500 Miles Remain
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1900 MILES TRAVELED
500 MILES REMAIN
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Princess Luna sighed drearily as she trudged her worn body through the halls of Canterlot Castle. It had certainly been a long night in Lunar Court, what with, among many other dragged out topics that had been brought up, the news of gang fighting outbreaks down in Manehattan’s shady slums concerning . . . Actually, Luna hadn’t the slightest why the gangs were so suddenly overcome with the urge to spill blood. All she could remember from what the other ponies said in that impossibly boring and beyond lifeless prison that passed as a court was that it was about something over Discord, but Luna wouldn’t ever really know for sure, because she gave little attention to what had transpired in court.
Such a reason for carnage seemed so absurd to the princess of the night that she was very much convinced that she had remembered the events of the Lunar Court incorrectly, or at least hoped she did, if only for the sake of the other ponies living in the area.
The gangs were certainly not composed of ponies to be taken lightly at all – this Luna knew. Messing with them in any way could very easily result in a quick and undesirable death, as it had for countless unfortunately naive ponies in the past.
When such violent gangs had conflicts with one another, they did what any reasonable group of ponies would do: attempt to slaughter each other, as well as any unlucky passersby in the area. And as they always did with situations like this, the only worries that the Lunar Court ponies expressed were those concerning how the gang fights would affect the tax income in the area. 2 years. 2 years Luna had been putting up with these narrow minded imbeciles of the law, and she still couldn’t stand them. They couldn’t see the forest for the trees if they tried. How Celestia had managed to put up with them for seven hundred years, Luna could not fathom.
On her way to her bed chambers to lower the moon for morning and make way for the sun’s golden light as per every night after the horrors of Lunar Court, the princess of the night decided to check up on her big sister. She and Celestia hadn’t had a good chat in a while, and a good chat was something Luna really could’ve used right then and there.
She changed direction and headed towards Celestia’s bedroom, where Luna was sure she’d find the elder of the sisters snoring soundly, sleeping in at her carefree leisure instead of being up and her preparing herself for the day like she should. Perhaps something changed in the thousand years she had been away, but the last time Luna checked, princesses had a lot of responsibility to uphold, as well as a public appearance to maintain, and Celestia didn’t seem to acknowledge those things. Celestia had always been more carefree, more loose and less worrying than little Luna.
On the way there, a stallion of the Lunar Guard, still donned in his magical silver armor from a hard night’s work, passed by Luna going the opposite direction. Upon seeing the princess he served, he wheeled around on his hooves and spoke up in a gruff, Prench voice, “Um, madame?” He spoke hesitantly. “Madame, you’re going the wrong way. Your chambers are over on the west wing of the castle. You’re not lost, are you?”
Luna stopped her steady trot and turned around to face the bat pony. “It’s been two years, Chiros. I know where I’m going. I just wanted to see how my dear sister was doing before receding to my chambers for the day.”
“Eh bien, I suppose that is not against the rules,” Chiros said with a smile.
Luna gave a smirk, and trotted up to him, teasingly giving a minacious look. “And who are you to tell me what the rules are and are not, lieutenant?” she asked playfully with a snark.
“Touché, my dear princess.” Chiros gave a witty grin and bowed widely to Luna.
The two chuckled lightly.
“So where are you going, Chiros?”
“Oh, nulle part, nowhere in particular, madame,” the lieutenant sighed loudly with a hint of subtly masked exasperation, “My privates, they were giving me a rather hard time tonight. For the love of the Ancestors above, you would think they would respect a lieutenant's authority more! But non, princess, they are but rowdy teenagers. Merde au Tartare, they never listen!”
Luna gave a small laugh. “Well, you may not be the most powerful figure of authority in the Lunar Guard, but I assure you, lieutenant, you did not get where you are on mere luck. You are one of the kindest, thoughtful and generous ponies I have ever had the pleasure knowing. And that is truly saying something, for I know the Elements of Kindness and Generosity very well. After all, why else would your name literally mean ‘Helping Hand’? You’re privates are truly unaware of just how lucky they are. Just keep working at them, Chiros,” she encouraged with a smile, “One of these days – or nights, as the case may be – they will come around. I promise.
Chiros laughed weakly, worn from his long day but still trying to remain sharp and witty. “Si seulement, my princess, si seulement.” He gave another bow and went on his way.
Luna gave a weak smile at the guard fading in the distant hallway. Ah, poor Chiros, she thought, He travels all the way over here from Prance only to be pushed and tossed around, when all he wants to help and be recognized and appreciated by everypony. She gave a long exhale and continued toward Celestia’s bed chambers. I don’t suppose the feeling is unfamiliar to me.
Upon arrival at her desired destination, Luna gave a nod to each of the guards on either side of the doorway, and they each gave Luna a curt nod in return without returning eye contact or shifting body position. She opened the large double doors and entered the sun princess’s personal quarters Just as she had expected, inside the room, Celestia was sleeping the morning aw– actually, much to Luna’s surprise, Celestia was up and alert, albeit not groomed in the slightest, and reading a few pieces of parchment with a hard stare of much concern as her magic gripped them tightly and held them at her eye level.
The frown that she wore wasn’t one that fit her at all. The only frowns Celestia ever wore were either from anger, the most notorious example being any time she and Discord crossed paths, disappointment, used mostly on Philomeena in a stern and motherly way, or from sadness and emotional misery, which really only happened when she was forced to banish Luna for the sake of Equestria. No, this frown, was one of worry and unease. Neither of those emotions fit Celestia at all, and if something in a letter could unnerve Celestia, then Ancestors help them.
Luna stepped forward hesitantly and cleared her throat. She felt really awkward doing this after seeing her sister in such an atypical state. “Um . . . G-good morning, sister!” Luna spoke with a giant wave of her hoof. She tripped over her own words. “You’re up . . . Rather early! What are you reading?”
Celestia didn’t return eye contact to her little sister. “I’m allowed to get up early, Luna. I don’t always sleep in.” She paused for a split second before continuing. “I had a rather large backlist of personal letters, so I thought I’d take some time before you retired for the day to do some catch-up reading.”
Luna leaned in closer. “What’s in those letters that’s making you make that face? It’s beginning to . . . Worry me.”
The sun princess sighed deeply. “Remember those incidents of forgery a few months back?”
“. . . Yes, you could say that.” Luna remembered them all too well. Somepony out of nowhere with an amazing knack for forgery, whom to this day the royal sister knew nothing about, had starting mimicking the signatures of the two and causing mayhem. Entire factory orders had gotten messed up, and thanks to the one individual behind it all, architects, scientists and construction workers were forced to be laid off. It was still unknown why the mysterious forger had targeted those departments in general, or even why she had stopped, but certain areas in Equestria were still recovering from the mishap.
“Well, I’m pretty sure the pony behind it is back.”
“What would make you say something like that, sister?”
“These letters would.” Celestia levitated one of the letters over to Luna, who took them in her own grasp. “You know Sheen, right?”
“The Trottinghamian dragon on the board of mapmakers?”
“That would be him. Well, right now, he’s supposed to be finishing up some work he’s been doing in the South Everfree province. He just wrote to me to offer his thanks and gratitude for sending him a train ticket home and a free ticket for the Canterlot Rodeo. There’s just one problem, though.”
Luna skimmed the letter that was fancily handwritten in what looked like charcoal several times over again. “And that would be?”
Celestia stared at her little sister with a very, very hard look. “I never gave him either of those things.”
Whatever cheeriness Luna had still been trying to fake had disappeared with her sister’s last revelation. This couldn’t be good.
Seeing that she had succeeded in conveying the true gravity of what could be going on, Celestia levitated a second letter in Luna’s direction and continued, “And then there’s this one, which is even more worrying. Read who it’s from.”
Luna scanned the new letter over, slipping on a few of the words written in a very slanted handwriting. The lunar princess furrowed her brow and gave a baffled look. “‘The Great and Powerful Trixie?’ Who is that?”
Celestia merely sighed for the umpteenth time that morning. “I’ve never heard of her in my entire life. That’s not what important. Read the letter out loud.”
Straightening the worn and crumpled parchment out, Luna cleared her throat and began reading the note:
Dear Princess Celestia,
The Great and Powerful Trixie would be honored to perform at the upcoming Canterlot Rodeo. Her skills shall dazzle the crowds, and blow their minds! She also thanks you for the generous train ticket provided. It just so happened that Trixie was in the South Everfree anyway, on her countryside tour all around Equestria. But of course you knew that. After all, Trixie is rather popular, and surely word has reached Canterlot by now. Trixie shall see you in one week’s time!
Yours Truly,
–The Great and Powerful Trixie
Luna to her sister. “Did you not also send tickets for the same Rodeo to the bearers of the Elements?” she asked Celestia, who nodded in response.
Luna looked back at the two thank-you letters. “This,” she said slowly, “is troublesome.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“ALL ABOARD THE FRIENDSHIP EXPRESS!” Sammy Sham hooted wildly (and rather loudly) through her hologram, drunkenly overcome and crazed with triumph that emitted through the train’s air, “NEXT STOP: YOU’RE ALL GONNA DIE! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
She blew the train’s whistle overenthusiastically, which really only helped to make everypony panic even more than previously.
Rainbow Dash cast her Daring Do costume aside and was attempting to find a weak spot in the wall that blocked her from wringing Sammy Sham’s sorry little throat, though her method of finding it, which was recklessly charging into the wall with neither rhyme nor reason, was proving rather fruitless thanks to the magical reinforcement Sammy had put up with her stolen spellcasting to help further barricade her. Nevertheless, Rainbow only let out a frustrated war cry and continued slamming into the barrier even harder.
Amidst it all, Spike was lost and tripped up in the utter bedlam and hysteria of everything. The baby dragon’s main priority was to stay out of the way of all trouble that was coming out of the utter madness Sammy had concocted, and to find a way out of the mob of passengers he was drowning inside of.
Which is why he was incredibly thankful, if at first startled, when a set of teeth from nowhere clamped down upon the thick green spines atop his head and yanked him out of the sea of panicked bodies, a sensation which was said to feel very similar to a pony having their hair brutally yanked. After getting over the initial pain in his spines, he looked up to see his guardian Twilight staring down at him.
“Come on, Spike!” the purple mare hissed, “We have to get moving before she notices!” Without the magical capabilities she normally had at hand, she was forced to yet again use her teeth to hoist Spike up. The baby dragon landed plumply upon Twilight’s back, and the two slowly slipped out of the car amidst the chaos. After completely entering
The train flew over the tracks and ascended up the Bogie Mountains, following the sharp turns laid out before it by the rails, which made the locomotive lurch and reel in short, jagged motions at the alarming speed it was traveling at. It wouldn’t be long before Canterlot was reached. At the newfound pace that Sammy had pushed the Friendship Express to go, it would only be a few hours before the great city was stormed and the garden attacked.
Irwin tried banging the door down with his powerful bucking for the umpteenth time, trying to come off fierce but failing to mask his stronger feelings of fear and distress. “SLOW THIS THING DOWN, YOU MENTALLY TWISTED FRUIT LOOP! WE’RE GOING TOO FAST!” Another two or three bucks.. “DOES NOPONY LISTEN TO ME!? I SAID SLOW THE TRAIN DOWN! I’M GOING TO LOSE MY LUNCH!” His words failed to catch anyone's attention.
With a burst of magic, Sammy shot the door from inside the engine room, blasting the Horstralian wrangler clear across the cabin. He knocked into Rainbow Dash while soaring through the air, and landed on top of her after the two landed. As Irwin hazily tried to regain control of his faculties, Rainbow slammed a tan painted hoof down several times from underneath the rather husky stallion, muttering something along the lines of “get off of me you fat lump” in a muffled and angry voice.
“I'm terribly sorry, Sir Wranglem,” Sammy’s hologram said haughtily, a hoof upon her chest and her chin raised upwards in an air of snootiness, “but this locomotive refuses to make unnecessary stops for anypony!”
Sammy released her haughty stance and slammed both hooves down with a crazed grin wide across her face. “We’re doin’ one eighty right now! To Canterlot! To Discord’s uprising! To chaos! Ahahahahahaha!” In response, Irwin went straight back to his futile attempts at breaking down the door.
Sammy laughed at his meek attempts. “Man!” she shouted in between her bouts of laughter, “You’re almost as stubborn as miss redneck over there! Why, if you two were bro and sis, I’d say you’d make a great couple!” She let out a repressed snicker. “Get it? Because you’re rednecks!?” She threw her head back in laughter at her own offensive and rather lame joke.
When nopony else laughed, she simply waved a dismissive hoof at them. “Bah, sticks in the mud.”
“JUST LET US OFF OF THIS STUPID TRAIN, YOU MONSTER!” Amethyst yelled.
Sammy gave a bone chilling chuckle. “Aw, you know I can’t do that, Ammy.”
Amethyst glared venomous daggers at the hologram. “Don’t you dare call me that,” she snarled with acidic hatred. The amount of animosity that Amethyst was conveying unnerved everypony in the train car. Everypony, of course, save for the one pony that all of the malice was being directed at.
Sammy merely smiled in amusement at the chord she had struck, and uttered a high pitched giggle. “Oh, man, you blokes are just too easy! But in all cerealness, folks, my answer remains the same: I am simply having way too much fun with you guys to let you skedaddle on off right now, after everything I’ve done in preparation for this moment! I mean, come ON! Just look at you guys! We have the among us six Element bearers, two dragons, two corrupted souls, and you’re all running around like your flanks are ablaze! This entire train is just brimming with chaos! We’re like a big chaos missile, and we’re headed straight for the castle gardens! Now, I know I said that I despised using Applejack’s redneck accent, and that remains true, but I think this is an appropriate time to say, YEEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAW!”
That last remark really sent everypony into utter hysteria. Fluttershy clutched her mysterious wooden box harder than ever before, on the verge of crushing it and spilling whatever lay inside. Irwin had refused to give on bucking through Sammy’s monologue, and now lay in an exhausted heap against the wall, lightly weeping in defeat. Sheen was pounding a black fist on the door, looking through the glass with murderous rage in his eyes. He shouted countless profanities, which were accompanied by vicious flames that spewed out from his jaws and licked the door’s surface in venomous animosity.
Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Rarity were all furiously arguing about what to do next, achieving absolutely nothing with their senseless quarreling save for more noise in the already loud atmosphere. Amethyst Star was trying her hardest to shield Dinky Doo from all sides. Spike was frantically chasing Twilight around the room as Twilight shouted out things about a plan to stop Sammy Sham. From what Spike could hear, the plan was completely and utterly senseless, and the dragon thanked his lucky stars that Twilight was unable to perform a “Want it, Need it” spell at the moment.
And in the epicenter of it all was a pink, limp, little pile of a defeated Pinkie Pie, weeping to herself as her lively mane lost its volume and went straight. She withdrew herself from all the awfulness around her. Nothing had gone right. Nothing. This entire mystery and train ride in general had been nothing short of a trainwreck, both metaphorically and, in a matter of minutes, literally. Sammy Sham had succeeded, and Pinkie and her friends had failed.
And it was all her fault. She couldn’t deny it. She didn’t take it seriously enough. Try and try as hard as she may, Pinkie just couldn’t take the case seriously, and now she was paying the awful, awful price. She could try to convince her friends, her family, even herself that she could be serious, but in truth, there was always somepony yelling her name in that exasperated and frustrated Pinkie knew so dreadfully well, telling her to take things seriously.
”PINKIE!”
The voice was always there, no matter who it was coming from, and she had ignored it to prove that she truly was being serious. That voice, yelling her name, it never went away. That lingering responsibility and cruelty of reality was always there to bite her in the flank.
”PINKIE!”
That accursed voice. It never went away. Somepony was always telling her that she was doing something wrong, something that she never bothered to correct or even identify.
”PINKIE!”
Even now, in her own pool of sorrow, depression and misery, the voice wouldn’t go away. It swam around inside her head, mocking her with it’s one cruel, ever changing voice and evil one word that it repeated over and over and over to the end of time.
”PINKIE!”
. . . Wait a minute. That wasn’t a voice inside her head. She knew that voice.
Pinkie Pie picked her head up to lock eyes with her co-worker Bon Bon, who had apparently been the one shouting at her. She was firmly grasping something in her tail.
Sammy Sham, who had been in a fit of loud, sadistic laughter, turned to face Bon Bon with a quizzical gaze, and blinked vacantly. “What the– The hay’re you doing? The hay’re you holding?”
“PINKIE!” Bon Bon shouted through the din, ignoring Sammy’s question, “CATCH!” Bringing her tail back and forming a readied stance, she flung the item right in Pinkie’s direction, and Pinkie could only watch as the projectile flew closer and closer to her until–
*WHAP!*
The projectile landed squarely between Pinkie’s eyes, making a sound upon collision that sounded very, very painful to everypony. That is, it would have sounded painful if anypony other than Pinkie Pie herself had heard it over all the noise already being made. Half the ponies in the train car, in fact, hadn’t realized that Bon Bon had left and now re-entered with whatever it was Bon Bon had just hurled at her at such powerful velocity.
Pinkie Pie held out her front hooves as the object fell from its landing point (though it didn’t leave without making quite a nasty mark), and the pink mare finally got a good look at it. She immediately recognized it, but she wasn’t sure what to make of it. The black can’s vexing red and green pony silhouettes and showy silver print glared back at her in the light from the cabin. Why in the name of the Ancestors would Bon Bon want to give her her Moxipower? She couldn’t really be suggesting . . .
However, upon looking back up at her coworker’s straight face, Pinkie’s worries were all but confirmed.
Through the bedlam and mishap around her, Pinkie Pie gave Bon Bon a very distinct facial expression that said, Are you crazy? We don’t know what could happen if I drink this stuff! We could wind up in a disaster!
Bon Bon gave a responsive and equally distinct look right back that said, I’m not sure how much attention you’ve been paying to what’s going on, Pinkie, but we’re sort of already in a pretty big disaster!
Though worried, Pinkie looked around the room and had to agree that the train ride couldn’t get much worse.
Looking down at the enigmatic can of liquid again, Pinkie cracked open the top and, with great reluctance, closed her eyes as she began downing the enchanting drink inside.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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♫ We're goin' off the rails on the Pinkie train... ♫ It's always exciting to see long-forgotten works suddenly spring back to life. I should really do the same with my Toonami fanfiction. Although the biggest developments in this very much delayed update (not tryin' to make you feel guilty or anything...criminal scum) took place outside the train, it was pretty exciting nonetheless. It's a damn shame there aren't more people following.
Welp, Sammy's doomed.
Ah, it's so frustrating to find a really engaging story that turns out to have been un-updated for almost half a year... just when things started to get really interesting! I can only hope that you pick this up again soon.
And I'm hoping that Trixie actually gets to do something, because other than playing damsel in distress and leaving that note, she's done very little while the 'heroes' say rude things about her behind her back.
I'm guessing this story isn't continuing. Shame, it's really good.