Twilight has been running her whole life, and now she's been caught. Will she wriggle out of this one, or will she have to give in?
(This is set in an AU where Twilight is an outlaw.)
Chapters (2)
- Member Since 20th Jul, 2015
- offline last seen Jul 24th, 2015
_BillCipher_
Ponies - Gravity Falls - Nintendo.
_BillCipher_
Joined 20th Jul, 2015 ·
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Good story. My only problem is Celestia is portrayed as a manipulative tyrant who only cares about power.
6233907
You see, I thought that people would say that. I have some reasons.
Firstly, this is an AU. in the words of Gravity Falls, Anthyding can Hadplen.
Secondly, I like to think that what Celestia does in the show is an act, and she is actually like that.
Glad you enjoyed it it though!
This chapter felt very rushed and had some very awkward personality switches, more so on Twilight's end. I think this because one second Twilight is suspicious of Celstia's intent and doing everything she can to get on her nerves, then suddenly she accepts Celestia's offer and she drops all of what you established as her character.
Twilight, as a character, just falls flat in this chapter, as you established something for her character, then instead of adding to that, you change it. Another example is her dialogue with Spike. After she insults him and goes to bed, the next morning her dialogue seems to imply she is trying to calm Spike down, peacefully. The way she says it, however, is very contrasting with the character you've built up, and just sounds awkward. You may say she is in a good mood or is still waking up, but her thoughts imply otherwise.
What I've taken from this story, positively, is your story's premise. Twilight isn't who she should be and Celestia is trying to fix that. Neat, original idea.
Also
6233907 The story has an AU (alternate universe) tag, so criticism on OOC (out of character) is usually unnecessary.
IMO~
6234188
You see, this is the criticism that I want on my stories. I deleted my others and abandoned the account because I was getting hate on my stories!
I know what you mean, and I hate to say it but the ending had been pretty rushed. I wanted to get the story up, but I was only around the 600 mark, and I wanted the end the chapter before twilight meeting the mane.. 4? And also have the story uploaded with the one chapter. I promise the next chapter will be better! More thought out, better plot wise, and maybe a bit dark..
6234188 Unnecessary, hm? Yes, just as unnecessary as explaining what OoC stands for. However, I'm not trying to be rude, and will admit to only having recently figured it out.