthy of that reaction.

Mere moments ago, Twilight had told herself and Luna that Hoofington had been reformed into the Democratic Ponies' Republic of Kaprea. Instead of dealing with a dangerous pet, she now found herself preparing to meet with a foreign dignitary, whose country was an Equestrian city that he had somehow usurped not only without her or her sister’s notice, but also completely by himself.

The awkward levels were right up there with that one time she turned up to a banquet hosted by the griffin royal family, and found herself sat next to the leader of a rival nation that Equestria was at war with at the time.

Although she knew that it wouldn’t be a major problem to retake the town, as Equestria had a legitimate military whereas Kaprea only had a bunch of brainwashed citizens who thought they were characters in Mad Mare, this was still definitely cause for concern. She really hoped that Hayato didn’t have anything to do with this.

For now, she was prepared to go with the flow and treat this like she would any other foreign relations meeting, no matter how absurd the whole premise was. Off to her side, she noticed that Luna could barely restrain her giggling. She wasn’t taking this even slightly seriously.

Celestia had to shoot her a quick glare to silence her when the trumpets began to blast to announce Captain’s entrance.

“Now presenting, his majesty President Captain of the Democratic Ponies' Republic of Kaprea!”

Flanked by several leather and metal clad ponies and being carried on a massive pillow was the source of all this ridiculousness, the kappa. His escorts seemed to be fiercely loyal, as they kept a tight formation, so that there was no opening to get at the beast.

Celestia looked over at her sister, who was now doing an admirable job of keeping her face straight. From behind her appeared Abstract Theory, who couldn’t possibly have resisted the opportunity to see this first hoof.

“Greetings, President Captain. I am Princess Celestia. I’m glad you were able to make it here on such short notice.”

She watched in interest as the creature made several signs towards one of his guards, who turned to address them.

“The president is curious as to why he was requested here at all. And he also desires to know why the Allfather is not present at this meeting.”

“Who is this ‘Allfather’?” Luna asked in confusion.

“Oh, I forgot. We are dealing with heretics,” Whiplash snorted.

The guards took a step towards the band of ponies, before Celestia motioned for them to calm themselves and return to their positions. While she was not fond of being insulted in her own home, she needed to know where the pony was going with this.

“You unenlightened address him as the Third, which is disrespectful to our lord.”

Abstract’s eyes widened at the revelation, and a smile spread across his face. Granted, it should have been obvious, but it was still hard to wrap his mind around what he had just heard. The town that had ostracized his lord previously had somehow seen the light in his absence, and had formed a religion around him. This was the best day ever.

“Wait, you mean to tell me that you all worship the human?!” Luna exclaimed.

Unlike her sister, Luna was not as practiced at containing her emotions, especially surprise. And anger.

“Of course we do. The Church of Three is a righteous faith, with loyal believers.”

Abstract meanwhile was positively ecstatic.

Oh my gods, this has got to be the best news I’ve heard all day. The Brotherhood needs to know about this! To think, that there would be an entire town full of believers that would appear like this!

He looked over to the princesses, both seeming to be just as shocked as he was, though far less happy about it. He was going to take complete advantage of this situation while the opportunity was still there.

“Well I, for one, wish to partake in rightful worship of our true master,” Abstract announced. “How might I go about joining your religion, my good mare?”

It became eerily silent save for a very loud gasp that came from the left of Luna. Off to the side one of the guards blushed and mumbled an apology. Knowing he had to do this perfectly to avoid being hunted later, Abstract looked back to both of the princesses and gave them an exaggerated wink. A slight smile tugged at the corner of Celestia’s face as she thought she realized what was going on.

“Oh, no!” she responded, her acting surprisingly bad. “Whatever are you doing, Abstract?! This is completely unexpected!”

Joke’s on you. I’m betraying you for real.

“Too long have I sat under your oppressive reign, watching as you ran this country in folly! Now that my true lord has arrived, I am going to take my place at his side!” he declared boldly, moving over to stand by Captain.

“THOU UNGRATEFUL BITCH! HOW DARE THEE BETRAY THE TRUST OF NOT ONLY OUR SISTER, BUT EQUESTRIA! GUARDS, SEIZE THE TRAITOR, NOW!”

“Luna, you’re slipping into Old Equish again. Breathe.”

“NAY SISTER, I SHALL NOT SUFFER THE PRESENCE OF THE WORM ANY LONGER! DO NOT BE GENTLE, GUARDS!”

Abstract did not let up though.

“Oh, are you sure that you want to attack one of the emissaries of Kaprea? Simply because he chose to worship their true lord? Surely that will go over well.”

Luna was fuming. She was prepared to strike him down herself, if it weren’t for the fact that Celestia placed a hoof on her shoulder, which drew her attention.

“Calm yourself sister! While this betrayal stings my very soul, we cannot risk war with our neighbors! Especially with our budding friendship with Hayato! Please sister, FOR EQUESTRIA!”

It took every fiber of Luna’s being to restrain herself. Her left eye twitched fiercely as she ordered the guards to back down through gritted teeth.

“In the words of the great Lord Second, you mad?” Abstract taunted.

The twitching was beginning to speed up as her breathing rate increased and became more ragged. Abstract began to feel a little nervous when Luna’s eyes changed from their normal hue, to an icy blue, almost draconic look.

I may have went a bit far with that last one.

“Sister, I am going to ask for you to please remove yourself from these proceedings, and regain control of your emotions. Worry not, I have this all under control! I shall steel my heart against this deceit, and strive forwards to a peaceful tomorrow with our guests!”

No sooner after saying this, did Luna disappear in a flash of light. Celestia was extremely proud of her sister this moment; she did not know that Luna possessed such phenomenal acting skills.

Captain took an admiring look at Abstract Theory for a moment. He liked the fact he had the ability to get under the skins of the ponies so well. If he didn’t know any better, he would have sworn that he was part kappa. He looked over to his ugly yellow pony servant who quickly translated his message.

“Now that the disturbance is over, the question still stands. Where is the Allfather?”

“I am sorry to say, but he is not here yet. He is traveling a long distance with a company of soldiers protecting him, so their travel will take longer than normal. They should be here around time for dinner, so I invite you to stay with us. We can provide you a bed in the same room and tower as Hayato if you so choose.”

After a short deliberation, the kappa nodded to her in acceptance.

“Wonderful! And Abstract, I shall even allow you to take one of the guest rooms here, despite your actions today. I shall position two of my loyalest guards to protect you since you are part of the emissaries now. You have my word that you will not be harmed. Now if you excuse me, I am going to speak with my sister to help her calm down. The guards will escort you all to Hayato's tower. Good day.”

Once everypony was out of the throne room, Celestia burst into a fit of giggles. It had been a long time since she last had to play along with a double agent act. She forgot how much fun it could be.

She knew she wasn’t looking the part of the ‘regal ruler’ right now, but she didn’t care. The only other ponies in here were her personal guards, and they had long since been disillusioned that Celestia was prim and proper all the time. In fact, more often than not she was acted like a normal everyday pony. And they felt sorry for any servants or guards who treated her otherwise.

Taking the hidden door out of the throne room, Celestia pranced down the hallways to where her sister’s study was. Lightly tapping on the door, she heard grumble inside. All she could think of how dedicated her sister was being right now; clearly she should act in the next Hearth’s Warming Eve play.

She sauntered in and saw her sister pacing back and forth. The icy blue eyes that had been a wonderful touch before were now gone.

“SISTER! How couldst thou simply let thy betrayer go without recompense?”

“Ha! Don’t worry, we’re all alone in here and the guards aren’t around.”

“What art thou talking about? We demand to know thy reasoning behind this terrible decision!”

Celestia looked at her sister again and this time her eyes narrowed. She thought back to when they would play when they were younger and how she acted only moments ago. She was struck with a sudden realization.

“By mother, you’re serious, aren’t you?”

“OF COURSE WE ARE BEING SERIOUS. DOTH THOU THINK THIS IS A GAME?”

Yes. Completely serious. She was even actually talking consistently in the old dialect. She slipped in and out of it all the time, but it always strayed into her old manner of speech whenever she was significantly emotional.

“Luna... He’s being a double agent. You do know that, right?”

“...I... Wha... OF COURSE I did! I was just... really in-character. I was classically trained, you know!”

She followed with the fakest laugh Celestia had ever heard.

“Oh, I remember. In fact, as I recall, it was me who trained you.”

“What I want to know, sister, is why Abstract has to be our double agent? Don’t we have actual secret agents for that? What else is the E.S.S. for if not that?”

Celestia’s eyes widened.

“Oh...” she uttered. “That’s right... The E.S.S... They still exist...”

“...Sister?”

“I just realised that I haven’t had a meeting with them in over three hundred years! I forgot we still had them! Oh by Equestria, I don’t even know who the current commander-in-chief is!”

“What?! Well, contact them and find out!”

“I FORGOT HOW TO CONTACT THE E.S.S!”

“HOW DO YOU FORGET THE PRESENCE AND CONTACT INFORMATION OF AN ENTIRE GOVERNMENT AGENCY?!”

“THERE ARE A LOT OF THEM! I GET CONFUSED, LUNA!”

“We would like to go on record as saying ‘We told you so’.”

“What? What do you mean by that?”

“When the E.S.S. was formed, we suggested making a giant signal light to summon them. But you said it was a terrible idea!”

“It was a terrible idea, and no five year old has ever come up with good national security policies!”

“I bet if we had made the signal then thou wouldn’t have forgotten! Signals are as the ponies say today ‘the cat’s meow’.”

“Nopony says that anymore, Luna. You need to upgrade your slang dictionary.”

“And you need to not forget about the only way to contact an organisation that ONLY WE KNOW EVEN EXISTS AND ANSWERS ONLY TO US! What have they even been doing after three hundred years of no directions?!”

***

The pony in the middle of the arena finished dryly reading out of the textbook, and placed it down on the desk. He removed his glasses with his magic and wiped a smudge off them with a cloth.

“And that’s how you disarm a magical doomsday device,” he said in complete montone. “Now, all trainee agents... please turn to page six hundred and twelve, section B. We will now be covering the E.S.S. all-purpose policy on seducing mares while on the job. Refer to the Bond Act of 964 CR...”

The class all groaned.

***

Hayato leaned against the side of the latest hole they had been digging. Sweat was pouring down his face, and he felt like he was being cooked alive by the sun. Next to him, Shining sighed and stabbed his shovel into the dirt again. His movements were restricted by the chains that bound them together, and he was sweating an almost equal amount to his companion.

Looking up, he caught the human giving him an odd look. This had not been the first he had received from him, so just like the others, he chose to ignore it. However unlike the other times, he wasn’t stopping. Normally he’d get bored with it and get back to work, but this time he seemed determined to figure out whatever it was that was on his mind.

“See something you like? I know enslavement has been hard on you, but I’m a married stallion.”

“What is with you people?” was all Hayato said.

Oh this should be good.

“What ‘people’ and what do you mean?”

“I mean all you creatures in this world. Do you have some sort of fetish for desert environments? First a prison, and now a slave camp. Both of them in a goddamn desert. There is a perfectly good jungle not too far away that we passed through, but you both chose this hellhole. Is there something I’m missing?”

“Yes. You’re missing several brain cells. But I’m sure with the advancements in modern medicine, we can get you the help you need.”

“Oh, I didn’t realize that you were also the court jester as well as being captain, prince and presumably the head of the pony Gestapo as well. I’m not surprised you needed a fallback career, because as far as soldiers go, you are pretty fucking terrible.”

“Because you were such a help back there,” Shining responded. “I swear, surrendering must be your special talent. Congratulations. We’ll get you a tattoo when we get back.”

Hayato shot him a glare and then climbed out of the hole to go make a new one, with Shining soon following. Their disdain for each other only grew as time passed, and the intense heat of the desert was not making things any easier on the two.

They continued to dig in silence together when a large clump of dirt smacked into Shining Armor’s side. He shot a glare at Hayato, but noticed that he seemed focus on his digging, albeit mumbling to himself about something. Figuring that it was a genuine accident, Shining went back to digging his section of the hole.

A few minutes later, an even larger clump hit him.

“Watch where you’re shoveling that!” he snapped, only for Hayato to wave him off.

He was beginning to find it very hard to maintain his composure. Hayato was grinding on the last of his nerves. He began mentally running through several calming techniques he learned from military training. This lasted for a good ten seconds before the next clod of sand and dirt smacked him in the face.

This would have normally just been severely irritating and nothing more. However, that particular one had a very sharp rock inside that left a gash above his left eye. And like that, he snapped.

Shining Armor gripped the shovel tight in his mouth and spun around as hard as he could. A loud clang resounded through the desert, accompanied by a cry of pain. The shovel fell from Shining’s mouth as his eyes went wide. Blood was streaming out of Hayato's nose. He tried to stem the bleeding by pinching his nose, but to no avail.

I... I hit him? How in Tartarus did I manage that?

Hayato was glaring at him in fury. He stopped caring about the free flowing blood and decided to take action.

Grabbing ahold of the chain that connected them, Hayato yanked it upwards towards him, and unintentionally swung Shining over his back and sent him flying through the air. He crashed down on the ground behind him. Hayato didn’t seem to notice this feat, and went back to worrying about his nose.

In a strange way, Hayato was lucky that this was not the first time his nose had been broken, and knew what to do. Placing his hands on either side of his nose, he took a deep breath before forcibly shifting his nose back into the proper position. Once in the proper place, he felt the pain start to quickly ebb away.

Unfortunately, in an effort to fix his nose, he had given Shining Armor enough time to recover from his injuries. He stood shakily to his hooves and snuck up behind the distracted human. As soon as Hayato lowered his arms, Shining struck. Wrapping part of the chain around his free forehoof, he leapt onto his back and began to choke Hayato with the chain that bound them together.

Hayato’s eyes bulged as he was slowly suffocating. He grasped wildly at the chains around his throat, but couldn’t get his fingers underneath them to prise them off. As the edges of his vision began to blacken, he stumbled backwards towards their most recently completed hole and fell back into it.

The white stallion on his back found the wind driven out of the lungs by the full weight of Hayato slamming into him. Pain exploded in Shining’s midsection, and he felt at least three of his ribs breaking. And sadly, those were the only three ribs he had yet to ever break. They were special to him in an odd way. That was upsetting.

Feeling the chains loosen around his neck, Hayato tore himself free. He turned around to see if Shining Armor was dead, and got a buck to the face for his trouble. Hayato stumbled back from the blow, but the pain quickly faded as adrenaline kicked in; if that was how Shining wanted to play, then he would oblige.

In one swift motion, Hayato connected his right foot with his opponent’s chin, sending him flying out of the hole. Hayato only had a fraction of a second to process the fact that he just launched a small horse through the air before their chain pulled him upwards out of the hole as well.

They both crashed face down in the sand back above ground again.

Hayato slowly got up again to see his foe charging at him. He was beginning to see that military training now. Hoping that his track skills weren’t too rusty, he charged forward as well, and at the last possible second leapt over him. His elation for the successful maneuver only lasted a moment, before Shining bit down on the chain, and using all the strength he could muster, pulled Hayato face first into the ground.

At this point, Hayato’s tolerance for being chained had reached a breaking point. There was only so much a guy could take. Seething, he grabbed ahold of them, and snapped the chain like it was made of putty.

“Ha, I knew it! I told you that you had powers!”

Any happiness Shining felt at being vindicated was quickly stomped out by Hayato’s answer.

“Oh yeah? Then what made you think it was a good idea to piss me off?!”

Hayato grabbed the remnants of the chains and began to choke Shining with them, just as had been done to him. His hooves flailed uselessly as he slipped closer to unconsciousness, and he began to regret his earlier overreaction.

Then suddenly, a giant talking spider.

“SLACKERS!”

He leapt through the air towards them. Hayato’s reflexes kicked in and he managed to roll out of the way, while pushing Shining in the opposite direction. Where they had just been, a spear was embedded in the sand. The spider who held it looked at them both, somewhat angry, but also seeming amused.

Hayato recognized him immediately as the one that had beaten Shining Armor earlier. Marianus was his name. By the way the captain’s eyes narrowed when he saw him, it was clear that he also remembered the legionnaire.

Marianus had been hoping that Shining would act up, so that he would have the excuse to beat him again. Unfortunately for him, he made a tactical error in coming to do so alone, because Shining was no longer chained up. And he was furious right now.

Before Marianus could pull his spear from the ground, the full weight of Shining’s body slammed into one of his back legs on his right side, snapping it in half.

His roar of pain was quickly cut off by a strike to his underside from Shining’s left forehoof. Not one to take a beating easily, Marianus regained his senses and began to fight back. His own military training allowed him to spot the areas on Shining’s body that had been injured in his previous scuffle, and strike them with precision.

Off to the side, Hayato watched the two soldiers beat each other back and forth. He heard people say that watching professionals fight was like watching a deadly dance. He was starting to think whoever said that was an idiot; there was nothing even close to dancing in what he saw. In fact, he was getting annoyed at the fact that he was being completely ignored by both of them.

The two of them went back and forth for several minutes until the weary stallion was able to land a good buck in, sending the spider rolling across the sand. With a groan, Marianus pulled himself back up on his remaining good legs. When he was at his full height, he found himself staring face to face with the Siamese diamond dog from earlier.

“Hey there,” was all it said, before punching him in the face with an absurd amount of force.

Marianus stumbled backwards into the waiting hooves of Shining Armor, who drove his right forehoof into the same exact spot where the dog had just hit him. Against his better judgement, he stepped back once more, only to be smacked in the side with a very familiar object. Even in his pain, he was able to shout.

“DID YOU JUST HIT ME WITH MY OWN LEG!?”

That was something you just didn’t do in Legion culture.

Hayato’s response was simply to hit him with the leg again... and again... and again...

While it was normally a benefit to the spiders, the exoskeleton on the leg was making this far more painful than it needed to be. Marianus dodged out of the way, and went for Shining Armor instead of dealing with his immediate attacker. This was his next mistake. Hayato's distraction had provided the stallion plenty of time to recover the shovel that had started this whole incident.

The moment he turned around to face Shining, Marianus found said shovel slamming into him and slicing through armor and exoskeleton alike. Then he found himself victim of a tag team beating, as the two began to throw the shovel to each other and take turns whacking and stabbing him with it. Yellow spider blood flew everywhere, and splattered over both of the pair.

To anyone watching, it was a strange sight to behold how well they worked together.

In a matter of minutes, he had lost another two legs, his armor had collapsed into shards and fallen off, and he bled yellow as he laid on his belly in the sand. It was a rare humiliation to be beaten by two beings who began the fight unarmed. Your average Legion soldier was equivalent to five fully armored and properly equipped Equestrian Royal Guards. And that wasn’t Legion boasting either. Those were the statistics the ponies came up with.

“Ugh...” Marianus groaned as he rolled over. “By the demon king...”

He was silenced as he felt his own spear thrust into his gut.

Shining Armor stood over him, his expression devoid of any sympathy. Indeed, rather than even giving the legionnaire the mercy of a quick death, he grabbed the spear handle in his teeth and pulled it upright, planting the handle’s end in the sand and letting the impaled Marianus slide back down it onto the ground again.

The last thing that he ever saw was the pony’s hoof getting closer to his face.

“Don’t you ever threaten my family,” Shining muttered, wiping the resulting gunk from his hooves.

Hayato walked over to the blood-soaked stallion and patted him on the back. As much as they despised each other, they realized that they both hated the spiders even more. While what they just developed wasn’t exactly friendship, it was better than what they had before. Shining just looked over at Hayato and smirked.

“You know, I am starting to see what you mean about deserts. They really suck.”

For the first time since they’d known each other, Hayato had heard him make a joke. Stranger still, was that it actually made him laugh. Shining joined him soon after, and they both laughed together at the insanity of it all.

Until they were interrupted again.

“WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?”

Above them, on a tall sand dune, seven well armed spiders stared down at two blood-covered slaves, laughing like maniacs over the corpse of a Legion soldier. Hayato and Shining shared a nervous look and gulped as they realised that they were outnumbered. Without any hesitation, and in perfect unison, the two said the only excuse that came to mind.

“We didn’t do it.”

***

Dinner was awkward.

Celestia stared out across the main dining table of the castle at the motley assembly of ponies. It was rare for her to see ponies from all walks of life gathered together, as much to her dismay, she was forced to spend her evenings with stuffy nobles who were constantly vying for her approval.

So to her, it was a rather refreshing scenario that she found herself in.

The only drawback was the thick tension in the air due to the presence of the kappa. Seeing as kappas were known for preying on wayward ponies who got lost in the woods, it was no surprise that her subjects felt afraid of the one currently dining with them. No matter how ridiculously it was dressed.

Little did she know however, the presence of Captain and his guards were not the only cause for tension. Assembled around the table by pure coincidence was the entire Brotherhood of Man. They had all nearly had a collective heart attack when they entered the hall at the same time, escorted in by different ponies from different rooms.

Even Fancy Pants had found his way to the table, by sheer virtue of being in the castle at the time and being friends with the princesses.

More than once during the event, Lyra found her magic to be unsteady as her nerves got the better of her. She was actually grateful that Captain was there to be a scapegoat for why she was so nervous.

Her first reaction was anger, as she knew that her home was in ruins because of him. All she could think about was all the priceless items in her home that were not easily replaced, if they could be at all. Now though, she was deep in thought over what the princess had pulled her aside to tell her about before they entered the hall.

According to her, Abstract was bravely acting as a double agent and infiltrating a cult that had formed around Captain and the Third. Lyra however, knew her adoptive brother better than that. She knew that he was actually joining the cult for real. If he was going to be a double agent for anypony, it would be them.

It seemed, however, that not everypony at the table was privy to that information, as Twilight’s friends would occasionally glare daggers at him from across the table. Whenever Twilight would see her friends doing it, she would look over at Lyra sadly.

She wasn’t even sure if Twilight was in on it. Would she have reason to be, other than being Celestia’s student? She barely even knew Abstract before this dinner, so Lyra didn’t see much reason why she should. Maybe those sad looks were the “I’m sorry your sort-of-brother is a traitor to the realm and you have my sympathies” kind of sad.

The other members of the Brotherhood were also doing a very good job at keeping up the facade of being, at most, casual acquaintances. Although she had to admit it was weird reintroducing Bon Bon to ponies she had already known for some time now.

“I’m just saying, who knows what kind of streamers he wants at his party? Omigosh, what if he doesn’t even like streamers?! What if he prefers confetti?! Twilight, we are going to need to get ten barrels of confetti for the party!”

And then there was the current ongoing conversation, which was also the usual brand of strange.

“Pinkie, I’m sure he won’t mind... Wait, why ten barrels?”

“How else are we going cover the entire arena?”

“What arena?” Twilight asked, rather confused.

“Maredison Square Garden, of course.”

“Pinkie, how do you plan on having a party there? That place is always booked!”

“I know, that’s why I got a reservation last year!”

“You KNEW!?”

“Knew what?”

“Did you know that Hayato was going to come to Equestria?!” Twilight exclaimed, drawing the attention of everyone at the table.

“Of course not, silly filly! I always rent out a slot at the garden each year, in case I need it for a mega special party. And if I don’t need to use it one year, I can sell it for like ten times more than I paid for it!”

Everypony at the table stared at Pinkie Pie. While they didn’t think the pink pony was stupid per-se, they certainly weren’t expecting her to be capable of such a move. Then again, this was the pony that hid balloons around Ponyville in case of ‘balloon emergencies.’

“Wow Pinks, that is cold blooded! I didn’t know you had it in you!” Rainbow said, nudging her friend with an approving grin.

“I must say, Miss Pie, that is a rather clever business strategy,” Fancy Pants agreed. “I don’t mean to be insulting but, I am surprised that you came up with that. Might I ask where you learned to be such a shrewd buisnesspony?”

“Oh, it’s okay! I understand, Mister Fancy! I got really good at that kind of stuff when I started to run the Cakes’ shop when they started expanding to other towns. I’ve only been doing it for five years.”

“Pinkie dear... are you rich?”

“Uhm... Maybe a little,” she said with a nervous laugh.

Off to the side, Princess Celestia began to laugh. Everypony at the table turned to her in confusion. It took Celestia a few moments to catch her breath and wipe a tear away from her eyes.

“I’m sorry to laugh my little ponies. It’s just, I was always curious why I’ve had to pay so much to host Luna’s birthdays for the past few years. This certainly explains it.”

At that moment, you could hear a pin drop from anywhere in the castle. As if possessed by some ethereal force, all the ponies in the room turned their heads to look at Pinkie at the exact same time. Pinkie however, was scratching her chin before a look of realization dawned on her.

“Ohhh, so YOU’RE Miss Whitefeather! I was always wondering why you were the only one buying the slot from me! It all makes sense now!”

Pinkie was not bothered in the least.

Twilight on the other hoof looked like she wanted to melt into a puddle right there and evaporate. One of her own friends had made her mentor and first friend pay ten times the price for something she wanted to get for her sister. In her mind, the only thing to do now was to prostrate herself before her mentor’s hooves and beg for forgiveness.

Celestia however, had noticed the gears turning in her students mind, and knew exactly what conclusions the poor mare was coming up with. So before Twilight even had a chance to stand up, Celestia placed a hoof on her shoulder and gave a reassuring smile.

“Don’t worry, Twilight. I’m not upset. If anything, I applaud Pinkie’s cleverness. I daresay you could learn something from her.”

At that moment, the grand doors that led out of the dining hall swung open quickly, and slammed into the walls. The guards either side of the doors barely dodged being smacked by them in the process. All eyes were drawn to the archway as an alabaster unicorn marched in, flanked by several more unicorns, all in well-designed, ceremonial armor.

Oh dear, what is my nephew up to this time?

Blueblood marched up to the table with his entourage of sixteen ponies, all looking to be of noble birth. While he appeared stoic as he first entered, as his eyes gazed across the table at Abstract, his expression was slowly contorting into rage. Celestia knew that the design of the armor he was wearing looked familiar, but she couldn’t quite place where she had seen it before.

“My dear nephew, what brings you here?” she asked in her most diplomatic voice. “I thought you had your dinners with your family?”

“Aunty, I am here on business with that fiend over there,” Blueblood said in a seething tone, pointing at Abstract.

The other unicorn frowned.

What the hell is with this guy? I don’t remember offending him. Maybe he’s psychic and heard my thoughts about his wife earlier? Hmmm... Hey, Blueblood! You are completely hideous.

Blueblood’s eye twitched, and he was visibly restraining himself from charging at the confused unicorn.

Okay... That was spooky.

“In front these assembled witnesses, I, Prince Blueblood the... whatever number I am... challenge you to a duel to death, that I might avenge the treachery you visited upon the royal family!”

Abstract’s eyes lit up.

Holy shit, yes!

“Blueblood, you cannot simply go around challenging other ponies to death duels!” Celestia protested. “We have laws about murder! You know this!”

“Actually aunty, I can. According to the Unicorn Concord at the founding of Equestria, unicorns may challenge each other to a duel to the death if one of the parties has besmirched the other’s honor. And never before have I seen a bigger need for this than I have today!”

Of course! That’s where the armor is from! Nopony has invoked the Rite of Pride in a millenia! I had forgotten it even existed... I’m doing that a lot lately.

The princess laughed nervously, and tried to think of a way to defuse the situation with Blueblood until she could take him aside and explain what Abstract was doing.

“Nephew,” she began, “I hardly think it’s necessary for you to-”

Her attempt was interrupted rather suddenly by Abstract, who jumped right up onto the dinner table and used his versatile magical skills to summon a sword construct made of pure magic. He pointed it across the room towards Blueblood and grinned maniacally as he shouted his response.

“I ACCEPT!”

Blueblood’s horn lit up and he ripped an ancient sword out of a scabbard by his side, with a jewel encrusted, golden hilt and a blade that was almost blinding thanks to the sun pouring through the windows reflecting off of it.

“EN GARDE!” the prince roared as he charged at the table.

Celestia dodged to the side as Blueblood jumped over where she was sitting to land on the table itself, all four hooves miraculously landing between everypony’s meals, and he swung the sword at Abstract and they clashed in the air.

The ponies at the table all cringed and ducked down as stallions began to move back and forth along the table. Blueblood and Abstract seemed... surprisingly even in skill. One would block and parry just as often as they would attack, and neither seemed to be able to land a hit.

Sitting comfortably on his pillow, Captain grinned as the two stupid horned ponies began to fight each other. He was pleasantly surprised to find that dinner came with a show. He turned to the mare immediately to his left and made a series of hand gestures to her. She spoke up.

“The president wishes to announce that he is most pleased!” Whiplash shouted.

The two unicorns briefly turned their heads to look at her as they struggled against each other.

“Well thank Luna for that,” Blueblood said sarcastically.

If one listened close enough they could hear the words “you’re welcome” echo down the hallways.

Captain made another series of hand signals.

“He also says, quote, ‘Go Abstract, my champion. Kill the other pony for your president. The Allfather will reward you with whatever it is you pathetic pony creatures like. Like hay maybe. Ponies like hay, don’t they?’”

Whiplash looked back at Captain.

“By the way, Mr. President, das racist.”

Captain rolled his eyes, and slid some fruit over to her from his own plate to placate her. Much like a dog, she immediately stopped complaining and happily accepted the offering. He saw the red suited apparition of his master from earlier, appear on his shoulder.

“That’s right, Captain. Give that bitch a fruit. Bitches love fruit.”

At this point, the ponies on the table remembered that they were supposed to be locked in mortal combat and returned to trying to kill each other with large swords.

“I WILL DESTROY YOU, TRAITOR!” the prince bellowed.

The swords clashed again, and Abstract had to back towards the end of the table as Blueblood became more aggressive with his strikes. Abstract in turn became more aggressive with his verbal insults.

“YOUR WIFE SUCKS OFF STALLIONS BEHIND FAST FOOD PLACES!”

“AT LEAST I HAVE A WIFE, AND I’M NOT A THIRTY ONE YEAR OLD VIRGIN!”

“I’M NOT EITHER! I MET YOUR MOTHER!”

“YEAH, WELL YOUR PARENTS ARE DEAD!”

“AND YOUR PARENTS CONCEIVED YOU IN AN ORGY WITH A BUNCH OF DONKEYS!”

“AT LEAST MY PARENTS GOT LAID, YOU GLORIFIED COMMONER!”

“THAT DOESN’T EVEN MAKE ANY SENSE!”

“NEITHER DOES YOUR FACE!”

Blueblood took the opportunity to magically lift a pie of some kind off the table and throw it into Abstract’s face. In the moment of distraction, he twisted around and bucked him right off the edge of the table. The prince leapt down after him, but Abstract rolled to the side.

Unfortunately for him, the kick made Abstract lose his concentration, and the magical blade vanished. However, he was not out of tricks yet, and he used his magic to steal a pair of blades from the scabbards of two of the nobles that accompanied Blueblood to the duel.

Blueblood responded by dropping his sword, and using his magic to pick up Abstract himself.

“Wha—”

Suddenly, the war mage found himself flying through the air towards the side of the room. He hadn’t expected Blueblood to be that strong with his magic, but apparently he was powerful enough to toss Abstract straight through a stained glass window and send him falling onto a balcony a floor below.

Blueblood ran over to the window and looked down, hoping to see a bloody corpse down in the courtyard outside. Instead, he found a magical aura gripping around his neck, and he was yanked out of the same window and down onto that same balcony.

The princess, the guards, the nobles, the Elements, the Brotherhood and Captain soon found themselves crowding around that same broken window, (for it was a large window), and watching as the duel spilled outside.

Blueblood now found himself unfortunately without a sword, so at this point he was running along the balcony to try and escape Abstract, who now had three, and had turned them into a tornado of metallic death.

“GET BACK HERE, YOU COWARD!”

“I WILL STILL DESTROY YOU! JUST WAIT UNTIL I GET A WEAPON!”

Celestia just sighed and shook her head.

“I expected nothing less.”

“Aren’t you going to stop them, princess?” Twilight asked nervously.

“What would even be the point? They’ll just kill each other later on when I’m not looking. Best to let them tire themselves out right now and hope they both survive.”

The assembled ponies could help but agree with her logic. After all, the two of them seemed very determined to kill each other. A jingling could be heard in the air above them as Echo leaned over to Rainbow Dash.

“Fifty bits on Abstract!”

Meanwhile, Celestia was distracted as another new face emerged from the crowd of nobles, and a meek pegasus fluttered up next to her.

“Your highness?” he whispered. “Bad news from Nameless...”

***

Bound in a fresh set of new chains, Hayato and Shining Armor were dragged back through the desert to the main encampment. Still soaked in Marianus’s blood, they attracted the eye of every slave that they passed. Murmurs of curiosity began to rumble throughout the camp as the slaves speculated on what happened.

Normally the guards would have begun whipping them to get them back to work, but they found themselves curious as well. This was the first time they had seen anything like this since before the construction started.

Hayato would have taken this opportunity to make some sort of smartass comment, but he and Shining were both contemplating the events that had transpired moments ago. Hayato was no stranger to fights. Bar-hopping with his friends over the years had seen to that. But never before had he actually killed someone in a fight.

He didn’t even win his fights most of the time.

After the arduous trek through the sands, they found themselves at the center of the camp. The concentration of slaves was greater, as it appeared the soldiers were forcing them to do even the most menial jobs.

The pair were forced over to a large metal post, where their chain was secured to a thick ring so they couldn’t escape. One spider also took time to tie a strange doll to the chains. Once bound tightly, the chains glowed blue, before returning to their normal state. Even in his deep state of thought, this caught Hayato's attention.

“What’s with the doll?”

“That is not just a doll,” the legionnaire stated. “It’s a fetish.”

“Oh wow, I have never seen one in person before. Does it belong to you?”

Shining Armor gave Hayato and odd look, wondering where he was going with this question. Then it all fell into place as he saw the faintest traces of a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth.

He isn’t...

“Yes, that is my fetish,” the soldier replied, with no small amount of pride.

Just keep it together, too many busted ribs to be laughing right now, just remember your training.

Shining Armor was doing a valiant job at containing his laughter. It was not to last, as he directed his gaze at Hayato, who was sporting the largest grin his face could support. All his resistance faltered, and he broke into loud and painful laughter. Hayato joined him in laughing as the spider started at them in utter confusion.

“What is so funny about my fetish? I made it myself!” the arachnid said defensively.

This only served to prolong the laughter, and slowly the spider was becoming more uncomfortable with being around the prisoners. He looked over at the doll to see if there might have been an imperfection, but there wasn’t, and he only became more confused.

“Stop laughing at my fetish!” he shouted.

The pair were now laying on the ground in hysterics. The spider meanwhile began crying.

“I HATE YOU BOTH! I’M TELLING THE CENTURION!”

And then he scuttled away as fast as his big hairy legs could carry him, leaving the two alone. He laughter soon died down, and the two relaxed.

“We killed a spider,” Hayato said, becoming suddenly serious.

“Yeah,” Shining agreed. “Not our smartest move.”

“No, I mean, we killed someone!” Hayato shouted. “I killed someone! Shining, I killed a spider!”

A few other legionnaires gave them odd looks as they passed.

“I can’t believe I... How could I?”

He bowed his head for a brief moment, before sitting up again suddenly.

“Wait. Why am I feeling guilty about this?” he asked Shining. “I’ve killed hundreds of spiders! Hate the fucking things. And these guys are the worst of all of them.”

A junior legionnaire who was stacking wood near them stared at them nervously, and began to slowly back away from them.

“Well then... Do you think you could... I don’t know... Break us out of these chains and kill all the rest?”

The human rolled his eyes.

“Are you still on this ‘superpowers’ thing?”

“I saw you use them when you were fighting me! Don’t you dare try to backpedal on me again!”

“It’s called an adrenaline rush. All humans have them. We get in a stressful situation, and a chemical is released that temporarily acts as a natural painkiller and increases strength a bit. I think. I failed biology. But it’s not a superpower, and you’re still deluded.”

“I’m deluded? Me?”

"I'm glad to see we’re on the same page. It takes a big stallion to admit his problems, and now the healing can begin."

A new voice interrupted them. A very British one.

"I must admit, I’m on Captain Armor’s side on this one. At least in the sense of your enhanced capabilities. While your strength might not be magical, there are definitely some magical elements there. I think it’s simply a case of a superior biology. Among your own kind you may see yourself as average or not very powerful, but in comparison to ponies, that’s not the case. Although, I can't be sure unless I were to meet more of your people. Such a fascinating race, you humans are."

Shining Armor and Hayato turned their attention away from each other. Standing before them was a brown stallion wearing a green tie. On his flank was an hourglass cutie mark, and his legs were chained up just as they were. A spider legionnaire behind him was fiddling with another set of chains.

"Doctor, is that you?” asked Shining. “Of all ponies, how did YOU get captured?"

"Wait... Doctor?” Hayato said, excitement creeping into his voice. “As in THE Doctor? The time lord?"

The brown stallion gave Hayato a very surprised look.

"You know me? I don't think I’ve ever met one of your species before."

He then grunted as the legionnaire shoved him onto his knees and threw him against the wooden post so that he could be chained up as well. Hayato continued regardless.

"I know all about you! I am such a fan of your work! Especially how you dealt with the Master. Classic stuff."

That caught the Doctor’s attention. And Shining’s too.

“How do you know about the Master?!” Shining demanded. “His existence is meant to be classified information, known only to the royals, myself and the UNIT organization!”

“And Torchwood?” Hayato replied.

Shining stared at him like he’d just slapped him in the face.

“...What’s Torchwood?” asked the Doctor.

“Nothing that concerns you,” Shining seethed.

“Yeah, sorry Doctor. Spoilers,” Hayato agreed.

“Human. You and me are going to have a long talk about national secrets once we get out of here...”

“You want to have a conversation about national secrets? You really aren’t good at your job are you?”

Hayato then turned his back to the captain, and returned to talking to the Doctor as if they had had never been interrupted.

"And those weeping angels! When I saw them for the first time, I was legitimately terrified for a week. I even locked all my statues in a closet. Well, ornaments rather. True story. Give me a break though, I was only about fourteen."

"Who are you?" the Doctor asked in a level voice, laced with suspicion.

Noticing the change of inflection in the Doctor’s voice, Hayato finally realized that he had said too much. In his excitement, he forgot to censor himself. Just like with My Little Pony, he knew information that he shouldn't have through Doctor Who as well. More so even, because he was actually a fan of that and followed the series.

And the fact that this Doctor seemed to be some kind of strange crossbreed of elements from both did make this complicated. It wasn’t until that exact moment that it dawned on him that this Doctor was also a pony, and he began wondering what the hell he was doing here. He’d not heard of any official crossover between the franchises, and working in the marketing department, he certainly would have if it had happened. So what was the deal?

Regardless though, it was time for damage control.

"I'm Hayato, or as the ponies like to call me, the Third."

"You know what I meant. How do you know me? Are you from my future?"

Try as he might, no good lies came to him. With the ponies it had been easy, but to someone that he revered and admired, he found himself running empty.

"I... I can't tell you. I'm sorry, but there are some things that should remain secret. You should know that better than anyone. But you don't need to worry. I meant what I said about being a fan of the good you have done."

The brown stallion stared into the human’s eyes for what felt like an eternity, searching for any sign of insincerity. Finding none, he relaxed. As a matter of fact, he did understand what the human meant. He himself knew many things that would make ponies despair if they knew about them. So whatever secret that he knew, he respected Hayato for keeping it to himself.

"I see. Well I suppose it is always nice to meet a fan." The Doctor laughed.

"If you don't mind me asking, which number are you? I think I know, but in case I'm wrong, I don't want to give any spoilers"

"Tenth."

"I thought so. Same voice. You were always my favorite. Glad you’re the one I got to meet."

"Thanks. I’m guessing you know the others then...” The Doctor paused. “Is there an Eleventh?"

"He wears a bowtie, and I’ve noticed he’s a lot more lax about potential paradoxes than you are. I could tell you such a story about this old guy on a Victorian-themed planet with fish that swim in the air, but again, I can’t give spoilers."

“I swore that I wouldn’t be caught dead in a bowtie again." the Doctor said with a faint smile.

“Don’t knock on bowties. Bowties are cool.”

Completely ignored, Shining Armor grew more and more lost in their conversation. It was like the two of them were speaking an entire other language. It got worse when they actually did start speaking another language.

"Not many ponies on this side of Equestria know how to speak Japeneighs. I’m surprised. How many other languages do you know?"

"Just a few. Where I come from, the education system is very insistent that you know at least two languages."

"Okay, what the hay are you two talking about? If you are going to talk, at least be decent enough to speak a language we all know."

"Ah, terribly sorry about that, captain. Habit. And your friend here’s got a lot to say.”

“‘Friend’ is stretching it a bit,” Shining muttered.

“Oh come on, captain. We’ve killed together! Don’t soldiers get off on that shit?”

“I don’t even know why I bother anymore. Just get me when you decide stallion up and use your damn powers,” Shining grumbled, turning his back to them and lying down.

“Doctor, I have a question for you,” said Hayato, still speaking Japanese.

“What is it?”

“Those chains they used on me in the crater, were they really dwarf star alloy? They weren’t some sentient metal that could change its density?” Hayato asked, hopefully.

“Sentient metal alloy? Now would that be something to see. When I get out of here, I’m going to look for that. I bet it exists somewhere. But no, that was the real stuff.”

“That’s what I was afraid of...”

“Why do you ask? In fact, what could you have done for them to let you out? Ponies are amazing creatures, but even they have standards on prisoner keeping.”

“I... I kind of broke the chains...”

“You broke, dwarf star alloy. How in the blazes did you manage to do that?”

The Doctor had suddenly stopped speaking Japanese, making Shining briefly turn his head to look back at them. Hayato continued to talk in foreign though, deliberately intending to exclude the captain from the conversation.

“I kind of... sneezed.”

“You sneezed?”

The Doctor got the hint and returned to speaking in Japanese, but his disbelief was still evident in his tone.

“It was a really hard sneeze,” Hayato weakly defended.

Once more the Doctor searched his new friend’s eyes for any sign of falsehood, but there was none to be found. This species was becoming more and more interesting to him by the minute.

“I can certainly understand why Captain Armor believes that you have powers. Because you do. Special machinery is needed just to shape the material, let alone break it. I had to make a trip to the 51st century to have those forged.”

“About that... I kind of made a statue out of the chains.”

“Why do you keep denying the existence of your abilities then? Even you have to admit that you’re different than whatever you consider to be normal.”

“I know, Doctor. I’ve suspected it for a little while now, in a way. Some of the things I’ve done since I came here are... Well. It’s been astounding to me.”

“Then why?”

Hayato looked at the Doctor for a moment before sighing.

“Tell me Doctor, when has this sort of situation ever ended well?’

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you know what happened to Second and First. I know what these ponies are capable of too. What they did to them. And honestly, don’t tell grumpy back there, but they terrify me. They freed me for now, but... It’s just, if they think I’m dangerous, what will they do to me?”

The Doctor placed his hoof on the human’s shoulder, in an act of solidarity.

“I will help you. If you need it.”

For the first time since he had arrived in Equestria, Hayato felt like things might actually be okay.

***

Abstract stood on the balcony of what he could only assume were the palace’s guest bedrooms, when he realized that Blueblood was absolutely nowhere to be found. The three blades now lazily floated in the air at his side, and the unicorn wandered over to the side of the balcony to look over the edge for any sign of him. He could have somehow escaped to the courtyard below.

Where did the little weasel go?

It was then that Abstract heard the sound of grinding stone. Where it was coming from though, he couldn’t tell. It wasn’t until some dust fell onto his nose that he looked up and what he saw made his eyes go wide.

“Don’t you dare, you little bastard!” he shouted.

But the shouting would not dissuade the prince, as with one wicked salute, he sent a large statue of Starswirl the Bearded tumbling over the side, right over where Abstract was standing. The statue plummeted as Abstract abandoned the swords to dive onto an adjacent balcony, just barely avoiding being turned into a fine paste.

“Wait until I get my hooves around your... ARE YOU KIDDING ME?”

Once more, Abstract was forced to leap onto another balcony as a second statue fell where he was standing, this one slightly lower than the last. Then again on a third balcony. This happened at least two more times, until Abstract finally ran out of balconies to flee to. He stared up at his foe as he readied final statue.

“Where the hell did you even find all of these?! Seriously!”

“There was a sculpting competition earlier!”

“...That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard of!”

“Really? It’s only the second stupidest thing I have ever heard. The first being the sound that will be made when this smashes you flat!”

Blueblood flung the statue off the roof, and it came right down onto Abstract. Or it would have, if Abstract hadn’t the presence of mind to dive through the mostly glass doorway that led out into the guest room from the balcony.

Waiting for the dust and debris to clear from the impact, Blueblood waited with bated breath to see if the the traitor was finally dead. But looking down, all he saw was the shattered remains of a statue and a sculptor’s dreams.

Frustrated, he leapt cautiously leapt down to the closest balcony below him, and used them as a pathway to make his way down to Abstract’s level and finish him off.

Meanwhile, inside the room, Abstract got to his hooves and shook the glass off his coat. While his body ached fiercely, none of the pieces had been sharp enough to actually cut him particularly deep, and so he was fortunately still good to fight.

Having left the swords behind him on the first balcony, he knew it was only a matter of time before Blueblood rearmed himself and came after him. So he decided to search the room for something that could be used for a weapon. It was at this moment, he discovered he was in the room of none other than the lunar diarch herself, who was currently fast asleep in her bed.

Abstract froze in place when he saw her snoring softly behind the translucent blue canopy. While it was all fun and games to get her riled up in front of her sister, he was less inclined to face her while he was alone, especially while already having one homicidal royal after his head. Knowing that Blueblood was still a problem, he quietly resumed his search for anything to help him defend himself.

As he crept through the room, he was surprised to see how relatively normal it was. How seemingly benign a monster could be. How easily she could blend in with other ponies. Then again, most serial killers were the last ponies you would ever expect, according to the experts anyways.

After doing another sweep of the room with his eyes, he finally caught a glint of something metallic. Unfortunately, that something was coming from behind the canopy of the bed. But Blueblood was getting closer with every second he wasted standing around and debating his own actions.

Puffing out his chest in courage, Abstract made his way over to the bed of the slumbering princess. He decided to abstain from using magic and pushed the veil aside by hoof, worried that the light would wake her. He gazed down at her sleeping form, and couldn’t help but think of how easy it would be to kill her right now if she were almost any other pony in the world.

But no. She had to be an alicorn. Invincible to all but the humans’ weapons, and beyond even his ability to deal with. He just had to trust the Third to save them for now, and instead climb across the mattress to reach the source of the glint he spotted before, which turned out to be a sword and shield mounted on the wall.

Then, Abstract froze as a loud squeak pierced the air. His head turned mechanically as he saw that beneath his hoof a doll rested. Sweat dotted his brow as he heard Luna beginning to shift beneath the blanket. Soon the movement stopped, and he let out a sigh of relief. Reaching forwards, he bit down on the hilt of the hanging sword.

Once it was removed from the wall, he turned around to make his escape. Only to be met with a pair of clear blue eyes.

“What art thou doing in our quarters?”

Even though he was holding a finely made blade in his mouth, Abstract was feeling very defenseless at the moment. He knew the thing would mean very little against her might. He opened his mouth to speak, and caught the blade with his magical aura.

“Now I know this looks really bad, but I swear there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for this.”

“Truly? This should be good.”

“I’m sure that you know that I am just a spy for you and your sister... right? I was just doing that whole thing earlier as an act,” he asked, nervously.

“Of course we know. Doth thou take us for a fool? Our acting skills are quite superior to our sister’s.”

Abstract visibly relaxed at this. He was happy to know he wasn’t about to be turned into a fine paste against the wall.

“Now, what art thou doing in our chambers?”

“Well your stupid nephew, or whatever he is, went and invoked the Rite of Pride...”

Hearing this, Luna immediately groaned and facehoofed. Of course Blueblood was involved in this. It was always Blueblood. She listened as Abstract continued his explanation and found herself appalled at the treatment of the hard worked statues.

“...And that is why I am now in here, holding a sword in your bed,” he finished.

“Well, color me surprised. You actually have a decent excuse,” Luna admitted, slipping back into modern tongue.

“Soooo... what are we to do now? Blueblood will be here soon, and that means I have to get back to fighting him.”

Luna seemed to ponder this for a moment, before a wicked smile appeared on her face.

“Well we certainly need to keep up your guise, so please allow me to assist you.”

Luna’s aura surrounded Abstract and lifted him into the air.

“Princess?” he asked.

Oh she’d better not...

“Aha! So this is where you’ve been hiding!” Blueblood shouted, standing in the doorway to the balcony.

Blueblood’s moment of jubilation was cut short as Abstract’s body was sent crashing into them, sending them both flying off the balcony to the training grounds below.

Classic Nightmare Moon.

***

Celestia marched through the hallways with Twilight and her friends in tow. Captain and his retainers were escorted to the tower they would be residing in for the duration of their stay. Thankfully they did not complain, as Captain seemed far too busy making fun of Blueblood to be bothered by Celestia and the others leaving. The rest of the dinner guests had all left in search of Abstract and Blueblood.

None of the Elements could get an answer out of Celestia as to what exactly caused her to pull them away from the dinner though. Instead she kept a firm but regal appearance and marched towards the war room.

Once inside, the doors were sealed shut, and the ponies were confronted by the stern-looking Lieutenant Blade Edge, Shining’s second-in-command. Upon seeing Celestia and the others entering, he saluted and approached.

“I’m sorry to pull you away from your meal, your majesty, but as I’m sure you heard, the situation is dire.”

“What exactly is going on, Lieutenant? I heard that Nameless was attacked.”

“Yes ma’am, that is correct. It seems that an hour after your departure from the base with majority of the forces stationed there, some Spider Legion remnants assaulted the prison as the caravan transporting the human departed for Canterlot. A total of seventy six casualties have been reported, and it’s presumed that the rest were all taken prisoner, as they are unaccounted for. This includes Captain Armor and the human.”

Twilight gasped in shock as she heard the numbers.

“Oh my... What about Spike?!” she demanded. “Do you know what happened to him?!”

Blade Edge gave her a sympathetic look.

“Also unaccounted for,” he reported. “However, his body was not found among the others. It is likely that he was among those taken prisoner, and is still with Captain Armor.”

Twilight took a deep breath.

“Thank heavens...”

Celestia meanwhile was deep in thought. While it was bad that Shining Armor had been taken captive, what had her worried was that the spiders probably had Hayato. Dealing with a human was volatile at the best of times, but now her enemies had him and they were not exactly known for treating their prisoners well. The last thing she needed was another human going on a rampage because of their negligence.

“How exactly did we come by this information?” she questioned. “If all of the soldiers are either dead or captured, then how do we know about this at all?”

“That would be due to Agent S, of the Equestrian Secret Service,” Blade Edge answered.

He motioned to the side, where an unassuming earth pony was standing that somehow none of them had noticed before he was pointed out. Upon being introduced, he then stepped forwards towards the lieutenant and lashed out with a strong kick to the throat, causing him to collapse to the floor.

In an instant, Celestia wrapped her magic around the agent and lifted him into the air. She had no idea why he just attacked, but she was determined to make sure it did not happen twice.

“Stop that right now!” she demanded, “Why did you just attack my lieutenant?”

While she wasn’t using the royal Canterlot voice, her tone carried a weight and force to it, to the point the other seven ponies in the room actually cringed. However, the earth pony it was directed towards did not even bat an eye, and kept his same stoic demeanor.

“Sorry ma’am, but he required punishment for revealing the existence of the E.S.S. to un-approved individuals. Had you not stopped me, he would have been executed on the grounds of high treason.”

Celestia closed her eyes and sighed. The E.S.S. were very loyal and very strict. They didn’t remain a secret for all of these years without squashing any and all possible leaks. She lowered the agent to the ground and and released him.

“I’m the ruler of this land, and I decide what is treason. The element bearers here before you are renowned heroes, and have earned my express permission to know of this secret. Lieutenant Blade Edge shall be pardoned for his slip-up, but shall be reprimanded by myself, not by you or your superiors.”

“Yes ma’am. I will inform HQ as soon as our meeting is concluded, and I also suggest you send the Lieutenant to the infirmary. He may not be able to speak for a week unless treated immediately. The initial blow was meant to silence, not kill.”

Celestia nodded in agreement, brought in several soldiers to carry Blade Edge back to the infirmary. Once they were all alone again, Celestia continued the conversation.

“How did you discover all of this, agent? I don’t recall assigning any of you to this situation.”

“We looked into it ourselves, ma’am. Since you left us to operate autonomously for the past century or so, we’ve had to take our own initiative in organising missions. When the human was captured, I was deployed to keep an eye on the situation. Unfortunately I arrived too late to stop the capture, and instead made it a priority to inform you as to what was happening, so a rescue mission could be mounted to retrieve the captured. I have located the area where the Legion’s base is located, and have it marked down on the map on the mission table.”

“Ahm sorry ta interrupt, princess. But what in tarnation is the E.S.S.?” Applejack asked.

“Oh, sorry. The E.S.S. stands for ‘Equestrian Secret Service’. They are an agency that answers only to myself and Luna. At least I think they also answer to Luna. They handle all of our less than public operations.”

“So you you guys are spies?” Rainbow simplified.

“Basically.” Agent S shrugged.

“That is awesome!”

“We need to go and save my brother immediately!” Twilight reminded. “Who knows what horrible things they could be doing to him?!”

Celestia gently put a wing around Twilight to comfort her.

“Stay calm, Twilight. Right now is a time for cooler heads to prevail, and to think rationally. We will rescue him, but we can’t be rash about this.”

While she didn’t like the thought of waiting, Twilight knew her mentor had a point, and thus she simply nodded in understanding.

“How much information do you have regarding their base?” Celestia asked.

“Well, I was able to do a quick reconnaissance sweep of the place, and discovered it is actually under construction. They are using a large number of slaves to construct the place, and currently it seems they are only digging out the foundation. There are many other captives there besides the ones taken in the most recent attack, most of them likely civilians taken on the roads through the desert.”

“Any recommendations on how we would go about the rescue?”

The agent nodded and began going over a plan of attacking, involving the use of three separate strike teams and an aerial assault from a military airship. During this process, he used several models and magical displays to make it simpler for Celestia to explain to the actual military, as he would not be able to go over the plans with them himself.

After ten minutes, Celestia had committed the plan to memory and was ready to organise the attack herself. Before the agent could leave, Celestia pulled him aside.

“Agent, as embarrassing as this is to admit... I cannot remember how to contact the E.S.S. After running the country for so long by myself, I admit it had slipped my memory... Could you please remind me the procedures for how?”

“Understandable, ma’am. You simply need approach any mirror in your castle and give it the vocal password, preferably not within earshot of the peasantry, and it will patch you through to the commander. This should work for any mirror in the castle, as long as it was not fitted in the last day, as it takes at least a day to send an agent to magically treat your mirrors.”

Tampering with her mirrors without her even being aware of it. Now that took skill.

“And the password is...?”

“The same as it’s always been.”

“Oh. Oh right. Thank you.”

Agent S took his leave shortly afterwards, while Celestia then left to fetch Luna, Cadence, and her best military strategists so that she could begin going over the plans with them. Hopefully, they could rescue the captives and avoid the Third setting off another war if they were fast.

I can only hope we are able to get there in time.

***

Abstract Theory and Blueblood stood back to back as a sea of angry soldiers surrounded them on all sides. When they were both sent flying off the balcony, they had landed in the military training yard, where they had just finished putting together a large float for the military parade that was going to be taking place the following week.

To make matters worse, they had completely destroyed said float in the ensuing fight before they realized they were surrounded by very angry soldiers. In a decision that would hopefully keep them alive long enough to kill each other, they agreed to a temporary armistice until they were away from the soldiers.

One of the many soldiers grew impatient with the standoff and lashed out at Blueblood, attempting to knock the prince out with a training sword he he had retrieved from a pile. He was unsuccessful as he was deflected by a piece of timber Blueblood had retrieved. The same piece of timber was then used to knock the soldier unconscious.

As soon as he hit the ground, all hell broke loose. From every direction the soldiers attacked at once. Blueblood and Abstract found themselves in a flurry of limbs and weapons as they were forced to fight back several trained military professionals at once.

Granted, they were only using training weapons, intending to subdue the pair that they saw as an unauthorised and potentially dangerous presence, but both of them still wanted to avoid that outcome.

“STOP ATTACKING! I’M A FELLOW VETERAN!” Abstract shrieked. “I WAS A WAR MAGE FOR CELESTIA’S SAKE!”

“AND I AM A PRINCE OF THE REALM! GET OFF OF ME, YOU FILTHY COMMONERS!”

Alas, their pleading was ignored. In fact, it only seemed to spur them on. As the two stallions unfortunately forgot, the only two things that the royal guard hated more than the enemies they faced on the battlefield were stuck up Canterlot nobles and the equally stuck up unicorn war mage special forces.

Angrier didn’t necessarily mean stronger though, and many of the more careless guards were knocked out early into the fight as Abstract and Blueblood stole a few training swords for themselves. Unfortunately, the bodies piled up fast, and that left very little room to maneuver. They knew that they needed to split up and hope for the best.

As Blueblood teleported to the far right, Abstract levitated one of the float’s support beams and swung it like a baseball bat, scattering half the soldiers, and knocking a few out. He then charged towards a bewildered looking recruit and spun around, using the momentum to add more power to the buck, which subsequently knocked the young stallion through the air and into the land of dreams.

Off to the side, Blueblood was firing off a barrage of spells that were taking down soldiers left and right. While none of the injuries they received were serious, they were certainly going to be feeling it the next day.

The fight dragged on for twenty minutes, and in the end, the training yard was filled with roughly two dozen unconscious royal guards, and two heavily panting stallions standing in the center, covered in dust and freshly formed bruises.

“To think... they actually attacked... a prince... The nerve of them,” Blueblood said between gasps.

“I think it’s... hilarious... actually,” Abstract responded.

“Oh shut up, you... Don’t think... you’re off the hook... just yet.”

Abstract looked around the courtyard at the bodies surrounding them.

“Jeez... I know I’ve got special training, but where in Tartarus did YOU learn to fight like that?”

He turned around to face Blueblood again, and leapt back as the prince swung at him with a pair of training swords. The things were only made of wood, but they still hurt like hell, and as was demonstrated were still very capable of knocking a pony out cold. Abstract raised two swords of his own to block the next strikes, and held them back with all his might as Blueblood advanced on him, his eyes still alight with fury.

“YOU SHOULD REMEMBER, ABSTRACT, THAT I WAS A SOLDIER TOO!” he shouted as he struggled against the former war mage. “I’M A TRAINED KILLER!”

“YOU’RE A PONCEY RICH GUY WHO SERVED IN A POSITION THAT WOULD NEVER SEE COMBAT TO MAKE THE OTHER NOBLES RESPECT YOU MORE!”

“WITH THE BEST TRAINING THAT MONEY CAN BUY!”

Blueblood lashed out at him again and knocked away Abstract’s training swords with his own.

The prince reared up as Abstract backed away as quickly as possible, and prepared to strike again. Until, that is, Abstract just decided to go without weapons and hit the prince head-on with a magical energy blast that slammed into his body, and sent him soaring through the air and into a pair of large wooden doors.

The doors were knocked straight off their hinges, and Blueblood vanished into the interior of the castle. Abstract picked up his own pair of training swords, and rushed off after him.

***

Hayato stared up at the sun, trying to glare away the heat that had been making him miserable ever since he was first captured. It wasn’t too long after the Doctor was taken away that he discovered that he could actually look at the sun without it hurting. Everyone else that he saw were covering their eyes from the sun. This was just another factor that proved that he really did possess powers. Otherwise he would have been blind by now.

Since none of the spiders were coming anywhere close to them, Hayato figured that he might as well take a nap. After all, there wasn’t anything else for him to do, and staring at the sun was beginning to lose its entertainment value. After adjusting his body the best that he could, Hayato closed his eyes and began to drift off to the land of dreams... only to be shouted at seconds after he closed his eyes.

“You! Slave number two fifty one! Stand up! It is time for you to be brought before the centurion on the charges of high murder of a Legion soldier. If you resist, we will cut off your legs and drag you there by force.”

Hayato opened his eyes and found seven spiders standing before him, armed to the teeth. While he had almost accepted the fact that he had some powers, he also accepted the fact that he was outnumbered and severely underarmed compared to the soldiers before him, and besides that, he was never the best at conflict anyway. Now was a good time keep his head down and do as he was told.

“Him? I helped kill the spider too!” Shining protested.

“Shut up, slave! Nobody cares!”

Shining began to argue further, but gave up when everyone blatantly ignored anything he tried to say, including Hayato. Especially Hayato.

“So who is this centurion person, anyways?” Hayato asked.

“Centurion Decerus. He is highest ranking legionary in the camp right now. And he will also be conducting your trial.”

“Man, you guys are really going to play this Roman thing out, aren’t you?”

“What are you talking about, slave?”

“...It’s nothing,” Hayato replied, growing tired.

The soldiers removed the fetish that had previously been there and attached it to the manacles that were now around Hayato's wrists. A new one was placed on some chains that were latched around Shining’s neck.

“Alright, let’s move out,” the one that seemed to be in charge ordered.

They began to drag Hayato and Shining along towards what seemed to be the edge of the encampment. This confused Shining, as most of the officers tended to be located at the center of the camps, so that they could be closer to the main operations.

They soon passed the outskirts of the camp, right next to where the closest slaves were still digging the holes. Most of them though were further out into the desert, as this close to the camp almost the whole place was already dug up.

“Oh look, empty desert. Haven’t seen that before,” Hayato muttered.

“Quiet slave, we are almost there.”

Coming around the outside of the camp, they then came across what seemed to be a hastily constructed stage. There were roughly thirteen soldiers on stage, and another thirty or so could be seen further out into the desert, herding slaves the direction of the stage. In the middle of the stage, a large black spider that Hayato and Shining recognised as the one that spoke to them by the watering hole earlier that day looked in their direction.

Soon a large number of slaves, even more than they had actually seen digging out in the desert, had all gathered in a large crowd before the stage. Spike and Gilda could be seen on the far side of it. There were also a large number of spiders gathering behind and around the crowd, cutting off any possible escape route except straight up, and all the pegasi and griffins had their wings tied anyway.

Many slaves looked over to the pair as Hayato and Shining were marched up to the front of the stage before the black spider. It was here that Shining was suddenly pushed into the crowd and ordered to stand in front of the stage, so that he could have a ‘front seat view of the show’.

Hayato was summarily led up to the stage and brought face to face with the most menacing creature he had ever seen in his life. He was easily seven feet tall, his armor gleamed in the sunlight, and venom dripped from his mouth. They stared at each other in silence for a long time. A silence that was eventually matched by the rest of the gathered crowd.

“So, this is the abomination that dared to strike out against us?” the centurion questioned. “The one who had the gall to kill one of our fine soldiers?”

“Yes sir, he killed Marianus,” one of the other nearby spiders reported.

“Hmmmm... Marianus,” he said in a deep voice. “Yes, I did not like him much. He was far too mouthy for one of his station. And weak for being beaten by such lowly creatures. We are better off without him.”

“So does that mean...” Hayato began.

“However,” the spider continued, “we cannot allow slaves to act above their stations either. We must set precedent, lest others try what you have done. And I did warn that rebellion would be met with death. Therefore, I deem that your punishment shall be death by beheading. Pull him to his knees.”

“Wait! Hold on a minute!” Hayato shouted as he was pushed onto the ground.

One of the spiders drew out his blade and raised it high in the air.

“On this day, I, Centurion Decerus, do sentence you to death,” he said with finality. “Any last words?”

“Yes. I hate you, I hate spiders, I hate ponies, and this desert can suck me.”

***

On the other side of the camp, another centurion approached with an entourage of a dozen other spiders, visiting from another construction site further into the desert.

“Hmm...” he muttered as he wandered between the tents and crudely constructed huts. “This place is deserted... The troops must all be gathered for some kind of event.”

Given the time of the day, the construction of the new base should have otherwise been in full swing. Yet there wasn’t a soul to be seen, save for himself and the soldiers he had arrived with.

“Spread out and search the encampment,” he ordered. “I want to know where everyone is. Could just be an event going on, but we can’t rule out an enemy presence.”

“Sir.”

The soldiers saluted in unison, and began to comb the encampment for any sign of their missing brothers. It did not take long for one of the scouts to find most of the other century on the far side of the camp, gathered before a stage for an execution. He scuttled back as quickly as possible, reporting his findings.

The visiting centurion quickly regrouped all the other spiders under his command, and together they marched towards the edge of the base to catch the show for themselves. They approached the assembly from the side of the camp, finding a wall of other legionaries in their way, blocking the escape routes of a crowd of slaves who were also being forced to watch.

It looked to be an execution that they were gathered for, but the poor soul about to be condemned wasn’t immediately visible from where they were stood. At that moment, one of the nearby spiders from the Decerus’s legion noticed them, and turned to face them.

“Centurion Rory,” he greeted. “We were not expecting you here.”

“That’s because this is a surprise visit. An issue came up at the main headquarters, and the high general was very insistent that I personally make Centurion Decerus aware of it. Enough of that, though. What’s going on here?”

“Executing a rebellious slave from our new batch. They killed a legionnaire while they were meant to be working. Centurion Decerus wishes to make an example of him.”

“...Really? Who would be so bold?”

“Some kind of mutant diamond dog, we think.”

Rory turned his attention back up to the stage, and saw the prisoner come into view as Centurion Decerus stepped back and another spider came forward and raised a battleaxe in preparation. In that split second, Rory was more terrified than he had ever been in his entire life.

The Nameless One himself could have dropped out of the sky at that moment, and the situation would have still been more manageable than this.

He tried to rush for the stage.

“STOP, YOU FOOLS!” he shouted.

The axe swung down towards the human’s neck, but it was not to be. Before it even got close, the seemingly helpless human shattered the chains that bound it, rolled out of the way of the strike, and kicked the axe embedded in the stage straight back up into his executioner’s chest.

The reaction of the other guards was immediate. All of them leapt on him at once, attempting to dogpile the eldritch demon from beyond their universe. Rory didn’t even see what exactly happened. All he knew was that one moment they were jumping towards him, swords out and ready to kill, and the next second there was yellow gunk being sprayed into the air all over the camp.

“Retreat” was too weak an order in this situation.

“RUN! RUN AWAY! EVERYBODY RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!”

***

It had all happened in a second. It was just like in Hoofington. Hayato wasn’t specifically trying to do anything, other than hoping that he wouldn’t die. But almost like muscle memory, he’d dodged the axe and somehow managed to accidentally kill his executioner at his own execution.

Then the others had tried to all jump on him at once. The spiders could jump several times their own height, and they had all shot through the air towards him, each individual one pointing at least four swords in his direction. In any normal circumstance, he’d have been dead in seconds. Instead, he’d grabbed the executioner’s axe off the floor without hesitation, swung it upwards, and sliced them all in half in a single swing.

In the blink of an eye, they all went down. The bodies hit the floor, while viscous yellow liquid sailed through the air in an arc from where he’d cut them, and spattered over a shocked crowd of both legionaries and slaves.

Just like Hoofington, his body seemed to be reacting the moment he had a thought, like his mind and body were in perfect unison. And also just like in Hoofington, the results were almost physically sickening. He had no doubt he would have vomited again had he actually eaten anything he could bring up again.

In the distance, he could have sworn he heard a voice ordering everyone to run away. The slaves though definitely made no such move. They all stood, transfixed by the scene.

“Kill him! Kill him now!” shouted Decerus with a mixture of anger and fear.

Two more soldiers dove at Hayato from either side, swinging their swords. But to him, they may as well have been in slow motion for all the good it was doing them. He weaved between them, causing them to stab each other through the head. Two more bodies fell.

Before he had come to Equestria, Hayato had never killed another sentient creature before in his life. Sure, he had occasional angry thoughts, but they were never something he acted on. He’d been expecting to feel great regret when he’d ended Marianus’s life, but these spiders weren’t human. They were monsters. And he shed no tears for slain monsters.

Hayato jumped backwards again as another sword narrowly missed him. He hadn’t even realised that it was coming, and yet he still dodged it. The sense of threat or mortal peril was gone. Instead, he now realised that the giant arachnids slashing at him with multiple swords now only made him feel... irritated.

He hadn’t been in this land for long, and he had already had been chased by a mob, imprisoned, made a slave, nearly executed, and now he had glorified insects trying to stab him to death. So he felt justified in his anger now, and his current circumstances killed any sense of restraint he had left. If he did have powers, then was going to use them.

More legionnaires attacked. One made a move from the side and lost a few legs for his troubles. Hayato was growing accustomed to how his body now reacted. It was like he wasn’t even the one fighting, and it was all on autopilot. Fortunately, this time he wasn’t doing any more acrobatics to disorient him further.

And while the soldiers were all thinking of professional military maneuvers, Hayato was trying to recall every action movie he had ever seen to try and save his own life. The spiders seemed to come up with a plan they liked, and all the remaining legionnaires save for Decerus surrounded him in a large circle.

They then all jumped into the air at him, all of them brandishing all eight swords and spinning at an almost impossible speed. They were like helicopter blades, and the human didn’t doubt for a second that they could decapitate him in seconds.

Many in the crowd cringed, knowing what was going to happen. This was a maneuver used by the Legion in the war. It left no room for a counterattack, nor was there a much of a chance to dodge it, especially since there were multiple attackers coming from all sides at once.

Hayato defied their expectations however. He ducked as spinning spiders began to make their move and grabbed the closest one by a leg. The legionnaire’s momentum betrayed him, and he was left helplessly spinning around as the human he was meant to be killing instead turned him into his own personal sawblade of doom.

Hayato flipped him sideways so that the swords spun upwards into the underbellies of the airborne spiders instead of at him. Despite their best efforts to defy gravity, the spiders all fell right into the counterattack and were cut into a fine paste of blood and meat. A paste that splattered everywhere, and coated the crowd of slaves that were still gathered before the stage.

Even the spider that Hayato was spinning was not spared, as the blades of the others sliced him up too, covering Hayato in the gunk as well.

Out in the crowd, a young pegasus colt nudged his horrified mother’s leg as the spider blood splashed over them.

“Mommy? What is this?” he asked innocently.

The disturbed mother’s face went green as she looked down at herself.

“It’s... applesauce, dear,” she lied.

“Oh, okay,” replied the colt.

The mare then watched as he scooped up some of it with a hoof and then licked it.

“Mommy, I think the apples were rotten.”

She immediately fainted.

Back up onstage meanwhile, Hayato dropped the last spider. He turned back to the crowd, and then saw that the spiders that had been gathered behind them to prevent weren’t rushing into battle to assist in the attack, but could instead be seen fleeing into the distance. They’d all just ran off into the desert in different directions like a panicked herd of cows.

One of them though, he recognised. Centurion Decerus’s needlessly flashy armour made him an easy target to spot in amongst the crowd of darkly coloured spiders, and he hadn’t even gotten far. He was just on the other side of the crowd, having clearly gone through them to escape rather than around them like a smarter individual would have done.

Not wanting him to get away, Hayato picked up a sword and raised it over his head, holding it like a dart or a spear.

“Out of the way!” he warned.

The crowd parted as he instructed, and he chucked the sword at the fleeing spider. It spun horizontally through the air like a shuriken, and Hayato watched as it sawed off all of his legs. A few griffins and diamond dog slaves near the back of the crowd immediately jumped on the fallen centurion, taking the opportunity to enact some mob justice and tear him apart themselves.

Hayato took a deep breath and looked around at the carnage he had caused. It seemed so unreal, like something out of movie. He knew he was going to need new clothes, as he was covered in the innards of his makeshift weapon and drenched in its blood. The slaves all just stared up at him in bewilderment.

Nobody could believe what they had just witnessed. More than one pony was bowing at him. Whether they bowed out of fear or reverence, he didn’t know. He took the opportunity to strike a heroic pose.

“Yeah. I’m awesome.”

And then Shining Armor jumped up onto the stage and pointed at him, a big grin plastered on his face.

“I FUCKING KNEW IT!”

The End.

Author's Note:

This chapter has been a long time coming. But it is finally finished. I know it has almost been six months since the last one, but shit happens and you have to deal with it. As you may have notice, it got a little fucked up in that last scene. That is the product of writing at five in the morning with very little sleep. I did it for you. You made me this way!

As I stated in a blog about forever ago, I am going to begin recommending stories for you all to read. You aren’t obligated to, but I am just trying to use this story’s popularity to spread the love to others stories that need it. If you wish to add a story to be possibly recommended, then head on over to this blog here. Here are the three I am going to reccomend this chapter. They are short, but sweet. As always, leave your comments below and I will ignore them until I don’t have anything else to do!

The Envelope by Gold.
Slender by Armalite.
Melting Snow by Stormsoul22.

Editor’s notes:
I also apologise for the lateness of the chapter. I shouldn’t have whipped Draven so much. I assumed it was working as a motivator, but after awhile he started enjoying it, and I didn’t know what else to do to get him to write. Sorry, guys!

Next chapter: At the Gala!

Comments

[Draven Eclipse]

2421945
Had to fix some major errors. Good to go now.

[Apocryphal Frost]

Okay, that was awesome.

[DamnToasty]

SO AWESOME

[Ranakastrasz]

Shining Armor and Blueblood stood back to back as a sea of angry soldiers surrounded them on all sides.
-Should be Abstract

Was amused at the whole Dr-Who thing.

And with the Rory Cameo.. Well, I had to do a double-take, and it took me a while to remember what the reference was.
The funny thing about reference like that, is that it should have been obvious. Roman-themed, and Doctor Who. Clearly Rory must be involved, at least somewhat.
But I didn't see it coming.

[Draven Eclipse]

2422261
Oh wow, that slipped through. Good catch. Wrote that scene at four am.

[Pon3-dude]

And the badassnes apears

[TheReclaimer]

Mother of God...

[A-hardie]

Love the evil dead reference mate

[Armalite]

So, FiM didn't tell me that this updated, so sorry that this is late. That was so fucking worth the wait.
And as for deserts that suck,
dclaiborne.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/kettlebell_bodyweight_workout.jpg

[Cades]

I came. I saw. I came.

[Shadow Walker]

Nice to see you again. Keep it up.

[Drawdex]

deansomerset.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/slow-clap.jpg
stream1.gifsoup.com/view3/1366708/slow-clap-o.gif
i55.tinypic.com/30vhco8.jpg
static1.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/That+was+actually+pretty+clever+_ef8147fa18689553fc210081c1fa5eeb.gif
lobshots.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/austin-powers-in-goldmember2.jpg
i.qkme.me/3ph9v0.jpg
tasteofcinema.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/SlowClap2.jpg
likegif.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/slow-clap-gif-2.gif

[warpd]

Hayato would probably want to ask the Doctor if he could travel with him for a while. I know I would.
Also Armor doesn't seemed faze at the blood slaughter of all those spiders.

[Draven Eclipse]

2422330
It was there the entire time, just hiding behind the plot.
2422419
Haha, I forgot about that video.
2422510
Tell me what you think of the chapter.
2422261
Glad to see that you enjoyed it.
2422035 2422133
Glad you appreciate the awesome
2422519
It ended how it began, I love the symmetry.
2422589
We don't want to destroy the desert, otherwise he might have :P
2422545
Thank you, and I will.

[Paraderp]

Ohohoho, a deserted desert.

[More Dakka]

Cannot digest the awesome first time, must read again.

Also shining is going to go a little whiter if lord third is still a little pissed off at him, so much trolling potential.

[Armalite]

Well, I especially loved the scene where Blueblood challenged Abstract to the duel. Abstract's glee at finally being able to kill him was so awesome. I don't know, maybe it was because of how everyone was trying to defuse the situation, but the "victim" is jumping on the dinner table with a sword and preparing to fight to the death with a mad grin on his face.
Function wise, it advanced the plot nicely. This and Danny's stories both have a habit of growing more and more insane as they progress, and that's why I love them! I mean, take the slave camp portion: Start with human in a forest. Human is taken in by cultists. Human is chased by pony mob. Human is captured by an army and held in a crater that used to be a forest that was destroyed by a massive explosion. Human, griffon, dragon, and pony guard are captured by giant talking spiders who take after Romans. Human, griffon, dragon, and pony guard are turned to slaves to help build new giant talking spider empire. Human and pony guard fight. Human and pony guard kill a giant talking spider. Human and pony guard are sentenced to execution. Human slaughters all giant talking spiders in a massive one sided battle using super powers. All slaves bow down and worship new human god. Pony guard is proven right when he said human had godlike powers. But no one cares about that.
And that was maybe only a third of the story, pun not intended at first, but intended now. After six month in development, it was worth the wait.

[Cadmium]

This and Human are the only stories that regulary make me break down in fits of uncontrollable laughter and i fucking love it, i was waiting the whole time for that scene in the end where he completely and utterly destroys the spiders. And i was laughing the whole time while reading it to the point of having to stop occasionally and pull myself together.

[Ktooosiek]

Patience is a virtue you know --- commas are your friend
Slaves who disobey will whipped --- will be whipped
While they were slowed down by the plethora of greetings that Fancy Pants received, they got there just fine. --- by THE plethora?
She was surprised by Twilight’s views and attitudes --- attitudes?
What is that you smellin’, dog? Thats me, --- that's
“Quiet slave, we are almost there.” --- missing comma
Just get me when you decide stallion up and use your damn powers, --- to stallion up

[Beyond the Horizon]

Shining Armor and Blueblood stood back to back as a sea of angry soldiers surrounded them on all sides. When they were both sent flying off the balcony, they had landed in the military training yard, where they had just finished putting together a large float for the military parade that was going to be taking place the following week.

Shining Armor? Lolwut.

Before he had come to Equestria, Hayato had never killed another sentient creature before in his life.

An understandable mistake, but the correct word is Sapient, not Sentient. Sapient implies the ability to make and choose actions. As an example, here are two definitions -

Sentience is the ability to feel, perceive, or be conscious, or to experience subjectivity. Eighteenth century philosophers used the concept to distinguish the ability to think ("reason") from the ability to feel ("sentience"). In modern western philosophy, sentience is the ability to experience sensations (known by the technical term "qualia"). For Eastern philosophy, sentience is a metaphysical quality of all things that requires respect and care. The concept is central to the philosophy of animal rights, because sentience is necessary for the ability to suffer, which is held to entail certain rights.

Sapience is often defined as wisdom, or the ability of an organism or entity to act with appropriate judgment, a mental faculty which is a component of intelligence or alternatively may be considered an additional faculty, apart from intelligence, with its own properties. Robert Sternberg has segregated the capacity for judgment from the general qualifiers for intelligence, which is closer to cognizant aptitude than to wisdom. Displaying sound judgment in a complex, dynamic environment is a hallmark of wisdom.

The word sapience is derived from the Latin sapientia, meaning "wisdom". Related to this word is the Latin verb sapere, meaning "to taste, to be wise, to know"; the present participle of sapere forms part of Homo sapiens, the Latin binomial nomenclature created by Carolus Linnaeus to describe the human species. Linnaeus had originally given humans the species name of diurnus, meaning man of the day. But he later decided that the dominating feature of humans was wisdom, hence application of the name sapiens. His chosen biological name was intended to emphasize man's uniqueness and separation from the rest of the animal kingdom.

Though I suppose that could just be a blunder on Hayato's part and not yours. If so, very well done in making him stay in character.

Other than that, this chapter was a frigging blast! I loved it. I love you (In a platonic way of course). I love this fic.

And now that the Doctor and Hayato have met. . . I wonder what the next chapter will be like.

Oh yeah. And Rory was there to. Is there some Sequence Breaking going on here, I wonder?

Well, as he said best -

ALLONS-Y!

[Armalite]

Oh yeah, and when Hayato and Shining are fighting, and Hayato uses the chain to throw Shining against the ground, I was reminded of Whiplash, a game where you use a bunny on the end of a chain as a weapon.freefunandgames.org/wallpapers/wallpaper_whiplash_1280x768_01.jpg
Used to play the shit out of that game, and I still have it.

[Minitheif]

Interestingly, this newest chapter showed up in my feed, but has yet to show up in my favorites box. Might add more once I actually read.

[Jojo Salatcia]

That Holes reference. I love you, man.

[Draven Eclipse]

2422729>>2422761
Yeah, I will get to fixing these soon. Right now I'm playing some SC2.
2422790
Holy crap I remember that game! Also, I believe your story may get a few more views now. I liked it
2422847
That wasn't so much of a refference as a spotight, but you are welcome
2422825
Well I shall await your comment.

[BrookPantieWarrior]

and thus shining armor had a small victory...which will never happen again and will become the "punching bag" for Hayato until Captain reappears, they band together and much awesomeness and destruction of valuables items will ensue

[Waffle Iron]

So many delicious references . Also, if I'm not mistaken, was the digging in the desert for basically no reason a reference to the book "Holes"?

[Armalite]

2422881 Oh yeah, thanks for that man! When I saw that you faved it I was ecstatic. I'm glad you liked it!

[DannyJ]

2422896

Yes and no. It was a reference to Holes, but unlike Holes, there's a reason why they had to dig up everything. They're constructing a new Spider Legion base.

[HumanSVD]

2422172 If I wasn't lazy enough to put an RPG on here then I would. Those would do very nicely.

[Paladin Redflare]

Alright that was funny as hell, so many lols, rofls too, thought I was going to be disappointed at the end, didn't think Hiyato had his "powers" anymore or something, then BAM, AWESOME FIGHT SCENE. Took 3-4 hours to read this chapter, I think I was doing stuff, but lengthy lol'ing sprees make a good comedy story.

[The card holder]

This was both hilarious and wonderfully epic.
And as for that last part, I'll just leave this here...
static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/doomguyripandtear_2140.jpg

[Draven Eclipse]

2423345
Broken link

[The card holder]

2423358
Really? Huh, it works for me.
It was just the typical "RIP AND TEAR" image anyway.

[StachePony]

First: THAT WAS FUCKING AWESOME! THE WHOLE FUCKING THING!
Second: THAT WAS FUCKING HILARIOUS! THE WHOLE FUCKING THING!
Third: I was going to put a witty pun here, but my imagination has failed me.

[Isaac3924]

2422143 Stop ruining my fun with your logic.

[ZephyrStrife]

I came into this series because this story was featured on the front page, not I have to read the other two books in order to find out more about what is going on.

[Draven Eclipse]

2423824
This is the prequel to Human. While it is recommended that you read Human, it is not necessary.
2423671 2422143
What the hell are you people talking about?

[StarBlood]

THERE IS SO MUCH YELLING IN THIS CHAPTER! Seriously though, I loved it. Loved everything about it. Especially that last scene, pure epicness.

[CheeseMasterGuy]

I've waited so long for a new chapter and this did not disappoint. This was great. To think that my original plan for tonight was to play Wolfenstein! Reading this was much more fun.

[dabking]

Not sure if you can draw or anything but if you could draw Captin in that suit, mabye just in ms paint or something would be awesome . Want to know what im looking at

[Isaac3924]

SO. WORTH. THE. WAIT. Please continue the awesomeness.

[Garion]

i.imgflip.com/13ltf.jpg
Edit: So, after finishing this behemoth of a chapter, I am reminded why I really don't mind waiting so long for the new chapters, because it is such a fun story and it quite top quality. I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter and am looking forward to the next one, how ever long that may be.
Also, just saying, someone made a Cyberpunk 2077 fan song already

[Herson_]

Yay! Now we only have to wait another 26 weeks for another update!

[Isaac3924]

2423841 ......STUFF. FUNNY stuff....... I think.

[Jane]

2423374
Well, you did just name three humans... could've made a reference to the stories.

[OminousTen]

I really enjoyed that doctor part. Personally its good to see Third have some comfort for once, to know that he has a time lord as a friend is pretty sweet.
Because that poor bastard has been through a lot and between the constant imprisonments, beatings and general pony insanity.

[TheTownCrier]

So much awesome! If I didn't have to friggen work I'd have finished this sooner.

Rated 12 out of 5 cuz It's just that awesome!

[Signia]

2423841
They are talking about that one part where Lyra and Celestia went to Ponyville and fucked. Then Hayato jumped in and turned Lyra into a fucking squid, and then she went all Japan on Hayato. Then Celestia ran around shitting on everything.

[TheJackalPony]

Sword shuriken for the win..

Now I image Hayato taking the "angel" of dwarf alloy and make a giant shuriken out of it.
That would become the most badass weapon in the world, slicing spider, armour and whatever is moving and its hostile lol.

Captain is going to overthrown the royal sister, if hayato doesnt show up soon.

[Officer Hotpants]

Awesomesauce (not the yellow kind).