Home is Where Your Curse is

by SFaccountant

Hoofington

Home is Where Your Curse is

a My Little Pony/Ranma 0.5 crossover fanfiction

by SFaccountant

Chapter 4

Hoofington

---

Wagon Thief and Jewel Thief shuddered as they pressed against each other, their ears folded and their heads bowed. Their eyes darted every which way, trying to fix onto anything other than the current focus of their fear and discontent.

"Look at me when I'm talking to you, please," said a voice like velvet over steel. The wording would have implied it was request, but the tone suggested no such thing. The Thiefs jerked their heads up, and their eyes faced forward again.

Sylvia Hawke didn't look very intimidating, for a griffon. With a slight, small-ish body and exquisitely primped features, she resembled a pampered noble rather than a criminal. Her feathers were a metallic gray, and they tilted back at her crown to form a silver crest like the teeth of a rotary saw. She was dressed in a silk crimson robe and a matching ribbon on her tail, and had a glimmering sapphire ring on her right claw. She lay on a plush pillow atop a raised step, giving her the distinct visage of a queen receiving petitioners from her throne. This impression was aided by the pair of hefty stallion thugs standing on either side of her, glowering at said "petitioners".

"Now, explain it to me again. In detail. How did this happen?" Sylvia said softly.

Wagon Thief pursed his lips nervously, steeling himself to give his full report. "Okay. It started out simply enough. We were going to set up an ambush at Tanner crossing. Me and Jewel were planning to wait under the bridge and stop any travelers, while Tom set up to jump any marks from behind after we stopped them."

"Asinine," Sylvia remarked, "continue."

Wagon shared a glance with his wife, and then Jewel continued the report. "Well, we got to the bridge, and then we found that there was somepony already there. We found a small, loaded wagon all by itself, and then we heard voices from under the bridge."

"Jewel and I got into position in front of the loot, while Tom flew over to the trees past the bridge, right?" Wagon explained, making some largely pointless motions with his hoof to try to describe the setup. "The plan was to tell the wagon's owners to trot off, and then jump them if they tried to start anything."

"I can only imagine - given these results - that they did not 'trot off'," Sylvia interjected as her eyes slipped to the side.

On the side of the room was a young male griffon, only slightly larger than Sylvia, with dark, striped feathers. He had a cast mold over his head, a neck brace on, and there was currently a unicorn medic gently trying to set one wing in a splint. A pair of dark stripes cut over one side of the griffon's body, making it obvious that he had been run over recently.

"Okay, so..." Wagon gulped. "The marks show up and see us. Two mares - one unicorn, one pegasus - and the unicorn gets mad and starts trying to tell us off. The pegasus looked half-dead; she was soaked, exhausted, and I'm pretty sure she was begging the other mare for food, so she was apparently starved, too. Not a threat at all, right?"

Sylvia arched an eyebrow. "You tell me." Her tail swatted her pillow impatiently.

The stallion cringed and fought the urge to break eye contact again. "It became clear pretty quickly that the unicorn wasn't going to back down, so Tom breaks from the forest and creeps up on the pair. Quick and silent, just like always. Just as the unicorn was getting ready to zap us, Tom pounces." He paused. "That's when things... kind of... stopped going according to plan."

Sylvia's tail started swatting faster, even as the griffon's face betrayed very little apparent interest.

"Out of nowhere, the pegasus bucks Tom right in the chin mid-jump," Jewel said, kicking a leg back to imitate the attack, "it was like she knew he was coming! She didn't look behind her, she didn't shout anything, I don't even think she glanced back after he hit the ground! We were so surprised that we didn't even have our swords out when the unicorn finished her spell. And, well..." she brushed a spot on her husband's flank where the fur had been burned down to the root. He hissed in pain and hopped away. She had a similar spot on her back.

Sylvia nodded calmly. "I see. So, not only did a pegasus - who you claim looked to be on the verge of exhaustion - somehow get the drop on my son, but you also allowed yourselves to be bested without a fight and let the targets get away." Her eyes narrowed slightly. "Is that all?"

The two pony bandits spared an anxious glance at the injured griffon to their side, and then quickly turned back to Sylvia.

"Also, the mares kind of ran Tom over when they escaped," Wagon admitted.

Sylvia's crest twitched upward, and both the bandit ponies flinched back.

"... I see," Sylvia said again. Her voice was as perfectly calm as ever. "Do you two remember why I let my son participate in your petty little ploys?"

Wagon raised a hoof cautiously. "So that we can... show him the ropes?" he asked hopefully.

"I let him follow you two dregs because he has to learn, yes," Sylvia said, nodding her head, "he has to learn what the art of the thief and mugger looks like and how it's conducted, so that he can rise above that sort of tripe. So that he realizes the kind of scum he has to work with, and how far he is above you. I did not let him tag along with you so that he could act as your personal attack hound and defeat resisting targets for you."

The bandit couple ducked their heads shamefully, but kept their mouths shut.

"More to the point, I explicitly wanted you two to keep him from getting hurt at all costs," Sylvia continued, "and what happened here?"

"We let him get hurt," Jewel mumbled pathetically.

"Very good, Mrs. Thief." The griffon sighed. "Obviously, we'll be correcting for this in the future. You two will be paying EXTENSIVELY for this misstep." The two ponies started whimpering, but then stopped as Sylvia's eyes narrowed again. "But there are, obviously, two other ponies that need to answer for this. Who are they?"

Wagon Thief nodded his head eagerly. "It's those mares! The Great and Powerful Trixie and... uh... that redhead!"

"'Great and Powerful', hm? We'll see about that." Sylvia slowly stood up from her cushion, still staring down at the trembling ponies below. "As for you two, you're going to draw me a picture of the equines that hurt my little boy. Then you're going to sit in the cellar keep and think long and hard about your errors."

"Yes, Miss Hawke! Thank you, Miss Hawke!" Jewel Thief groveled, kowtowing to the griffon.

"Be quiet and get out of my sight," Sylvia said flatly, walking down the step and past the cowering bandits, "I have to go hurt some ponies."

---

"So, after I break the MacGuffin Stone off of this other pony, I head over to grab it so that I can get my clothes back. Of course, now I know that I really should have made the Swan Song chick change me back to a human first. Before I even get to the gem, that Rite guy shoots a bunch of magic missiles at me."

Ranma shook her head wearily as she continued hauling Trixie's wagon down the road through the forest. Trixie lay atop her blankets piled within the wagon, her brow creased in an expression of deep contemplation.

"He got a lucky hit in, and I landed next to the MacGuffin Stone and nabbed it. But then Song throws some other spell at me. She called out 'stunner' or something, but I ended up appearing over a rushing river, next thing I knew. I barely managed to bite onto the MacGuffin Stone before I hit the water. GOD I miss my hands."

Ranma paused in her tale as she considered the end of her battle against the pony sorcerers. "I think my magic allergy might have been acting up. I'm pretty sure she didn't mean to let me escape, even though I was just about to wallop them. Especially since I had their magic rock. Sparkle said it makes magic react to me differently, or something. I didn't really get it. And the magic blasts seemed to work on me just fine. Hmph."

Another silence settled over the pair of ponies, disrupted only by the creaking of the wagon's wheels.

"Anyway, I blacked out after I fell down the waterfall, and then next thing I know some bird is pecking at me. And then I hear you yelling. And you know the story from there."

Ranma let out a deep breath after she finished, nervously awaiting the judgment of the mare behind her. She had told Trixie about everything that had happened since that fateful night when Hikaru Gosunkugi had tricked her, without embellishment or omission, and so far complete honesty didn't have a great track record in fostering trust with the denizens of this world. While Ranma didn't especially care if random equines thought she was crazy or not, THIS particular equine had food, and had suggested that she might get more of it if she was in a good mood once they reached the next town.

"Okay... so... wait..." Trixie began slowly, her eyes narrowing. "If you're such a hotshot fighter that you could beat a draconic beast, why didn't YOU fight the bandits back there?"

Ranma blink-blinked. "Wait, so... you believe me?" She was fairly stunned at the prospect. Either Trixie was surprisingly trusting, or horribly jaded. Or a little of both.

"Is there any reason Trixie shouldn't?" the unicorn asked, "besides you just sitting around on your lazy flank while a pair of highwayponies tried to rob Trixie right in front of you?"

"Hey, I wasn't just sitting around! I got the third one that attacked us from the rear!" Ranma insisted.

Trixie paused as several aspects of that encounter suddenly clicked into place. "Huh. Okay, fine, but if you were REALLY that tough you could have trounced the other two bandits as well."

"Of course I could have!" the pegasus snapped back. "But I figured the 'Great and Powerful Trixie' wouldn't need any help dealing with a pair of amateur muggers!"

"Of course Trixie didn't!" Trixie retorted, mirroring Ranma's own response. "But that's not the point! Trixie went out of her way to help you and you didn't even take the initiative to assault Trixie's enemies!"

"Except for the one I did."

"Yes, except that one. Whatever," the unicorn snorted, "Trixie certainly hopes that you'll be more helpful to the NEXT pony that you pester for free food."

"Since you're making me pull you to the next town for it, it's not really free anymore, is it?" the martial artist grumbled.

Trixie ignored her as she dug around in her cart and produced a canteen of water. She lifted it up between her hooves, and her horn started to glow as she stared at it. "So, who was the pony you rescued?"

"When? In the Everfree, at Ponyville, in the forest, or at the bridge?" Ranma asked. "I save a lot of people. It can be hard to keep track."

"Don't be a smartflank," Trixie retorted, "Trixie meant last night, when you fought this 'Rite' person and his lackey. Who was the mare you saved from the MacGuffin Stone?" The canteen was surrounded by her magic power, and the container started to warm up.

"Oh, her?" Ranma paused to think. "I dunno. I don't think anybody said her name. I didn't get a good look at her, either; it was dark, and so was her fur." She shrugged. "Probably not important. These unicorns will apparently just attack anybody they happen to run into during their stupid evil plots."

A stream of warm water suddenly dropped on her back, and Ranma halted in surprise as the usual shift in gender swept over her. Now a stallion again, he twisted his head around to see a canteen of water levitating over his back and dribbling the last of its contents onto him.

"Huh. Interesting," Trixie said, tilting her head to the side, "so was this an effect of the polymorph and your 'magic allergy'?"

Ranma had to admit that was probably one of the most tepid reactions he'd ever gotten to a demonstration of his curse. Even Twilight had been surprised, and he had no reason to think she was any less experienced with magic than Trixie. "Not really. I mean, sort of, but only as far as letting me change from a stallion to a mare. Originally the curse came from these magic springs called Jusenkyou in China. China is a country back on my home planet." He started moving again, and this time maintained a faster pace thanks to his longer stride.

"Ah, okay. Alien magic." Trixie put the canteen away, apparently content with the explanation. "And what about this 'magic allergy' of yours? Where did that come from?"

"Now THAT'S new. No idea where that came from," Ranma answered, "could have been anything, I guess. I've been through a lot the last few days."

"You're definitely the most troubled moocher that has ever latched on to Trixie," the magician agreed, "it's also too bad that you lost that MacGuffin Stone thing in the river. Trixie would have liked to see such an artifact."

"Oh, I didn't lose it. I have it right here," Ranma stopped and turned his head to the side. Then he twisted his head back around, holding the MacGuffin Stone between his teeth.

Trixie stared. "... Where were you keeping that?"

Ranma spat the gem out onto his back, and then started walking again. "On me."

"No, Trixie is serious. You have no clothes or pockets, you're not a unicorn, and the MacGuffin Stone is too big for you to hide in your mouth or your mane. Where were you keeping it?"

Ranma rolled his eyes. "Consider it more 'alien magic'."

Trixie had a feeling that Ranma was just making fun of her, but in the absence of any better explanation, she decided to accept it. She levitated the MacGuffin Stone up to eye level, her horn glowing brightly as she looked over the jewel. A moment later her eyes shifted to become windows of solid white light, although the effect lasted but a moment.

Trixie's eyes returned to normal, and she frowned at the MacGuffin Stone. "Well, this is definitely no ordinary magic gem. Trixie can see all sorts of weird mana constructs inside. It also has a considerable magic charge; probably from that mare that was almost absorbed into it."

"Does it have my clothes?" Ranma asked. "When I was absorbed, I had clothes on."

Trixie glanced down at him. "Possibly. But judging by what you've told Trixie regarding the MacGuffin Stone, Trixie isn't going to start bombarding it with magic to see what happens. Especially considering Trixie's experience with the LAST magic artifact Trixie found." She paused. "Also, didn't you say you 'humans' are like big, bipedal ape creatures? Do you think your clothes would fit as a pony?"

"Aw, damn. You're right," Ranma muttered, glancing down at his extremely inhuman forelegs. "Well, it also had my wallet, though. It'd be nice to have some cash."

"Does your alien homeworld use bits as currency?"

"Damn it! Well... it has my student ID! I can show ponies what I really look like so that they don't think I'm crazy!"

"A picture of some strange creature that nopony's even seen before doesn't prove anything except that you somehow acquired a picture of a creature nopony's seen before. It won't really make the alien story any easier to swallow."

"DAMN IT!"

She floated the MacGuffin Stone back over to Ranma, who sighed and took it in his mouth again. Then he turned his head to the side, such that Trixie couldn't see the gem or what he was doing with it. When Ranma faced forward again, the MacGuffin Stone was gone.

"Crazy alien magic," the unicorn mumbled.

"Oh, hey! Is that Hoofington?" Ranma asked as he turned past another cluster of trees. In the distance, less than half a kilometer away, the forest gave way to small cottages and he could see thin trails of smoke rising from brick chimneys.

Trixie broke into a smile. "It is! The latest lucky village to be graced by the presence of the Great and Powerful Trixie!"

"So, what do you DO, anyway?" Ranma asked as he headed for the edge of the town. "Do you sell fireworks or do those silly card readings or something?"

"Trixie is a showpony," the unicorn explained, standing up on her wagon and briefly adjusting her hat, "Trixie goes from town to town, amazing ponies with wondrous feats of magical brilliance!"

Ranma thought that over. "So... you're a stage magician? Really?" He furrowed his brow. "But isn't there magic all over the place on this planet? Sparks talked about magic like a doctor from my world would talk about a bad flu going around."

Trixie's expression fell. "Trixie's power is leagues beyond the feeble magics you see every day from the common unicorn! You may as well compare the royal castle to a crude stone outpost!"

"Huh... okay, I guess I can understand that." It still seemed strange to Ranma that a powerful wizard would be using her amazing spells to entertain people. It would be like him using his martial arts prowess to take up a career as an acrobat. Then again, who was he to judge?

I guess if she wasn't doing this, she'd probably be cursing people and creating annoying magic items. Seems like the type. It's better this way.

"If you feel like seeing some REAL magic, you should stop by after Trixie sets up tomorrow," the unicorn continued haughtily, "Trixie prefers spectators that actually have money, but you can watch anyway. Trixie is just that gracious!"

"Yeah, thanks, but I think I've had enough 'real magic' lately. I'll pass," Ranma replied as he entered the town proper, "so, where are we eating?"

Trixie narrowed her eyes again. "If you were hoping your subtle implication that Trixie is going to feed you again would go unnoticed, Trixie must disappoint you."

Ranma stopped pulling the cart and turned his head around. "Come on, Trix! You promised!"

"And now Trixie has a nickname. Great," the unicorn murmured, "Trixie didn't promise anything and doesn't owe you anything."

"But I carried you and your wagon all the way to Hoofington!" Ranma protested.

"In return for the food Trixie already gave you!" Trixie retorted. "Besides, we were only a few hours away from the edge of town!"

"I helped you with the bandits! It's not like they were trying to rob ME!"

"Trixie wouldn't have been CAUGHT by the bandits if Trixie didn't stop to help you in the first place!"

Ranma slapped his front hooves together and leaned on the edge of the wagon while making a pouting face at Trixie. "C'mon, Trix! Be a pal! PLEEEEEEEEEEEASE?"

"And why should Trixie have to be a 'pal' to some cursed weirdo Trixie found at random on the road? Go back to Twilight Sparkle and bug HER for charity!" the unicorn growled.

Ranma decided to switch begging tactics. "But you're so much cooler and more reliable than she is!"

This gave Trixie pause. "W-Well... of c-course... Trixie is," she stammered, being fairly stunned at hearing that particular sentence outside of her dreams, "but, so what?"

"The Great and Powerful Trixie wouldn't leave a poor, helpless, starving man-turned-pony hanging! You're better than that!" Ranma insisted.

Trixie didn't reply right away, staring hard at the pigtailed equine. "... Go back to the last part. About Trixie being better than Sparkle. Trixie liked that part."

"Oh, please! There's no contest!" Ranma said, waving a hoof off to the side. "Sparks was really nice and all, and she tried to help, but all she really did was hurt me. I'd much rather hang out with you. You haven't blown me up or ANYTHING!"

The unicorn chuckled happily. "That's because Trixie - in addition to possessing unsurpassed wisdom and arcane skill - also has a little talent called RESTRAINT," Trixie couldn't hope to keep a pleased grin off her face as she replied, "for example, do you recall how Trixie totally DIDN'T start trying to use the dangerous magic artifact as soon as Trixie got her hooves on it?"

"Exactly! Good call!" Ranma said brightly. "So anyway, food now?"

"Oh, okay. Sure." Trixie hopped down from the wagon and pointed to one of the larger wooden buildings. "That looks like a bar. They should have some food available. Just pull the cart up next to it."

"You're the boss!" Ranma chirped, smiling brightly. He positioned the wagon as instructed and then shook off the harness, following Trixie into the building.

---

Two hours and nearly eighty bits later, Trixie and Ranma exited the bar again.

"So, do you guys just substitute hay for beef, or for pretty much everything? I get that you don't eat meat, but you also have hay fries. Back on earth, fries are made of potatoes, so I don't know why you have to swap them out for hay in the first place. It's not meat, so it should be fine, right?" Ranma rambled on about the food as he positioned himself back into the wagon harness, preparing to tow Trixie's wagon to its next destination. "Also, hay tastes awful, so you should probably stick to potatoes. Blech."

Trixie's own mood had turned sour again as the effect of Ranma's praise had worn off and the loss of her hard-earned bits had worn on. The food had been cheap and barely edible by her standards, but neither quality had saved her from spending more on one meal than she usually spent on a week's rations.

She glowered at the martial artist as she stopped next to her wagon. "Trixie does not need your aid in hauling the wagon any longer, Ranma Saotome. You can leave at any time." Her tone suggested that now would be an ideal time, in fact.

Ranma stopped to think. "It's getting pretty late. Where are you staying tonight, Trix?"

Trixie recoiled, holding up a leg over her chest as if to shield herself from the stallion. "... If Trixie didn't know any better, Trixie would think you're propositioning her." She stared at him suspiciously. "But obviously, since your REAL species is some kind of space ape, that isn't true, right?"

"See, this is what I like about you, Trix: You GET me," Ranma said happily, "SOME girls I know would have just assumed I was flirting and slugged me without saying anything."

"Trixie is thrilled to meet your pitifully low expectations," the unicorn deadpanned, "anyway, since you're not hitting on Trixie, that means you're trying to get Trixie to rent you a hotel room, which is scarcely more welcome."

"What? No! No way!" Ranma protested, shaking his head. "You've been awesome so far, Trix, but I don't expect you to put me up in a hotel!" Then he coughed. "Of course, if you WEREN'T sleeping in a hotel tonight, and just set up camp somewhere in the forest nearby, then it wouldn't really cost you anything to have someone else tag along, right?"

"Why, yes, that WOULD be the case," Trixie said as her horn started to glow. Her magic surrounded the wagon harness and shifted it off of Ranma's neck. "But Trixie is, in fact, staying at an inn tonight. Seeing as there are apparently bandits roaming this forest, Trixie doesn't feel safe camping outside."

Ranma seemed undaunted. "Well, then you'll need someone to guard your wagon tonight!" He placed a hoof to his chest. "Which is convenient for me, seeing as it's pretty cold and I don't have any blankets or anything."

"Trixie doesn't NEED a guard for the wagon," Trixie insisted firmly.

"Even though there are apparently bandits roaming this forest?"

Trixie stopped short again, glaring at the stallion. Ranma smirked back at her, apparently thinking his logic irrefutable.

"Let's dispense with the pretenses, shall we?" Trixie said suddenly. "Trixie doesn't want you around to mooch off of Trixie anymore. You seem intent to stick by Trixie even while Trixie's patience and funding runs dry. This is a problem."

Ranma sighed, and his expression turned more serious. "Okay, okay, I get it. I promise that tomorrow I'll leave you alone for good, all right? No begging you for breakfast or following you around or anything. Once you come get your cart, you can go back to putting on magic shows and I'll go back to hunting down evil unicorns. Just let me use your blankets for tonight. I swear that you won't have to spend so much as one more bit on me."

The magician continued staring at him suspiciously. "And why should Trixie trust that you'll do as you say?"

"I swear on my honor as a martial artist!" the stallion declared firmly.

Trixie's expression didn't change.

"... Also, if you're willing to trust me that I'm actually an alien somehow transported to your planet and then turned into a pony by evil unicorns who want to take over the world, what's the point of being skeptical now?"

"Tch!" Trixie clicked her tongue in irritation. "All right, fine. Trixie will hold you to this agreement. Now get the wagon and follow."

Ranma happily hooked himself up again and towed it along behind the magician as she trotted down the street. Hoofington wasn't a very busy town, at least at this time of the afternoon, and there were merely a few dozen ponies trotting about the town's rocky dirt roads besides him and his magical benefactor. A large log-cabin building was on the side of the road, clearly of the size and design of a typical roadside inn. There was an open-wall, thatched-roof structure next to the main building, and Ranma spotted several other wagons within that had been left behind a series of flimsy wooden gates.

"So the horse sleeps in the hotel and the human ends up in the stables, huh? Funny," Ranma smirked.

"Why is that funny?" Trixie asked.

"It's an Earth thing. You wouldn't get it," the martial artist replied while he pulled the cart and the unicorn into the crude "garage" of the inn. He headed into a stall, and then glanced behind him as Trixie hopped out onto the ground.

"So, uh, listen, Trix," Ranma began awkwardly. Trixie stopped and looked back at him with an unreadable expression. "I just wanted to thank you for helping me out back there. And here, too. I mean, you made it pretty obvious that you don't really like helping out strangers you find on the side of the road, and I guess those bandits wouldn't have bothered you if I hadn't held you up. So... you know... thank you."

Trixie continued to stare as the pigtailed equine fidgeted, as if silently weighing the gesture of gratitude in her head against the effort she'd put into helping him. Eventually her expression relaxed slightly.

"You're welcome, Ranma. Trixie supposes it wasn't so bad to have some company on the road, and you certainly seem at ease towing Trixie's luggage." She turned around and started heading to the inn again. "Good luck with the sorcerers. And if you happen to actually come up with enough money to buy your own food, Trixie wouldn't mind showing you to the next town after Trixie's done here."

Without waiting for a response, Trixie trotted up to the inn entrance, leaving Ranma to "protect" her belongings. Ranma proceeded to pull one of the mare's star-patterned blankets from atop her traveling cart, and laid it down on the ground. After spending a little longer digging through Trixie's things, he eventually produced a lumpy pillow, and he dropped it next to his bedding.

"Bleagh. I hate handling stuff with my mouth," the martial artist griped as he lay down over the blanket and pulled it around himself, "maybe I should have left the MacGuffin Stone behind with the evil unicorns. At least then I'd be able to track them down and force them to turn me back. This pony thing just isn't working out. Not having to turn into an animal was just about the ONLY advantage of my curse!"

Curling up on the blanket, Ranma quickly felt his eyelids drooping. It was a little too early to be going to bed, but he hadn't gotten a good night's sleep since Zecora had treated him to dinner. Although he had obviously lost consciousness at some point during his unwilling trip down the river rapids, that hadn't exactly been refreshing.

With a contented, tired sigh, Ranma fell asleep.

---

"Evening, Speedy!"

Speedy Snaps looked up from her newspaper to see a batpony stallion walking into her office, a large scroll pinned under one wing.

"Evening, Fangs," Speedy said, turning her eyes back down to her newspaper, "what's the word?"

The batpony rolled his eyes at the nickname. His name was Blackwing, but Speedy always referred to him as "Fangs". He actually suspected she called all batponies "Fangs".

"I have a new bounty dispatch from the royal office. Not much on him, though. Just a picture." He flipped his wing out, and the scroll arced through the air and landed on the counter. "Apparently Princess Luna got up early today just to send it out."

Speedy raised an eyebrow, and then pushed aside her newspaper before unfurling the scroll.

She whistled in appreciation and her wings twitched slightly. "Hey, this one's a looker! And you said this came from Princess Luna? What'd he do?"

"Well, that's the thing..." Blackwing mumbled, frowning, "we're not actually sure. The bounty is 500 bits for information on the stallion such that we can identify him and track him down, but there's no crime given, and apparently we aren't authorized to arrest him. We don't have anything on the guy except for that image, either; not even his name! It's strange."

"Yeah, that IS strange," Speedy's eyes narrowed as she stared at the pigtailed earth pony on the parchment. He was painted in exquisite detail, with his body in profile and his head turned toward the viewer. Particular attention seemed to be given to his muscle definition and posing, and while that wasn't usually a quality bounty posters were known for, she appreciated the extra effort. "Why would the Princess want information on some pony she doesn't know who didn't even do anything? I'm not buying it."

"Well..." Blackwing trailed off when Speedy Snaps stared intensely at him, as if boring into his eyes for more information. "Okay, look, this isn't official or anything, okay? This is just stuff I've heard passed around the barracks."

"I LOVE information that's passed around the barracks," the pegasus grinned and batted her eyelashes, leaning forward over the counter.

Blackwing sighed. "Okay, well, first off, it's been going around that Princess Luna was attacked the other night during one of her 'late night adventures' in an attempt to capture her. I'm pretty sure that much is true, but I don't have any of the details. Obviously the attack failed, and apparently the Princesses are still sorting things out before making anything public knowledge."

"Juicy!" Speedy giggled and rubbed her hooves together. "Still doesn't explain the stud in the painting, though."

"Well, like I said, we CAN'T explain him. That's why we're searching for him. But given that Princess Luna is suddenly asking for information on this guy the night after, rumor has it he had something to do with the attack. That's all I got."

The pegasus rubbed at her chin after Blackwing fell silent. "So the hunk is wanted in connection to a conspiracy to abduct an Equestrian Princess, huh?"

"That... isn't really what I-"

Speedy already had a quill in her jaws and was writing out notes. "Okay, I'll have this run and sent out by tomorrow morning. Wide distribution, obviously, since it's by royal request. I'll make a note of that, too; it should get extra attention for the dispatch, since the bounty's a bit low. We should have the guy nabbed and hauled into jail within the week."

Blackwing winced. "Um... you DO remember that we're just looking for information, not an arrest, right?"

"And it will be easiest to get information from him while he's locked up for interrogation!" Speedy Snaps said brightly.

The batpony frowned. "I can't help but feel there's something wrong with that logic."

"Don't worry about it," Speedy scoffed as she rolled up the picture again, "this guy is involved in attacking Princesses Luna, right?"

"Well... maybe?"

"We can't take any chances when it comes to the safety of the Princesses! If this pony isn't involved in the abduction conspiracy himself, then he might know something crucial about it! We have to use all means possible to bring him in and stop this rash of treason!" Speedy stood up on her hind legs and slammed a hoof onto her desk firmly. "Besides, if he's innocent, then we'll let him go later. No big deal."

"Huh... well, when you put it that way, the security of our sovereigns DOES seem more important than any particular inconvenience this guy suffers due to the gross violation of his rights," Blackwing shrugged his shoulders and started heading out the door, "all right, I'll leave it to you, Speedy."

"Got it! Good night, Fangs!"

---

Trixie magically scrubbed her coat with a towel as she exited the bathroom, a contented smile on her face. She had been in an iffy mood earlier after rooting through her travel funds and making a mental budget, but washing off the dust of her travels had helped that considerably.

Tossing aside the towel, Trixie turned up her wizard's hat that lay on her room's bed with her magic, and then settled it upside-down on the blankets before weaving another spell. A scroll of parchment and an ink quill floated out of it, and Trixie levitated both objects onto a small desk.

"Ranma may have set Trixie back several days in bits and food, but at least ONE good thing came of meeting him. That story of his will make decent puppet show." She started scratching the quill against the parchment, taking down a list of names and roles. "Trixie will have to tone it down a bit, of course; it's WAY too fantastic and unbelievable for a children's story." She took a moment to marvel at the fact that for once she needed to alter a story to make it less dramatic and amazing rather than more so. "And obviously that 'MacGuffin Stone' will need a new name. Maybe 'Star Jewel'? Or 'Cosmic Tear'. Yes..."

Trixie wet her lips as she sketched out the artifact Ranma had shown her, and then she wrote out several prototype names below it.

"Trixie also wonders if the curse is strictly necessary..." then she brightened. "Ooh! Wait! What if a stallion falls in love with him while he's changed into a mare? And then he doesn't believe the hero when she claims to actually be a male! That would be funny!" The unicorn chuckled as she started writing more plot notes down. "Trixie is SO original!"

As the sun's light waned outside, Trixie continued writing notes and musing aloud to herself, filling out page after page of parchment. Some contained plot outlines, some contained lists, and others had sketches of new dolls she'd need to make for the story. Soon she was working on her play by the glow of a magic candle next to the bed as dusk finally gave way to night.

"It will probably work best if Trixie just uses a doll that changes mane color with a spell. The audience should get a kick out of that..." She paused and scratched at her chin with a hoof. "Actually, is there a way to set the change to occur with water, like the actual curse? It shouldn't be TOO hard to find magic dye. Maybe-"

A firm knock on her door interrupted her thoughts, and Trixie's eyes narrowed.

There were only two ponies that knew she was here right now. Excepting the possibility that her late evening visitor had the wrong room, that meant either Ranma or the desk clerk for the inn was at the door. She couldn't imagine what the front desk would be bothering her for at this time of night, so that left her cursed tag-along as the most likely culprit.

He'd better not be coming up here to ask if he can have a snack before bed or something. Setting her expression into a steely scowl, Trixie walked up to the door and then magically turned the knob.

Then she blinked. A female griffon sat in the hall outside Trixie's room with a burly stallion standing behind her. It seemed that her visitor had the wrong room after all.

"Can Trixie help you?" the magician asked, arching a brow.

"Why, yes. Miss Trixie can," said the griffon. Her voice was cool and over-dignified, and Trixie felt herself straighten unconsciously just from her tone. "Is she in?"

Trixie blinked. "Pardon?"

The griffon cleared her throat lightly. "My name is Sylvia Hawke, and I have an... impromptu appointment with the 'Great and Powerful' Trixie. Go fetch her."

Trixie's eyebrow twitched and her fur bristled. "You're LOOKING at her, featherbrain!" the unicorn snapped. Both the griffon and the stallion jumped in surprise at the sharp retort. "How dare you mistake Trixie for some kind of... of... SECRETARY!"

Sylvia recoiled, staring hard at the furious unicorn. "... You speak in the third pony? Seriously? How pitifully droll."

Trixie trembled in anger for a moment, and then suddenly shifted expressions to one of haughty indifference. "Your request for an appointment is DENIED, Miss Hawke. Good night." With a flash of pink around her horn, the door slammed shut. A sharp click after the fact indicated that the deadbolt lock had been put into place.

Sylvia sighed. "Well, this is turning out to be pointlessly complicated." She pointed at the door. "Take care of that."

The stallion next to her nodded wordlessly and turned around, facing away from the hotel door. A single heavy kick of his rear legs folded the door in half before ripping it off of its hinges, and Sylvia smirked slightly as she was treat to the sight of the gaping blue unicorn within the room.

"I see you have some misconceptions about what's happening, here," the griffon said softly as she raised her arm. The ring on her claw started to glow. "When Sylvia Hawke demands an appointment, you don't get to deny her." Then she frowned. "Oh, blast. Now I'm doing it, too."

Trixie's horn flashed as her magic came alive, but it seemed she acted too late. Sylvia's ring completed its work, and several motes of white light sparkled around Trixie's head before she was suddenly overcome by an intense, magically induced exhaustion.

"You... f-feather... buh..." Trixie slumped onto the floor and fell asleep without any further resistance.

"Works every time." Sylvia pointed to the unicorn on the floor, and the earth pony next to her lumbered forward to pick up the unconscious mare.

There were a few ponies poking their heads out of their hotel room doors now, alerted by the sound of a door being smashed in, but Sylvia paid them no mind. None of them dared say anything, much less interfere, as she strolled down the hall with her victim carried along behind her.

She descended the stairs and strolled through the lobby, pausing next to the front desk. The unicorn that manned the desk was sweating and trying desperately to direct his attention away from the guest of his hotel being openly abducted in front of him.

"Now, then. I don't suppose you heard of another mare coming into town today? Red mane, braid?" Sylvia asked, tilting her head to the side.

"N-No, Miss Hawke! I haven't seen or heard anypony like that!" the clerk said nervously.

Sylvia nodded. "Considering how easily you gave this one up, I'm inclined to believe you. Have a good night, Sir."

Without further delay, the griffon and her equine lackey exited the front door of the inn and stepped out onto the streets.

"All right. So far this has been going quite well, but we're only half done." Sylvia stood in the middle of a ring of stallions of varying races, all of them sporting thick, slab-like muscles and cutie marks of blunt and violent instruments. "I'm going to take our Great and Powerful guest home, for now. The rest of you I want to comb the town for the other mare."

The stallions all glanced about the streets while taking turns nodding and grunting. The few ponies watching the spectacle - either from the streets or from their bedroom windows - quickly turned away and made themselves scarce, not wanting to get involved.

"In case you forgot - being as dim as you all are - she is reported to be a pegasus mare, gray coat, bright red mane, with her hair and tail in a thick braid. Cutie mark is a wheel of arrows or something. Go on, now." She made a shooing motion with her claw, and all the ponies aside from the one carrying Trixie turned away and scattered.

Sylvia turned down the street and beckoned sharply with a claw. Her escort quickly moved to her side, although his pace was carefully measured so as not to wake up his passenger.

"As for you, Miss Trixie, enjoy your nap. When you wake up we're going to have a nice, long talk about showing proper respect to your superiors..."

---

"So, Thief said the mare had a cart, right?"

"Yeah. So?"

"SO, we know she was holed up in the inn, so we should go ahead and nab it while we can."

"Why? We have a job to do."

"Hey, if we don't loot it now, then it will just sit around in the stables until somepony else does. Waste not, want not."

"This is SO not the right context for that saying."

Ranma stirred in his sleep at the sound of a pair of stallions arguing right outside the gate. It was hardly enough to wake him up, but even unconscious his body was starting to react to the ill intent of the pony thugs.

"I'm serious! If we get caught slacking off when we're supposed to be tracking somepony, it could be our heads!"

"Okay, let's do this, then: we'll root through it for any good stuff, and then bring the rest back to Hawke's place and give it to her. Since the mare belongs to her now, the cart belongs to her too, right?"

"Except for the stuff we take from it?"

"Exactly!"

A sigh came from the other pony. "Do you have any idea how to tell which wagon is hers? Tonight isn't a good night for just robbing folk at random."

"Well, Thief said that the mare was wearing some stupid-looking hat and cape with stars on it. If I were a betting colt, I'd say it would be the wagon full of cloth with the same pattern. Bingo."

The sound of hooves stepping across the ground stopped just next to the wagon, and Ranma stirred.

"Eh? Whozzat?"

Ranma blinked rapidly as he rolled into a sitting position, still highly drowsy. He yawned, rubbed at his muzzle, and then locked his bleary-eyed stare onto the pair of stallions craning their heads over the wooden gate that separated Trixie's stall from the rest of the stables.

One of the ponies, a tan pegasus, narrowed his eyes. "Huh... gray fur... mane and tail in a braid... arrow-wheel thing cutie mark... I think this might be our pony!"

The other stallion glared at him. "That's three things outta six, ya idjit. This one isn't even a pegasus!"

Ranma raised an eyebrow. "Say what? You guys are looking for a pegasus?"

"That's right. A pegasus mare," snorted one of the thugs, "looks kind of like you, as I hear it, but with red hair. Same cutie mark, too."

"We're looking to teach the uppity little brat a lesson," grunted the other stallion, smacking a hoof into the wooden gate. The flimsy plank shattered easily under his strength, and the pony's eyes narrowed. "You wouldn't happen to know her, would you?"

Ranma kicked away the blankets and stood up. "Yeah, I do. You were actually right the first time. That's me." He stretched his neck from side to side, eliciting a satisfying crack.

The stallions stared.

One of them opened his mouth and raised his hoof, but nothing came out. He closed his mouth and frowned, scratching at his mane.

"Yeah, I know, it doesn't really make sense, but there's a reason for this. I'm not going to waste time explaining it; you probably wouldn't even believe me." Ranma started folding up the blankets to put back into Trixie's wagon.

The stallions glanced at each other, and then turned back to the pigtailed pony.

"So... you're the mare we're looking for? The one that we're intending to beat up and capture?"

"Yes," Ranma said as he tossed the blankets up into the cart.

"Despite having no wings, red mane, or..." he tilted his head over, trying to get a better view of Ranma's backside.

"YES," Ranma said more forcefully, quickly turning to face the other ponies and pinning his tail closer to his rear. He may have gotten used to public nudity in general, but that didn't mean he WANTED ponies checking out his equipment.

The thug ponies shared another glance.

"So... are you trying to give yourself up so we don't hurt you?" one of the stallions asked, still extremely confused.

"Oh, no, you can go ahead and hurt me. I'm DEFINITELY not going with you willingly," Ranma explained with a short laugh, "are there just two of you, or do you have backup? You can go round up some buddies, if you want. I'm not going anywhere."

While one of the stallions was looking ever more perplexed, the other started backing away. "You know... I'm, uh... kinda getting a vibe here like we're in over our heads."

"Oh, come off it," his partner scoffed, "the punk is just acting tough to scare us."

Ranma simply leaned against the wagon and yawned again, awaiting their decision.

"Well, I'm going to go get some of the guys, just in case," the more cautious of the two crooks started to turn around.

The other quickly rounded on him. "Whoa, hey! Don't do that! If you bring them here, then they'll want a piece of the action when we loot the wagon!"

Ranma's eyes snapped wide open, and his body immediately shifted to an alert posture. "... Did you just say you were going to loot the wagon? This wagon, right next to me?"

"Yes, that wagon, specifically," sneered the pegasus stallion, "so what?"

The other minion pony wasn't completely sure what happened after that. He had been backing out onto the street, about to shout for his fellow roughnecks, when his partner suddenly flew through the air overhead without the aid of his wings. The pegasus landed atop a pyramid of stacked barrels, smashing several apart and then burying himself in the remaining containers.

"Well, all right, then," Ranma said as he trotted toward the remaining thief, "looks like I've got a job to do."

"Hey, guys!" the other stallion shouted, quickly turning away. "We found something! Hurry up and-"

Ranma kicked out his back legs, and the thug fell onto his side with a yelp. Then the martial artist pinned the other pony down by his neck and glared out at the streets.

"Anyone else want to try robbing the wagons?" he shouted as the stallion squirmed beneath his hoof.

There were a handful of other stallions who had heard their fellow minion's call to action, but they each quickly turned away and elected to search elsewhere after seeing him so easily dispatched. They had a job to do, and they weren't going to stick their necks out for some moron stirring up trouble that had nothing to do with their objective.

"Yeah, that's what I thought." Ranma glared down at the pony under his hoof. "So, out of curiosity, why were you looking for me, anyway?"

"You're not getting anything out of me!" growled the other stallion defiantly.

Ranma stopped to think. "Well, let's see... you were looking for my mare form, but didn't know about my stallion form, even though I changed back before I got into town. You look like you're from around here, and you're obviously some kind of criminal..."

He smirked down at the equine. "You have something to do with those bandits that tried to jump me and Trix at the bridge, don't you?"

"Urk!" The roughneck cringed, but then his expression hardened. "Well, fine, so you may have figured that much out! But you won't get anything else out of me!"

Again, Ranma paused to think. "That's okay. I don't really have any other questions."

The stallion blinked in surprise. "Really? You don't even care where we took the unicorn or what we're going to do with her?"

"What?! You captured Trixie?!"

"D'OH!"

Ranma clenched his teeth as he put more pressure on the stallion below him. "All right, what's going on? What happened to Trixie?!"

The stallion coughed. "Okay, NOW you won't get anything else out of me! For real! Totally serious this time!"

"Tch! Fine." Ranma raised his free leg, and the stallion's eyes widened in fear.

"NowaitonsecondthoughtI-" A hoof collided harshly with his head, and the pony was knocked out instantly.

Ranma stepped away from the unconscious criminal, furrowing his brow. "Well, shoot. I thought they might try to steal the cart, but I didn't think they'd try to attack Trix. How am I gonna find her?"

He glanced about at the darkened streets, wondering if he should go attack the other ponies apparently searching for his female side. It shouldn't be too hard to pick out the criminals; their cutie marks hardly made them inconspicuous, and he was sure that if he asked their names they'd be called "Knee Breaker" or "Midnight Mugger" or something along those lines.

Ranma didn't really like the idea of going out of his way to pick fights, though. He had enough trouble coming to him already, and all he had done was kick one person for completely legitimate reasons.

He walked over to the inn, instead. Maybe there would be some clues or a witness inside, if she was kidnapped straight out of her hotel room. Poking his head in through the front door, Ranma spotted a visibly nervous unicorn stallion manning the front desk.

"Oh, hey! I need to talk to you," Ranma entered the lobby fully, and the unicorn immediately flinched away.

"Look, I already told Miss Hawke everything I know!" the pony protested. "I don't know about any red-maned pegasus, honest!"

Wow, I am GOOD at this detective thing, Ranma thought to himself. "So I'm guessing 'Miss Hawke' is involved with kidnapping Trixie?"

The desk clerk looked shocked, blinking repeatedly. "Wait... you're... not one of Sylvia's thugs?"

"No. I'm Trixie's thug. For tonight, at least," Ranma walked up to the counter and placed one leg on top of it. "So who's this 'Sylvia' pony?"

The clerk pursed his lips, and then heaved a defeated sigh. "Okay, look here: what I'm about to tell you didn't come from me, all right? If anypony asks you where you got this information, you lie through your teeth!" Then he snorted. "Not that I'm sharing any big secrets, anyway. Everypony in this region knows about Sylvia Hawke. But I've had enough trouble tonight and I don't want more!"

"Got it. My lips are sealed if yours aren't," Ranma promised.

"First off, Sylvia Hawke isn't a pony. She's a griffon who's dominated all the local bandit gangs and thieves' guilds. She's the most dangerous and twisted critter this side of the Badlands."

Ranma nodded slowly. "A griffon, huh? Those are... half eagle, half cat, right?" He shuddered. "Yeah, that sounds pretty evil."

The unicorn found it slightly odd that he had been commenting on her species rather than her acts of villainy, but he continued anyway. "Anyhow, all you need to know is that Miss Hawke wanted Miss Trixie abducted. Marched right upstairs, smashed the door down, and walked right on out of here with the poor mare sleeping like a baby."

Ranma frowned. "And, what, you just LET her?"

"And what was I supposed to do about it?" snapped the clerk. "Nopony in this town defies Sylvia Hawke! Nopony!"

"Yeah, well I'm not from this town," the martial artist snorted, leaning further forward, "where can I find this half-cat crook?"

"Down the big avenue that leads up to the hill on the North side of town," the clerk gulped, "she'll be at the Mayor's mansion."

"The Mayor's... wait, she even stole your Mayor's place?" Ranma well understood the difficulties of dealing with individually powerful, violent tyrants, but he figured that the citizens would draw the line SOMEWHERE.

"Well, not really. Sylvia Hawke IS the Mayor," the unicorn explained.

Ranma stared at him incredulously. He stared back.

"What?"

"You mean to tell me you guys actually VOTED to have an evil, thieving mob-boss cat-thing take over your town?" Ranma demanded.

The clerk looked even more confused. "Voted? What's 'voted'?"

"This planet sucks," the pigtailed pony murmured as he turned away, "whatever. Thanks for the information. I'm going to go beat up your Mayor now."

"Yeah, good luck with that," the desk clerk mumbled, "see, Miss Hawke has this magic..."

The unicorn trailed off as the door closed, leaving him alone in the inn's lobby.

"Huh. Well, I guess he'll find out on his own, then."

---

Trixie groaned and shifted about in her sleep, rolling to her side and then curling up into a ball.

"Isn't she just the cutest little thing, though? I DO hope I don't have to ruin that darling little face..."

Trixie started to stir, her eyes slowly parting as awareness came back to her.

Just as her eyes started to focus again, the memories crashed on top of her; of being talked down to by an unfamiliar griffon, of her hotel room door being smashed apart, and of the griffon's ring glowing with magical power. Trixie's muscles locked up as a dizzying sense of fury intruded on her instinctual attempt to take in her surroundings.

"Easy, dear. The slumber ring can be a bit hard on a pony when they wake up," said a calm, lilting voice nearby. It carried an air of detached politeness, but the undercurrent of amusement was unmistakable.

"YOU-" Trixie surged upright, and her horn came alive with magic. Then she found herself pushed back down again, and her magic sputtered out along with her concentration.

"I said EASY," came the voice of Sylvia Hawke, "you'd best learn to listen, dear. The lessons will only get harder from there."

Trixie could barely see through the tears of anger flooding her eyes, but she forced herself to look up and take in her surroundings. She was in a large, exquisitely decorated den full of luxurious couches and silk pillows, not to mention a fair number of tough-looking ponies carrying blunt instruments. Two of them stood over her, their heavy hooves pressing down onto her shoulders and forcing her down.

At the end of the room, atop a large mattress layered with velvety cushions, lay Sylvia Hawke.

"Hello, Miss Trixie. Again. I'm ready for my appointment, now."

Trixie growled something angry and unintelligible, and then her horn started to glow again. The weight on her shoulders instantly increased, and Trixie once again yelped in pain before her spell fizzled out.

"I hardly think I need to explain your circumstances here," Sylvia drawled, "but if you try to resist we will hurt you until you stop. That means no magic, dear."

Trixie sputtered angrily for a few seconds, and then finally organized her thoughts to the point of making an intelligible question. "Who do you think you are?! How dare you foal-nap Trixie like this?!"

"I think I am Sylvia Hawke, Mayor of Hoofington and the most dangerous individual you will ever have the misfortune to cross," the griffon said lightly. She sounded for all the world like she was having a casual conversation rather than talking down to a violently suppressed prisoner.

To some ponies, the revelation that she was looking at a government official might have slightly humbled or intimidated them. To certain other individuals who looked like ponies but actually weren't, it would have simply beggared belief.

Trixie didn't care in the slightest. Whether Mayor, rogue, or something in-between, the situation was simply and utterly intolerable. "That doesn't explain anything! What is the meaning of this?! Trixie's never even met you before!"

"Ah, true. I suppose it must be galling to suffer this sort of treatment without even knowing why," Sylvia mused, "and we've certainly never met before tonight. But you may find HIM more familiar." She pointed off to the side.

Trixie twisted her head around to look. A brooding griffon boy sat on another couch, his tail swatting against the cushions irritably. He wore a loose-fitting leather vest, and had a belt hung with curved knives.

Sylvia sighed. "It cost a great deal to get him healed up so quickly. Magic potions of the quality-"

"What is this hay?!" Trixie interrupted. "Trixie has never seen this punk in Trixie's life! You have the wrong mare, you featherbrain!"

The griffon crime lord narrowed her eyes. "Is that so? Well, then how about THEM?" She snapped a claw.

Trixie heard hoofsteps moving up behind her, and twisted her head around again. Two ponies walked into view on the side opposite the griffon boy, and these two characters WERE familiar. Wagon Thief and Jewel Thief both sat down on their haunches, heads bowed to Sylvia. Both of them looked fairly haggard, although it was hard for them not to smirk when they saw Trixie pressed to the floor like she was.

"You CAN'T be serious!" the magician snarled. "You're going after Trixie for blasting these two morons?!"

The bandit couple glared down at the unicorn. Obviously they wished to speak, but they kept their mouths shut in Sylvia's presence.

"No, I'm not. You're correct in that harming these two morons is no offense worth avenging," Sylvia agreed, "I'm upset that you hurt my son."

The two bandits looked rather miffed to be dismissed so easily, but Trixie didn't care. She turned her head back up to look at Sylvia. "Trixie already told you! Trixie's never seen your son before, much less hurt him!"

"No, I suppose you haven't," the griffon Mayor idly picked at a pillow with her claws, "but perhaps you know the mare who did. A red-haired pegasus with a strange star on her rump. Ring any bells?"

For the first time since she had woken up, Trixie's anger waned. "... Ranma. You're after Ranma," she mumbled as all the pieces came together in her head, "this kid was the other bandit that Ranma kicked..."

"Ah, and now we have a name." Sylvia smirked. "Very good start. And where would Ranma be, right about now?"

Trixie's expression shifted back into a glare, and she said nothing.

"Now, now, let's not be petulant about this," Sylvia cooed, "you tell me where the pegasus is, and once I have her I'll be inclined to go easy on you. I can't let you off with NO punishment, of course... but not all of them leave scars. What do you say?"

Trixie's expression didn't change. Sylvia's smirk faded.

"I am used to being resisted, Miss Trixie, but I will not tolerate being ignored. Reply. Now."

Trixie felt the pressure on her shoulder slowly increase, and then she slowly spoke through clenched teeth. "She left on the way into Hoofington," the unicorn growled, "ate a bag of oats and then flew off. Trixie thinks she was heading toward Baltimare or something, but Trixie didn't really care."

Sylvia's eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"What? You think Trixie is lying?" she snorted. "Ask around town, if you'd like! Trixie came in with some other loser that Trixie picked up on the road in! An earth pony stallion! These woods are practically littered with needy vagrants!" The other individuals in the room shared anxious glances.

Sylvia drew a claw against the edge of her beak as the gears in her head turned. "... I see. Well. That's going to be a problem."

"Trixie can't help but agree," she groused, "but you're not going to get Ranma by grilling Trixie, so whatever 'punishment' you have in mind for Trixie, you may as well get to it."

"Ah, but you have a point," Sylvia's smirk returned, and she finally shifted her posture so that she was sitting upright. "Here's the deal, Miss Trixie. In lieu of your little pegasus friend, you'll have to accept the punishment for the both of you. The good news is, you'll have your choice of sentences! So here they are: work for me, or die."

Trixie was stunned. "Wha... What? Work for you?"

"I didn't get to where I am by simply cutting down every half-wit equine with a shred of ethics and a backbone," Sylvia started running her claw over the grooves of her ring as she spoke, "I am surrounded by scum, weaklings, and cowards. But all these fools have uses if you try to find one for them. Finding one for you will be... a challenge, especially as I see a great deal of angry resentment in your eyes, but who knows? With a bit of investment, you might actually come to be useful some day."

Trixie's blood boiled at the casual insult, but she forced herself to stay calm enough to think. "So you're going to make Trixie one of your thieves?"

The griffon matron laughed, her voice like a crystal bell. "Oh, dear me, no! At least, not at first!" She tilted her head to look about at the room. "I think I'll have you on maid duty for the first few years. Unpaid, naturally, and probably with a magic inhibitor on your horn. You'll be scrubbing floors and dusting every day until your hooves are worn bare. And then, once you've been properly broken, I'll let Tom... 'play' with you."

The teenage griffon looked somewhat surprised, and quite pleased. "Hey, thanks Mom!"

Trixie's jaw fell slack, and for the first time her expression showed real fear. "You... You can't mean... with him..."

Sylvia's beak curved into a grin. "His favorite game is Monopoly."

"You MONSTER!" Trixie screamed, falling completely limp under the hooves of the two stallions pining her down. "That'll take FOREVER!"

"I get to be banker!" Tom said, rubbing his claws together.

"The hay you will, thief! Trixie knows you're planning to cheat!" She glared hatefully at Sylvia as tears dribbled down her cheeks. "You won't get away with this!"

"Oh, do tell," the griffon stepped up to Trixie and then lifted the unicorn's chin with a claw to look her in the eyes, "and who, exactly, is going to stop me?"

Trixie's reply was pre-empted by the sound of shattering glass.

Sylvia snapped her head around in time to see a pegasus stallion land on the floor and then roll across the carpet, surrounded by bits of her window. The pony's momentum carried him all the way into the far wall, and he cried out in pain before he collapsed into a twitching, bleeding heap.

Her eyes darted up to the high windows of her den, and she spotted an unfamiliar earth pony poking his head through the new hole in the glass.

"Huh. I figured you'd get right back up from that," the stallion said, "I mean, your butt mark is a broken window. Isn't this your special ability or something?"

"That's... not how... I break... windows..." whimpered the stallion on the floor. "... Medic..."

"Whatever, man." Ranma hopped down onto the floor.

Sylvia took a moment to look around at everyone else in the room. Without exception, they all looked utterly confused to see the intruder, including Trixie. She turned back to the stallion. "All right, so... what is this, exactly?"

Ranma cringed slightly at seeing the griffon, and a chill crawled down his spine as he looked over the apparent Mayor of Hoofington. The crime lord's feline ancestry was quite obvious, although she didn't appear cat-like enough to trigger the full trauma of his phobia.

"The name's Ranma," he said, glaring at the griffon matron, "I'm here for Trixie."

Sylvia stared. "I have several additional questions."

"Yeah, you were expecting a pegasus mare, right? I'm her. Shape shifting curse." Ranma spaced out his legs and scoped out the other figures in the room, judging their threat level. Obviously he was badly outnumbered, and most of the stallions were armed with crude blunt weapons, but if everyone in the room was at the same level as the goons stalking about town, then this would be no challenge at all.

Sylvia's eyes narrowed, and she tilted her head to glare down at Trixie. "You lied to me."

"Yes, Trixie did," the unicorn mumbled, "for all the good it did, apparently." Then she tried to crane her head around to stare at her companion. "What are you even doing here, anyway?"

"Guarding your wagon!" Ranma replied proudly. If Trixie had possessed the leverage to smack a hoof into her face, she would have.

"I hope that's not some sort of innuendo," Sylvia grumbled, "this is utterly asinine, but also rather convenient. Tom!"

Ranma prepared for an attack as the other griffon moved, and some of his self-assurance evaporated when the young brigand stopped next to Trixie rather than charging him. Tom drew a blade from his belt and then held it against the helpless mare's neck.

"One wrong move, and your mare will need to magic herself up a new throat!" the griffon boy cackled.

"Trixie is NOT 'his mare'!" Trixie snapped back.

Ranma clicked his tongue as his strategic outlook was turned upside-down. He didn't know what kind of reflexes griffons had, but in any case he doubted his ability to get Trixie clear of the room if the various thugs were that intent on hurting her. "Wow, you've got a real tough gang here, don't you? Not enough that you outnumber me ten-to-one? You have to take hostages, too?"

"I'm not inclined to underestimate a pony that barrels into my home and plows head-first through my guards. You certainly don't seem very intimidated by the odds against you," the griffon matron sniffed as she stepped closer to the intruder, "now, then, onto business. You have guts, if nothing else, and I'd rather those guts not stain my carpets. So I'll give you a choice, Mister Ranma: work for me, or die."

"I choose die," Ranma replied immediately, his eyes still fixed on the griffon next to Trixie. Trixie groaned.

"... Huh. Don't get that decision very often," Sylvia mumbled, "all right, then. Mister and Missus Thief?"

Ranma cast his gaze over to the pair of familiar bandit ponies near the back, both of whom looked rather uncomfortable with this whole situation.

"Well, murder isn't really my crime of choice, but here we are," Wagon grimaced as he bit onto the grip of his short sword and drew it.

Jewel likewise drew her own blade. "Nothing personal, friend. Just business."

"Really? THAT'S how you use swords? With your teeth? The pony dentists must love you guys." Even as Ranma mocked the bandits, he was already making plans on how to use this turn of events to his advantage.

All right, this'll be easy. Side-step first attack, then throw the horse across the room at the thugs on top of Trix. If I can get a perfect angle, then... uh-oh... Ranma's eyes widened as he felt a familiar and foreboding tingle over his spine, and he saw out of the corner of his eye that Sylvia was aiming her ring at him.

"Nighty-night, my little pony," Sylvia smirked as the pigtailed stallion was surrounded by sparkling white lights.

Ranma flinched as a puff of smoke burst around his muzzle, and then he blinked in surprise.

He now sported a mustache. A long, thin mustache that ran above his lips and then hung down below his cheeks.

"Aw, seriously? A Fu Manchu? I'm Japanese! This offends me," the martial artist griped.

Wagon and Jewel stumbled to a stop in surprise, having reasonably expected an unconscious target rather than a disgruntled and mustachioed one.

Sylvia's feather crest ruffled as her smirk vanished. "This confrontation is not proceeding AT ALL according to plan." Her ring flashed again, and Ranma was surrounded by white sparkles again.

Ranma's cheeks suddenly bulged, and then he started coughing painfully. A few seconds later he hacked up a live dove onto the floor.

The bird, oblivious to the stunned stares of the various bandits and criminals, quickly shook its wings out and then flew away out the window that Ranma had broken open.

"And now I'm hungry again. GREAT," Ranma growled.

"Okay, what the FLYING FEATHER is going on, here?!" For the first time in the memory of any of the ponies present, Sylvia Hawke's calm, collected attitude broke. Her fur bristled and her feathers ruffled, and her beak was stretched into a very un-lady-like sneer. "The ring worked on the unicorn just a few hours ago! It can't be BROKEN!"

Snapping her head to the side, Sylvia pointed the ring at one of the stallions pinning Trixie down. The jewel flashed, and in a matter of seconds the hefty pony collapsed onto the floor. The lead pipe he had been holding in his mouth bounced away, and he started snoring a moment later.

Trixie smirked ever-so-slightly.

"What the hay is this?!" Sylvia screamed, turning back to Ranma. "Magic doesn't work on you? How is that possible?"

"Feh! I WISH magic didn't work on me!" Ranma retorted, rubbing at his new mustache. "I guess it just doesn't work on me the way you want. So it'd be a big help to everyone if you STOPPED using it!"

The griffon Mayor stopped to consider his suggestion, and then cast caution to the wind and pointed it at him again.

"Okay, now you're just asking for trou-" Ranma was cut off by a sudden explosion right under him, blasting him across the room and blowing over the nearest pieces of furniture. The bandit ponies were knocked off their hooves, and Tom lurched back to shield his face from the flash of light and burst of flames.

"Show time," Trixie hissed as her horn lit up.

The stallion still pinning down Trixie's shoulder had barely flinched from seeing the intruder explode, to his credit. He was far less stoic when one of the knives from Tom's belt suddenly slipped out of its sheath and plunged into his flank.

"YARGH!!" He leapt away from Tom and Trixie, badly startling the former while finally freeing the latter. Trixie used her liberated mobility to apply both her back hooves directly into Tom's stomach, sending the young griffon flying into the wall without any help from his wings.

"TOM! My baby!" Sylvia screeched, whirling around to face the new disturbance.

"Nopony foal-naps the Great and Powerful Trixie!" Trixie caught sight of another pony minion racing up toward her with a baseball bat as Sylvia aimed her magic ring, and her horn glowed again.

A cloud of smoke burst around Trixie just before Sylvia's ring flashed, and a moment later the stallion stumbled through the obscuring cloud right into the effects of the magic ring. He teetered back and forth, and then crashed onto the floor on his side.

"I WILL RIP OUT YOUR ENTRAILS AND MOUNT YOUR HEAD ON MY FOYER!!" Sylvia screeched as she spotted Trixie galloping away into the middle of the room. "WHAT ARE YOU IDIOTS DOING?! KILL HER!! KILL HER NOW!!"

The azure magician screeched to a halt as two more stallions jumped between her and the only door out, both of them bearing clubs. She prepared to use another smokescreen, only to see the bandit couple coming up on her flanks with their swords drawn, cutting off any possible direction of escape.

"You know, I take back what I said earlier," Wagon Thief growled around his sword as the ponies closed in on the unicorn, "this is personal, now. I'm going to enjoy cutting you up."

"TRIX! DUCK!"

Trixie dropped to the floor just before a couch flew overhead, smashing aside the stallions advancing on her. Only Jewel Thief happened to be standing out of the line of fire, and she recoiled in shock as the other minions went flying under the weight of the furniture.

Before the bandit mare could fully come to terms with what was happening, Ranma landed between her and Trixie.

"Let me show you why wielding swords with your jaws is a bad idea," the martial artist said before Jewel twisted her head back and swung her blade at him.

Ranma slapped the flat of the sword away mid-swing, and Jewel Thief yelped in pain.

"Augh! I think I chipped a tooth!" she cried, dropping her weapon.

"Yeah. There you go." Ranma put a hoof to Jewel's chest and then calmly threw her to the side where she landed atop the couch currently lying on her husband and co-workers.

"Y-You... You..." Sylvia pointed a trembling claw at Ranma, her expression wavering between awe, terror, and fury. "Impossible! You exploded! I have no idea why, or how, but you definitely exploded! How are you still alive?!"

"Pft. That explosion wasn't half as strong as the one Sparks caused, and she wasn't even TRYING to murder me," Ranma scoffed, "Trix, you ready to go?"

"NO, Trixie is NOT leaving yet!" Trixie bounced back to her hooves, her horn glowing furiously. "This featherbrain interrupted Trixie late in the evening, insulted Trixie, broke into Trixie's hotel room - which Trixie SPECIFICALLY splurged on to AVOID any criminal elements - abducted Trixie, threatened Trixie's life, and then tried to force Trixie to work as some kind of slave-maid! All because her idiot son was stupid enough to try to rob Trixie! Trixie isn't letting her get away with this!"

Ranma tilted his head to the side. "Ah. Yeah. That is actually pretty awful." Then he frowned. "But I heard she's actually the Mayor of the town, though."

"Trixie could NOT care less," the unicorn snarled through clenched teeth.

"Fair enough."

Sylvia sputtered incoherently and thrust her ring forward again.

This time, however, when the ring pulsed, Trixie's horn pulsed along with it. A shock of magic electricity sparked from the sapphire at the head of the artifact, and the griffon matron shrieked as pain surged up her arm.

"As if Trixie doesn't know how to handle little trinkets like that! Do you have any idea who you're dealing with?!" Trixie snarled.

"YES! Because you will NOT SHUT UP ABOUT IT!!" Sylvia snarled back before spreading her wings and launching herself across the room. "Magic or no, I'll rip you apart!"

"Ranma," Trixie said with a snort, "disarm her."

As a griffon, Sylvia Hawke was privy to strength, speed, and reflexes far superior to ponies. The instincts of a predator and the combined attributes of their hybrid heritage made griffons formidable opponents under any conditions, and that was before taking into account their claws: vicious, talon-tipped digits that could easily rend flesh, yet were dexterous enough to wield tools much more easily than a pony could with their hooves, mouth, or even telekinesis.

So Sylvia could be forgiven SOME surprise at being swiftly tackled out of mid-air by a grayish blur and then body-slammed onto the floor.

"AUGH!!" The griffon screamed and tried to slash at the stallion's eyes, only for him to bite onto her ring-bearing claw and send another jolt of pain up her arm.

Ranma wrenched his mouth away, and then spat Sylvia's magic ring onto the carpet in front of Trixie. "Disarmed." With a swing of his hoof, Sylvia was sent rolling back across the room and crashed into a hardwood armoire.

"Good work, Ranma," Trixie's magic levitated the magic ring up in front of her, and she briefly inspected the accessory before focusing fully on its prior owner. "This belongs to Trixie, now. But it isn't NEARLY enough payment for what you've put Trixie through..."

"W-Wait! Stop! I can pay!" The griffon matron clambered upright, her wings spread and pinned to the floor in a gesture of submission. "I have money! I can give you as much as you want, and then we can forget this ever-"

"SHUT IT!" Trixie snapped, causing Sylvia to flinched back. "You think Trixie's life can be measured in bits?! How dare you?!"

Sylvia trembled as the unicorn started advancing menacingly on her. Although Trixie wasn't terribly intimidating on her own, Ranma was watching the encounter keenly, ready to intervene again if necessary. The other pony criminals simply watched in horror, none of them willing to get up again after the thrashings they had already received.

"WAIT!"

That left Tom to leap to his mother's defense, and the battered griffon jumped in Trixie's path and then clasped his claws together in front of the angry magician.

"Please! Let her go! We're sorry for what we did! We didn't mean to hurt anypony!"

"Didn't mean to-" Trixie sputtered angrily at the claim, her face turning red.

"You have to understand! We didn't want to live this way!" Tom shouted. "Mom does what she has to do in order to make it in this town! She was just trying to protect me! Please, don't hurt her!"

"What are you going on about?" Trixie snarled. "She's the bucking Mayor!"

"And how do you think I got that position?" Sylvia asked suddenly. Her voice was no longer enraged, nor did it possess the calm, dignified tone it usually did. She sounded crushed and embittered. "The Mayor's office is appointed by the region governor. It's usually handed out as a political favor to allies." She grunted. "It took years of groveling, back-stabbing, and doing unsavory favors in order to get this appointment. Nopony gets far in politics by keeping their beak clean. Especially not a griffon." She sighed, and placed her injured claw on her son's shoulder. "Tom and I are refugees from the griffon kingdom. We fled to Equestria during a civil uprising; however hard and dirty things can get in equine lands, I can assure you that griffon society is tenfold as bad."

Sylvia shook her head sadly. "But it's not easy to make it as a griffon among ponies, either. Most equines don't trust us at all, and the only ones eager to offer us work were the unreputable sort. To put it simply, griffons make good criminals. But if that's what I had to do to provide for my son, so be it." Tom took his mother's arm, and the two embraced tightly.

Then Sylvia bowed her head to Trixie again. "I thought if I acquired enough power for myself, I could at least work on my own terms and give Tom a better future than being somepony's pet thug. I couldn't see any other way. So I worked my way up to Mayor."

"Why don't you guys just vote for your Mayors?" Ranma asked.

"I... don't know what that is," Sylvia admitted, "but in any case, you have to believe me. I did all of this for my son, and never wanted things to reach this point."

"You mean with you two beaten and groveling on the floor in front of a pair of surprisingly tough, unknown travelers?" Ranma asked.

"Yes. A lot of criminal masterminds reach the end of their careers this way." She stared at Trixie imploringly, looking utterly broken before the angry unicorn.

Trixie sighed, and her expression deflated. "Trixie believes you, actually. For all ponies go on about 'love and tolerance', actually accommodating other races is much harder. Trixie can easily believe that you were pushed into a life of crime." The griffons nodded sadly, obviously relieved. Tom smiled at his mother and squeezed her arm gently to comfort her.

Then a pink glow crept over Tom's belt, wrapping around the last knife that the teenager still had in its sheath. "But Trixie doesn't CARE."

The knife slipped free into the air, and then plunged into Tom's wing.

"AAUGH-AUGH-AAAAH!!" He screeched, collapsing onto the floor and curling up as Sylvia gasped.

"Tom! No!" The elder Hawke leapt over her child, and then her eyes widened in terror. The numerous blunt objects that had been carried around by her minions were floating up off the floor, each one wrapped in a sparkling pink aura.

"You think your pathetic sob story excuses all you've done? You think that because you've had a rough life, that justifies victimizing random, innocent ponies and then even attacking them later for having the GALL to fight back?" Trixie's face stretched into a disgusted sneer. "You think that because you were too STUPID to make a legitimate living or quit when you were ahead, that Trixie should forgive you when you finally face your comeuppance?"

"For the record, I'm totally willing to just walk away," Ranma interjected. He was ignored.

"Stop! No! Hurt me if you must, but please, don't hurt Tom anymore!" Sylvia begged.

"Denied, scumbag," the unicorn smiled darkly as the various clubs, pipes, and bats descended on the pair of griffons.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

---

"So it turns out that griffons don't scream like cats OR eagles," Ranma remarked as he and Trixie walked through town, "they scream a lot like people, actually." He chewed his lip for a moment. "I kind of feel like we went way beyond strict self-defense, here."

"They were thieves and bandits, and one was even a politician. Who cares what happens to them?" Trixie grunted in reply. She still had Sylvia's magic ring levitating in the air in front of her, and the soft pink glow lit their path on the way back to the inn. She observed the artifact closely, her magic probing the construct of spells within the sapphire gemstone. "Besides, we didn't kill anypony. Someday they might even be able to fly again, given enough magical physical therapy."

"Eh, I guess you have a point." Ranma shrugged his shoulders. "So, how did you do that thing, earlier? Where she tried to use the ring but it zapped her instead?"

"Trixie sometimes makes little trinkets on commission. Usually things like horn rings that glow or wands that can spark camp fires. Such crafts give Trixie an intimate understanding of magic tools," the magician explained, "with a little time and warning, foiling magic rings like this is foal's play for a unicorn of Trixie's power and experience."

"Oh, cool! So what are you going to do with it now?" Ranma asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"Sell it, of course. It's not like Trixie can wear such a thing."

Ranma glanced up at the mare's horn, but quickly concluded that it was far too thick for a small finger ring. "Even in a world of talking horses, everything still seems to be made for hands," he mumbled, "weird."

The inn was just a few blocks away now, and suddenly Ranma thought of another question.

"Hey, when I told that griffon lady who I was, she said you lied to her. What was that about?"

Trixie shifted her attention from her new ring toward the pigtailed stallion. "She was grilling Trixie on your whereabouts, obviously. Trixie told her you ran off."

"Oh." Ranma frowned. "Why did you do that? I wouldn't have even known you were captured if one of those pony minions hadn't messed up and told me."

The unicorn gave him an incredulous look. "Why would Trixie cooperate with the goons that foal-napped her to help them attack you?" She snorted and turned away. "Trixie doesn't like you very much, but you've been almost tolerable to be around. Trixie wouldn't even consider turning you over to those crooks." She paused briefly. "Although, again, Trixie didn't think you were just going to charge straight into the mayor's mansion like that." She looked away and coughed. "Trixie... supposes she should thank you."

"It'd be nice, yeah," Ranma said, smirking, "OR... you could buy me breakfast before I leave town tomorrow."

Trixie glared at him.

"No pressure. Just an idea. Totally up to you," the stallion started whistling nonchalantly.

Trixie grumbled something under her breath as she reached the entrance to the inn, and then her magic reached out to pull open the door.

The door rattled slightly at her effort, but refused to budge.

"What? It's locked? Why?" Trixie asked, confused. "What kind of inn locks up the front door, even at this time of night?" By her estimate it was probably three or four in the morning, and while she wouldn't normally be awake at this time of night, inns typically stayed open to the prospective customers around the clock.

She started banging on the door with her hoof. "Hey! Open up!"

"We're closed! Go away!" shouted a voice from inside. Trixie recognized it immediately as the front desk clerk.

"You're not closed! Trixie already bought a room for the night! Now let Trixie in!" the magician shouted, banging even harder against the door.

The barrier didn't budge, however, and neither did the clerk. "We reserve the right to refuse service to anypony! Especially ponies that cross Mayor Hawke! That is an actual exemption written into the local commerce laws, and this establishment is taking full advantage of it!"

"You won't have to worry about the Mayor," Trixie sniffed, "after what Trixie did to her, she won't be in any shape to harass you or anypony else!"

"La la la la! I can't hear you! No ponies trying to bring more trouble into MY lobby tonight, no siree!"

Trixie resisted the urge to scream. "Look, forget about the room! Trixie already got plenty of magically-induced sleep anyway! Trixie just needs to get her clothes and bags!"

The sound of moving furniture came from inside, and then the door shook slightly.

"I think they're barricading the entrance," Ranma murmured, "jittery, aren't they?"

Trixie sputtered angrily for a few seconds, and then backed away from the front door.

"RANMA!" she shouted.

"Yuh huh?"

"Break down that door!" Trixie pointed a hoof forward toward the offending barrier.

"Nuh uh."

The unicorn rounded on him immediately. "TRAITOR! How could you abandon Trixie so easily, after all we've been through?! Ingrate! Flank-stabber!"

Ranma rolled his eyes as Trixie shouted a volley of insults at him, waiting for her to run out of breath. As soon as she did, he leaned forward and pressed a hoof to her chest.

"Trix. Calm down," the martial artist said flatly, "there's a better way to do this. I'm not going to break into an inn the way I busted into the Mayor's house. These guys aren't criminals, they're just cowards."

"Trixie finds such distinctions pointless when both insist on troubling Trixie," the mare said through clenched teeth, "but Trixie will hear you out, if for lack of better options."

"Can you point out your room from here?" Ranma asked.

"There, on the fourth floor," Trixie mumbled as she thrust a hoof toward one of the windows above, "it's the one with light coming from it. Trixie didn't exactly have time to put out the candle before Trixie was dragged out of the room unconscious."

"Gotcha. I'll put it out after I grab your stuff."

Ranma took off like a shot, accelerating with such speed that Trixie was almost knocked over. He leapt high into the air, landing on the stables that protected Trixie's wagon, and then bounced off onto the side of the inn.

Trixie was reluctantly impressed to see the stallion clambering along the window sill outside her room despite the lack of any obvious hoof-holds.

"Was this guy some sort of cat burglar back on his home planet?" she mumbled aloud. Then she shrugged and trotted toward the stables to get her wagon. It seemed that her stay in Hoofington would be shorter than expected.

---

Ranma grunted as he worked the window open, cursing his thick, flat hooves for what seemed like the hundredth time. He'd never really thought about it before, but he now understood why all the martial artists he knew who turned into small, fingerless creatures were so angry all the time.

Hands are just really great. You can hold stuff, and cling to walls, and don't have to remove someone's ring by chewing on their fingers...

He finally dropped into the room and immediately spotted Trixie's things laid out on the bed. The magic candle still flickered on the nightstand, bathing everything in a soft yellow glow.

They were also great for packing up objects without drooling all over them, he griped internally as he bit onto Trixie's hat and tossed it onto her cape. Then he did the same with her saddlebags. Then he folded the cape over the top of the other objects.

Satisfied that he'd be able to carry Trixie's things out in a bundle, Ranma turned toward the candle. It had a small metal cap next to it that was supposed to cover and smother the flame, but, again, such a thing was hard to use without the aid of fingers. Ranma simply blew out the candle.

Or, rather, he blew at the candle, which merely caused the flame to whip about in the air for a second.

Ranma blinked, and then blew harder. The flame moved more, but still persisted. A third, fourth, and fifth attempt in rapid sequence utterly failed to douse the flame.

"Is this one of those trick candles? What's going on, here?" Ranma took a deep breath, filling his lungs to their limit. Then he blew as hard as he could on the stubborn tongue of magical flame.

The candle was knocked over by the blast of air, the flame still burning as strong as ever. Even stronger, in fact, once it touched upon the polished wood of the nightstand. The flames seem to crawl all over the wood in an instant, rising ever higher and providing much better illumination for Ranma's stunned expression.

"... Oops."

---

Trixie sighed as she shifted finished cataloguing her belongings, satisfied that everything was accounted for. Her trip through Hoofington had largely turned into a disaster, but in the end - assuming Ranma got her things out okay and she pawned the slumber ring for a decent price - this stop might just have turned out to be a net gain.

"Trixie is glad that Sylvia crook subdues her enemies with sleep magic, rather than simply beating them unconscious. Trixie is actually feeling rather refreshed despite the hour," she mumbled to herself.

Her musings were interrupted by the shriek of an alarm bell, and the magician jumped in surprise. "What the hay?!"

She rushed to the front of the stables, only to jump in surprise again as Ranma landed in front of her. He had the corners of her cape in his mouth, and he appeared to be using the cloth sheet to carry her bags and hat.

"Well, looks like we've got everything! Time to leave!" Ranma said loudly as he rushed into the wagon lot. A moment later he emerged with Trixie's cart in tow, pulling it out into the street with a speed that reeked of desperation. "Let's go, let's go! Daylight's burning!"

Trixie shook her head, bewildered. "It's not even daw-"

"I said daylight's burning! And possibly other things are burning too, although I disavow any and all specific knowledge of any nearby fires!" Ranma was visibly sweating as he stood in the middle of the street, prancing in place and clearly ready to start sprinting.

Trixie glanced up at the window of her hotel room, noting the plume of dark smoke coming from it. Numerous screams could be heard coming from some of the windows as ponies woke up to the alarm and began to panic, and she could hear the sound of the front barricade being hastily disassembled.

"Incidentally, I'm both surprised and SUPER GLAD that your species apparently has the technology for fire alarms," Ranma said, his eyes shifting back and forth, "just a completely random thought. No reason I brought it up. Are we leaving? We should leave."

Trixie's ears flipped down as she trudged up to the wagon and hauled herself up into it. "We're fugitives now, aren't we?"

"That probably depends on whether or not the Mayor you beat half to death presses charges," Ranma assured her. The moment he was sure that Trixie was secure, he bolted down the road. "I don't think there's any evidence that we caused the inn fi-I mean, any random fires that could have happened while we were around by complete coincidence! So we should be-"

"Hey! Look, everypony!" Shouted a pegasus hovering overhead. "A pair of shady travelers leaving the town with suspicious haste!"

"KUSO!" Ranma swore in his native tongue, and then poured on the speed. Trixie nearly bounced out of her cart as her ride suddenly tripled in velocity, screaming toward the edge of town and leaving a heavy trail of kicked-up dirt in its wake.

Before long, both ponies and the wagon were a speck on the horizon, well on their way to the next village.

Author's Note:

I know exactly what you're all thinking, and YES, Ranma still has a mustache at the end of this chapter.

Comments

[Diokno44]

6425467 You should watch Jojo's Bizzare Adventure

[Greatazuredragon]

"That's because Trixie - in addition to possessing unsurpassed wisdom and arcane skill - also has a little talent called RESTRAINT,"

The sarcasm, it's so thick it hurts!

While one of the stallions was looking ever more perplexed, the other started backing away. "You know... I'm, uh... kinda getting a vibe here like we're in over our heads."

Oh my... an intelligent thug! You don't see that often...

"They were thieves and bandits, and one was even a politician. Who cares what happens to them?"

Loved the classification of evil thieves<bandits<Politician.
Graet chapter, nice work.

[Mitch H]

I'm amused that Ranma retains his father's thorough lessons in advanced beggary techniques for the penniless and shameless martial artist. And congrats! You got on the featured front page again.

[SFaccountant]

6474967
I did?
Well, it's gone now.
It must have been up for, what, an hour? Huh. Oh well. Can't really complain.

Ranma will always be Genma's son, no matter how much he tries to be a decent, worthwhile person. And Saotome pride has always been curiously specific in its areas of relevance.

6474899
That's not sarcasm; Trixie actually believes she possesses great restraint.
The word you're looking for is irony.

[Emperor]

Between ponies mistakenly thinking Luna's royal edict is all about a criminal and his actions in Hoofington, Ranma's certain to run up a rap sheet several hundred hoof-lengths long.

Really, Trixie, must you be so unimaginative?! Just haul Ranma around, you can change both the species and gender of a specific pony through creating a small amount of hot/cold water and dumping it over Ranma's head with magic, no need for a doll!

And so the buddy-cop/bromance adventures of Ranma and Trixie begin?

[MWKillKenny84]

Good chapter, and poor bandits.

Well, it could always be worse.

How? Two words: Lina. Inverse.

[RTStephens]

Trixie is scary when she's angry. And she didn't even have the Alicorn Amulet this time.

Love the dynamic of Ranma and Trixie already. Both are clever and have already shown they can outwit the other.

Heh, I like how Trixie is all non-pulsed by Ranma's story and his physical abilities. She takes it all in stride and uses it to her advantage.

A lot of other little things, such as Trixie's talent with magical artifacts and her very reluctant sense of protectiveness towards somepony she just met. It makes her deep and fun to read.

I also got a chuckle out of Ranma's use of "Hammer Space".

Looks like these two are stuck with each other. Wouldn't have it any other way!

[thatguy45]

"Ooh! Wait! What if a stallion falls in love with him while he's changed into a mare? And then he doesn't believe the hero when she claims to actually be a male! That would be funny!" The unicorn chuckled as she started writing more plot notes down. "Trixie is SO original!"

[Neece]

I think I've already favorite'd everything you've written so... How do I do it again? XD

[badninja]

6475193

If it had been that person that whole town would have been gone. She does spam the Dragon Slave.

[Toolman19]

This....this is just golden. I would just lay dollars to donuts that when and if the Princesses come to ask Discord what he may know of the pony running around with his mark on his flank, they just burst in on him as he's watching Ranma's escapades in chaos on the tube with a big tub of popcorn. Either way, can't wait to see more of this crazy train.

[Bumblebee Tuner]

In all fairness, that candle would not go out.

[Fresnor]

Wait, that trick he does with the gem... Dear Celestia, Pinkie must be the inheritor of Anything Goes Martial Arts after Ranma vanished.

[SFaccountant]

6475161
Oh, yes, it has begun. Much to their chagrin.
Trixie was rather expecting that she wouldn't have Ranma glued to her side for her foreseeable future, which is why she didn't consider the advantages of having a supernaturally powerful, shape-changing sidekick for her show.

6475581
Now they just need to figure out which one of them is the protagonist and which is the sidekick!
As do I, for that matter.

6475975
You'll have to open a series of dummy accounts for the sole purpose of flooding stories with likes and faves.
Obviously you can only like a story once, as anything more would compromise the integrity of the system.

6476644
Seriously, what an obvious fire hazard. A catastrophic blaze was clearly going to happen eventually.

6476724
Oh, hey, you too?
I did some Ranma fanfics back in the day. And, well, now, I guess.

6476882
Bah, hammerspace wasn't a function of the Saotome school of Anything-Goes. Akane was more famous for the trick than Ranma was.
And, of course, everyone has a long way to go to catch up to Mousse. It was kind of his specialty.

[Bumblebee Tuner]

6477734
I think Fresnor brings up a good point. What other forms of "older than olde school, world class chaos martial arts" would be seen as completely alien magics?

Speaking of which, I've asked this of other creators before, which schools of magic would you say corresponds to modern sciences?

For instance, chemistry, gastronomy, and mixology in my estimation are all offshoots of Alchemy. In much the same way assorted schools of higher mathematics could easily be classified as Divination.

So, I was wondering what your take on the subject was assuming there really are 5-8 classes of magic. In other words, in what fields would you find the wizards of the digital age and what were their prestidigital antecedents?

[SFaccountant]

6478478
Well, since magic is generally described as anything that obviously defies physical laws, anything that clearly involves ki would be classified as "alien magic". While things like hurling boulders, moving faster than a loosed arrow/bullet, and jumping two stories in a single bound may be physically impossible once you get to the specific limitations of physics and biology, it still can be seen as a person "just" moving really fast or "just" being really strong.
Techniques like the bakusai tenketsu, mouka takabisha, and hiryuu shouten ha, on the other hand, all work via physical mechanisms that obviously don't exist in nature, putting aside the frankly nonsensical explanations in Ranma 1/2 about "all objects naturally have a single point that can destroy them" and the mixing of hot and cold air that supposedly generates instant dragon-shaped tornadoes. These techniques also clearly defy the established mechanisms of Equestrian magic - they don't originate from a horn, enchanted object, or a human's "innate magical nature" - so they would be considered alien magic.

On your other topic, I'm not sure if you mean if the story, in fiction in general, or in real life (as far as "schools of magic" exist in real life, anyway).

[Bumblebee Tuner]

6478548
a/n: I apologize I've had to edit this post a few times for clarity. I don't know if you get multiple alerts or not so I thought it'd be best to offer an explanation.
I would like to thank you four your generous and speedy reply on the topic of alien magic.

As for the other topic of magical predecessors to modern science, I was thinking comparative fiction to reality in general. Although, I'm certain shows like numb3rs have taken liberties with the actual science. And, doubtlessly, many creations of science fiction have become reality. What my curiosity wants satiated has to do with how someone might compare science to magic in a way that breaks it down or makes it sound less technical.

Theoretically, everyone in the 21st century is a more skilled medic than a doctor of medieval medicine. Back to the future part II presented the idea that CPR isn't even 80years old. And, I kind of see Equestria as being roughly tech level 7 + h21k in the major cities and h21k + smurf level in the suburbs. But, I was kinda' phishing for ideas so I wouldn't have to use "kittens" or "puppies" as an excuse for not having a comprehensible explanation.

In much the same way there are eight basic emotions that one could link to the eightish classes of magic, or one could take a more traditional approach with an elemental magic system featuring the basic 4+1= 5 set up, I'm trying to establish a link to a more fundamental logic system. Although why wood, steel, void, and love are interchangeable, or even considered elements is beyond me for the moment. With regards to magic, I could see wood, void, and love being the same element if I had a dirty mind. Anyway, I'm getting off track.

Transmutation(chemistry), divination(mathmatics), conjuration(???), abjuration(politics), prestidigitation (stage magic). I'd slap necromancy on the list, and while I'm aware of Robert Cornish and his legendary antecedent Dr. Frankenstein, but one could argue that falls under alchemy in much the same way chemistry does. Plus, I saw footage of a chemical experiment with oil and other chemicals in water and it appears there is a way to stimulate perpetual motion or lifelike movement without living tissue.

Still, I'd like to read your take on it, if you know what I mean.

Thanks! 8D

[John Tannius]

Too bad I already gave this a thumbs up. I want to do it again after this chapter.

[SFaccountant]

6478770
I think I understand what you're looking for...

Anyway, the main point of confusion was what kinds of magic were being compared to what kind of science. I understand what you mean, now.

Alchemy translates most easily to chemistry, naturally. Metallurgy, too.
Necromancy, however, I would judge to be the predecessor to all the medical sciences. Death, disease, and revival/reconstruction of organic tissue are all major themes in necromantic magic, and also major points of study in medicine. The fact that fictional necromancy tends to focus on causing harm while medicine focuses on repairing and preventing it doesn't diminish their relationship. Necromancy might also qualify for biology in general.
Druidic magic and nature-based shamanism may be considered an ancestor to environmental, agricultural, and conservation sciences, and perhaps meteorology.
Evocation magic I would consider to be physics. The generation, application, and manipulation of force and energy is what they're all about.
Telekinesis is magnetism, just because I can easily imagine ancient men who managed to make functional magnets passing themselves off as wizards.
Ancient astromancy and divination could definitely be the antecedents to modern astronomy and cosmology (and the non-science astrology). I have a harder time seeing it as the predecessor to mathematics. Mathematics usually exists as a fairly developed science in any setting that treats magic as being commonplace enough to start categorizing and analyzing it (and basically making it a science).
And conjuration gets to be quantum physics, because that science is still incomplete enough for us to still hope that it will allow us to teleport or summon monsters from nowhere.

[RanmaChaos]

Another very enjoyable chapter. Great job.

6477734 You're that author?!? I should have known, you are my favorite Ranma fanfic author, and one of my favorite fanfic authors in general.

[SFaccountant]

6479844



Please don't tell the others I'm here.

[RanmaChaos]

6479894 I Pinkie Promise

Also, as long as I have you, how much about Warhammer 40k do I need to know to get your other stories?

[SFaccountant]

6479909
Hard to say, really.
Others have said they enjoyed it despite knowing very little. Certainly it relies more on MLP knowledge than 40K lore.

[Bumblebee Tuner]

6479933
Interestingly enough Exterminatus Now' is(was) based on Warhammer 40k lore, and I was able to follow it without any prior knowledge of the series. You probably don't even need knowledge of Sonic the Hedgehog to follow it. I can't say for sure, since I was a fan of the Jaleel White Sonic hedgehog and somehow managed to tolerate AOSTH and Sonic Underground without drinking [the hater-aide obviously]. Sonic X was not as interesting to me for some reason.

P.S. Thanks for sharing your wisdom. And, now that I know your dirty little secrets I'm totally thinking of blackmailng you in ways that Flutershy would find nearly as diabolical as uninvited guests. . .

Although, in all fairness, the instantly recognizable uninvited guests in the leaked 'Scare Master' episode were Ranma and Sailor Moon in pony form.

[Sledgehammer]

6479894 Trying to stay the hell away from TFF, I presume?

[SFaccountant]

6483621
OH GOD THEY'RE ALL HERE ANYWAY AAAAAH

[Bumblebee Tuner]

6484088
Hey, I had no idea you were BD6 until you mentioned Guardian. If it makes you feel better I used to be the "official" troll of Neko the Kitty. And, all I did to earn that title was express an honest opinion. Do you have any idea how many people just outright ban me under that __official title__ within a few days for little more than being "creepy and weird?" If I'm banned I leave, I don't want to hang out where anyone doesn't want to hear my version of the truth as much as their own. If after I've been rejected I show up a few months to a year later then it's because I'm curious to see if anything I didn't like has changed, and usually it hasn't.

I often rely on my feelings and instincts to guide me. If it's lead me to see you as a person I want to bring into my life (in order to cultivate a positive relationship), or even if it's because we're on the same path and somehow keep bumping into each other, I wouldn't classify it as stalking or harassment. I'd just assume it's one of those things you have no control over. Like my expectations that you're a really fun writer with an exceptional sense of humor on a typical roman holiday.

Besides, given my past experience, not everyone is likely to read the comments unless they're in them. Fewer still look to read the comment above or below the previous post that gives context to what was said if they decide it's the length of a blog post, and will just Knitpick the writers they 'like or intend to scapegoat/martyr.

[Aatxe360]

Sylvia's beak curved into a grin. "His favorite game is Monopoly."
"You MONSTER!" Trixie screamed, falling completely limp under the hooves of the two stallions pining her down. "That'll take FOREVER!"

[Bumblebee Tuner]

6490625
Not if you've played the old computer version and take away the dog's spending power before he makes the first round.

[Little Jackie Papercut]

"We fled to Equestria during a civil uprising; however hard and dirty things can get in equine lands, I can assure you that griffon society is tenfold as bad."

"For example, do you KNOW how hard it is to get a good scone?!"

[SFaccountant]

7222859
Nobody ever considers the detrimental effects that civil uprising has on fine dining. It's intolerable.

[CitrusWishes]

7222859 Verily.

[Sora2455]

Ranma rolled his eyes. "Consider it more 'alien magic'."

Incidentally, Ranma knowing Hidden Weapons Style is pure, unadulterated fanon.

"Besides, if he's innocent, then we'll let him go later. No big deal."

I think somepony needs a refresher course on basic protocol.

The clerk looked even more confused. "Voted? What's 'voted'?"

I'm gonna assume that's this one town, because Mayor Mare was voted in at least...

"The Mayor's office is appointed by the region governor. It's usually handed out as a political favor to allies."

Okay, if this is the sort of boat Celestia's been running, maybe Rite has an actual complaint...

"Why don't you guys just vote for your Mayors?" Ranma asked.

See quote 3...

[SFaccountant]

8577357

Incidentally, Ranma knowing Hidden Weapons Style is pure, unadulterated fanon.

Knowing actual Hidden Weapons Style, in the manner of Mousse, yes. But all the Ranma characters can suddenly draw weapons/items from nowhere with no need for pockets. Akane did it so often with such ludicrously large mallets that the fandom even named this ability "hammerspace."

[Majk]

This went wonderfuly bad. I could not stop laughing.

[Admiral Q Ponyform]

Wow Tia you need to clean house if that Griffin is legit

[Fluffy-Boi]

"I have several additional questions."

[iowaforever]

Sylvia's beak curved into a grin. "His favorite game is Monopoly."

Eh, could be worse. He could play Imperial Knights.

[Obsidian Quill]

8579059
Lol, which has become the universal term for pulling random objects out nowhere. Gotta love the Ranma Fandom.

[New Rebellion]

BWAHAHAHAH!!! Yup, that is ABSOLUTELY a Ranma thing to do!!! Ignore the candle top to put out a MAGICAL flame and just blow on it!! What an idiot.

I TOTALLY enjoyed this chapter!!

[Pinklestia]

Ah yeah that totally won't come to bite back them in the tail later.