You seem to have javascript disabled, or your browser is failing to execute it properly. Much of Fimfiction's functionality requires javascript so we suggest you turn it on!

Rainbow Dash's Favor

This story has been marked as having adult content. Please click below to confirm you are of legal age to view adult material in your country.

Confirm

Comments ( 2 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 2
- Newest First
- Oldest First

The Story Man

The Story Man #1 · Jul 15th, 2015 · 7 · ·

Okay, spotted some issues that'd be an easy fix at the start here.
Get a cover picture, that'll make it stand out and get the reader's attention. Next, just clarify who's what in that first sentence "Your older brothers and Spitfire and jerks" works. Try to work the description to make the story sound interesting and not just set the setting. Give it some paragraph breaks and give it a few questions left to be answered on the fic (at least that's what I do). Something like replacing "She offers you help but she wants something in return." with "Rainbow is thankfully willing to lend you a hand, but what does she want in return?"
I mean, it's a mature fic, so we already kinda know that she's gonna ask for some ~~Sunny~~ D, but giving it a small wink makes it more fun for the reader. And why does the story say this is a prequel when the header here says it's a sequel? And how can it be a prequel to an unreleased story? Doesn't that just make the next story a sequel to this?
Onto the story next, one moment.

AJTrecords