Surf, Sand and Snark
Twilight Shares The Narrator
by Stratocaster
Chapter 1: Surf, Sand and Snark
The bright sun of Celestia shone its morning light, as Twilight Sparkle lay sleeping in her bed at Friendship Castle. Fall had reached Equestria and there was a mild chill in the Ponyville air outside. The leaves were turning red and taking their slow plunge to the ground, as the town became abundant with the smell of sweet cool cider and hot apple pastries. Twilight slept soundly in her cozy covers while most likely dreaming of-
"Huh? What?" she awoke with a snort and sat up. "Ugh, Narrator, what have I told you about starting that so early? My alarm isn't even supposed to go off for another hour!"
Sorry, Twilight. I guess I just can't wait for today.
"You mean the beach?" she asked. "You seem pretty excited considering you can't swim or tan or play in the sand."
Who cares about that? I just can't wait to see all the crazy crap that's gonna go down!
"What's that supposed to mean?" she looked up discerningly. "What makes you think anything crazy or chaotic is going to happen at the beach?"
Are you kidding? Just last week, you went to the marketplace and the city of Cloudsdale almost fell out of the sky. Imagine what's going to happen at the beach with you and your friends! Maybe you'll uncover a buried treasure and evoke a pirate curse! Or maybe a giant sea monster will rise from the depths and wreak havoc! Or maybe a-
"Will you calm down?" Twilight rolled her eyes. "I know you're just trying to find something exciting to narrate."
Well can you blame me? I just get so BORED most of the time! Not that I don't adore watching you eat, read books, and lend those books to other ponies. But if I don't get a little excitement to see, it drives me crazy!
Twilight sulked. "If you want some entertainment, I'll try to make something happen at the beach, without causing chaos of course." She then pondered for a second. "I hope you're not getting tired of following me around."
Not at all. This job just gets kind of slow sometimes.
"Well what do you do while I'm asleep?" she asked. "Do you sleep as well?"
Um, duh. Why else would I have a bed?
"You have a bed?" Twilight looked surprised. "Wait, do you have an entire house wherever you are?"
Look, I can spend all day telling you about my awesome pad, but I'm awake and I'm waiting for you to do something.
"Ugh, fine." She grumbled as she got out of bed. "If baby needs his bottle."
I heard that!
"I know you did!"
With a yawn and a long stretch of her legs, Twilight slumped from her bed and into the adjacent bathroom. She looked in the mirror at her noticeable bedhead and rubbed her eyes. Twilight then entered the shower to freshen up.
"Not here!" she glared.
Oh come on! What difference does it make?!
After a lengthy shower, Twilight headed downstairs for a hearty breakfast. *chews* She made herself a plate of sunny-side-up eggs, toast with grape jelly, a cantaloupe half, and a glass of carrot juice.
"Don't narrate with your mouth full!" she scolded. "It's disgusting!"
Hey I can't do this on an empty stomach! *sips coffee*
"Morning, Twi." Spike entered the kitchen with a yawn. "Still talking to your ghost friend, huh?"
"For the last time, Spike," said Twilight. "He's not a ghost, he's a narrator."
"Whatever," the dragon said as he poured himself some cereal. "I'm just glad I don't have to put up with something as annoying as that." Spike then slapped himself in the face. "Ow! What the- I didn't do that!"
"Sorry," replied Twilight. "He doesn't like being insulted." She then turned upward. "And you lay off of him! It's not exactly fair with you being nearly omnipotent!"
Hey if Lizard Boy wants a fight, I'll give him one.
"Hmph, I just hope you don't let him mess around on the beach." Spike grumbled. "I don't want anything interrupting my tanning."
"Spike, A: you can't get a tan with scales." Twilight explained like a know-it-all teacher. "And B: not to burst your bubble, but I don't think Rarity would notice anyway."
"You just watch." Spike scoffed. "I got this new tanning oil that'll make Rarity putty in my claws!" He then left the kitchen with a bowl full of his favorite sugar cereal, Celesti-Os (part of a nutritious breakfast). Celesti-Os! Taste the sun!
Hey Twilight, there's somepony at the door.
"Ahem?" she replied.
Oops, I mean - A knock came to the door and Twilight got up to answer it.
"Howdy, Twi!" said Applejack as she entered.
"Hey Applejack," smiled Twilight. "You still coming to the beach today?"
"Darn tootin'," she nodded. "I was thinkin' of grillin' some veggies while we're there. Hate to be a mooch, but do ya have any corn on the cob I can borrow?"
"Oh of course." Twilight replied. "I loved grilled vegetables. I think I still have some ears of corn left in the kitchen."
"Thanks a bunch, Twi," said Applejack, scratching her head sheepishly. She probably felt silly for borrowing from her friend.
"Oh would you stop?" Twilight said to the air. "I don't mind giving her food at all."
"What now?" Applejack looked at her confused. "Oh that's right. Ya still got that poltergeist followin' ya everywhere."
"Not a poltergeist," sighed Twilight. "Narrator."
"Well if he narrates everything, how come I've never heard him?" asked Applejack.
"It's...complicated." Twilight glanced away. "Magic is unpredictable after all."
"Maybe he just has a thing for cute alicorns." Applejack nudged her with a smirk.
"Applejack, please!" Twilight blushed. "He can hear you!"
Yeah, don't flatter yourself, honey.
Twilight's blush disappeared as she grumbled in irritation.
"So..." Applejack said awkwardly. "I'll just grab the corn then?"
"No, I'll bring it with me to the beach." Twilight responded.
"Alrighty then," Applejack turned to exit. "I'll see ya there, Twi!"
Twilight returned to the kitchen, cleaning up her breakfast and looking for the ears of corn in her pantry. As she rummaged about, she sighed again and looked up. "You sure you'll be on your best behavior today?" she raised a brow.
Narrator's honor, Twilight. I'll be good.
...
Summer fun was alive at Seahorse Beach, the nearest coastal point to Ponyville. Spanning under a clear blue sky was a wide crescent of white, powdery sand surrounding a crystal blue bay. The tide flowed onto the moist sand in crashing waves, soaking the hooves of many jubilant swimming ponies. Surfers and tubers floated along the pristine water enjoying the salty spray and gentle current. On the sand, beautiful mares and stallions alike lazed on blankets and soaked in the warm sunlight, while playful foals built sandcastles and chased and splashed each other in the surf. The smell of hot grilled snacks mixed with the sound of surf rock in the cool salty air.
Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie swam out beyond the breakers in a high energy game of Marco Polo. Fluttershy went beachcombing, scouring the coast for collectible shells, and helping a hermit crab or starfish find their way. Applejack set up her portable charcoal grill and filled everypony's nostrils with the smoky flavor of succulent vegetables and veggie dogs. Twilight and Rarity lounged together on their blanket, absorbing the rich sunlight and the gorgeous sights.
"Ha, this is just what I needed." Rarity sighed, holding a reflecting board to work on her tan. "It has been absolutely hectic at the boutique. It's nice to get away from all that stress."
"I think we all needed this." Twilight replied. "I don't know why we don't visit the beach more often."
"Honestly, dear," said Rarity. "As a princess, I would think you would take part in more social outings like this."
"What do you mean?" asked Twilight.
"Really, Twilight, look around you." Rarity gestured. "This beach is just full of young stallions who'd love to get to know you. Make yourself present, marefriend."
"Oh please," scoffed Twilight. "I'm not the kind of pony looking for relationships." Despite so, she resumed sneaking peeks at the suave lifeguard sitting watch at his post. "I am not!" she glowered.
Rarity sat up. "Not what, darling?" she looked at her oddly.
"Oh sorry, Rarity." Twilight said. "The Narrator was just being annoying again."
"I must say," said Rarity. "As strange as it is, I'm quite jealous that only you can hear this narrator's voice."
"Trust me, you shouldn't be." Twilight sulked. "He can be a real hoofful surprisingly."
"What does he sound like?" asked Rarity. "I'm ever so curious."
"Um...I don't know." Twilight shrugged. "Like a typical male voice I guess?"
"Oh I bet he sounds handsome!" Rarity fluttered her lashes. "Having a smooth stallion speaking low into your ear everyday? Just the thought of it gives me chills!"
Twilight looked at her friend quizzically. "Okay, you and I clearly have different opinions of him."
"Well you should just consider yourself lucky, Twilight." Rarity lied back. "I wouldn't take your narrator for granted."
"Of course I count myself lucky." Twilight said. "But like I said, he can be a hoofful."
Out in the water beyond the surf, Rainbow and Pinkie continued their game of Marco Polo, turning heads from the other swimmers with the amount of noise they were making. Rainbow was getting close to tagging Pinkie.
"Marco!"
"Polo!"
"Marco!"
"Polo!"
"Marco!"
"AAAHH!"
"Aha!" Rainbow opened her eyes. "Another quick victory for Dash!"
"Ah shooty kabooty!" Pinkie slapped the water. "How are you so good?! This game drives me crazy! It's hard trying to swim away from you with my eyes closed!"
"What?" Rainbow looked at her. "You had your eyes closed? Pinkie, you get to keep your eyes open when you're playing Polo!"
"Wait, we're playing Polo?!" Pinkie cocked her head. "But I don't see a ball!"
Rainbow slapped her face. "Ugh, whatever. It's your turn now."
"Okay!" Pinkie dunked herself underwater and waited ten seconds for Rainbow to distance herself.
"Hee hee hee." Rainbow smiled deviously as she ascended from the water and hovered up in the air.
After ten seconds, Pinkie finally surfaced. "Marco!"
"Polo!" Rainbow responded tauntingly.
"Hey!" Pinkie looked up at her. "What are you doing up in the air?!"
"Huh?" Rainbow gawked. "What are you doing with your eyes open?!"
"Don't turn the blame on me, Miss Cheaty Britches!" shrieked Pinkie.
"You're supposed to close your eyes as Marco!" shouted Rainbow.
"And you're supposed to stay in the water too, dumb dumb!" Pinkie splashed.
"Well at least I know how to play the game!" Rainbow rolled her eyes.
"Well at least I didn't know I was cheating!" retorted Pinkie.
"Pfff, I don't need this," scoffed Rainbow as she flew off. "I'm gonna go see if Applejack wants to be buried in the sand."
"Fine!" sassed Pinkie. "This was the worst game of water polo anyway!" She turned away in an immature manner. "And you stay out of this too, Mister!"
...Wait...what?
"You heard me! I don't need you butting into our game like some kind of game butter!"
...Wha...Can you...can you hear me?!
"Um, DUH I can hear you, chatty pants! You wouldn't stop talking this whole time!"
...Oh crap. Uh, do you...know who I am?
"Nope. But I can only assume that you're a new friend! My name is Pinkie Pie! What's yours, stranger?"
Uh, look, you don't need to know who I am. I was never here! Pretend you never saw- er- heard me!
"Okie dokie! See ya round!"
Phew, she's gone. Oh man, what was that all about? Did she really just hear me? Maybe this was just a fluke. Who knows what goes on in that pony's head? I'm sure it won't happen again. Let's just go see what one of the other girls are up to.
Fluttershy sat near the skimming water, letting the gentle ocean breeze rustle her long pink mane. She cradled a starfish in her hooves and admired the purple color of the echinoderm, which waved its five arms as if it were dancing. Fluttershy had scavenged a great a number of exotic shells and-
"Eeep!" she shrieked. "Who said that?!"
...What?
"Who's there? Whose voice is that?!"
Oh no, you've gotta be kidding me!
"Is that you, Mr. Starfish?! I'm sorry if I disturbed you!"
Oh sweet Celestia it's true! Other ponies can hear me!
"What other ponies?!"
This can't be happening!
"What isn't happening?!"
It's too much!
"What's going on?!"
AAAGH!!
"AAAGH!!"
AAAGH!!
"AAAGH!!"
AAAGH!!
"SOOOOOOOOOOOOOUP'S ON EVERYPONY!"
Oh boy, they're all gathering around for Applejack's food. I gotta think. How could this happen? Have my powers suddenly switched over to Fluttershy? That's impossible! Isn't it? Wait, can Twilight still hear me?
"Fluttershy, come on already!" called Applejack. "I got yer favorite zucchini!"
Um, Fluttershy cantered over to join the earth pony at the grill. "Applejack, something unusual is happening!"
"Lansanks, Fluttershy," said Applejack. "Ya look paler than an albino polar bear."
"It was a starfish, AJ!" squeaked Fluttershy. "A starfish got angry at me for picking it up! And then it started panicking, and I started panicking that I could hear it, and then it started yelling words that I can't repeat in the presence of children!"
"Heh, maybe this salty air is gettin' to ya, sugarcube," chuckled Applejack. "Why don't ya take some grub and settle down a while?"
"Uh, I guess you may be right." Fluttershy looked around nervously. "I'm probably just hearing things." She took a plate full of veggies and sat down in the shade.
"Talkin' starfish. That girl sure is uppity." Applejack said to herself as she flipped a few veggie patties. "...What was that?" she darted her head around suspiciously? "Who's there?! Show yerself, ya varmint!"
...Oh come on!
"If you think yer gonna get yer hooves on my grub, then yer messin' with the wrong cowgirl!"
Put those tongs down! I'm not after your food!
"Where are ya, you yella-bellied sneak?!"
I'm not actually...anywhere, okay? It's a long story.
"Wait a sec. Are you...what I think ya are?"
No I'm not!!!
"AJ, are you talking to your food again?" said Rainbow. "I already told you it's not gonna help them cook faster."
"Rainbow, I'm hearin' a voice in mah head!" blurted Applejack. "There it is again!"
"Ha! That's a great impression of Twilight, AJ!" chuckled Rainbow.
"I'm serious!" she stamped. "I think it might actually be Twilight's narrator!"
"Boy, you sure are lucky she's not around to hear you make fun of her." Rainbow scoffed as she ate her weight in corn. "Hey, are you calling me fat, Applejack?!" she glared.
"I didn't say that!" retorted Applejack.
"Then who...wait...was that...was that the-"
No no no no no! I'm, uh, I'm a ghost! Booooooooooo! Who dares disturb my beach?!
"Eeeep!" screamed Fluttershy. "There he is again!"
No wait, I didn't mean that!
"I say," called Rarity from the blanket? "Can somepony please turn off their radio? Those EPR talk shows are so drab!"
"Ooh, Rarity!" Pinkie bounced over. "You can hear him too?! He's my new friend, Mr. Eavesdrop!"
"Wait, ya'll can hear him too?"
Oh just kill me now!
"Oh man, AJ might be right!" said Rainbow. "I think we're all hearing Twilight's ghost friend!"
"Ya mean the poltergeist she calls the narrator?" added Applejack.
"So it's not an angry talking starfish?" quivered Fluttershy. "I'm still quite scared!"
"Ooh! I finally get to hear the handsome voice of this mysterious spirit!" smiled Rarity.
"Please guys," scoffed Pinkie. "I think the correct term is specter?"
OH FOR CELESTIA'S SAKE! I am not a ghost, poltergeist, specter, spook, spirit, soul, shadow, phantom, apparition, or any kind of supernatural phenomenon! I am a NARRATOR! I am a pony-loving, feather-flapping, horseshoe chucking, motherf-
"I'm back!" Uh, said Twilight returning from the bathroom. "Ooh the food's ready! Save some veggie burgers for me! How come everypony's looking at me like that? Did I miss anything?"
Ah horse apples.
Yes you guessed it, fillies and colts! A SEQUEL! Narrator is back with a vengeance! 
You might be glad to know that this will be a multi-chapter story, and as you can already tell, it comes with a suprising twist! 
Remember to leave plenty of feedback! 
Stratocaster strikes again! *flies through ceiling*
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Yes, Narrator for all the ponies!
Well that went well...not really
Everytime I read this, I imagine the narrator to be Morgan Freeman. Also can we get the CMC involved with this too?
Yes!!!
Narrarate all the ponies!
OK, no, just the mane six is enough...
I really like this, excited for more!
Someone who sounds like Kevin Brighting should seriously narrate this story for the extra Sanley Parable feel.
I did not know i needed this in my life but i clearly do. Please give me an uppdate!
Lol now every pony hears him this is getting intresting
"I wish I could hear the narrator" said Ultimate Bromaeda
I like where this story is going
hahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!
ahh you should write more.
6482236 And I shall!
6481925 Don't worry, I'll be sure to give you your healthy dose of Narratol!
GIVE US MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!!!!!!!!!
6482310 YOOOOOUUU GOOOOOT IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!
Dude, if you have a story THIS good, fans will want you to update it immediately, so go and do so.
Moar plz
I love the 1st one because it was so hilarious!
So far, this story is really funny too!
Great start! Can't wait to see more!
6482345 Exelent. I'm glad to hear it.
I'm reading this... in Joseph joestar's voice!
6482345 Like and a follow. Cant wait to see more of how they handle this.
more please!!!! i beg of thee!
Wow. This is just fabulous. Great work!
WE NEED MORE
More narratorial shenanigans is requested
and a different note...
SHENANIGANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"a surprising twist!
" I probably laughed harder and longer at that than I should have.
Well, well, well. Now the mane six can hear the narrator and what he's saying. This is gonna be quite interesting for sure.
What happened to Spike? Cause he vanished after the first act and wasn't mentioned at all when they got to the beach. I will track the story because I find it funny, but no like or fave.
If this was narrated, Nolan North or Nathan Fillion would be great at this.
Cool story bro, I eagerly await more~
I KNOW WHAT I'LL BE LISTENING TO.
I find your lack of 'lokie' disturbing.
6481718 Morgan Freeman is love, Morgan Freeman is life.
And yes, I was also hearing him as I read this, also in the voice of Sean Connery.
I can't decide who's better!!!
6486752 Don't worry, Spike will still have a part in this!
6487973 But what about the CMC?!
6487973 I'm sure he will, but when you were describing what everyone else were doing at the beach he was not mentioned.
I think the Narrator jinxed himself when he said he wanted somehing to happen at the beach...
Anyways...
KEEP THE LOLZ A COMIN'!!!
This is even better than the first story!
Who will the Narrator
bugnarrate next?6489056 That's a pretty neat idea! I can picture the announcer from Mortal Kombat.
6488907 Nopony is safe! Muah ha ha ha ha ha!
6488846 Same as it ever was, same as it ever was, same as it ever was, same as it ever was,
This is not my beautiful house! This is not my beautiful wife!!!
6488374 Thank you foreshadowing! I'll be sure to release the next chapter soon enough!
6489294 I like it! I'll give it a follow if you publish it.
Oh yes, please do. That sounds hilarious.
This pleases me...
MOAR!
!
!
!
!
6490492 Oh yeah, he's just a-
I mean...Stratocaster who? Heh heh, I don't know him, or anything about him! Uh, who is this mysterious pony you speak of?! ... Hey what's that?! *smoke bomb*
I don't like this story. Not one bit.
BUT I LOVE IT.
i dont like this story...I LOVE IT!!!
6491246
They told me not to read a story about the narrator...
...
I flipped them off.
Oh wait, thats not right.
xD
BUT I DIDNT LISTEN!
img08.deviantart.net/3aaa/i/2013/167/0/1/crazy_twilight_by_sakatagintoki117-d5gmr3g.png
update! update! update!