Rarity is sent to an empire known for its generosity, but the current king is anything but generous.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 3rd Feb, 2015
- offline last seen May 16th, 2016
Mathew_The_Raridash_Fan
I love My Little Pony and Littlest Pet Shop. My favorite ponies are Rarity and Rainbow Dash. I love to write fanfiction, but I need to learn to pace better.
Mathew_The_Raridash_Fan
Joined 3rd Feb, 2015 ·
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Good idea for a story, but it's incredibly rushed, also your dialoge is a bit stiff.
Rushed? Why can't I ever write anything not rushed? Ugh... I should never write again. :( I will never get the pacing right.
The premise/story description sounds like The Lost Treasure of Griffin Stone. Eh...
Still a good idea much like what 6122061 said, and the dialogue is pretty simple and stiff. Could use some work. Some parts are kinda predictable. Other than that, it's not that bad!
6123162
I had the idea of this fanfiction before The Lost Treasure of Griffonstone ever aired. That was the reason I made King Gold Coin. I do have a picture of him. Then because of my poor attention, I never wrote it until recently.
Although that episode gave me a reason for Rarity to be there. At first, I couldn't come up with it because her just happening to be there when all that happened didn't make sense.
6123921 pacing is hard. Writing multiple chapters can help. Figure out what your main character needs in your story, now take it away, how do they get it? What else does that mean for the rest of the chatacters/ story?
This story was actually very good. Despite some dialogue being a little weird (and a few grammar errors here and there), it's not really that bad. The way it's told reminds me of a storybook, very nostalgic. You should probably take the sad tag off, though, because it's not needed.