****SPOILERS IN THE COMMENTS!****
Pinkie Pie is on the trail again! Who would've thought that there would be another train mystery so soon after the one involving the Cakes' precious "MMM". This time, though, Pinkie and her five friends are in for more than just a regular 'whodunit'.
Including Pinkie Pie, her friends and the train staff, there were fifteen ponies aboard the train when it left the Ponyville Station. Each one carried valuable items, and these valuable items are getting stolen left and right! Can Pinkie Pie solve the perplexing case before the train reaches Canterlot?
Edited by the splendifferous Yukito!
Chapters (7)
Sounds good so far. I'm looking forward to this.
1003138 Thanks!
SO looking forward to this.
I'm incredibly excited. The facts of it being a mystery and that Spike wasn't excluded from the trip had me interested right off the bat, but those opening sentences got me irrevocably hooked. I especially like that Trixie is going along (I'd love to see her shipped with Spike, though I doubt that'll happen here), and a Steve Irwin pony? From "Horstralia"? Hell yes.
The list of facts at the end suggest, even more so than the opening, that you have something exciting planned. I'm stoked.
1060613
>Spike wasn't excluded from the trip
Spike is smexy. Plus, I needed someone for Sheen's character to play off of.
Spixie? No, but that would be hilarious. I have Trixie in there because...... Well...
That one took a while to come up with. I like his character very much, but almost scrapped him or had Applejack unable to detect the accent because I kept coming up with awful Australia puns.
Those are actually notes for me when I was doing the story. I was going to cut and paste them into the next chapter, but I forgot to delete them when I published the story, but oh well. It doesn't give away too much.
>I especially like that Trixie is going along (I'd love to see her shipped with Spike, though I doubt that'll happen here)
>and a Steve Irwin pony? From "Horstralia"? Hell yes.
>The list of facts at the end suggest, even more so than the opening, that you have something exciting planned. I'm stoked.
I'm intruiged by this plot. Also, I'm interested as to Trixie's involvement. But for me, her addition seems too obvious. If she turns out to be the culprit, then this story is kinda wasted for me.But even if she isn't, I sense her being blamed for the theft.
1108895
I ain't squealin.
The game is ahoof! I'm a tad let down by the fact that the mystery here isn't very serious. (A missing hat? That's it?) The most perfect mystery I've come across in the MLP fandom is "The Unicorn Caper." But this is still a pretty entertaining story. Apple Crumble seemed like the clearest suspect to me, since she had a strong motive that makes perfect sense. I also noticed that she, like Applejack, is in possession of her own family heirloom. Perhaps there's a connection there, hmmm ...
Rarity was way too hard on poor Ranglem; he was only doing what Rarity asked him to do!
I'll bet if he was a perfect gentleman and had a fine, satisfying night with a lady, just as they were about to part ways, she would randomly decide to slap him and storm off.
Also, Trixie's characterization is a little shallow here. Her stage persona was only a little more boastful and arrogant than stage performers are expected to be. Who's to say she's not a Modest and Friendly Trixie in casual company?
>1179617 Thanks again for the feedback. I really appreciate this.
>A missing hat? That's it?
'Tis only the first inning, my friend! Don't count your Scootaloos before they hatch!
Hay! I resent that!
>He was only doing what Rarity asked him to do!
Rarity and Fluttershy are best friends, and are very close. I'm sure poor Wranglem merely got caught up in their strife, put nevertheless, it's more cultural differences.
>Who's to say she's not a Modest and Friendly Trixie in casual company?
She appeared for one episode, and only showed her stage persona. Who's to say she's not always arrogant? She could be either-or, and it would be justified and in-character. That's the beauty of fanfiction: You're given pieces of marble that are already partly chiseled into defined characters; where you go with them is up to you.
Woohoo, new chapter! Nice Work
well, that escalated quickly.
I'm actually hoping for some interaction between the three and Trixie.
Trixie is dead! Long live- uh wait, forget it. Great Chapter!
1543403
Thank you, thank you very much!
WTF, I seriously thought Sheen would have been the villain...
You got me by surprise.
I was seriously excited to see some interaction between Spike and Trixie. I would absolutely love to see those two shipped, and even though that's obviously never going to happen here, it would have been nice to see them interact.
But what they did find in the cabin was still pretty intriguing. Especially the possibility that Trixie was working against the forces of evil, and on a seemingly grand scale no less. It's possible she's just trolling everyone and throwing them off her scent, but if that's not the case, I hope she'll be making a dramatic reappearance at some point. And perhaps Spike will save her from whatever peril she's in (I can dream).
1555949
HAHA! I duped someone! I feel smart!
*Takes arrogance cap off*
In all seriousness, though, Sheen stays put as an important role, so don't drop your guard.
1578792
NOW KISS!
Did I say "seemingly grand scale" last review? Omit "seemingly". This is awesome! The entire cast is trapped and things have escalated so some very serious and dangerous proportions!
Sammy's death threat over the intercom gave me a jolt of excitement, and I like how you broke up the narrative from one set piece to another. It's always thrilling when a safe environment suddenly becomes deadly and the characters have to jump into action. (There was an episode of Star Trek: Voyager in which attackers were beaming onto the ship's bridge, forcing crew members to jump up from their stations to deal with them in hand-to-hand combat; that's the kind of excitement I got from this.) It probably would have benefited from a short passage detailing more passengers' reactions to the death threat, namely Amethyst and Dinky's race from their cabin, but I'm not about to complain about a darn thing here.
Things are going full steam ahead. Can't wait for the next update.
Edit: Oops, I forgot to add how awesome it was that Spike broke free and tried to be a hero. Gosh, imagine that, Spike being a hero ... Also glad to see Trixie isn't dead or anything. But she is in trouble! And there's a potential hero on board! ...Oh well, however she gets outta that is up to you, I'm just excited for more.
1594993
Words cannot describe how amazing this makes me feel. Also, I do appreciate commentary like the Amethyst and Dinky thing.
To be honest, I'm not very happy with how those two turned out. Aside from the d'aw scene at the start of 1100 Miles, they don't really do anything. Heck, I even skipped over their confrontation scene with Twilight! Ah, well. Perhaps they'll get something before the story ends.
♫ We're goin' off the rails on the Pinkie train... ♫ It's always exciting to see long-forgotten works suddenly spring back to life. I should really do the same with my Toonami fanfiction. Although the biggest developments in this very much delayed update (not tryin' to make you feel guilty or anything...criminal scum) took place outside the train, it was pretty exciting nonetheless. It's a damn shame there aren't more people following.
Welp, Sammy's doomed.
Ah, it's so frustrating to find a really engaging story that turns out to have been un-updated for almost half a year... just when things started to get really interesting! I can only hope that you pick this up again soon.
And I'm hoping that Trixie actually gets to do something, because other than playing damsel in distress and leaving that note, she's done very little while the 'heroes' say rude things about her behind her back.
I'm excited, like actually excited. As if this book is going to be an adventure. If only I could write even nearly as good as you, that'd be great.
I'm guessing this story isn't continuing. Shame, it's really good.