As it turned out, Joseph was needed that night, and not because Oliver had to amputate. The medical details were all lost on him, but he ended up spending enough of that night and the next morning in the hospital that he abandoned his plans for the next day and just slept solidly through the whole thing. It was a good thing blood and fluids didn’t bother him, because he had seen more of both than he had bargained for.
Working beside Oliver was enough to remind him that he wasn’t the only pony with magic. Despite lacking hands, Oliver’s intuition and skill were downright supernatural. More than once Joe had thought Adrian would die, or at the very least they would have to sever the wing in order to let him heal. In the end they had been forced to cut away a large part of the muscle and break at least one bone back into place. The wing itself would (hopefully) not have to be amputated.
Adrian was hurting too much to be furious, when the procedure was said and done the next day. When he protested, Oliver showed him a plastic container reeking of death filled with what they had removed from his wing. “You could’ve done another two weeks, maybe. Would’ve spent them in agony. Really, it’s a miracle you could still stand.”
Actually they discovered that part wasn’t a miracle at all, and that Adrian had been abusing various painkillers in order to stay on his feet. His time in the hospital would be extended into getting him off a nasty painkiller addiction. Joe was thankful he wasn’t really being asked to help with that; it sounded completely overwhelming.
Even if he hadn’t known Adrian for more than a month, he did want to help him recover. Once his first week was over and they had started bringing him down from the ocean of chemicals Oliver prescribed to him, Adrian started asking about the satellite network. He insisted Alex be the one to retrieve a set of books from his RV, since she was the “only one he could trust.” Joe, meanwhile, had come to set up a satellite phone in the interior room. Since the transmitter needed a direct line to the sky, he’d had the incredibly difficult task of laying some wire about twenty feet to a window and hanging the antenna accessory outside.
That done, he levitated the cable and Adrian’s phone into the hospital room, trying to smile. “Hey, Adrian.”
The room had been decorated since last he had visited three days ago, though the decorations and color scheme had very clearly been chosen by a child. Paper hearts and half-inflated “get well soon” balloons hung limply from bedposts and random points on the wall. A mountain of stuffed animals in one corner seemed also to be somepony’s bed. The room had no windows (Joe wasn’t exactly sure why that was, but he suspected it had something to do with preventing Adrian from escaping), but someone had strung up a chain of bright LEDs, and those did a passable job simulating sunlight… at least enough for him to see.
There were three ponies inside. Adrian was in bed, covered with a thin sheet with his books beside him. He looked weak, and Joe knew he couldn’t walk more than a few steps without collapsing. Flying, of course, was out of the question.
Riley and Alex were also here, not far away. Alex had a hotplate and several different cooking ingredients, and was apparently making a morning omelet. Judging by the smell she was trying her best, but she clearly lacked Sky or Oliver’s talent for cooking. “Hey Joe.” She took a spatula in her mouth, flicking the little omelette over on itself “Mmgm wnnn nnn?”
He shook his head, though it wasn’t because he wasn’t hungry. “Nah, I’m good." He passed Riley, ignoring the girl’s strange eyes and stranger body. He hadn’t ever really tried to get a good look at her, nor did he intend to. Dealing with children was not something he wanted to do, strange bug-body or no. Thank goodness Alex and Adrian took it upon themselves. Like medicine, children were outside the narrow sphere of things Joseph cared about.
“Got my phone set up?” Adrian asked, his voice a little weak.
“I will in a minute.” He set everything down on the bedside table, connecting the outlet to one of the extension cords on the ground and the antenna to the waiting port. “Probably haven’t missed much though, right?”
Adrian glowered. “I don’t know, I haven’t been in touch.” He reached once towards the phone, straining with his foreleg. Joseph ignored the gesture, moving the phone through its bootup and configuration process using his magic.
“Mr. Joe-” Riley squeaked. He ignored her, and she spoke up again. “Mr. Joe, have you been near a radio today?”
He stopped, not bothering to suppress an exasperated sigh. “No, I haven’t. It’s only ten.” He glanced over his shoulder. “Why?”
“There’s a transmission! Or… Or there was? Earlier. Alex heard it, she said I could tell you… cuz you’re good with codes? You broke one a few months ago…” Her wings perked up on her back as she spoke, similar to the way Sky acted when she spoke. Was it cute? Maybe a little. Not cute enough for him to want to go through her instead of the pony who had actually noticed it.
“Why didn’t you call me?!” He advanced on Alex. “Moriah and I are in charge of the radio now!”
Alex wasn’t a large pony; even standing to cook she had to be a foot shorter than he was, probably more. She didn’t flinch under his anger, not the way Sky or even Moriah might. Even Oliver. He supposed he knew why; she had stood down Moriah and been blasted with some of the worst unicorn magic could offer, after all. That hadn’t killed her, so why should she be afraid? It still annoyed him. She scooped the omelette up onto a plate, took the plate right past him without answering, and set it down on the table next to the bed. “You want ketchup too, Adrian?”
He shook his head. “Hot sauce, please.”
She walked past Joseph again, rummaged through her spices, and carried the sauce over to him. Only after did she turn around. “It stopped transmitting already, a few more minutes wasn’t going to change anything. It wasn’t as though we have a working transmitter to reply.”
“Wrong, Alex!” He puffed out his chest. “Moriah’s going to have it working by the end of the day. Power’s all working, all she has left are a few basic tests and we’ll be good to go!” He nodded smugly. “That’s why we have the walkie-talkies, isn’t it? So we can tell each other about important news right when it happens! You’re the one who said that!” It felt good to be the one telling her off for once.
She just nodded, turning back to meet Riley’s eyes. “You still have the paper I gave you?”
Riley nodded, rummaging around in the pile of stuffed animals for several moments before drawing out a piece of notebook paper in her mouth, offering it to him. He took it in his magic. “We didn’t know how long it would take for you to show up today, so Alex said I could hold it until-”
“Yeah.” Joseph turned, unfolding the slightly damp square of paper in the air and smoothing it with invisible fingers so he could read it clearly. The text read:
H-tul-q-kar-ydk-qh-bvlt-tul-p-mak-kar-xb-tul-kar-vp-tul-pcz-kum-jq-kar-nml-pw-tul-mwfg-x-kum-n-kum-tul-dbbqf-lv-tul-x-mak-kum-min-hpfl-min-mes-gmyh-p-tul-vri-hh-min
“This is… This is all of it?” he asked, when he had gone over it at least a dozen times. “There’s nothing missing at the front or the back?”
Alex nodded. “It repeated twice. I could repeat it from memory if you want to-”
“Nah.” He didn’t want to see that skill demonstrated again, even if it was its own kind of impressive. “If you’re sure.” He stuffed the sheet away in one of the pockets of his pants, turning back to the satellite phone. He worked while Adrian ate, though neither of them seemed very interested in what they were doing. Already his mind was spinning. He wouldn’t let it take months to decipher the code, not this time. This time, he would show them his lifetime of experience was worth something.
“How long are you gonna be stuck here?” Riley asked, sitting herself down again beside Adrian’s bed.
“I’m not sure,” he answered, mouth full. “Until that bastard Oliver lets me go.” He spat the name, venom in his voice. “It’s not like there’s anything wrong with my legs…”
Riley’s voice did not share any of his burning loathing. “Oliver said he didn’t have a choice. Wouldn’t you have died if he didn’t do anything?”
Adrian was mercifully silent for a time, letting Joe think long enough to enter a few more commands. It wasn’t his fault he couldn’t work while people were speaking! One more bandwidth test, and he could get out of the stupid hospital and do some real work.
“I guess.” Adrian pushed the plate away from him a little. “Can I have another, Alex? I swear these drugs are starving me.”
“Sure. Just give me a few minutes. You want to help me crack a few more eggs Riley?”
“Yeah!” The insect-pony lept to her feet again, buzzing across the room towards the stove.
“SHUT UP!” Joseph glared around the room at them all. “YOU WANTED ME TO GET YOU ON THE NETWORK, BUT I CAN’T SO LONG AS YOU ALL KEEP RUNNING YOUR GODDAMN MOUTHS!” His horn flared briefly, though only light came from it. Nobody said anything, though Riley cowered behind the grill.
“Good. You all just stay shut up for a few more minutes.” They did. Without the distraction of constant conversation, Joseph was able to get the phone connected. He pushed it towards Adrian, stepping back. “There you go, Adrian. You’re on the VPN, you can make calls, knock yourself out.” He looked to Alex. “I’ll let you know when I get this translated. Moriah said she would need me for some of the computer stuff, so I might not get time until tonight.”
“Okay, Joe.” She didn’t look happy. “Let me know if you learn anything.”
“Thanks,” Adrian offered, sounding distinctly half-hearted. “I’ll ask the other settlements if they heard that radio thing. Maybe we can figure out where it’s coming from.”
Joseph left without a word. There was no car waiting for him, but there was an electric ATV. He twisted the key and set off down the road, balancing himself precariously on the seat built for humans. Naturally he hadn’t made it half a mile before his phone started ringing. It was that kind of day.
There was no caller ID. Joe levitated his bluetooth headset out of a pocket, clipping it to his ear somewhat painfully before pressing the button that would answer the satellite call. “Joe,” he answered, with all the venom he could muster. “How can I help you?”
“Joe,” said a female voice on the other end. “As in Joseph Kimball, perhaps?”
“Yeah. Who is this?”
“I am specialist Taylor Gamble, HPI Corps of Engineers.”
He suppressed a gasp. The HPI were calling anyone besides Alex now? “Okay Taylor. How can I help you?”
“Are you the one responsible for the digitization of alien intelligence? We’re eager to get started on those books down here, but we haven’t received anything.”
Of course. Freakin’ HPI call, and it’s a wrong number. “No, I’m not. You want to talk to Oliver Pittman. Do you need his number?”
Pause. “No, thanks. I’ll call him instead.” He expected her to hang up, but she didn’t. Instead she said, "Would you mind if I asked you a question?”
He had to think about that. Good thing there wasn’t traffic anymore, or else he probably would’ve been run over. Granted a town like Paris probably hadn’t ever had that much traffic to begin with… “Okay.”
“What’s it like? Being something else. It sounds fascinating. You know, there are so many stories in mythology about creatures that can change their shape. Or about people who were cursed by the gods or the ancestors or the spirits or whatever to take on animal form. You’ve actually done it!”
He took a deep breath. “It’s, uh… It was pretty terrible at first. Losing your hands is probably the worst. Tripping over yourself when you move… What do you care, lady? You’re not going to be changed into anything. You didn’t get changed into a screwy alien horse.”
“Yeah.” She sounded almost wistful. “Oh, one more thing. You’ll probably get another few calls today. The boys in satcom wanted to have a word with the one who screwed with the Iridium network, and my notes here say that was you. Unless we’ve got that wrong too…”
“No.” He groaned. “That was me.”
“Excellent! Have a great day, Mr. Kimball!” The line went dead.
Joseph found himself wondering if he would ever get to work on the code.
Well........Ya will get to work on that code when the time comes.
Alex still look cute...
Yes, it certainly isn't because your body is recovering and rebuilding a significant chunk of itself.
In any case, I feel kind of bad for Joe. Not because of his behavior, but because he's incapable of filtering out conversation. I know what that's like. Still, that doesn't make him any less of a jerk. Odds are if he was told about the code the moment they got the transmission, he'd have complained about being interrupted in his then-current task.
Also, Alex is far too adorable for her own good.
6240191
Well, to be fair, Alex was in denial for most of, and the one drawing all the pictures in the first story. Not beyond imagination that she had more problems with that booty besides finding pants that would fit.
Either that, or Joseph is an ass 'man' in more ways then one, and noticing it more then Alex does. (Bada-bom, tish.)
Great, another mystery.
Always greener on the other side, huh?
Riley sounds like a character I could get to love.
And if Joseph didn't already have a cutie mark, I'd be greatly interested in seeing what symbol manifests for "pretentious hole", because he seems to have that down to a science.
Suddenly, HPI.
Alex still looks adorable! But what happened to her cutie mark?
6240232
From Alex's journal I suspected that Joe was fine with being a unicorn, but I guess he is the type of person who would complain about anything.
In one narration, describing the feeling of using magic explicitly and in loving detail. In the other, showing lingering signs of annoyance of losing his hands. Like Moriah, except she never gained control of telepathy.
Joe's comment on Alex showing no fear is actually rather worrying . . . Because Joe expects fear about magic users. That he is something that should be feared for the power he possesses. That he only recognizes magic power from Unicorns as magic.
In short, he is showing hints of developing into a Unicorn supremacist. I am getting a bad feeling of Unicorns abusing magic in the future.
Joseph losing his temper in front of Riley on top of being outright cold to her? Seriously, that kid needs a break.
The HPI's attitude frightens me. They seem more and more eager by the day to just abandon their cause and get turned into ponies. In a way, that prospect is just as scary as all those HPI vs. pony war scenarios everyone seems to dream up.
Joe, you're an ass. There's no two ways about it. You. Are. An. Ass. Even the HPI guys and gals know that!
6240232
It certainly is greener! Think about it; the ponies are free to wander wherever they want! Some of them have freaking magical powers! Meanwhile, poor Taylor and her colleagues are stuck in an underground bunker 24/7. If she gets out, it's going to be in a suit of shielded power armour. She's never going to feel the touch of the sun or the breath of the wind ever again.
So, yeah. Being an alien horse isn't all that bad, given the alternative.
Oh man, I feel for Joseph in one way, but in the other way I just think he's got a stick shoved up his confectionary disposal hole.
Dear god, what did I just type?
At least they didn't have to amputate just cut out all the gangrenous meat
No joe, you got Moirah, even if she is a bit of a jerk
Well it's not like there is only like a couple dozen still working numbers
6240447
Jeeze, and I felt bad for the ponies in the last fic
6240481
6240399
joe can be a flat out ass but hes still the only perfectly functional unicorn they have (excluding little old Riley of course)
I guess Joe could just read the comments section instead, we'll have this code cracked for him by tomorrow if the last story is any indication.
6240232
I suppose the whole "Not melting as your soul gets eaten by Sagittarius A* if you go outside" part would sound quite appealing.
"Here I am, brain the size of a planet, and they ask me to take you down to the bridge. Call that job satisfaction? 'Cos I don't." - Marvin, the paranoid android.
If anyone is trying to solve the cipher, the fact that a lot of the three-letter combinations recur far too often to be coincidence might suggest something to someone - "tul" occurs eight times, out of 9, 12 and 12 times the letters "t", "u" and "l" occur! The fact that every word apart from one five-letter one is one to four letters long could also suggest that some of the three-letter repetitions are being used to break up words.
The HPI be jelly of the pony body~
Anywho, basically like this aggressive-yet-not-brutal style that Joe has socializing outside of Moriah, he's kind of like that guy who is a major dick, yet still manages to pluck your heart strings on how cynical he is...
Taylor is best human-soon-to-be-pony, I hope.
And Alex is best pony cook, CUTE!
... DAMN JOE! You just got BURNED! SO BURNED!
6240792
I don't think it works that way. The way I understood it, all the people who were going to be ponies have been ponified (ponificated like a past prez might say), with those who couldn't cope with it yet being put on a dimensional 'back burner' until they're ready to come out later on. Those who protected themselves (HPI) from the magical energy also protected themselves from ponification, and missed the train. Exposure now results in brain death or at least severe atrophy.
6240814
Probably but not necessarily. HPI's last resort policy, as mentioned in Last Pony on Earth, is to get turned into ponies themselves presuming that aspect of the spell could be replicated.
Aaaaand I'm back to loathing Joe. It's a good thing he was valued by the transformation spell for his technical competency rather than his social competency. I'll at least excuse Adrian for his attitude problem because he's got fair cause for it.
However, Cooking Mama Alex? Entirely too adorbz. Hnnng.
6240232 The flank is always greener on the other side of the species divide. Just ask Alex.
6240399 Unfortunately that's just not going to happen in anything resembling the near future- as 6240814 above says, the HPI missed the ponification train. Exposure to enough magical energy now just gets their sapience sucked out, leaving behind the chewy meat-puppet shell.
6240399 That was just the attitude of one woman in the HPI it could be that she was fascinated with the consent of transformation before all this happened.
6241593
The second-in-command guy also asked Alex about the possibility of replicating the transformation spell, in case preserving humanity in human form became untenable. While I wouldn't classify his attitude as eager, it's still more than one.
Ewww. But hey, with that out of the way and enough time for the wing to heal up, maybe he'll be flying with Cloudy eventually.
On the other hand, it may be a bit of a healing process for more than just the wing.
I'm amused by the possibility that Joe has no opinion or fear of Riley not because of anything to do with her species, but simply because he wants nothing to do with children. He might just get an unpleasant surprise sooner or later depending on how much he gets up to with Moriah offscreen.
Er, Joe? Calm the hell down.
I do like the easy phone based contact between the HPI and Alexandria.
40.media.tumblr.com/4bfd282fac477518990b660d9f691969/tumblr_ns08mbeEkt1rsmidfo1_500.png
This is basically my reaction to that picture
Man, Joe sounds like the kinda friends I'd punch whenever they get out of line, but keep around because whenever they aren't being an ass, they're helpful, friendly, or at the very least tolerable. Like a companionship version of a bunny ears lawyer.
pretty easy fix Joe, just take earphones around with you to block out the child. Instead of screaming at them. You dick.
6240065
I'm not sure if Riley knows anything about that slime changelings produce... I'm not sure she knows very much at all about being what she is. I do know that they didn't have to make the horn. It was one of the many gifts Alex received from Equestria before her return. I'm guessing it was a personal gift from one of the princesses once she learned that Alex had a friend who lost her horn.
6240187
Yeah, I can relate to Joseph too. Not often, but sometimes I get really into something and any distraction is enough to infuriate. Wouldn't be so much of a jerk about it, though. Probably would just leave the room for awhile and cool down.
6240189
It's not my fault! It's just what happened in the story! I don't control that! It's not like I'm the author or any- dangit.
6240232
Well it'd be pretty great not to be stuck in a hole in the ground. Not sure if that's what she's wishing she could do, or if she's just curious about what magic feels like. We might find out one day (I'm sure we would if fimfiction would ever let me write a story about the HPI, but I'm fairly sure they wouldn't).
6240260
That's be a pretty lame special talent, though! That'd be like what Silver Spoon has. What talent is that again? Being... rich? Does that mean you can't become poor? That'd be a pretty cool talent.
6240273
The artist and I forgot about it getting the drawing done at 4AM. Fixed now!
6240378
Not an uncommon problem, if the history of equestria itself is any guide! If those ponies can abuse magic...
6240399
I'm not sure if Taylor speaks for the whole HPI. I think her questions were personal; she's obviously not military, at least not in her attitude.
6240473
Magic is hard! Even harder when you don't have a horn.
6240749
Hey, the code didn't take that long last time! It was at least a few weeks. I'm sure it'll be done with similar haste here, though. Joseph has so many other things on his mind, he can't just devote every spare moment to cracking the code. Skyrim sure ain't gonna play itself! >.>
6240792
Even if Joseph had been burned, I doubt he would be self-aware enough to notice. Social interaction really doesn't seem like his strong-suit.
6240814
Your understanding is exactly correct. Unless they used some transformation spell, a human being sans the shield would be very dead very fast, not a pony.
6243497
I don't think Joseph realizes just how frustrating he can be. He barely understand the feelings of other people. Maybe Moriah's, and even then only because he's willing to expend great effort to understand her.
6243637
Joe isn't very good with kids. I don't think he even tries, unfortunately. On the other hand, he doesn't seem to be afraid of (or barely even to notice) Riley, so that's an advantage.
6247678
Me too! But we're human, we didn't grow up alongside them. If the show has taught us anything, it's that changelings are dangerous predators. If I ran into a large carnivore in my house when I went down for cereal in the morning, I know I'd be pretty intimidated, even if I'd never seen the species before.
Reading about Joe's arrogance is really pissing me off. To hear him tell it, he's the only one in the entire group with a single ounce of sense and they should be all but bowing to him.
I guess Oliver has to be another one of those stereotypical "Must go above call of duty to save life" kind of doctors. Most doctors are actually of the "You want to die? You don't have to tell me twice. Just sign here" sort. And they're the good doctors. The only doctors who'd try to be Good Samaritans are the greenhorn residents. Nanny medicine is overrated.
6260983
No, that's not really it. Joe doesn't want to be leader, and he doesn't want Alex to not be leader. Leading is boring thankless work, and Joe is smart enough to not want it.
He just wants more appreciation. As in, "Thanks for doing this Joe, sorry I had to bother you about this but only a unicorn/ programmer can do this."
Rather than "Joe, c'mere and do this. Now. Because you're a unicorn and I'm too stupid/lazy. Or because I have a computer problem and you can take care of those in 2 minutes right? How come this simple problem is taking you so long why are you so slow?!"
Granted, that's no excuse to shout when a little girl is in the room, but he's venting the frustration of ITs everywhere.
My IT roommate has drilled into my head, never to assume any computer problem I'm asking his help for is an easy problem.
While I'm ranting about medicine and computers... Would you make a ruckus while a doctor is doing something? Why doesn't Joe ever get the same consideration? Ppl are always getting in his face or ignoring him while he's trying to do his specialized job.
Would you ever tell a doctor how to do his job? (Granted, because of the internet, ppl nowadays think they can diagnose and treat themselves and it's extremely annoying... but that was a rhetorical question.) But do you ever see the same kind of courtesy and deference extended to Joe? Nope. The IT guy is the first guy on the floor who is pulled over, but as soon as he's here suddenly everybody sees fit to give him their ignorant opinions.
6240232 Well I mean they are taking the news of "Had you stayed outside the shielded zone on the day of the Event you would've become a pony and been able to walk around freely." news pretty well. Granted they stayed human, but for the foreseeable future they are chained to those shield generators.
6241582 OH GOD IT BEGINS AGAIN!!!
I am just catching up on these chapters so hopefully they haven't been cracked yet. I think I know the site where the Starscribe got the idea for the last code, and I had it from the start, so I feel bad for not figuring it out sooner.
Oh well, time to get back to my notebook.
6240783 Don't forget the fact that there are more one-letter 'bits' than there are words in the english language, even if the first H was just cut off from the rest of a word. That suggests that there is some sort of punctuation with those.
6269666 well I noticed that there are more one-letter bits than there are one letter words in English. This suggests that they deliberately broke up the words oddly, or that the single-bits are punctuation.
I also feel like the line "struck him like a null pointer exception" is important, for what that is worth. I feel like the 'tul's and such might meant to be ignored if they are not actually subbing out for codewords.
......
There's another code...
AWWW...
must not read spoilers... must not read spoilers...
Every time an image of Alex is shown I feel sorry ...
Am...Am I the only one that saw that last image of Alex and thought(?);
"Looks like someones been "testing" out the equestrian cake recipes. As in all of them."
Looking a little podgy in the hips there .
Adrian got da munchies.
How about "Screw you, I don't answer to them. Post-apocalypse means the old authorities are dead."
Joseph is a grade-A jerk, though. Clearly, being rich means he hasn't been through the phase where people told him to fuck off for being a dick.