Man, the situation with Ares escalated quickly. Hope there's a prequel explaining how Ares made the city or a sequel showing what happened afterwards.

I- huh. Was not expecting that from the summary.

That was a GREAT read!

6280407 I was actually thinking about using this kind of set up for Crystal Outlander, since he's not seen any part of the world aside from the Empire, and even that he brought back early with a twinked dispel sword. I find the idea of someone smashing Discords statue would work the same way as what occurred here, releasing the chaos on the rest of the world.

I feel like the exposition did too much to paint Celestia as the bad guy, which made Ares's subsequent forgiveness feel too forced.

6280832 Understandable, though I figured that being human originally, the guy would have trouble holding a grudge for 600 years. Especially when you start learning about the source of your anger and what happened to her. Hell, I have trouble holding a grudge for a year.

Thanks for the opinion.

6280852

you should make a proper story at some point unless

you like to be know as a one-shot author...

The Substitute Demon
Crystal Outlander
Magic's Shadow

Twi and Luna got ditched.

Fitted with a suppressor and surrounded by the guards of this mysterious ruler,

This is smut.

Dark

...
All my rape alarms are screaming at me... sort of sounds like :KILLITWITHFIREKILLITWITHFIREKILLITWITHFIRE: ya know? No? Nobody else has rape alarms that cry for blood? Just me? ... Not even Ted? Come on Ted, back me up here man/lady!!

6280929 As I told moongaze14, I may use the idea of Discord's death for Crystal Outlander. Just to mix things up a bit, ya know? Too many displaced stories, and it's pretty close to that. Actually, I may be able to continue that one now.

wish we could see his journey from the start

Didn't even realize this was clop until I got to him spreading his legs on the throne. Gotta say, DAMN fun read before I got to the smut and while the smut didn't do anything for me {probably due to Bill Engvall in the background} it was damn good. You, good sir, have more than earned a place in a folder above my favorites. Well done.

Few errors here and there such as

she could here one-time student

but flawless grammar is not the sole mark of a damn fun story.

I also would love to read another chapter/story of this; what happens after, or a longer fic detailing what happened before. Wonder if Celly got knocked up.

6280946 oh, yeah, definitely agree

I REALLY want a prequel/sequel to this. This is probably the best oneshot I've read in a LONG time.

You created a fascinanting world only for end with sex?!
I really wanted to know more abot the history and events that were happening or how the cityvwas created. That was just....
Ugh
Anyways i cannot deny that you did a good job, still i feel disapointed.

6281651 ridiculous, ain't it? I started with the line he gave her from the throne, and wrote from there. I needed a why, a how, a when, I just felt like I wasn't putting any effort into it if I didn't say why things had reached this point. There had to be a reason the solar princess would be this desperate for aid.

This seems to me to be the equivalent of watching every Lord of the Rings film before Debbie Does Dallas.

Or it's just a shorter version of the first 52 chapters of Your Human And You

i.ytimg.com/vi/bf2nhEoZNm0/maxresdefault.jpg

Oddly enough, while the smut was quite acceptable, I was more interested in the plot (no pun intended) this one-shot presented . I'm a sucker for a good world idea.

Human dude? I don't see where that tag plays in.

If chaos is now in the world, that means that pegasi cannot control the weather anymore, like the everfree forest

6282466 Ares was a human before his arrival in Equestria way back when. It's strongly implied that his form was shifted to pegasus during or immediately after arrival.

I don't know whether this was a clopfic that sprouted into having an actual origin story of sorts, or a fall-of-Equestria story that sprouted a clopfic. Derp!

That said, I guess I'll focus on the non-clop. Early on, the guards seem a bit too talkative. They claim they won't tell Luna about their military or economy or any such stuff, but pretty nonchalantly talk about all their lord and all his mannerisms.

"I've heard that word several times in the past." Twilight said, looking to the Diamond dog. "Would you happen to know it's actual meaning or history? Most ponies I ask say they don't know, that they'd just picked it up somewhere and there were no books that I could find that made mention of its origin."

This, however, I can totally believe of Twilight. How are they pronouncing Metrocity, anyways? Like "Metropolis" with a short o sound instead of a long o?

Forgive the fact that you tried to steal my armor and weapons, tools that I'd created myself to defend myself from an impossibly hostile world.

This...doesn't quite make sense. The way I'm reading it he decided to forge the new armour himself, armour for a bipedal after he was already transformed into a winged horse? That's what the order of events seems to suggest, so I assume he was still assuming he was delusional and thinking he'd turn right back into a human.

I wonder how many years he set about recreating his world's technology, and then how many years he actually took building the city and his empire up.

As for the ending...Time for Alicorn babies of DOOOOM!

i want to know MORE!!!! the world is so cool sounding tell me more about it!

Ugh. All those times you used "your" when you should have used "you're", and vice versa. It was physically painful.

Tell me what went wrong

You wrote it. Then you published it.

6281834 Not sure if insult or compliment.

6280946>>6281273 Not quite ready to go that far, if I ever do.

6282614 Wouldn't bother an ex-human too much, would it?

6282924

I don't know whether this was a clopfic that sprouted into having an actual origin story of sorts, or a fall-of-Equestria story that sprouted a clopfic. Derp!

I started with the line "Celestia, you can suck my dick!" And went from there. I was actually surprised how much the story grew. The shift from dick to balls came from the fact that, well, dick required pre-existing arousal due to species, while balls was just more power trip, which was what the fic was.

How are they pronouncing Metrocity, anyways? Like "Metropolis" with a short o sound instead of a long o?

It's actually a reference to Megamind. The villain calls the main city in the movie Metrocity, sounding similar to atrocity, so short o.

The way I'm reading it he decided to forge the new armour himself, armour for a bipedal after he was already transformed into a winged horse? That's what the order of events seems to suggest, so I assume he was still assuming he was delusional and thinking he'd turn right back into a human.

He forged the armor himself in the last world, is how I meant it to read. It didn't change with him though. That's why it was displayed in the throne room. Ares can't wear it anymore, but it served him for an untold number of encounters. He's still sorta attached to it.

6283128 I'm currently at war with that problem, it's the one thing I tend to miss most often.

6283180 *slaps forehead* It's so obvious, how did I miss it before!?!

6283269
It's alright, we all make silly little mistakes like that from time to time.

Wow! Why didn't she have him raped, beaten and his eyes gouged out and his bottom exploded, and his dick split in half and fed to a pig while she was at it?

Dear god I am so fed up of these, 'Princess Celestia is a complete dick to some random displaced for no adequetly explained reason and it comes back to bite her fics.'

I'm no fan of Sun-butt, but it would be nice if there was an actual reason for her doing these things, rather than some vague 'Oh, he was a threat' blather. And having his wings clipped, for gods sake why? How could his being able to fly be a threat to Equestria. Did she think he had poor bowel control, and would dump on someone's head? From a Doylian perspective it's obvious, you need Celestia to have been a jerk to justify you're OC being a complete jerk to her. It's about as in character for her as Cupcakes is for Pinkie Pie.

6283358 Celestia is wonderfully kind to her subjects, but the moment something registers as a threat, she can be pretty quick to stamp it out, imo. This guy shows up out of nowhere, is covered in blood, and while he looks like a pegasus, he doesn't sound or move like one. For all she knew, he was a body snatcher. The reaction would be common against any alien creature, I feel.

Complete dick? I don't think she was that bad, but she reacted with force, and her soldiers did the rest. As Ares said, he later learned that not all of his mistreatment was at Tia's orders.

6283371 Since you never actually explain that's what happened, there is no way for a reader to judge.

Actually, what any ruler who cared about her subjects would react would be along the following lines:

Find out who's or what's blood the was covered with and why. This is kind of important as it determines whether there's been a victim.
Find out what he is if not a pegasus. After all, he might not be the only one.
Determine if he's actually a threat.
Then, if the circumstances warrranted it, she could turn on the punishment or reward as the circumstances required. For example, if he'd gotten covered in blood hacking the heads off a hydra while protecting a coach full of schoolchildren, then he should be commended.

Considering she was willing to try and reform Discord, I donn't think Celestia's first reaction is to reach for the big hammer.

But as I said, in-story reasons don't matter. You needed a way to make Celestia the bad guy to justify what you did to her. It's just like the HiE fics where Twilight hates the human on sight, despite having been one herself for a time, and shuns him to go starve in the Everfree/Badlands, so that the human in question can fail to die and come back with an army of Changelings/Diamond Dogs/Extradimensional horrors/Death Robots and wreak a 'justified' vengeance on all of Equerstria and Twilight in particular.

Why do people who are supposed to be fans of the show so eager to torture the main characters?

I have to admit, "clip his wings so he'll die horribly after I exile him out of rampant paranoia" is pretty OOC even for 'no-nonsense monarch' Celestia.

I did not expected this.

I was expecting this to be either a not clopfic or a rape fic.

The settings was very interesting and I did not see the plot twist at all until it was happening. :)

I skipped most of the clop as I didn't came here for that; but all and all I have to say this was well written.

It made me question myself and whether I could find the joy on forcing someone that had previously had complete control over me to do something they didn't want to and/or tarnish their pride.

My answer is that while I had a very hard time seeing how that could possibly bring me any from of satisfaction, I realized that is because I don't believe or at least wouldn't expect that the experience would likely have an impact on the other person unlike perhaps what I might have expected when I was an infant ocationally when I had thoughts of vengeance.

As I grew up I realized that people are able to perceive events in whichever way they are most comfortable with and while one could hope that ironic vengeance would bring regret and reflection upon the afflicted person and possibly improve them for the better as they finally realize the nature of their mistakes, that isn't necessarily going to happen. In fact negative experiences are more likely to impact individuals in negative ways if nothing else.

However after thinking it over, if that aspect where to be present, if causing someone to have an unpleasant experience were to cause a positive impact on the receiving person, which sometimes can happen, I think I might be able to draw some satisfaction from knowing I was the cause for that change. However that being the case I would prefer it if the change would come without the need to undergo unpleasanties. I don't think I would get a sadistic joy from having the power to make someone I despise vow down to my will. Not for lack of hate; but due to an abundance of empathy and understanding. I might not feel as bad or worse as the person being inflicted like I would normally if I'm comforted by knowledge of my actions being the best I could do; but no matter how ideal the circumstances I would likely opt to seeing the suffering I'm inflicting rather focus and enjoy the influence that I might be having.

However I can buy why Ares did what he did as it was put:

...his current plan was more out of frustrated anger than hatred

I could also buy it even if it said it was hatred (however the clop would need to happen differenty then.)

In short I know anger and hatred; but I also know empathy and understanding that combined has lead me to lose any desire to seek retribution or justice on the name of personal satisfaction it's better if one holds on to empathy to care for others benefit, for that really all that matters (or that should matter) whether your actions are beneficial or not and how much.

You realize that with experience.

~Leonzilla

NOTE/EDIT/PS: The aspect that Celestia would be so foolish as to allow all the things that happen to Ares as the way she acted prior to his exile didn't sit well with me; but I was able to overlook that to accept that was what she did in this fic and for what it did for the story. Also it's worth mentioning the fact that happen over five hundred years prior to Lunas return helped in that regard for that was younger less experienced Celestia. I think some people might have missed that.

Well that was a plesent surprise.

There really shouldn't be a human tag since noone is a human in this story. Or at least if you honest believe once was human, but not during the actual story counts then at least explain that in the story's description. That way those that dislike ponified humans would know not to bother with this.

I'm curious as to what his talent mark looks like. It's described as "(...)large shield, set before a strange downward-turned blade (...)"

A shield is easy to picture, but the "strange downward-turned blade" eludes me.

I'm kinda curious where things would go from there.

6282886 Ah.

Lovely little story, i marked it for reading and your blog post about it just made me want to read it sooner. That and insomnia, fucking insomnia... .

As others have said you've got a good basis for a continuation here, covering how many "fair weather friends" the ponies had and what their reactions are to the princesses getting asylum in this new land that basically grew over night that no outside really knows about.

People talk about how "Out-of-character" Celestia's treatment of Ares was but they seem to be forgetting that those actions were taken centuries ago, people change over the years, even immortals. The poor fool could very well have shown up in times of civil unrest or even the prospect of neighboring war. Not war against the ponies of course, not with their "giant flaming pony on the throne", but, you know, just over here, on the border, or maybe along these farmlands and crops that are not technically part of pony lands... .
Hearing that full story is also another lead you've got here.

As for things in the "present" of the story you could have Celestia offer an honest apology to Ares, and him actually working though his anger and resentment for her. His "I'll let it all go" speech feels a bit wooden to me, like he really does want to just forget about it but her doing the "one act of humiliation" won't really be enough for him. Also, again, people change over the years, they are both different people than they were then and the past, while it should never be forgotten, should not be allowed to hold negative sway over the present.

Finally I give you the following.

Luna and Twilight sat in silence, the latter doing her best to not look at the splatter of... fluid on the floor near the throne. Luna, for her part, was looking up at the ceiling, trying to divine how the lights found there in worked without magic, both in the operation of said lighting and in the divination of that working. She wasn't having much luck.
Finally Twilight coughs, when it become obvious that the two other alicorns wouldn't be coming back any time soon.

"So, uh, what do we do now?" Luna looks down to her companion for a moment before she stands and walks over to the doors they had come in. She opens them without trouble and finds one of the diamond dogs, the one that had talked to Twilight on their way in, and the thestral mare from before, the former to her right and the later to her left. They both look to the former Princess of the Moon, not surprised to see her but also not having really expected it. The bat pony speaking first.

"Can we help you princess?" Luna gives her an impassive glance, ignoring the obvious bait and instead sticking with the matter at hoof.

"Your Lord has dismissed us and we, that is Twilight and I, were wondering were we should go now." This gets a short, confused look from both guards, the diamond dog speaking up first.

"Dismissed you? He, guh." He places one paw over his eyes for a moment with a sigh. "He teleported out of the room didn't he?"

"I take it he does this often?" Twilight asks as she moves to stand next to Luna, the two guards finally looking past their two 'guests', taking note of the lack of the third. The thestral grins, chuckling.

"Yeah, he does this often enough, though not normally with someone else. Uh, Dav, do we actually have any orders on what to do with our visitors after they saw his Lord-ship?"

"No."

"Oh." The four of them stand in awkward silence for several moments before Twilight breaks it. Or, more actually, her stomach does.
She had skipped breakfast that morning and due to the state of affairs had not eaten very well over the past few days anyways.
The thestral grins and valiantly fights back a laugh, but sadly it was a losing battle as the blush on Twilight's face and her obvious embarrassment grew. Both Luna and Dav sigh, giving each other understanding glances and ever so small nods. Luna then takes steps to salvage the situation.

"The dining hall is an excellent suggestion Twilight. As long as our guides have no problem with it."

"Naw, as long as you two behave it should be fine. Pull it together Rosey, we're heading out." Rosey, more properly known as Midnight Rose, huffs at the nickname but does get control her giggles and nods, motioning with a wing for the two alicorns to go before her with Dav taking the front of the group.

I'm not sure where it would go from there. Probably getting Twilight and Luna settled in a quest room while Ares and Celestia having their rutting good time rutting.

"

She told you about how the Zebrican High Council wouldn't help you, right? Or how the dragons, minotaurs and griffons were not going to talk no matter what she did? I bet she didn't tell you how she made the Zebrican High Council visit her in person to request aid when their country was devastated by droughts. Won her a ton of support from her subjects. The Zebricans, not so much.

Which is typical for these sorts of countries, if you really want Aid you'd best be prepared to come here and ask for it.

The other races were looking at your plump little country for years, but the giant flaming pony on the throne kept them in check. She also went out of her way to punish them for their overly aggressive tendencies whenever she could with sanctions and political defeats.

So basically, she used her power to keep them from aggressive onto her land in a proper political way because they really WERE trying to take her land the entire time, rather then burning them down where they stood for constantly picking at her land, and as a result once they lost their power they all decided to attack her at once...

I honestly hope to see the rest of the nations pretty much turn to ash, I mean Celestia in this is portrayed as a dick, but the rest of the nation's even more so.

I gotta say Luna had it worse. Celestia may have had it bad but at least she had toys to use where as Luna was on the dang moon for 1000 years. The moon which is just a ball of dust in space and is boring as all hell.

6284523 It would be a normal broadsword. I haven't seen a sword in any of the pics or clips I've seen, and even then I'd assume a pony blade would look different enough that a human sword would look alien to them.

6284926 I've been pondering it, but I don't want too much of a distraction from Demon just yet. That one's my focus. That being said, yes there are plenty of ideas here, and I plan on using a few of them.

6285466 You could say that, but it's never mentioned if Luna was aware of her thousand year banishment, or if she was in a form of stasis.

6285476 Might wanna change who you're talking to, didn't mention anything about Luna.

6285828 Ah, sorry. It was wise I was trying to comment to
*fixed it

I feel like this needs a prequel. A little bit of backstory, maybe as a separate story. I would like to explore their past and what happened...

6280946 No, it's not a rape story. As I told others, I'm not willing to go there. The dark tag is kinda because things have gone so badly for everyone in Equestria, so it's easy to assume there's been quite a bit of death. For me at least.

6288134 You'd... already responded to my comment.

>> Vates Despero>> garfan Not quite ready to go that far, if I ever do.

I'd just added that to the blog comment edit because I forgot to put a comment here mentioning that.

I... I wasn't expecting this... I was expecting something more along the lines of actually coming across the adventure that led up to him becoming leader of the city... but this... I can certainly deal with this

...And I can tell where you gave up halfway through.
Shame, would have actually been a pretty cool universe. But I know what it's like, I've done it too before.

I don't know why but after reading this it doesn't really seem all that dark. but if that's what you think it needs more power to you.
10/10