1100 Miles Remain
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1300 MILES TRAVELED
1100 MILES REMAIN
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Tossing and turning in her bed from her inability to sleep in unfamiliar places, Amethyst Star grunted in frustration and defeat in her fight to overcome her severe insomnia. She scowled at the dark landscape outside the cabin window, hoping that maybe she would make some higher being watching over her feel bad for costing her her much needed beauty sleep. Only distant thunder and lightning answered the mare, who sighed and laid back down on her stiff mattress.
It was nearing 11:15 at night; or so the clock on Amethyst’s nightstand read. She never trusted clocks that she wasn’t accustomed to using. She didn’t trust things that were new or unfamiliar to her in general. Having foalsat Dinky for so long, she was content with staying within the small filly’s innocent world. She didn’t like interacting with other ponies that much, and was easily irritable.
The sleepless unicorn drifted back in her mind to a better place, hoping to find sleep in her memories. Her thoughts landed on the events of the Sisterhooves Social from last year. Several of Dinky’s classmates were participating, and the poor little filly was without a sister with whom to compete. And so, Amethyst had volunteered to act as a surrogate sister for the competition. The thing was, Amethyst kind of thought of Dinky Hooves as the little sister she never had. The two shared quite a strong bond for a foal and her foalsitter. They even ended up winning 4th place in the Social.
Amethyst’s thoughts were disbanded from a startling flash of lightning and deafeningly strident crash of thunder. Amethyst had no idea how far up she went when she jumped, but she easily could’ve hit her head on Dinky’s bunk above her had she gone just a tiny bit higher. Upon fully regaining sense of the present once again, she gave a grumpy sigh and leaned her head down against what she was convinced was the most uncomfortable pillow in all of Equestria. The higher beings watching over her obviously didn’t feel bad one bit.
“A-a-ammy . . .?” a tiny, trembling voice dared to utter from above, “Are you s-still awake . . .?”
Amethyst sighed and answered the voice. “Yes, Dinky, I’m still awake.” In response, the small head belonging to a fretful young unicorn filly peered down from her bed above. Her eyes were full of fright.
Amethyst gave a weak but kind hearted smile. “You can’t sleep either, huh?” The foalsitter asked.
“I-I don’t like the thunder. And I thought I saw a monster outside of the window.” Dinky had now climbed completely out of bed and was looking at Amethyst with puppy eyes.
Amethyst tapped her uncomfortable mattress with a hoof. “C’mere.” Dinky hopped up and snuggled in next to Amethyst under the covers. “Don’t you worry your sweet little head, Dinky,” Amethyst assured her, “the monster can’t get us as long as we’re in this train. What did this big, mean monster look like, anyways?”
Dinky gave a scared look. “It was like a really big snake, but it looked like it was smiling, and it was really white and shiny like a ghost. And he was talking to a bunny rabbit.”
“Well, that doesn’t sound so scary, does it? In fact, that monster sounds really silly!” Amethyst said with a confident giggle that was very convincing. Part of the reason the giggle sounded so convincing because Amethyst really did partly believe that it was ridiculous to be frightened by a creature such as the one described. Furthermore, it didn’t sound like any dangerous creature she had heard of, so it was probably just the lightning playing tricks on the poor filly’s eyes.
Whatever the reason, the giggle had indeed worked, easing Dinky’s troubles away, and calming her down.
“I’m really happy you’re my foalsitter, Ammy.”
“I’m really happy I’m your foalsitter, as well, Dinky.”
“I love you, Ammy,” Dinky muttered before falling asleep snuggled up against her caretaker.
“. . . . . . . . I love you, too, Dinky,” Amethyst whispered to the snoozing filly after a moment of not knowing how to respond. She too quickly went to sleep afterwards.
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“WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS, YOU FIEND!?” Rarity shouted into the pitch-dark of the cabin while she struggled inside her upside-down rope bindings. “UNTIE ME THIS INSTANT OR I SWEAR TO THE ANCESTORS AND BEYOND, I WILL SHOW A WORLD OF MISERY!”
“Oh, cool your jets, you snappy mare.” Sheen hopped down from his bunk and moved over towards Rarity. He slapped a strap of duct tape over the seamstress’s mouth, preventing her from mouthing any further threats. He grinned. “There, much better. Can’t have you or your friends calling attention to the rest of the passengers, now can we?”
“You mean you’ve been the thief all along?” Applejack exclaimed in a hushed tone from her rope snare.
“Not at all,” Sheen said as he stretched his scaly black arms openly. “If anything, I’m the only definite good guy aboard this forsaken train!”
Spike wiggled from his own prison. “Then why do you have to trap us? We’re trying to solve this mystery, too!”
Sheen moved towards the younger dragon and glared with deep, red, acrimonious slits. “Because I know how these things work,” he growled with malice, “I’ve seen the darker corners of Equestria and the lands beyond. And I don’t make the dumb mistake you tossers keep making!”
“Yeah?” Applejack asked in the same half whisper as before, “And what ‘mistake’ might that be, pardner?”
Sheen focused his leer on Applejack.
“Trust.”
“That’s no way to solve a mystery!” Applejack snapped. “You said it yourself! We’re sharing the same tight living space! We should be friends, not enemies!”
“Aye,” the dragon said, a sharp claw pointing in the farmer’s direction, “but that was before one of you little ponies took my precious maps!”
“Somepony stole your maps?” Spike and Applejack asked, shocked.
“Oh, don’t any of you DARE play ignorant!” Sheen spat. He turned to face Rarity, who was still silenced from the duct tape. “Especially you!” He pointed an accusatory claw in Rarity’s face, who looked offended upon accusation.
“Mmmm?” she muffled.
“Yes, you. Don’t think I’m not onto your little plan! You think it was a coincidence that I just happened to mysteriously pass out right after you had visited this cabin?”
“Mhm.” The bound unicorn nodded.
Sheen gave an unamused glower. “Oh, shut up. Anyways, I thought you’d come back here to steal whatever else I had left, so I came prepared . . .” He reached under his pillow on the top bunk bed, and pulled out a pair of beautiful diamond earrings.
“. . . With a little . . . Bargaining chip.” Sheen’s evil grin spread as widely as imaginable.
It was at this point that Rarity utterly lost it. Upon seeing her favorite earrings in the clutches of her captor, she began flailing and thrashing in the most erratic and convulsive manner any of the others in the cabin had ever seen in their lives. She started screaming through the tape on her mouth. In her capricious spasms, she slammed into Applejack several times.
“Ow!” Applejack snapped, “Watch it, partner! You’re hittin’ me right in the – OW! Quit it! WILL ONE OF YOU TWO HELP ME SHUT HER UP!?”
Spike’s gaze shifted from side to side. “Well, you know, I would, but at the moment I’m a bit ti–“
“Finish that sentence and I swear to the Ancestors above I will injure you,” Applejack stated with a fierce gaze. Spike quickly shut up.
Sheen rolled his eyes and casually grabbed Rarity mid-flailing, which didn’t seem to help calm the unicorn down. “Now then,” the carbon colored dragon started, “We are both civilized creatures of logic, yes?” He didn’t wait for an answer from Rarity, who was glaring daggers at him. “So, putting that logic to good use, would you not agree that the best course of action would be for you to give me my maps back, and me to give you your earrings in return?”
Rarity’s muffled response was unclear, though the others imagined it was filled with all sorts of unspeakable profanity. Sheen smiled in delight at her fury, while Spike groaned. “For the last time, we don’t know where your maps went! If you’d untie us, we could help you look! You’re not doing anypony any good keeping us tied up like this!”
“I don’t take chances, kiddo.” Sheen pressed a finger into Spike’s nose. “And none of you are going anywhere!”
A second later, the train’s weight shifted, and the entire locomotive accelerated. Sheen was thrown to the back of the cabin thanks to the sudden increase in speed, and the jolt was just powerful enough to loosen Spike’s bindings enough to allow him the opportunity to break free. Slashing at the rope, he hacked himself loose and started to free Rarity and Applejack. After both mares were fully mobile, and Rarity was able to speak again, they all faced Sheen. The teenage dragon steadily stood up from his fall earlier and took a readied stance.
“Come at me, you little buggers!” roared Sheen, “I got enough fire in my lungs to roast you lot into shish kabobs!” He spat a rather lethal looking fireball at the ground to prove his point, briefly illuminating the dark room. Applejack and Rarity were taken back from this, showing fear towards the black reptile. Spike, on the other hand, remained unwavering, going so far as to even don a small smile in the face of the creature that stood at least three times taller than him.
“Fireproof scales,” Spike remarked, giving his thick chest a short rap, “We settle this mano y mano!”
Before either dragon could start fighting, however, the train’s weight shifted again, and all four cabin occupiers, tripped over themselves and each again. The train started traveling even faster now, reaching at least twice its original pace.
“The bloody hay does that engineer think he’s doin’!?” Sheen shouted, violently throwing Spike off from on top of him. The mapmaker bolted out the cabin door angrily and headed for the engine room at the front of the accelerating train. After some brief exchanging of glances, Applejack, Rarity and Spike ran off after him.
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Pinkie Pie was not a pleasant pony to be around when she was angry. This was mostly due to the fact that not a lot of things set her off, so if something did, it usually meant that it was something significant (at least in Pinkie’s eyes).
Another reason was because Pinkie was incomparably random and volatile. Granted, she was usually an unpredictable mare to begin with, but seething rage did nothing short of amplify that.
“Duck and cover!” Rainbow Dash yelled as Pinkie donned a bright red hue started making a noise akin to a boiling tea kettle. The incensed earth pony rocketed off of the carpeted floor and began to ricochet off of the walls and ceiling. Twilight and Dash dove for the ground, doing their best to avoid contact with Pinkie.
“WHO ATE MY CUPCAKES!?” the pink mare bellowed with an ethereal and demonic undertone.
“It’s okay, Pinkie!” Rainbow shouted, trying to calm her seething friend. Needless to say, it didn’t work. Pinkie’s fury was unwavering. She continued in her blazing rampage, a noise similar to a reverberating bullet beginning to echo throughout the train car. Twilight and Rainbow Dash silently made the decision to wait Pinkie Pie out, hoping she would calm down again after she had let this out of her system. After a good length of time went by with Pinkie showing no signs of stopping, or even starting to tire, they gave up on the waiting out plan.
“What do we do, Twi!?” yelled Dash.
“We have to get back to Applejack and Rarity’s cabin and exchange notes!” Twilight yelled back with strong urgency.
“I MEANT ABOUT PINKIE, YOU DOLT!”
“If we can catch whoever did this before it’s too late,” Twilight explained with a raised voice, “we can get Pinkie Pie her cupcakes!”
“We don’t have time to spare!” Dash objected, “This entire train ride has been one big mess! I just want this thing solved in as little time as possible! No egghead analyzing!”
Suddenly, Pinkie stopped bouncing off the walls unpredictably and instead flew right to the train car door. “HEADS WILL ROLL,” she affirmed loudly, her real voice completely gone and entirely replaced by the demonic undertone. With what seemed to be an unseeable force from who knows where, the pink mare rose to her hind legs and obliterated the door before her with the motion of a push, though she never actually touched it. She tore through the passageway and through the next car’s hallway until destroying the next door down and continuing her rampage through a third car. She left a trail of burning flames and pieces of ripped carpet in her wake.
Rainbow Dash looked at the path of devastation and blinked twice. “That’s it,” she declared, “I’m telling that gosh darned engineer to stop this train before we get any closer to Canterlot.” She flew off after Pinkie Pie, leaving Twilight alone.
“Rainbow!” she griped, “Wait for me!” She galloped after her two friends as quickly as she could muster, tripping over herself several times as the train picked up speed.
When Twilight arrived at the front of the train, she was exhausted. It was far too late at night for her to be doing this kind of running. As she panted in attempt to retrieve her breath, she noticed Pinkie Pie mindlessly slamming forehoof after forehoof against the thick, gray steel door to the engine room. Rainbow Dash was trying to get a shot at the door as well, but couldn’t find any clear opening in Pinkie’s senseless beatings.
“COWARD! YOU TAKE WHAT IS NOT YOURS AND YOU HIDE BEHIND YOUR DOOR!” Pinkie Pie boomed, “OPEN IT AND RETURN WHAT YOU HAVE STOLEN, FIEND, AND PERHAPS YOU MAY SUFFER A SLIGHTLY LESS EXCRUCIATING DEMISE!” She continued wailing away on the door, but for reasons beyond Twilight, the enraged mare was unable to leave a single dent, mark or even scratch on the steel door. Twilight looked at Rainbow Dash, who returned the glance.
“I have no idea, either,” she said, still trying to get a crack at the door, “A door shouldn’t be standing after what Pinkie here has done.”
“Oi! You three!” Sheen called, charging toward them at a steady and alarming rate, and stopping just short of a nasty collision with Twilight, “What’s going on in there!?”
“We don’t know,” Rainbow responded, “we can’t seem to open it.”
Sheen cracked his knuckles. “Then allow me.” He stepped forward, about to move Pinkie Pie, who was still furiously pummeling the door, out of the way.
“Um!” Twilight interjected, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you!”
Sheen turned back to face Twilight and gave a smart aleck’s smile. “Well then,” he smirked, “it’s certainly a good thing that you aren’t me.”
As the black-as-coal dragon moved his claws toward Pinkie Pie, the earth pony wheeled around slammed a hoof into him. “NONE ARE TO INTERRUPT ME!” Pinkie roared.
Sheen flew back halfway across the train and landed square on his head. Sitting up, he rubbed his sore skull. “What gives!?” he exclaimed.
“I warned you,” said Twilight with an eye roll.
“What’s goin’ on!?” asked a panicked Applejack. Rarity and Spike followed closely behind.
“The pink one here has flipped her lid, and we can’t get into the engine room,” Sheen summarized.
“Did you try using any magic to get through the door?” Spike asked Twilight.
Twilight blinked. “Actually, no, didn’t really even get the chance to consider that.” The mare took a readying stance. “Oh, well, better late than never. Stand back everypony! This might get messy!” Her horn started to glow with its iconic magenta aura. A small whirlwind started forming around her as she scrunched her eyes shut, gritted her teeth and concentrated on performing the spell.
Only nothing happened. The spell was unable to be executed for reasons Twilight didn’t know. Instead, all the group got was a sound similar to somepony blowing a raspberry. Twilight’s horn flickered, and released a few small pink sparks, but nothing happened.
“What the–” said Twilight, a dumbfounded look of shock across her face, “Why won’t my magic work? Rarity?” She turned to her fellow unicorn friend, who attempted a more simple spell but still had the same results.
“How is that even possible!?” Rarity exclaimed, looking up at her off-white horn in shock and horror.
“YOU WILL FACE MY WRATH!” Pinkie shouted abruptly, increasing the force being applied to the cold steel door.
“Um,” asked Spike, “can we do something about her?”
Applejack stepped forward, reared her hind legs and gave Pinkie a powerful buck just as she noticed the hooves flying towards her face. The pink mare flew into the side of the train car, slumped to the ground, and moaned.
“Wowzers,” she muttered after a beat, rubbing her face with two forehooves, “That’s gonna be hurtin’ tomorrow.” She got up on all fours and looked around. “How did we get here? What did I miss?”
Everyone shared a moment of silence in total awe and shock at the sudden transition, especially after Sheen, a powerful dragon that stood at twice her height, had failed to even touch her. Finally, Applejack broke the silence with a leg cross as she spoke.
“Never underestimate the power of a good applebuckin’,” she said with pride.
All of a sudden, the cheesy music being emitted over the scratchy intercom was halted. A voice came out over the speakers, being projected and heard all throughout the rocketing train. “Jeez,” it said with snarkiness, “You Apples really are full of yourselves, aren’t ya?”
“Who the hay is that?” Rainbow Dash shouted back up towards the intercom speaker, taking her hat off so that the brim didn’t get in the way of looking at the speaker, as though she could intimidate whoever was on the other end by giving their means of communication a death glare. The other ponies (and dragons) in the train car looked at each other. None of them had a clue. The voice didn’t belong to any member aboard the train, unless Steamer had a much more feminine voice than suspected.
“Restrain yourself, little miss fangirl,” the voice warned, “I’ll get to that in good time. First, I think Ms. Pie over here deserves an explanation.” The sound of a throat being cleared was distinctly heard. Pinkie looked up at the speaker curiously. “The last thing you remember is Twilight telling you about the cupcakes, correct?”
“Oh, yeah!” said Pinkie, “Now I remember! Then I got super angry because stealing isn’t very nice.”
“Heh, yes, well, to say you got ‘super angry’ is a bit of an understatement, deary,” the voice chuckled.
“Wait,” Twilight said with a hoof raised in the air like a foal in school who had a question, “How did you know about the cupca–”
“If we could save our questions until the end class, please? That would be just swell,” said the voice, “Now, to address our cosplaying little nerd’s question . . .”
“HAY!” Rainbow shouted.
“. . . I am a mare of many, many names. Too many for me to keep track of, or even count. You, however, may call me Samantha Sham. That’s Sammy for short. I take pride in being the greatest and most skilled counterfeiter in all of Equestria, as well perhaps the most dashingly beautiful one. I have made the practice of forgery a sheer art! You give me a priceless, unique item, and I'll have a perfect replica in no time! Though, you may know me by a name more familiar to you: Apple Crumble.”
“WHAT!?” Everypony shouted in unison.
“Oh, it’s true!” Sammy said cheerily, “Just look through the window on this here door!”
Everypony crammed around the small window. Through it, they saw Apple Crumble, a microphone in her hoof as she waved with an toothy smile plastered on her face. On the floor next to her lay an unconscious Steamer.
“Hey, guys!” Sammy Sham said over the intercom system as Apple Crumble mouthed it in perfect sync.
“Im . . . Impossible,” Applejack stuttered, “Are you even–”
“Your cousin? Nah,” Sammy said without any care, “but I know that every member of your hick family is a sucker for trusting one another, so it was the easiest way to slip under. After all, would any of your friends dare question a member of your family, knowing the rather painful consequences you might dish out were you to catch wind of such accusations? I’ll answer that for you: not in a million years. You’re quite the imposing figure if I do say so myself. And I am saying so myself. But I digress. Do you know how hard it is to pull that disgusting redneck accent!? Blegh! I’ve had to do some accents before, but Ancestors above, you guys sound retarded!”
“Cut that out!” Rainbow Dash barked as she flew up to the speaker, facing it down with her tan painted coat, “Applejack sounds fine! Why are you trying so hard to make me angry, huh?”
“Oh, I’m not doing all of this just to make you angry, my fine, featherbrained friend,” Sammy replied with a chuckle of amusement. The harsh loudness of the speakers right in Dash’s face failed to faze her while she was this aggravated. “That is merely a fun little fringe benefit of my . . . escapade.”
“Then why, pray tell, you thieving scandal,” Pinkie inquired with squinting blue eyes, her deerstalker and pipe back from the nowhere they had disappeared into, “are you here, hmm?” She tapped her pipe on the steel door’s thick window and raised an eyebrow, expecting an answer from the mare that had duped her so gracefully.
“And why can’t I use my magic!?” Twilight asked, using a much harsher tone than Pinkie Pie had. The librarian stomped an angry hoof against the train car’s carpeted floor, hardly even producing a sound to match that of the train engine in the other car working overtime. The tactic had certainly proven much more useful when Applejack used it.
“And what’s with the speeding up!?” Sheen loudly demanded with outstretched arms, “I can hardly keep my footing!”
“Apapap!” Sammy said through the intercom, “Questions later, remember? I’m making an absolutely grand monologue here, and all of you are too caught up in your silly little questions to see how grand it is! In fact, I think I have a brilliant idea!” A fumbling noise was heard through the speaker, and when Sammy’s voice was heard again, it was more quiet and distant. Looking through the window, Twilight saw that she was perusing her surroundings for something while messing with the microphone in her hooves. “Now where’s the volume on this thing? Man, doesn’t this idiot keep a manual of some sorts around here? Somewhere? Anywhere?”
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Amethyst Star rested peacefully in her bunk bed as night struggled to fight back the first few streaks of dawn’s calming light. It was still rather dark out, so Amethyst was deep in slumber as expected, the unicorn filly she was foalsitting snoozing peacefully in her embrace. Amethyst truly wished nights like these would never end sometimes, letting her and Dinky sleep for as long as they do please.
“ATTENTION ALL PASSENGERS!” an unfamiliar voice boomed with blatantly fake friendliness through the intercom system, waking up both Amethyst and Dinky as harshly as imaginable. They both jumped into the air, landing on the hard yet carpeted ground after falling seconds later. “THE FRIENDSHIP EXPRESS IS SUCCESSFULLY MOVING FORWARD . . .”
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“. . . TOWARDS CANTERLOT AS PLANNED!”
“The hay does he have to wake us up for that?” Bon Bon muttered with a yawn from the bed in her cabin, groggily trying to rub the sleep out of her eyes with a hoof. It was only her rotten luck that the moment she had gotten her mind off of the missing cupcakes that would surely cost her her dream job and dozed off that she was awoken rather rudely by somepony else.
She suddenly put her hoof down in realization, shock freezing her facial features in a nervous position. “Wait a minute . . . that isn’t Uncle Steamer . . .”
“HOWEVER, THERE’S BEEN . . .”
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“. . . A SLIGHT CHANGE IN PLANS, AS WELL AS ONE IN MANAGEMENT.”
Fluttershy gave a look of concern at the loudspeaker she had been watching. She tightly clutched the mysterious wooden box in her hooves. “A . . . Slight change in plans? What does that mean? And who . . . Is that?”
“BUT BEFORE I GET INTO THAT . . .”
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“. . . I’D LIKE TO REQUEST THAT ALL PASSENGERS CONGREGATE RIGHT OUTSIDE THE ENGINE ROOM IN THE FRONT OF THE TRAIN. I’LL DO SOME EXPLAINING FROM THERE. TOODLES!”
Irwin Wranglem threw his head over his pillow. “Stupid mystery mares,” he mumbled, “with their requestin’ and toodlin’.” He turned in his bed, dismissing the mysterious voice and its wake up call.
“OH, YEAH, ONE MORE THING: IF YOU DON’T COME, LIKE, Y’KNOW, RIGHT NOW, YOU WON’T BE ALIVE WHEN THE TRAIN REACHES CANTERLOT!” she squeaked way too cheerfully, giving a short, sadistic giggle. Irwin’s eyes shot open. He threw the covers off of himself and dashed out the cabin door, struggling to put his hat on as he reached full gallop. After all, despite the rather silly manner it was spoken in, the mysterious mare and her threat of death sounded all too serious.
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Everypony that could was now out of their cabins and in front of the room. Twilight, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Spike, Sheen, Fluttershy, Irwin Wranglem, Amethyst Star, and little Dinky Doo were tightly packed into the small, small area and nervously chattering amongst each other about what in the name of the Ancestors above was going on.
Fluttershy, being both claustrophobic and not a fan of social interactions even in a time of panic and chaos, had silently receded to the back of the crowd, protectively cradling her peculiar wooden box under her wings’ stiff vice grip with all of her strength.
The chatter died down as it was harshly replaced by the unpleasant and loud sound of microphone feedback blasting through the scratchy intercom system over everypony’s heads.
“Alright,” Sammy Sham announced over the train’s low quality microphone after a beat had passed and the microphone feedback dissipated into a static crackle, “are we all here and accounted for?”
“Um,” Irwin asked with a raised hoof and confused look, “Weren’t there two more? The blue showoff and Miss Bouncy Braids?”
“Groovy, we’re all here,” Sammy responded.
Irwin blinked. Did she not hear him a second ago? “No, I just said that I’m pretty sure we’re missing–”
“Okey dokey needle pokey!” Sammy confirmed with delight, cutting Irwin off midsentence and leaving the poor animal wrangler with his hoof still raised and his mouth frozen forming the next words he was going to speak. He sighed, and put his hoof down gently with a sad look. Why everypony constantly felt so obligated to interrupt and ignore him wherever he went, he would never understand.
“So!” Sammy continued in a jolly voice displaying no concern, emotion or care, “Yeah, we are indeed a few short on your side, but as some of you guys already know, I am Apple Crumble!”
“You’re WHAT NOW!?” Bon Bon exclaimed loudly with a tiny slip of her accent, drawing everypony’s attention. She immediately blushed a bright strawberry red, trying her hardest in her embarrassed state to quickly and silently indicate that she did not want such attention.
“Yepperdoodles, you heard me loud and clear, Bons!" Bon Bon growled loudly at the nickname. "You all can call me Sammy, though. It’s what I prefer. So, yeah, I was the one who stole all your dandy little trinkets! That includes Little Miss Redneck’s hat, hormonal dragon boy’s maps, pink psycho’s cupcakes, and nerd-o-rama’s turtle’s flying doohickey!” She quieted down for a second, trailing off. “Or is it a thingamabob? Eh, who cares? I took ‘em all!”
“But your necklace!” said Twilight, “That was stolen, too!”
“Oh, puh LEASE tell me I didn’t actually fool anypony with that. Did I really?” Sammy let out a hearty laugh, which soon dissolved into a fit of laughter. “Man, you guys are amateurs at this mystery game! My necklace was never stolen! I hid it myself!” She continued laughing, now rather hysterically. Her joy could be sensed through the train’s microphone.
The thief cleared her throat with a cough, residue laughter still bubbling up, and continued. “Well, if you guys really are that stupid, I guess I should do some more explaining. I don’t mean to pull of the villain cliché after all this but . . . Oh wait, yes I do. This is going to be fun! But first, before I do anything else . . .”
From behind the thick steel door to the engine room, a bright, lime green glow began harshly emitting, accompanied with the sound of a highly powerful spell being conjured. Among the crowd, Twilight, Rarity, Dinky and Amethyst all dropped to their knees in pain. They all started getting splitting headaches and migraines stemming from their horns that grew more progressively agonizing as time went on and the green light grew brighter.
“Ammy!” Dinky wailed through the pain and fear, “What’s happening!? Why does my head hurt so much!?”
“I don’t know, Dinky,” Amethyst said back, trying to mask her fear and comfort the terrified foal while still remaining at a loud enough volume to get her words of sympathy across to Dinky. It wasn’t an easy task, seeing that the sound of conjuring was still growing louder. The foalsitter desperately looked at Twilight for an answer. If anypony in the crowd knew anything about what the hay was going on, it would be her. She was a capable magician. Perhaps she could help Amethyst reassure poor Dinky. However, when Twilight caught a glance of Amethyst, the two locked eyes, and Twilight gave a shake of her head and a sad look. I’m sorry, the look seemed to say, I don’t know what’s going on. I wish I could, but I can’t help you, Dinky or anypony at the moment.
After what seemed like an eternity for the four suffering and pain stricken unicorns, yet only a few lengthy moments for everypony else, the green light and noise exploded in a captivating yet menacing show of sights and sounds that blinded and deafened everypony witnessing it, especially for the four unicorns, who felt as though their bodies were about to give out from the pain they were experiencing.
When the passengers’ vision came back, all of them were staring at the exact same sight as before, save for one ever so minor detail:
A gigantic hologram of Sammy Sham, the microphone and an unconscious Steamer laying motionless at her hooves. She wore her golden necklace, the beautiful jade glowing the same lime green as before and emitting a pulsating aura. Sammy wore an evil and victorious grin.
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“Ah!” Sammy’s transparent emulation sighed loudly over the train’s over driven engine, stretching this way and that if only to needlessly show off and flaunt her limber flexibility, “This is much better than that crumby old microphone! Now, let’s address some questions before you ask them.” Her jade necklace glowed brighter, and the pulse’s frequency began to increase as a low humming noise filled the air. The four unicorns keeled over in pain again. After a much shorter amount of time than the last spell’s preparations, a hologram reminiscent of Twilight appeared with a poof next to Sammy’s own. It had a very dumb and dim-witted stance about it, and as it spoke, it used a voice much deeper than Twilight’s. In fact, it sounded like a voice Twilight herself might use to mock someone and paint them in an idiotic light.
“Samantha Sham!” the Twilight hologram exclaimed with a melodramatic yet sincere-seeming look of awe.
“Please,” said Sammy’s hologram with a raised hoof and turned head, refusing to acknowledge the other apparition yet, “Call me Sammy.” She spoke as though she were the most famous celebrity in Equestria, and the Twilight hologram was certainly treating her as if it were true.
“How are you using this magical spell!?” Twilight’s double asked dumbfoundedly, “You’re an earth pony!”
“Well, you see, dear Twilight, this here necklace of mine, while not a family heirloom, is rather important. Not just important to me, but to my plan.” The transparent Sammy leaned down to face the real Twilight, who was glaring at the mocking hologram that mocked her. “Tell me, Twilight,” Sammy asked, “what is your knowledge concerning the magical properties of jade?”
Not seeing where this was going, Twilight answered her, rattling off the facts like a living textbook. “Jade is an opaque mineral, found in abundance in the rainforests of Northern Zebrica, but seldom anywhere else. During the trading circles around 300 SR, around 1,800 years ago, Japony acquired a surplus of jade, where the wizards of the time began to study it greatly. After about half a century of it being around Japony, the royalty banned its use after many instances of . . .” She froze. Her eyes grew wide while her pupils inside shrank.
“. . . Leech Magic . . .” Twilight murmured.
“What was that, sugarcube?” Applejack asked.
Sammy grinned widely and leaned toward the purple unicorn. “Yes, sugarcube, why don’t you tell your little friends here all about the wonders of Leech Magic.”
Twilight turned to her friends and explained with a concerned and nervous look on her face, “Leech Magic is a type of sorcery. It’s illegal pretty much everywhere all over the world. It has to do with the stones jasper, jade, and lapis lazuli. Using an enchanted rosemary incense, you can use each of the stones to sap and use the magic of the three different pony races, taking it from other ponies around the bearer. Lapis lazuli allows the bearer to use pegasus magic, jasper allows them to use earth pony magic . . .”
“And sweet, sweet jade like this lil' beauty here lets me drink up that delectable unicorn magic!” the holographic Sammy finished. "Delicious and nutritious!"
“And that’s why we’re getting these dreadful headaches?” asked Rarity, “And why we couldn’t use magic?”
“Right on the dot!” Sammy responded cheerfully.
“But aren’t we still missing somepony, Sammy?” Twilight’s hologram asked, giving the same stupid look as she had previously. The real Twilight glared at the blatant mockery of her.
“Why, yes, Twilight!” Sammy responded with fake and overdone praise better fit for a young schoolfoal or even a dog, “I’m glad somepony brought that up!” She turned to face the crowd, dropping the mock praise but keeping the smug, conceited smile. “I can’t believe that none of you ponies noticed that!”
“Oh, come on!” Irwin called out angrily, “Can’t a guy catch a break!?”
Sammy’s hologram telekinetically flicked Irwin’s nose with her stolen magic. “Not while I’m in charge, they can’t. Anyways, addressing the concern for your missing passenger, say hi to Trixie!” While staying in the same place spatially, Sammy’s hologram started trotting. The microphone and unconscious engineer that were laying on the floor started moving in the opposite direction of Sammy’s trotting, making it clear that Sammy was moving inside the train’s engine room while remaining in the center of the hologram’s focus. All of a sudden, a bound unicorn with a powder blue coat and off-white mane came into view. She was lying on what looked like Steamer’s bed, and was tied up with ropes that looked exactly like the ones Sheen had used to imprison Spike, Rarity and Applejack not so long ago.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Everypony gasped upon the sight. Trixie was shrieking and screaming in both pain and fear despite the duct tape that was covering her mouth and muffling her voice. Despair filled the room and wrapped itself around its occupants, causing worry to flow and stir with turbulence throughout the tightly packed crowd.
Amongst everything that was happening, the Friendship Express still mechanically screamed along the tracks, leaving the long night in the past and piercing into the stagnant yet fresh light of the early dawn. They were in the Bogie Mountains now, snaking upwards through the twists, bends and countless tunnels and closing the distance between it and the presently peaceful, unsuspecting, sleeping city of Canterlot.
“You know,” Sammy spoke with a small laugh to her words, her hologram motioning towards Trixie’s, “when I boarded this lil’ old train back in Ponyville, I honestly didn’t expect a single soul to even see this coming. Needless to say, this little troublemaker took me by quite a surprise! But, I did need a sacrifice for this entire charade to work in the first place, so I got thinkin’, y’know, two birds with one stone. I’ve always been a big sucker for those ‘2 for 1’ deals, y’know?”
“Sacrifice!?” Sheen blurted out, “Just what in the name of the Ancestors do you need a bloody sacrifice for, you nutter!?”
“Oh, did I forget about that part? Silly Sammy!” she giggled, rapping her hoof on her noggin a few times, “Golly, this is kinda embarrassing, you guys! Oh, well, better late than never, y’know?” She cleared her throat. “I am part of a group of enlightened and gifted ponies, free and untainted by the lies passed down and spread through the mass majority of pony history! I know the truth about the beautiful utopia that was Discord’s reign! For I,” she paused for dramatic effect, “am a proud member of the Cult of Screwball! And you guys are going to help me awaken Discord! Won’t that be fun!?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Snips! Snails! Eyes over here!”
Snips shook his head and turned back to the history textbook in front of him. It was flipped open to a page with the large header: “The Second Discordian War.”
His best friend Snails, on the other hand, was still dopily staring at Sugarcube Corner, the bakery located across the street from them.
“SNAILS! EYES ON THE BOOK!”
Duplicating his comrade’s actions from seconds ago, Snails shook his head and turned back to his own copy of the book. “Sorry, Silver Spoon. It’s just really hard to focus when Sugarcube Corner is right there. It smells delicious . . . Mrs. Cake must be makin’ somethin’ yummy!” He licked his chops hungrily.
“Yeah, yeah,” Silver Spoon snapped while waving a dismissive hoof, “you can stuff your faces after this is done. I have to stay with you two dolts until tutoring for today is over and you’ve gotten through this lesson. So for the sake of all of us, please just try and stay focused!”
“Okay, so this is about . . . The Second Discordian War . . . What’s that?” Snips asked.
Silver sighed with despair. “You two are hopeless. The Second Discordian War was one of the biggest staples in pony history. Looking at the book, can either of you tell me who was in it?”
“Robots?” Snails guessed.
“No.”
“Aliens?”
“No.”
“Robot aliens?”
“JUST LOOK AT THE PASSAGE!”
Snails obeyed and looked at the text, and Snips followed suit. “Equestria and Japony,” Snips read aloud.
Silver Spoon nodded unenthusiastically . “Correct,” she said. “Now, what were the main causes of the war?”
“The Cult of Screwball was hiding in Japony at the time and launched a threat on Equestria, which Equestria retaliated against,” Snips relayed. He looked up. “What’s the Cult of Screwball?”
“You know about Screwball, right?”
Snips and Snails nodded. “Who doesn’t?” said Snails, “She’s the daughter of Discord! She helped the princesses defeat him! Sheesh, what do you think we are, idiots?”
Silver Spoon blinked twice and stared at the two colts, a blank, glazed-over face behind her glasses and a petite frown on her face. “You know what I’m gonna do?” She declared, “I’m not gonna answer that. I’m not even going to acknowledge that you asked it.” She tapped Snails’ book. “Now keep reading.”
Snips and Snails read the rest of the passage, taking turns and slipping up on a couple of the more complicated and lesser used words.
On the 21st of Spring, 949 C.R. (Celestia’s Reign), the Cult of Screwball launched a total of one thousand, nine hundred and forty-one Type-G magic missiles onto the Equestrian cities of Diamond Harbor, Platinopolis, and Nampal. Many smaller terrorist attacks occurred involving Screwballian extremists said to be associated with the cult lacing themselves with explosives that went off inside public buildings. Approximately 9,100 were either injured or killed collectively. After a fair amount of these attacks Princess Celestia had had enough. She sent an envoy to Japony’s government, but the government was unable to put an end to the cult’s acts of evil. Some Equestrian citizens, especially those who were harmed from the attacks, wanted to declare war with Japony, believing that they were intentionally harboring the Cult of Screwball. Independently firing a variety of magic missiles on Japony, all of Tartarus broke loose. Civil wars against the Japonese government’s attempts to stop the cult, perceived as attempts to ban the religion altogether, on top of heated conflict with Equestria caused precisely what the Cult of Screwball intended: Chaos. Though they were forced to break apart and go into hiding, the cult is likely still out there. Not much of their post-war activity is known, but news of attempted rituals to bring Discord back have been reported.
“Okay,” sighed Silver Spoon when the reading was finished, “on to the context questions.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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WTF, I seriously thought Sheen would have been the villain...
You got me by surprise.
1555949
HAHA! I duped someone! I feel smart!
*Takes arrogance cap off*
In all seriousness, though, Sheen stays put as an important role, so don't drop your guard.
1578792
NOW KISS!
Did I say "seemingly grand scale" last review? Omit "seemingly". This is awesome! The entire cast is trapped and things have escalated so some very serious and dangerous proportions!
Sammy's death threat over the intercom gave me a jolt of excitement, and I like how you broke up the narrative from one set piece to another. It's always thrilling when a safe environment suddenly becomes deadly and the characters have to jump into action. (There was an episode of Star Trek: Voyager in which attackers were beaming onto the ship's bridge, forcing crew members to jump up from their stations to deal with them in hand-to-hand combat; that's the kind of excitement I got from this.) It probably would have benefited from a short passage detailing more passengers' reactions to the death threat, namely Amethyst and Dinky's race from their cabin, but I'm not about to complain about a darn thing here.
Things are going full steam ahead. Can't wait for the next update.
Edit: Oops, I forgot to add how awesome it was that Spike broke free and tried to be a hero. Gosh, imagine that, Spike being a hero ... Also glad to see Trixie isn't dead or anything. But she is in trouble! And there's a potential hero on board! ...Oh well, however she gets outta that is up to you, I'm just excited for more.
1594993
Words cannot describe how amazing this makes me feel. Also, I do appreciate commentary like the Amethyst and Dinky thing.
To be honest, I'm not very happy with how those two turned out. Aside from the d'aw scene at the start of 1100 Miles, they don't really do anything. Heck, I even skipped over their confrontation scene with Twilight! Ah, well. Perhaps they'll get something before the story ends.