The sequel to the hit one-shot comedy that started it all, where Twilight shares her life with an unseen narrator.
After her odd encounter with the mysterious entity, Twilight has grown rather accustomed to living with the voice of a narrator following her life. Although she still doesn't understand his presence, she has begun to accept him as a friend. But the confusion only grows, as the Narrator finds himself following the stories of other ponies. And Twilight will soon learn that she is not the only one who can hear the voice of the handsome, talented, witty, charming, manly gentlecolt yours truly!
The bright sun of Celestia shone its morning light, as Twilight Sparkle lay sleeping in her bed at Friendship Castle. Fall had reached Equestria and there was a mild chill in the Ponyville air outside. The leaves were turning red and taking their slow plunge to the ground, as the town became abundant with the smell of sweet cool cider and hot apple pastries. Twilight slept soundly in her cozy covers while most likely dreaming of-
"Huh? What?" she awoke with a snort and sat up. "Ugh, Narrator, what have I told you about starting that so early? My alarm isn't even supposed to go off for another hour!"
Sorry, Twilight. I guess I just can't wait for today.
"You mean the beach?" she asked. "You seem pretty excited considering you can't swim or tan or play in the sand."
Who cares about that? I just can't wait to see all the crazy crap that's gonna go down!
"What's that supposed to mean?" she looked up discerningly. "What makes you think anything crazy or chaotic is going to happen at the beach?"
Are you kidding? Just last week, you went to the marketplace and the city of Cloudsdale almost fell out of the sky. Imagine what's going to happen at the beach with you and your friends! Maybe you'll uncover a buried treasure and evoke a pirate curse! Or maybe a giant sea monster will rise from the depths and wreak havoc! Or maybe a-
"Will you calm down?" Twilight rolled her eyes. "I know you're just trying to find something exciting to narrate."
Well can you blame me? I just get so BORED most of the time! Not that I don't adore watching you eat, read books, and lend those books to other ponies. But if I don't get a little excitement to see, it drives me crazy!
Twilight sulked. "If you want some entertainment, I'll try to make something happen at the beach, without causing chaos of course." She then pondered for a second. "I hope you're not getting tired of following me around."
Not at all. This job just gets kind of slow sometimes.
"Well what do you do while I'm asleep?" she asked. "Do you sleep as well?"
Um, duh. Why else would I have a bed?
"You have a bed?" Twilight looked surprised. "Wait, do you have an entire house wherever you are?"
Look, I can spend all day telling you about my awesome pad, but I'm awake and I'm waiting for you to do something.
"Ugh, fine." She grumbled as she got out of bed. "If baby needs his bottle."
I heard that!
"I know you did!"
With a yawn and a long stretch of her legs, Twilight slumped from her bed and into the adjacent bathroom. She looked in the mirror at her noticeable bedhead and rubbed her eyes. Twilight then entered the shower to freshen up.
"Not here!" she glared.
Oh come on! What difference does it make?!
After a lengthy shower, Twilight headed downstairs for a hearty breakfast. *chews* She made herself a plate of sunny-side-up eggs, toast with grape jelly, a cantaloupe half, and a glass of carrot juice.
"Don't narrate with your mouth full!" she scolded. "It's disgusting!"
Hey I can't do this on an empty stomach! *sips coffee*
"Morning, Twi." Spike entered the kitchen with a yawn. "Still talking to your ghost friend, huh?"
"For the last time, Spike," said Twilight. "He's not a ghost, he's a narrator."
"Whatever," the dragon said as he poured himself some cereal. "I'm just glad I don't have to put up with something as annoying as that." Spike then slapped himself in the face. "Ow! What the- I didn't do that!"
"Sorry," replied Twilight. "He doesn't like being insulted." She then turned upward. "And you lay off of him! It's not exactly fair with you being nearly omnipotent!"
Hey if Lizard Boy wants a fight, I'll give him one.
"Hmph, I just hope you don't let him mess around on the beach." Spike grumbled. "I don't want anything interrupting my tanning."
"Spike, A: you can't get a tan with scales." Twilight explained like a know-it-all teacher. "And B: not to burst your bubble, but I don't think Rarity would notice anyway."
"You just watch." Spike scoffed. "I got this new tanning oil that'll make Rarity putty in my claws!" He then left the kitchen with a bowl full of his favorite sugar cereal, Celesti-Os (part of a nutritious breakfast). Celesti-Os! Taste the sun!
Hey Twilight, there's somepony at the door.
"Ahem?" she replied.
Oops, I mean - A knock came to the door and Twilight got up to answer it.
"Howdy, Twi!" said Applejack as she entered.
"Hey Applejack," smiled Twilight. "You still coming to the beach today?"
"Darn tootin'," she nodded. "I was thinkin' of grillin' some veggies while we're there. Hate to be a mooch, but do ya have any corn on the cob I can borrow?"
"Oh of course." Twilight replied. "I loved grilled vegetables. I think I still have some ears of corn left in the kitchen."
"Thanks a bunch, Twi," said Applejack, scratching her head sheepishly. She probably felt silly for borrowing from her friend.
"Oh would you stop?" Twilight said to the air. "I don't mind giving her food at all."
"What now?" Applejack looked at her confused. "Oh that's right. Ya still got that poltergeist followin' ya everywhere."
"Not a poltergeist," sighed Twilight. "Narrator."
"Well if he narrates everything, how come I've never heard him?" asked Applejack.
"It's...complicated." Twilight glanced away. "Magic is unpredictable after all."
"Maybe he just has a thing for cute alicorns." Applejack nudged her with a smirk.
"Applejack, please!" Twilight blushed. "He can hear you!"
Yeah, don't flatter yourself, honey.
Twilight's blush disappeared as she grumbled in irritation.
"So..." Applejack said awkwardly. "I'll just grab the corn then?"
"No, I'll bring it with me to the beach." Twilight responded.
"Alrighty then," Applejack turned to exit. "I'll see ya there, Twi!"
Twilight returned to the kitchen, cleaning up her breakfast and looking for the ears of corn in her pantry. As she rummaged about, she sighed again and looked up. "You sure you'll be on your best behavior today?" she raised a brow.
Narrator's honor, Twilight. I'll be good.
...
Summer fun was alive at Seahorse Beach, the nearest coastal point to Ponyville. Spanning under a clear blue sky was a wide crescent of white, powdery sand surrounding a crystal blue bay. The tide flowed onto the moist sand in crashing waves, soaking the hooves of many jubilant swimming ponies. Surfers and tubers floated along the pristine water enjoying the salty spray and gentle current. On the sand, beautiful mares and stallions alike lazed on blankets and soaked in the warm sunlight, while playful foals built sandcastles and chased and splashed each other in the surf. The smell of hot grilled snacks mixed with the sound of surf rock in the cool salty air.
Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie swam out beyond the breakers in a high energy game of Marco Polo. Fluttershy went beachcombing, scouring the coast for collectible shells, and helping a hermit crab or starfish find their way. Applejack set up her portable charcoal grill and filled everypony's nostrils with the smoky flavor of succulent vegetables and veggie dogs. Twilight and Rarity lounged together on their blanket, absorbing the rich sunlight and the gorgeous sights.
"Ha, this is just what I needed." Rarity sighed, holding a reflecting board to work on her tan. "It has been absolutely hectic at the boutique. It's nice to get away from all that stress."
"I think we all needed this." Twilight replied. "I don't know why we don't visit the beach more often."
"Honestly, dear," said Rarity. "As a princess, I would think you would take part in more social outings like this."
"What do you mean?" asked Twilight.
"Really, Twilight, look around you." Rarity gestured. "This beach is just full of young stallions who'd love to get to know you. Make yourself present, marefriend."
"Oh please," scoffed Twilight. "I'm not the kind of pony looking for relationships." Despite so, she resumed sneaking peeks at the suave lifeguard sitting watch at his post. "I am not!" she glowered.
Rarity sat up. "Not what, darling?" she looked at her oddly.
"Oh sorry, Rarity." Twilight said. "The Narrator was just being annoying again."
"I must say," said Rarity. "As strange as it is, I'm quite jealous that only you can hear this narrator's voice."
"Trust me, you shouldn't be." Twilight sulked. "He can be a real hoofful surprisingly."
"What does he sound like?" asked Rarity. "I'm ever so curious."
"Um...I don't know." Twilight shrugged. "Like a typical male voice I guess?"
"Oh I bet he sounds handsome!" Rarity fluttered her lashes. "Having a smooth stallion speaking low into your ear everyday? Just the thought of it gives me chills!"
Twilight looked at her friend quizzically. "Okay, you and I clearly have different opinions of him."
"Well you should just consider yourself lucky, Twilight." Rarity lied back. "I wouldn't take your narrator for granted."
"Of course I count myself lucky." Twilight said. "But like I said, he can be a hoofful."
Out in the water beyond the surf, Rainbow and Pinkie continued their game of Marco Polo, turning heads from the other swimmers with the amount of noise they were making. Rainbow was getting close to tagging Pinkie.
"Marco!"
"Polo!"
"Marco!"
"Polo!"
"Marco!"
"AAAHH!"
"Aha!" Rainbow opened her eyes. "Another quick victory for Dash!"
"Ah shooty kabooty!" Pinkie slapped the water. "How are you so good?! This game drives me crazy! It's hard trying to swim away from you with my eyes closed!"
"What?" Rainbow looked at her. "You had your eyes closed? Pinkie, you get to keep your eyes open when you're playing Polo!"
"Wait, we're playing Polo?!" Pinkie cocked her head. "But I don't see a ball!"
Rainbow slapped her face. "Ugh, whatever. It's your turn now."
"Okay!" Pinkie dunked herself underwater and waited ten seconds for Rainbow to distance herself.
"Hee hee hee." Rainbow smiled deviously as she ascended from the water and hovered up in the air.
After ten seconds, Pinkie finally surfaced. "Marco!"
"Polo!" Rainbow responded tauntingly.
"Hey!" Pinkie looked up at her. "What are you doing up in the air?!"
"Huh?" Rainbow gawked. "What are you doing with your eyes open?!"
"Don't turn the blame on me, Miss Cheaty Britches!" shrieked Pinkie.
"You're supposed to close your eyes as Marco!" shouted Rainbow.
"And you're supposed to stay in the water too, dumb dumb!" Pinkie splashed.
"Well at least I know how to play the game!" Rainbow rolled her eyes.
"Well at least I didn't know I was cheating!" retorted Pinkie.
"Pfff, I don't need this," scoffed Rainbow as she flew off. "I'm gonna go see if Applejack wants to be buried in the sand."
"Fine!" sassed Pinkie. "This was the worst game of water polo anyway!" She turned away in an immature manner. "And you stay out of this too, Mister!"
...Wait...what?
"You heard me! I don't need you butting into our game like some kind of game butter!"
...Wha...Can you...can you hear me?!
"Um, DUH I can hear you, chatty pants! You wouldn't stop talking this whole time!"
...Oh crap. Uh, do you...know who I am?
"Nope. But I can only assume that you're a new friend! My name is Pinkie Pie! What's yours, stranger?"
Uh, look, you don't need to know who I am. I was never here! Pretend you never saw- er- heard me!
"Okie dokie! See ya round!"
Phew, she's gone. Oh man, what was that all about? Did she really just hear me? Maybe this was just a fluke. Who knows what goes on in that pony's head? I'm sure it won't happen again. Let's just go see what one of the other girls are up to.
Fluttershy sat near the skimming water, letting the gentle ocean breeze rustle her long pink mane. She cradled a starfish in her hooves and admired the purple color of the echinoderm, which waved its five arms as if it were dancing. Fluttershy had scavenged a great a number of exotic shells and-
"Eeep!" she shrieked. "Who said that?!"
...What?
"Who's there? Whose voice is that?!"
Oh no, you've gotta be kidding me!
"Is that you, Mr. Starfish?! I'm sorry if I disturbed you!"
Oh sweet Celestia it's true! Other ponies can hear me!
"What other ponies?!"
This can't be happening!
"What isn't happening?!"
It's too much!
"What's going on?!"
AAAGH!!
"AAAGH!!"
AAAGH!!
"AAAGH!!"
AAAGH!!
"SOOOOOOOOOOOOOUP'S ON EVERYPONY!"
Oh boy, they're all gathering around for Applejack's food. I gotta think. How could this happen? Have my powers suddenly switched over to Fluttershy? That's impossible! Isn't it? Wait, can Twilight still hear me?
"Fluttershy, come on already!" called Applejack. "I got yer favorite zucchini!"
Um, Fluttershy cantered over to join the earth pony at the grill. "Applejack, something unusual is happening!"
"Lansanks, Fluttershy," said Applejack. "Ya look paler than an albino polar bear."
"It was a starfish, AJ!" squeaked Fluttershy. "A starfish got angry at me for picking it up! And then it started panicking, and I started panicking that I could hear it, and then it started yelling words that I can't repeat in the presence of children!"
"Heh, maybe this salty air is gettin' to ya, sugarcube," chuckled Applejack. "Why don't ya take some grub and settle down a while?"
"Uh, I guess you may be right." Fluttershy looked around nervously. "I'm probably just hearing things." She took a plate full of veggies and sat down in the shade.
"Talkin' starfish. That girl sure is uppity." Applejack said to herself as she flipped a few veggie patties. "...What was that?" she darted her head around suspiciously? "Who's there?! Show yerself, ya varmint!"
...Oh come on!
"If you think yer gonna get yer hooves on my grub, then yer messin' with the wrong cowgirl!"
Put those tongs down! I'm not after your food!
"Where are ya, you yella-bellied sneak?!"
I'm not actually...anywhere, okay? It's a long story.
"Wait a sec. Are you...what I think ya are?"
No I'm not!!!
"AJ, are you talking to your food again?" said Rainbow. "I already told you it's not gonna help them cook faster."
"Rainbow, I'm hearin' a voice in mah head!" blurted Applejack. "There it is again!"
"Ha! That's a great impression of Twilight, AJ!" chuckled Rainbow.
"I'm serious!" she stamped. "I think it might actually be Twilight's narrator!"
"Boy, you sure are lucky she's not around to hear you make fun of her." Rainbow scoffed as she ate her weight in corn. "Hey, are you calling me fat, Applejack?!" she glared.
"I didn't say that!" retorted Applejack.
"Then who...wait...was that...was that the-"
No no no no no! I'm, uh, I'm a ghost! Booooooooooo! Who dares disturb my beach?!
"Eeeep!" screamed Fluttershy. "There he is again!"
No wait, I didn't mean that!
"I say," called Rarity from the blanket? "Can somepony please turn off their radio? Those EPR talk shows are so drab!"
"Ooh, Rarity!" Pinkie bounced over. "You can hear him too?! He's my new friend, Mr. Eavesdrop!"
"Wait, ya'll can hear him too?"
Oh just kill me now!
"Oh man, AJ might be right!" said Rainbow. "I think we're all hearing Twilight's ghost friend!"
"Ya mean the poltergeist she calls the narrator?" added Applejack.
"So it's not an angry talking starfish?" quivered Fluttershy. "I'm still quite scared!"
"Ooh! I finally get to hear the handsome voice of this mysterious spirit!" smiled Rarity.
"Please guys," scoffed Pinkie. "I think the correct term is specter?"
OH FOR CELESTIA'S SAKE! I am not a ghost, poltergeist, specter, spook, spirit, soul, shadow, phantom, apparition, or any kind of supernatural phenomenon! I am a NARRATOR! I am a pony-loving, feather-flapping, horseshoe chucking, motherf-
"I'm back!" Uh, said Twilight returning from the bathroom. "Ooh the food's ready! Save some veggie burgers for me! How come everypony's looking at me like that? Did I miss anything?"
Twilight pinched her brow in bemusement. The fun at the beach had been brought to a halt, after the sudden strange shift in an already strange occurrence. Her friends all looked to her for answers as-
"Oh spare me!" she glared up at the air. "You still haven't answered my question!"
"Yeah, why are you here?!" asked Rainbow.
...Well...why are any of us here? I mean, what's the point of life? Are we just cosmic entities spiraling through-
"She means how come the rest of us can hear ya now?!" glowered Applejack.
Oh, that. Well uh...I don't really know.
"What do you mean you don't know?!" blurted Rainbow. "You're supposed to be this all powerful voice that controls everything just like Twilight said! You must've gotten into our heads somehow!"
I'm telling you, I don't know how this happened! It's not in my control!
"Liar!" huffed Rainbow, with a sneer on her rodent face. "What did you just say?!"
"Now now, Rainbow," said Fluttershy. "Maybe he really doesn't know what's happening. But I think it's a good thing that we're now able to hear the Narrator's voice. I've been very curious about what Twilight has told me about him." Why thank you, Fluttershy! "Eeep! Oh, sorry. Still not used to that."
"Ooh! I was right!" beamed Rarity, fluttering her long lashes. "His voice really is handsome! So masculine and soothing! Oh say something else, Mr. Narrator! Anything!"
...My butt itches.
"Ooooh! So manly!"
"I knew you were a new friend!" Pinkie smiled as she grabbed the air in a hug. "If Twilight likes you, then so do I!"
"Easy for you to say, Pinkie." Applejack said. "But this still seems like a bunch o' hocus pocus to me."
"Yeah, I don't trust this guy one bit!" Rainbow scowled. "I don't want some invisible pony or whatever watching everything I do."
"Well I hardly think we have a choice now, Rainbow." Rarity said. "But what really matters is what Twilight thinks of this."
Twilight pondered silently for a moment, with a look of uncertainty. "This really is unexpected." She said. "All this time, I was sure I was the only one who could hear the narrator's voice. But then again, there's still a lot about him I don't know about. But I do believe that the Narrator has no control over who gets to hear him, because he was surprised that I could when we first met."
"So yer sayin' that he's just randomly startin' to reach more ponies?" asked Applejack.
"Possibly." Twilight said. "Narrator, are you sure this wasn't intentional?"
Twilight I promise you, this was out of my control.
"Okay. If you say so."
"It's alright, Twi," said Pinkie. "There's no need to feel jealous that we can hear your invisible ghost friend too!"
"Jealous?!" stammered Twilight. "Why would I be jealous?! It's not like I care about having him all to myself."
"That's the spirit, keep telling yourself that!" Pinkie patted her on the back.
...
After a few more awkward hours on the beach, the ponies finally headed home, pretending not to let this strange circumstance deter their day of fun. Twilight returned to Friendship Castle, still shaking the water out of her ear and the sand out of her blanket. She let out a tiresome sulk building up from the long day. It didn't relieve any more stress knowing that the "tides have turned" in her relationship with the friendly voice.
"Tides? Was that supposed to be a beach pun?" she asked.
Was it at least remotely funny?
"Keep trying."
Come on, you're not seriously upset about this, are you?
"Who said I was upset? I don't have any feelings about this whatsoever." She said, unconvincingly. "Hey! It doesn't matter to me if you suddenly get to be heard by other ponies. What does matter is how."
What do you mean?
"Meet me in the basement, Narrator!" she said with gusto. "Now that my friends believe you're real too, my curiosity in your existence has suddenly reignited."
You lost me at "basement".
*sighs* Twilight proceeded downstairs to the newly renovated basement of the castle. Surrounded by old furniture and unused books, she busied herself with a peculiar metal device the size of a small table. It seemed to be some kind of generator, connected to a pair of antennae that looked like something out of a science fiction film. Okay seriously, what are you doing here?
"This is a spiritual energy detector." She explained. "It produces waves of magic energy to make unseen forces visible. I decided to build this after I met you, but almost forgot about it."
Um, I can see every little thing that you do at any point in time. How come I didn't know about this?
Twilight looked up smugly. "Because I've been building it in the shower!"
...Clever girl.
"Now, I know you've said time and time again that you're not a ghost." She said. "But I just know that your ability to make contact with ponies is based on some form of magic. And this machine is perfect for making that theory a reality."
Can't you just draw a picture of what you think I look like and hang it on the fridge?
"Oh Narrator, that would just be crazy." She giggled. "Now hold still while I stick my horn in the machine to charge it up."
Whatever you say. Twilight aimed her horn in a funnel-like receptacle in the generator and charged her magic aura. But after a few moments of anticipation, nothing happened. The machine remained still.
"Huh?" Twilight looked perplexed. "What's wrong with this thing?" She opened a panel on the side of the generator and inspected the interior. "Hey! What happened to the gem? There was supposed to be a rare emerald in here to act as a magic conductor."
Hmm, I think I have an idea.
"SPIKE!"
The dragon appeared at the top of the basement steps. "What's up, Twi?"
"Did you eat the emerald from my spiritual energy detector?" she interrogated, secretly questioning the combination of words that just came out of her mouth.
"Oh, that?" Spike looked away guiltily. "Well, I couldn't stop smelling it, and I thought you weren't using that thing, so..."
"When did you eat it?" glowered Twilight.
"Earlier today." He answered.
"And have you gone to the bathroom since then?"
"...Um...no?"
"Good. Then come here." Twilight reached inside the generator. "Grab a hold of these two wires. If the emerald is still inside you, you should be able to conduct the magic energy."
"What?!" Spike blurted. "No way! Don't you think that's a little dangerous and stupid?!"
"Spike, magic doesn't work like electricity." Twilight rolled her eyes. "You'll be just fine as long as you don't let go."
"Oh that's reassuring." Spike glared. "What the heck is this for anyway?"
"I'm using this device to try and detect the presence of the Narrator." She said. "I need to know more about him, since now my friends can hear him too."
"Wait, is that why you girls all looked so freaked out at the beach?" he questioned. "First Rainbow Dash buries me in the sand and forgets about me, and now you want me to act as a living wire for your crazy machine?!" He crossed his arms. "When does Spike get to catch a break for once?!"
Twilight sighed. "Alright Spike, I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you. If you help me with spotting out the Narrator, I'll..." She thought for a second. "I'll set you up for a date with Rarity."
Spike looked at her inquisitively. "...You...you mean it? Don't make promises you can't keep."
"I promise, Spike," said Twilight. "Rarity will be happy to spend a night with you."
"You mean like, a romantic dinner?" he looked hopefully. "And- and- and- and-"
"Yes, Spike, a romantic dinner." She nodded. "And I'll make sure she wears a pretty dress too."
"Well alright!" Spike beamed suddenly. "Let's make this happen!"
Ha! He still has tanning oil on him.
"Quiet, Narrator!" scolded Twilight.
Without further adieu, Spike knelt down beside the generator and grabbed a hold of the two wires, which were supposed to connect to the power source gem. He gulped with nervousness, hoping that he wouldn't have to show up to his date with Rarity flash-fried. Twilight charged up her magic again and channeled her aura into the receptacle. This time, the generator came to life, making a deep humming noise combined with the slight buzz of raw magical energy.
"Oh man, this feels weird!" Spike quivered, feeling a strange tingle pass through one arm to the other.
"Don't worry, Spike," said Twilight, inspecting the machine. "It won't do any lasting harm."
"You say that now." Spike rolled his eyes.
As the generator channeled the magic current, the low buzz grew in volume. Suddenly, the magic came surging through the twin antennae, racing up in short rapid waves. For several moments, the magic waves increased their repetition, until they began to form a light purple magic screen between the antennae. Hmm, I don't like the looks of this.
"Oh relax," said Twilight. "I'm going to find your presence, whether you like it or not."
"Man, I'd be lying if I said I was jealous of Twilight." Spike muttered to himself.
After a few minutes of zaps and sparks from the magic-charged antennae, nothing else seemed to change. It seemed that Twilight's attempts to make her theory a reality was not to be...Wait, what was that?
"Oh my gosh!" exclaimed Twilight. "I saw something!"
No you didn't!
"Yes I did! I definitely saw what looked like a hoof in the magic screen!"
Oh come on, that could've been anything. You think it would be that easy to find me? It was probably just a fly getting in the way. That thing is nothing more than a science fiction bug zapper.
"There! Right there! I saw a tail!"
You saw baloney! It's just a trick of the air!
"Um, Twilight?"
"Not now, Spike! I'm on the verge of a breakthrough!"
It was then that Spike realized that he had forgotten about the tanning oil, still left on his claws. The moisture caused the wire more and more from his left claw, and he had no way of stopping it.
"No no no no no!" he blurted.
The wire finally fell out of his claw to the floor, and his worse fears came true. The magic current was suddenly cut off from the antennae and was now circulating through Spike's body. He shouted in terror as his very form was being morphed in a blinding magic aura.
"Spike!" Twilight quickly threw an emergency shut-off lever on the generator, and the machine immediately quieted down to a halt. She looked to see if her faithful assistant was unhurt. "Spike, are you okay?" But instead of finding a young dragon in his place, she found a tiny purple and green gecko, flailing its tongue and making high-pitched lizard calls. "Oh thank goodness," she sighed. "I thought it was going to be much worse." Twilight recharged her magic and swiftly turned Spike back to his sentient dragon self.
"Oh sweet Celestia!" Spike panted from shock. "I feel like I went through like a hundred different lifetimes just now!"
"Sorry about that," said Twilight sheepishly. "You can never predict what raw magical energy will do to you."
"You owe me big time for this, Twi!" Spike growled as he stormed off out of the basement, but not before slipping on more tanning oil left on his foot. Heh heh heh.
Twilight glared upward. "Why do I have a feeling you were responsible for that?"
What's with the third degree, Twilight? You can't prove I did anything. And it looks like you won't be using that crazy machine again any time soon. Oh what rotten luck. And we were making such progress.
"You know what?" she scolded. "Sometimes you can really drive me up a wall! Why won't you even give me the opportunity to find out what you are?"
Why do you care? I thought you liked having me around.
"That's not the point. I was this close to understanding you better, and yet you continue to be a hindrance."
You know me, Twi, I can't stop having fun.
"Ugh, I can't deal with this right now." She pinched her brow. "If all you're going to do is be rude and annoying, why don't you just go narrate the other girls for a while."
...Wait, seriously?
"Yeah, why not?" she glowered. "Obviously they know you're real now, so you might as well go crazy."
Rarity lay in her plush queen's bed, during the last few minutes of her twelve-hour beauty sleep. The morning sun beamed through the antique purple drapes and across her matching velvet comforter. She couldn't notice anyway with the sleep mask covering her eyes which came with her custom-made silk pajamas. A peculiar green mask made of a dubious paste covered her porcelain face, exfoliating it some way or another.
"Hmm? Who's there?" she awoke with a snort. "I say, is somepony speaking?"
Sorry, didn't mean to wake ya.
"Oh! It's you, Mr. Narrator!" she removed her sleep mask and sat up with delight. "Whatever brings you to my abode?"
Well, Twilight just wanted some alone time, so I figured now that I can reach other ponies, I might as well follow you for a day. That is, if you don't mind.
"Not at all!" she touched her face suddenly looking embarrassed. "Oh but I must look a fright right now! Just give me a moment, dear. I simply can't start the day without my beauty regiment."
Oh, uh, of course. But I'm sure you'd still look fine without it.
"Ooh aren't you a charmer!" Rarity fluttered her eyelashes as she climbed out of bed.
She donned two pairs of fluffy slippers and trotted daintily to her private bathroom. Once there, she prepared for a nice hot shower to wash away the mud mask and shake off the cobwebs of sleep.
"Ah ah ah," she wagged her hoof. "A lady needs her privacy."
Right, I guess it's not just Twilight.
One lengthy shower later...
After toweling herself off, Rarity stood at the bathroom mirror and brushed her glistening purple mane. She hummed merrily as she gave her mane a good one hundred brush strokes...on each side. Then, she fired up her curling iron and began styling her mane into its familiar elegant curly shape.
"Tell me, Narrator," she spoke. "Do you use any mane products?"
...I'm sorry?
"Well, I'm certain that a well-composed gentlecolt such as yourself takes pride in his appearance as well." She looked up knowingly. "I can just imagine your mane looking so neat and feathered."
Yeah, I don't really use any fancy products. Not that it would matter since you can't see me.
"Not all beauty is noticeable by sight, darling." She replied. "I would certainly recommend a jar of Brash Bronco mane gel. That's what Fancy Pants uses."
Uh sure, I'll keep an eye out for it. Satisfied with the springy shape of her mane, Rarity continued her beauty regiment with a few pats of powder to her cheeks, and a layer of foundation.
"You certainly pay attention to detail, Narrator." She said.
Yeah, how long are you going to be doing this?
"Never rush perfection, dear!"
After touching up her powder-white face, she then applied extensions to her eyelashes. A good five minutes had passed as she stroked her lashes with a tiny brush, adding to the already long morning routine. Of course, as the saying goes, "beauty is pain". Rarity took great care to not miss a single detail in her appearance, and her eye for detail only made- Oh for Celestia's sake, will you hurry up?!
"Done!" she closed her makeup kit and smiled upward. "Thank you for being so patient, darling. I'm quite flattered that you take such interest in my routine."
*sulks*
After the forty-five minutes spent in the bathroom, Rarity trotted downstairs to open up shop. But she stopped at the base of the staircase and cringed in repulsion. A pungent burning smell filled the boutique, emanating from the kitchen in the back. At first, she feared that one of her collections had caught fire. But she quickly realized what had happened.
"Oh not again!" she sighed with disdain.
Rarity entered the kitchen with a glower. Over by the stove, her little sister Sweetie Belle vigorously waved a cloth to fan a plume of smoke emitting from a frying pan. She spun around in surprise to see her older sister.
"Oh! Morning, Rarity!" the little filly smiled sheepishly. "I didn't know you were up yet."
"Sweetie Belle, what have I told you about making breakfast?" discerned Rarity.
"Wash your hooves first?" she guessed.
Rarity face-hoofed. "Yes, but also, don't do it!"
"But I'm getting better at it, Rarity, honest!" she held up a mug. "Look, I didn't burn the juice this time!"
"That's because it's frozen solid."
"It was supposed to be a smoothie." Sweetie Belle looked down with shame.
Rarity sighed and then smiled sympathetically. "Don't fret about it, Sweetie Belle. Perhaps you'll get it right eventually." She tried to be supportive, despite her bitter disappointment. "Excuse me, but I am being quite honest!" she glowered upward.
"Uh, Rarity, who are you talking to?" asked Sweetie.
Rarity gawked, realizing her blunder. "Oh, well, you know about Twilight's predicament with a narrator voice, don't you? Well, it seems that other ponies can hear this Narrator as well and now he's following me for the day."
"So...you have a magical voice following everything you do?"
"It would appear so." She grinned.
"What the heck?!" stomped Sweetie. "Why can't I have something like that?! Do you realized how useful a magic narrator might've been for helping me and my friends find our cutie marks?!"
"How would that help exactly?"
"I don't know, but it certainly would've beaten all that time of waiting!" she pouted.
"Oh hush, Sweetie Belle." Rarity turned her nose up. "There is no need to get jealous over my new handsome friend."
"I'm not jealous!" she argued. "And how do you know he's handsome? Do you know what he looks like? He could be some kind of creepy monster or some kind of hideous mind worm!"
Mind worm?! Why you little- No. No, Narrator. She's just a filly. Don't overreact.
"Really, Sweetie Belle," scorned Rarity. "How rude! Why don't you just run along and play while I clean the kitchen?"
"Fine!" the filly stormed off. "At least I have real friends who aren't just in my head."
"I said hush!" scolded Rarity as her sister went outside. "I'm terribly sorry about her, Narrator. She really needs to learn manners."
It's alright. I'm sure sisters are a hoofful. After cleaning the chaotic mess in the kitchen, scraping the burned remains of what was once food off the counter top, Rarity proceeded to open Carousel Boutique for the day. She proudly put out her mannequins for display, exhibiting her finest works of fashion. From flowing formal gowns, to sporty, skimpy summerwear, each piece brandished her own unique style.
"Ahem, excuse me, Narrator?" she asked.
Yes?
"Not to intrude on your monologue, but I was wondering if you could, if it's not too much to ask, sort of describe my pieces in greater detail, if you so please." She said, fluttering her eyelashes.
I'm doing the best I can.
"Oh but surely such a stallion of prose such as yourself can give me a poetic critique of my work."
What do you want me to say?
"How about this?" Rarity quickly pulled aside a mannequin wearing a short dress. "Go ahead. Elaborate on this masterpiece."
Um, she pointed to a green summer dress complete with white floral patterns spaghetti straps and a matching saddlebag.
"No, no, no," she shook her head. "Don't give me the obvious. Give me the underlying details. How does it speak to you? What kinds of thoughts and emotions stir within from looking at this dress?"
You're yanking my chain.
"Pwease?" Rarity fluttered her lashes and gave a puppy-dog expression.
*sigh* The dress radiated a whimsical essence that reflected the freedom and welcoming embrace of summer. The contour lines, sleek and serene, yet also yielding a flowing fantastical mystique, express the true diversity of the artist's creative vision. Such a dynamic piece is ideal for the mare looking for comfort and expression of bliss in the highest form.
"My word, Narrator," beamed Rarity. "I was right about you. You should write for the J. Ponyman Catalog. Now you're starting to sound like a real fashionista."
I'm not a fashionista I'm a narrator!!!
"Simmer down now, dear, we have a customer."
Just then, a bell rang as the front door opened, and in walked one of Rarity's regulars, Junebug.
"Ah, Junebug!" greeted Rarity. "How are you, darling?"
"Quite fine, Rarity." The gardener smiled. "I'm here for my noon pickup."
"Of course!" Rarity levitated another mannequin over from a back room. "I've just finished putting the final touches on it recently. So, what do you think?"
Junebug delighted at the sight of an elegant violet ball gown, with a slender shape and a lining of miniature gemstones on the bottom. "It's beautiful!" she beamed. "You really are an expert, Rarity. This will look great at the ceremony when I accept my Gardener of the Month award."
"And I am so proud of you, dear!" said Rarity.
Congratulations, Junebug.
"The Narrator sends his regards."
"Who?"
"Oh! How could I have forgotten!" gasped Rarity. "This beauty is still missing the waistband I was going to add. I didn't even choose a fitting color for it. How careless could I be?"
"Oh, it's no big deal, Rarity." Junebug shrugged. "It looks fine as it is."
"Nonsense, Junebug!" insisted Rarity. "My clients only deserve perfection. We'll have this dress complete in a jiffy. Especially now that I have an artistic mind to help."
Who me?
"What do you mean, Rarity?" asked Junebug.
"Well, I'm sure you've heard of Twilight's new narrator friend?"
"Uh, I think so?"
"You see, now he's able to narrate me as well, and he certainly has an eye for fashion I can tell you!"
I'm not sure, but I think I just saw Sweetie Belle and her friends walk by outside with power tools.
"Now let's give this dress a proper waistband!" Rarity levitated over two long sheets of fabric and held them in the air. "Oh Narrator! Which do you think would look better with the dress: lavender, or mauve?"
...They look exactly the same.
"Oh come now, Narrator, surely you can tell the difference."
Ugh, I don't know, what do you think?
"Well, I rather think the mauve is more subtle and conforming with the rest of the outfit. But the lavender just adds more flavor in color, and it's just divinely alluring."
Okay, so go with the lavender.
"Hmm, I don't know." She pondered. "Perhaps I can add some sparkle to the mauve to make it stand out more. But I feel that would draw the eye away from the leg lines."
Why did I pick to follow you first?
"Come on, Narrator, mauve or no mauve?" urged Rarity. "I can't keep my friend waiting."
Junebug began to back towards the door nervously. "Uh you know, Rarity, the award ceremony isn't for another three days. I can just come back tomorrow to pick up the dress. Uh, see you later!" she hurried out of the boutique, a bit unnerved.
"Hmm, I wonder what she's in a hurry for. What do you think, Narrator? Do you think the dress could also use a matching corsage? Or perhaps lavender stripes to counteract the mauve?...Narrator?...Are you there, darling?...Hello?......Oh you did NOT just up and leave me without saying so! You vile beast! How dare you toy with my affections! If you think you can impress me by playing hard-to-get, then you just might be right!...Ugh, why are the handsome ones always so rude?
Rainbow made a loud snort as she lay in an awkward heap in her messy, unmade bed. Her Wonderbolts covers were bunched up into one corner and her pillow shrouded her eyes from the morning light, covered in drool. With an annoyed grunt, she swiped her hoof and knocked her radio alarm clock off the nightstand and it fell to the floor with a clatter. She thought it was going off with the regularly scheduled radio segment, Vinyl Scratch in the Morning on W-EQR FM. However, it was far too early.
"Mmph!" she grumbled underneath her pillow. "Stupid alarm clock! Shut up already!"
Rise and shine!
"Huh?" Rainbow cracked open one eye and barely lifted her head up. "Who's there? You ever knock first? I know the door is made of cloud so it would be hard to hear but-"
No no, it's me. The Narrator.
"Oh crap, it's you." She immediately dug her face back in her pillow. "Why are you here?"
Well since you're so keen to know, it's already noon and I'm bored out of my mind. I'm just looking for somepony to hang with.
Rainbow rose up. "Did Twilight kick you out?"
What? Pfff, no! Wh- come on! She's not mad at me or anything! She just...needed some alone time. To work. You know, princess stuff. And as a narrator I'm pretty much useless without somepony to follow.
"Oh great. That's just what I need in my day." She sulked. "If you don't mind, I have about another hour of power sleep, so I'll do without the chitchat, thank you very much."
Boy and I thought Rarity was pampered. Don't you have any weather you should be controlling?
"Eh, I'll do it later." Rainbow rolled in her bed preparing to drift off to sleep again. Despite the early afternoon light, she let the silky soft touch of her bed envelop her and let her mind drift off into dreamland. "Okay now I can't sleep. Thanks."
That's more like it. Rainbow slogged out of bed and toward the bathroom. With a yawn, she decided to take a nice hot shower to start the day and climbed in-
"Don't even think about it!" she snapped.
Right, sorry.
...
After freshening herself up, barely even washing her unkempt mane, Rainbow dragged herself downstairs to her kitchen to fix up breakfast. As she prepared a cup of coffee, she cracked two eggs into a skillet alongside four strips of tofu bacon. While those were cooking, she then poured herself a glass of zapapple juice and a bowl of Oaties, from a box with a picture of Equestria Games gold medalist Spitfire on it. Having scarfed that down as well, she cracked four more eggs and fried up two more strips of bacon along with tofu ham, and downed a second mug of coffee with- good grief, how much food do you need?!
"I have to train every day," she said with a mouth full of Oaties. "So I gotta bulk up on protein and energy. You think I was just born with this kind of muscle?...Well, I pretty much was but, you know..."
Oooookay. That tofu is starting to smell pretty good. Can you spare me a slice?
"No way, get your own!" she sneered. "How would that even be possible?"
I don't know, I'm just hungry! Be right back! *stomps away*
"...What a chump."
...
Okay, now that I had my fill of toast and jelly, can we get on with this?
"Ha, jelly!" scoffed Rainbow. "That's for little foals who are too pansy to eat jam."
I don't like seeds! Anyway, Rainbow stood outside her floating house ready to begin her daily workout routine. As she stretched and opened up her muscles, she played a mix on her boombox including motivational music from her favorite rock band, Trötley Crüe. She then dropped down and executed fifty wing push-ups, followed by forty mule kicks, thirty lunges and ten minutes of in-place trotting. It was not long before she began to break a sweat. But her athletic build had enough stamina to keep her going like a wind-up toy.
"Stare all you want, pal," she boasted as she downed a bottle of water. "This is top physical perfection!"
I'll take your word for it.
She then turned up the volume on the boombox. "Alright, Narrator," grinned Rainbow as she shook off the cobwebs in her legs. "You ready for some real pegasus action?"
I've been waiting for any kind of action for a while.
"Good. Because I wanna see if you can catch up!"
What are you talking about?
She pointed up at the air determinedly. "I'm gonna fly so fast that you won't be able to keep up to narrate me!"
...Pfff ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Is that right? You think you can outrun my gaze? I'm the all-seeing eye, baby!
"We'll see about that." Rainbow cracked her neck and unfurled her wings. "Less talk, more race. What do ya say?"
Do your worst.
"Seeya!"
With a rushing gust, a crack in the air, and a long multicolored streak, Rainbow took off from her front step like a firecracker straight from Neighjing. Climbing ever upward, she surpassed flocks of high-flying geese and even came close to shooting into a zeppelin. Now having reached a desirable altitude, Rainbow came upon an obstacle course in the sky. She zigzagged through a trail of well-placed balls of cloud, cutting perfect right-angle turns in a midair slalom. Her pegasus streak blazing against the blue sky was the only evidence of her blinding speed.
"Not bad, Narrator," smiled Rainbow, her mane flapping in the wind. "But I'm not finished yet!"
I still don't see what the challenge is supposed to be. You do realize it's utterly impossible to outrun me.
"Nothing's impossible for this gal!"
Folding her wings back in a streamlined formation, Rainbow soared off even faster up to a layer of clouds above. She burst through the cumulus leaving a pony-shaped hole as she rocketed closer to the stratosphere. Crap, she's going fast. Above the plane of clouds, the sun's light glistened off the puffy white surface. The high wind whistled at buffeting speeds supercharged by the warm air currents. And as for Rainbow...uh...where is she?
No. No that's impossible, she couldn't have escaped. She must be pretty far ahead, the little minx. She must be a tiny blue dot on the horizon by now. I mean, it's pretty hard to spot her out against this blue sky. Ugh, I'm still not seeing her! Where the heck did she go? There's no way she could've actually flew faster than I could catch up with her. This is not happening. Why aren't I seeing that streak?!
Oh crap! Can she still hear me?! Oh this is embarrassing! Rainbow! Where are you?! Show yourself you coward! I mean it, this isn't funny! Oh man. Oh man! First I freak out that she can hear me, now this?! I'm a disgrace as a narrator! I'm a joke! A big fat-
"BOO!"
AAAH! J- wh- how...you were hiding this whole time?!
"Yup! Right under your nose!" said Rainbow, poking her head and hooves out from a lone cloud. "Man, you were really losing it!" she chuckled. "You shoulda seen your face!...I mean, I didn't but, it was probably pretty hilarious!"
Don't do that! You almost gave me a panic attack!
"Oh relax and just fess up that I won."
You cheated!
"Nothing's written, pal." She gloated.
*sighs* Fine, you win your stupid little game of hide-and-seek. You're awesome and everypony knows it.
"Darn straight!" she lay on the cloud with a smug look. "But it was still pretty fun. You're alright, Narrator. I could race you all day."
Please tell me you're not going to.
"Oh no, of course not. That's it for my speed training today."
Oh thank goodness.
"But now we get to start the really fun stuff!"
What?
"Yeah! We still gotta do mountain climbing with weights on our backs! Then there's the butterfly stroke lap race in the chilly pond. Then the 20K trot uphill. And the midair tackle test! Ooh, can't forget about extreme racquetball either! And I'll be getting you in the best shape of your life, Narrator! What do ya say?...Narrator?...Hello?...Son of a- I can't believe you just walked out on me! ME! Of all ponies! Well fine! Good riddance! You don't know what you're missing, buddy! I don't need no competition anyway!...Hmm...Maybe I should just, I don't know, get to work on that weather or something."
Fluttershy slept soundly in her cottage the next day as the-
"EEEEEP! Who's there?!
Oops.
"Oh my gosh! There's a burglar in my house! Please, just take whatever you want and go away! And please don't hurt any of my furry friends! Angel! Get in the panic room!"
Whoa whoa whoa, it's okay! It's just me, the Narrator.
Fluttershy poked her head out from under her bed. "What? Oh, it's you. Uh...what are you doing here?"
Sorry about the scare. I just figured that since you can hear me now, I might as well get to know Twilight's friends.
"Oh...okay," she still looked hesitant. "It's just that...this is a little strange to me."
I understand. You should have seen Twilight when we first met.
"That's right. She was frantic when I heard about you. She thought you were some kind of monster. Oh, no offense."
None taken. So, what's on the agenda for today? Anything exciting or fun? Off to find exotic animals or something? Living wild?
"Um, well, uh...eeep."
Okay okay, I'll just take it slow.
"Um, what am I supposed to do?" she asked.
Just go about your day. Don't mind me. I'm just a framing device. It's like I'm not even here.
"Well...if you say so."
Fluttershy crawled out from under her bed, having calmed down a bit. She made up her bed after her momentary panic and walked over to the bathroom to take a shower.
"Wait, am I supposed to take a shower?" she asked.
Uh, I don't know, just go with it.
"Oh, okay...Um, can you-"
I got it, I got it, I won't look.
...
As the morning blossomed, Fluttershy trotted downstairs after getting groomed up. She headed into her kitchen to whip up a fresh and breakfast of tofu omelettes and herbal tea. While heating up the tea kettle, she hummed a melodic tune to herself as a group of birds came to greet her at the windowsill.
"Oh, sorry." She said nervously. "Was I annoying you?"
What? No I don't mind. You have a good singing voice.
"Oh gosh!" she hid her blushing face behind her long mane. "Ah! You can see that?!"
Don't worry about it. Just pretend I'm not even here.
"Well, to be honest, it's kind of hard since I can hear everything you say."
Well listen, sweetheart, what if I started talkin' with a funny accent, see? Like some kinda bigshot Manehattan mobster, see?
"...That would...certainly be different."
Or what if I was from Vanhoover, eh? Soorry! Soorry aboot dat! I'll getcha back later, eh?
"Teehee! You're quite funny."
Aye, or what if I be a highlander?! Ach! I've spilt black puddin' all ovah me kilt, lassie!
Fluttershy giggled. "I had no idea how talented you were."
I've had time to practice.
"Ooh! I almost forgot." She said. "It's time to give Angel his vitamins." Fluttershy walked over to the wooden hutch that housed her beloved companion. "Angel!" she called sweetly. "Wake up, sleepyhead!"
No response came. But a half-eaten carrot end was hurled out of the hutch almost hitting her on the nose.
Fluttershy poked her head inside the opening. "Now now, Angel. I know you don't like taking your medicine. But you don't want to catch bunny influenza, do you?"
At this point, Angel poked his little white head out of the hutch and looked up at his caretaker. But the rabbit gave a harsh hiss like an angered snake and retreated back inside, pulling a blanket over his head.
Fluttershy began to grow stern. "Angel Roderick Bunny, you come out here and take your vitamins this instant!"
The rabbit simply put on a pair of tiny earmuffs and ignored her even harder.
"Oh dear," sighed Fluttershy. "He must be in an especially bad mood. I wonder if it's because I reorganized the furniture."
Normally I shouldn't interfere, but why don't you just slip the vitamin in a carrot?
"Oh, I already tried that. But he was able to find it in the carrot, and after that he wouldn't speak to me for a week."
...Wait what?
"Not to worry, though, I have a technique that always works." Fluttershy then reached inside the hutch and poked at the rabbit. "Angel?" she said softly.
Angel snapped his head up again with a scowl on his face. But he immediately froze in terror as Fluttershy stared down at his with a haunting and menacing stare that was enough to freeze lava. With his ears folded back, Angel exited the hutch and agreed to take the rabbit pill.
Fluttershy gave him his vitamin and pet him on the head, returning to her gentle nature. "Good boy, Angel!"
Wow, you really know how to take control.
"Sometimes." She shrugged modestly. "Well, I better go take care of the rest of my cuties."
Fluttershy trotted outside into the warm sunlight, sniffing the array of flowers sprouting up from her backyard garden. Gathering a few sacks of animal feed, she went to tend to an even bigger arrangement of creatures. She first opened the gate to her chicken range.
"Here chickie chickies!" she called as she spread grain across the ground. "Come and get it!"
A gaggle of hens rushed out of the coup clucking madly. They gathered around and pecked at the seed with comical bobs of their heads. One of the chickens crowed loudly and flapped its wings as it glared at another.
"Come on, no need to fight," said Fluttershy. "There's plenty for all of you."
Hey Fluttershy, why did the chicken cross the road to Griffonstone?
"Um, I don't know."
Family reunion! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
"...Eh heh heh...Oh hello, Mr. Blue Jay! Are you hungry too?"
Fluttershy gave a hoofful of seeds to her little bluebird sitting on her back, who gave her a happy whistle in response. After leaving more seed for an entire rainbow of birds, she then proceeded to several more of her beloved critters. She poured a trough-full of slop to a family of muddy pigs, snorting and squealing happily. Next was a tank home to a couple of small turtles, who together ate a moist swamp leaf in slow motion. Then it was on to leaving nuts in a cozy little den that housed a mother raccoon and her young kits. And then Fluttershy gave a bundle of grass to a walleyed goat that seemed to just seemed to stand there and chew for eternity. And of course, Fluttershy remembered to leave a bale of hay for the ELEPHANT?!
FWOMP
How the heck did you get an elephant?!
"Oh, I've been raising him ever since he was a little pachyderm." Fluttershy said. "Poor thing was separated from his herd."
That still raises more questions!
FWAAAAMP!!!
"Oh dear." Fluttershy backed up as the elephant stomped a bit, growing uneasy. "He seems to be irritated about something."
As if on cue, most of the other animals began to stir, ruffling fur and kicking up dirt. They squeaked, squawked, and squabbled over some mysterious force that made them antsy.
"I hate to say it, Narrator," said Fluttershy. "But I think they're a bit scared of you."
That's impossible. Animals can't sense me.
"I don't know, it's been known that animals can sometimes react to a spiritual presence."
But I'm not a ghost!
BARK! BARK!
QUACK! QUACK! QUACK!
BAAAAAAA!
ROOOAAR!
Make them stop!
"I'm sorry, Narrator," shrugged Fluttershy. "But they seem to get nervous when you speak up. Ooh! But here's a fuzzy friend who doesn't look afraid of you." She grabbed yet another critter from behind the bushes. "Narrator, meet Opalescence! She's Rarity's cat. I'm watching her while Rarity gets the boutique repainted. Say hello, Opal!"
The puffy white feline just slumped in Fluttershy's hooves with a dour grimace on her...ah...ah...ACHOO!
"Oh my. Gesundheit."
Thanks. That was a big...ACHOO! Ugh! *sniffs* Why do I suddenly feel so...so...ACHOO!...snotty?!
"Uh oh. Narrator, I think you're allergic to cats."
Okay I know for sure that's definitely impossible! ACHOO!
"Well, you can see and hear everything, right? And that includes smell too, doesn't it?"
*sniffs* What's your point?
"If you can smell everything you narrate, then you must have different reactions to them. When you smell Opal, for example, you have an allergic reaction."
...Wow, I'm upset that that makes sense. ACHOO! Get that cat out of here!
"Don't worry, Narrator," said Fluttershy as she put down Opal and headed for the backdoor. "I have just the thing for your allergies!" She walked inside and went to the- ACHOO! -kitchen *sniffs* and grabbed the kettle of water from the stove. After pouring it into a bowl instead of a cup, she- ACHOO! -sprinkled a sample of crushed tea leaves in the steaming water. "Hmm, maybe a little more." After stirring the water a bit, the tea took color and she held it up to the- ACHOO! -air. "Here you go, Narrator!"
How do you expect me to drink that?
"Just take a big whiff! It's an herbal remedy for the sinuses. You'll feel right as rain!"
Well okay. *inhales deeply* Whoa...that smells pretty good. *sniffs* Hey! I feel much better! My nose is clearing up! *sniffs* I can smell again! Thank you, Fluttershy!
"Teehee, don't mention it."
Boy this tea is some magical stuff! I...I......I feel funny...Kind of light-headed actually.
"Are you okay?"
I don't know. Why is your fur turning blue?
"Oh dear, I must've used too much of a dose."
What's happening to me?! Wh- what's going on?! The walls are melting! The air is moving the ground!
"Narrator, settle down! Oh, I really have to ask Tree Hugger about this tea!"
Applejack slept soundly in her bed as the...oh wait...Applejack's bed stood empty in her room as she had already gotten up at a barely sunlit hour. Instead of sleeping through the morning, Applejack was downstairs in the kitchen frying up some eggs and potatoes. The sizzling of the skillet was the only sound heard in the quaint country home as dawn barely began to-
"Son, ya better stop flappin' yer gums before ya wake up Granny Smith!" she glared as she held up a whisk.
Whoa easy! As far as I know, you're the only one who can hear me in this house.
"Hmph," scowled Applejack. "Well what are ya doin' here anyway?"
Oh you know, I just wanted to hang out. See what's it's like on the old family ranch.
"First off, this ain't no ranch," she said. "Second, I ain't got time to fool around with a ghost. I got thirty acres of apple seeds to irrigate before the soil dries up. So if'n ya don't mind, I'd like to get on with mah work in peace."
Oh by all means, carry on with your day. Just think of me as an audible embellishment to your life.
"I'll think of you as annoyin'." She sat at the table to eat her breakfast. "So tell me, Narrator guy, do you know anythin' about farmin'?"
...Well I have played a fair amount of video games.
"Oh boy," she scoffed. "Sounds to me like you've got a lot to learn."
Huh? What do you mean?
"I'm sayin' that if yer gonna hang over me for a day, yer gonna at least make it worth mah time." Applejack spoke with a mouthful. "I'm gonna show you how to put in an honest day's work by helpin' me out on the farm. Give ya somethin' else to do other than squakin' about other ponies' lives."
I hate to break it to you, but you're not going to have much luck with that. While I can see, hear and smell everything, I can't actually make physical contact with anything I narrate. So I don't know how much help I would be.
"Hmm," she chomped on a fried potato. "No big deal. We'll find some use for ya."
Oh wow. Thanks for that. It's a wonder you're still single.
"Watch it, mister," she threatened with a fork. "Or you'll be narratin' a story with an unhappy endin'!"
We'll settle this later, pardner!
...
As the morning sun started to wake while most of Ponyville still slept, Applejack set out to tend to her fields, not even bothering with a shower on account that she would just get dirty anyway. She was joined by her faithful brother Big Macintosh as they prepared for the long, arduous sweep across acres of soil harboring newly planted apple seeds. Applejack helped her brother strap on a large plow at the end of the expansive field.
"Now remember, Big Mac," she told him. "Try not to get distracted. We need straight lines. Last time you looked like a sidewinder trapped in a twister."
Big Mac responded to his sister's nagging with a roll of his eyes. "Eeyup."
Applejack then walked over to a filled water bucket and glowered up at the air. "And as for you, I wouldn't be callin' me a nag. Plowing the fields is hard enough without lookin' like a darn kook talkin' to nopony."
My apologies. Plow away.
With a puff from his lungs, Big Mac started to traverse the field of soil with his sister following behind. The heavy plow dug deep into the ground leaving a trail of exposed soil. As Big Mac moved carefully along, trying to avoid the seed beds, Applejack showered water over the plowed trench, letting the water soak into the soil and supply the seeds with hydration. She made diligent sure not to water too much to overflow the soil trench or too little as not to reach the pre-grown plants. The simple work was made difficult by the sheer amount of plants to be taken care of.
"Careful going over pebble, Big Mac." Applejack said.
"Eeyup." Big Mac sulked.
You know, has it ever occurred to you guys to install an automatic sprinkler system? It would make this a whole lot easier.
"Exactly. We don't want easier." Applejack murmured out of earshot of her brother. "Farmin' takes patience."
I'm just saying, it could really boost your production.
"Look, the Apple Family's been doin' just fine with the old fashioned ways." She said. "Or else we wouldn't have become as tough or honest as we still are. Somethin' you won't understand."
What's that supposed to mean?
"Well just listen to you. Chattin' away, just sayin' what ya see." Applejack scoffed. "Ya wouldn't know an honest day's work if it came up and yanked yer tail."
Is that what you think? Well look here, cowgirl! I could farm circles around you and you wouldn't even know it!
"'Farm circles'? Is that a pun?"
Maybe. Maybe not. I'm just that good of a narrator! And before you think I can't built up a sweat, I can easily match your output of apples, if not double it!
"Oh-ho really?" she smirked. "Well then put up or shut up, pardner! After these fields are plowed, we'll just try your hoof at applebuckin'! As long as we're talkin' about speedin' up production!"
You're on, sister! And by the way you're spilling water!
"What?! Con sarnit!" she cursed. "Look what ya made me do! Ya distracted me, ya big invisible yella belly!"
Big Mac stopped plowing and turned around to look at her quizzically as she yelled at the air.
Applejack noticed her brother and smiled sheepishly. "Uh, Big Mac, I can explain."
"Nnope." Big Mac shrugged and continued plowing, not wanting to know anything about her situation.
...
After a few hours of irrigation, which was EXCRUCIATINGLY BORING BY THE WAY, Applejack headed over to an adjacent field where an abundance of fully grown apple trees drank in the sunlight. Along their branches hung fresh, bright red apples that glistened with drops of juice running down their shiny skin. Applejack dragged a stack of baskets by the trees and began stretching her muscles.
"Alrighty, Narrator," she grinned. "I wanna see if you can actually do what we earth ponies do best! Back-breakin' labor!"
Just you watch, farm girl, you have no idea about the extent of my powers. I'll narrate those apples right off those trees!
"I have no idea what that means, but I'm gonna enjoy hearin' you grumble when I buck ten times more apples than you do!"
Bring it on, cowpoke!
"Alrighty then! Watch how it's done!"
With a crack of her neck, Applejack stood in front of an unsuspecting apple tree looking calm and smug. Slowly lunging forward, she leaned on her front hooves coiling her body like a spring. Then in one split-second motion, her rear hooves launched like a pair of battering rams and struck the tree's trunk with a booming thud. The resulting shock wave riveted up the trunk and made the tree shudder like a used diving board. Within seconds, fifteen apples dropped from their branches and into the baskets like sweet juicy hailstones.
"Think ya can handle that, city boy?" she taunted with a cheeky smile.
First off, you can't prove that I'm from the city, and second, that's nothing but foal's play. Now watch how Mr. N harvests his cultivated deciduous tree fruit! Suddenly, a squirrel nibbling away in a nearby branch dropped his acorn after sneezing from the pollen. The falling nut bounced down the tree until landing in a dugout hole, where a badger poked its head out and shook its fist at the squirrel. The badger then grabbed a rock and hurled it in the squirrel's direction, but narrowly missed the smaller rodent. Instead the rock bounced off the squirrel's branch with just enough force to knock down its protruding apples. With amazing trajectory, the rock then ricocheted off several more branches of the tree and causing more apples to fall from their roots. Even the squirrel, who had chosen to retaliate against his ground-dwelling nemesis, stomped his paw on the branches bombing the badger's burrow with even more fruity projectiles. In total, twenty-two apples fell in the wake of the violence.
Applejack watched with a perplexed expression. "Okay, that was...impressive. But I can still top that!" Immediately, she hurried over to the next tree and gave another powerful kick to the trunk. She claimed twenty-eight apples this time. "Your move, pardner!"
Hmm, looks like I'll need a little boost, with the invigorating electrolyte taste of Lun-aid, the official energy drink of Princess Luna! Lun-aid! Feel the tide! *gulps drink* Over on a nearby hill, an old unused wagon sat motionless, until one of its corroded bolts rusted completely off causing a wheel to detach. The wagon wheel rolled down the slope of the hill with increasing speed until bouncing off a rock and ascending to the clouds. The renegade wheel spooked a passing finch enough to make it squat out an egg in fright. The bird's egg plummeted and landed on the head of a sheep that had been chewing the grass to keep it level. In turn, the sheep became frightened like the bird, whose egg was now splattered on the sheep's face, and also panicked his brothers around him. With frantic bleats, the sheep charged forward in a woolly stampede and they all crashed into the same tree, piling up like a traffic jam. As the sheep lay in a daze, the apples from the tree dropped one by one, counting thirty-six in total.
Applejack sneered and narrowed her eyes. "Ya think yer so clever?" she said. "No more holdin' back!" With a big exhale, Applejack launched yet another mule kick into a tree, sending out a loud crack, and dropping a whopping fifty-four apples out of the leaves. "Ha ha!" she panted. "Whaddya think o' that?!"
To be honest, I'm just wondering how one tree can hold that many apples. What kind of trees are you growing here?!
"Only the best!" she smirked.
Fine, you wanna see some real farming? *gargles water, spits* A butterfly flapped its wings gently as it passed the farmhouse. The dainty insect perched atop a pinwheel but immediately hopped off once the blades began to spin. The motion of the pinwheel caused it to tumble out of the garden box and to the ground. It landed square on top of an anthill, causing a disturbance among its inhabitants. Shaken from their home, a line of ants marched out of the ground and into a hole in the house. The hole lead to the kitchen where Apple Bloom happened to be helping Granny Smith with a finished pie.
"Uh oh. Granny!" Apple Bloom looked down at the floor. "Granny, the ants are back!"
"What's that?" the elderly mare replied. "My pants are black? But I ain't wearin' any!"
"No, I said the ants are back!" corrected Apple Bloom. "We gotta protect the food!"
"A dancin' yak?" Granny looked around. "What do ya mean its in the mood?!"
"No! Granny we have to keep the ants from the pie!"
"Well why didn't ya say so?" Granny walked off out of the kitchen. "Don't worry, I'll get somethin' from the bathroom."
"What? Oh forget it!"
As Granny went off to find something to get the sand out of Apple Bloom's eye, the little filly quickly grabbed a fly swatter from under the sink and glared at the swarm of ants. But Granny soon returned with a bottle and squinted to look closely at the label.
"Wait a sec...cough syrup?" she said. "This ain't eye drops! Hang on!"
Granny threw the bottle of medicine behind her as she walked back out. The bottle hit the floor and spilled the bitter purple liquid across the floor, attracting more hungry ants. Apple Bloom stormed over to swat the living daylights out of the bugs, but suddenly slipped on the cough syrup, causing her to accidentally toss the fly swatter out the open window. The swatter hurled through the air towards Big Macintosh, who was hauling a cart full of milk tanks for the cows. As he carried on unsuspecting, the fly swatter smacked him in the rump. Big Mac blushed as he looked up startled. He frantically darted from side to side, looking for his attacker, but unknowingly shook the metal milk tanks off of his cart. The cylindrical containers rolled down the hill leading to the barn and through the open doors. With a clank, the tanks stopped when they toppled a table that held a lantern. The lantern fell into a pile of hay with a shatter, causing the bale to catch on fire from the spilled kerosene. Fortunately, a cow who had been eating in the barn spotted the fire and mooed in surprise. The cow rushed over and grabbed a coiled hose, turned on the spigot and sprayed water over the burning hay, saving the barn from disaster. But the length of the hose knocked over a shelf holding a conveniently placed bowling ball. The conveniently placed bowling ball landed on a conveniently placed board, teetering on a conveniently placed can, and catapulting a conveniently placed hay claw, on the other side of the conveniently placed board, into the air. The hay grabbed ascended through a conveniently placed hole in the roof and toward a passing hot air balloon sailing overhead.
The pilot of the balloon smiled to himself. "They said I was crazy for starting an airborne anvil delivery service!" he said. "But just look at me now, teachers!"
Suddenly, the flying hay claw severed the rope holding the balloon's cargo underneath the basket. In an instant, twenty anvils fell from the balloon and down towards Sweet Apple Acres. The pilot looked down in shock then sighed in defeat.
"Well, I guess it's back to law school."
The anvils cascaded from the sky in a massive clump above the orchard. They embedded themselves in the grass with heavy impacts, and the resulting force caused a tremor in the ground. Applejack stumbled on her hooves as the land shook. The trembling trees suddenly began to lose their apples, which fell in a countless drove. After all was said and done, the grass was covered in the sweet fruit.
Applejack stared in befuddlement. "But...how...wha..."
Boom! And that is how you narrate apples!
"Hey wait a darn minute!" she glared. "That's no fair! You bucked apples from more than one tree!"
You never said that was a rule.
Applejack paused in thought for a moment. Then she simply smirked with eyes closed and tipped her hat up. "Hmph, I guess I didn't." She said. "But I did prove that I was right at the beginnin'."
Huh? What are you talking about?
"I said I would find some use for ya. And I did." She gloated. "Turns out you can pull off a hard day's work. And it really helped in mah favor. I pretty much made ya do mah harvest for me."
......Bull honky! You're just too stubborn to admit that I whooped your flank at applebucking!
"Say what ya want," she grinned. "But I'm still proud of ya, Narrator. You can come work for me anytime."
Yeah I don't see that happening...Hey where are you going? Aren't you going to collect all these apples?
Applejack turned back before trotting off. "You knocked them down, didn't ya?"
"The Narrator appeared suddenly to watch me open up shop at Sugarcube Cor-"
Hey! What are you doing?! That's my job!
"Okie dokie lokie!"
Wait a minute...how did you know I was here?
"Hiya Narrator!"
Hi Pinkie. How did you know I was here?!
"My Pinkie senses told me! Twitchy tail, shaky leg, dry cough- AHACK! Yup! Those are Pinkie senses!"
...You uh...you might want to see a doctor.
"My Pinkie senses told me to see a doctor too. But it turns out it was just gas. So whatcha doin' here?!"
I've been narrating Twilight's friends just for a change of pace. So far, my experience has either been boring, back-breaking, or dangerous to my psychological health. But I figured spending time narrating you would be fun.
"Are you kidding?!" gleamed Pinkie. "My middle name is Fun!"
I thought it was Diane.
"That's my maiden middle name!"
That doesn't make any sense.
"Do you wanna help me bake?!"
Yes. What are we baking?
"Ooh, it's a cream cheese chocolate lava cake!" she said with a bit of drool. "I call it 'Creamatoa'!"
Whoa, that sounds amazing. What's the occasion?
"It's for a fancy wedding in Canterlot! The bride and groom are really rich and stuff, so we have to be at the tippity tip top of our game today! This cake is gonna even more delicious than Triple Truffle Tuesday!"
In that case, I don't suppose I can get a copy of that recipe?
"Hmm," Pinkie looked slyly. "If you can be a super duper baking assistant, I just might!"
Alright, let's bake some wedding cake! "Exclaimed the Narrator in an excited tone." You're gonna have to stop doing that.
"Mornin', Pinkie!" Carrot Cake entered the sweet shop, tying his apron on. "Don't worry about the counter today. I'll be handling the customers while you just focus on that wedding cake. It's a big order, Pinkie. I hope you're up to it."
Pinkie stiffened up and gave a hearty salute. "Sergeant Pie is ready for any mission, General Cake!" she said with an excessive amount of determination. "Even if I have to sacrifice every ounce of flour! No matter how many eggs I have to crack! We will serve them cake on the beaches! We will serve them on the-"
"Alright, alright, settle down now," chuckled Mr. Cake. "Just make sure it's ready for tomorrow. Both families of the bride and groom are very particular."
"You got nothing to worry about, Mr. Cake!" said Pinkie. "Especially since I have some friendly help with me today."
"Oh, is Twilight or Applejack helping you?" he asked.
"Nope! He calls himself the Narrator! He's a voice that only Twilight could hear at first, but then our other friends and I started to hear him too! He narrates everything I do and say! Isn't that neato?!"
Mr. Cake stared at Pinkie briefly, despite the fact that he was used to the young mare's brand of random behavior. A bead of sweat appeared on his forehead over the safety of the wedding cake. "Well just don't get too caught up in...conversation." He said nervously. "I'm countin' on you, Pinkie."
"Sir yes sir!" Pinkie gave another salute then marched back into the kitchen. "Right! Right! Right, left, ri- no wait...Front hoof! Back hoof! Left, right- no that's not it."
Just a friendly reminder, nopony believed Twilight when she first started hearing me.
"I believed her!" said Pinkie as she gathered a stack of cooking pans. "I have voices in my head all the time!"
Wait, seriously? I mean I'm not surprised but-
"Yeah! You should totally meet Madame Flour! She's a real riot! Although I'm not sure why she keeps talking about world domination. I saw her pouring over a map of the Crystal Empire and got a little worried." She strapped on an apron and popped a chef's hat on her head. "But enough about that, we got a cake to prepare!"
Shouldn't you wash your hooves first?
"Hey I'm clean! I showered this morning!"
I wouldn't know. So what do you need my help for exactly?
"Well, I'm gonna be doing all the heavy stuff," she explained. "And since this is a wedding cake, there's gonna be a big stack of cakes that will have to be made exactly the same way. All you have to do is keep an eye on the different cakes and ingredients being mixed, and tell me when and where I have to move on. Think ya can handle it?"
Please! Is Princess Celestia white?
"Wow, Narrator, you can't just ask if somepony is white!"
I meant yes!
"Great!" Pinkie already began pouring flour into a few bowls. "Gee, I feel really bad that you won't be able to taste this super delicious cake for yourself."
As long as I get that recipe, I'll be able to make it on my own!
"Sounds like a plan! Now let's get this lava flowin'! Remember, you're my eyes, Goose!"
Goose? "Repeated the Narrator, a bit confused." What did I just say?!
...
Preparation of the anticipated Creamatoa was now underway. Pinkie rushed to and fro across the kitchen preheating ovens and pouring mixes of flour, baking powder, eggs, etc. The way she bustled about from pot to pot and oven to oven almost gave the impression that it was a full restaurant kitchen filled with more than one busy chef. And yet despite her energy, Pinkie made sure to carefully lay out her ingredients, always wanting to giver her scrumptious creations a good balance. Everything needed an equal measure of texture and taste. Of course, that didn't stop her from talking about her day yesterday.
"And then she said 'There's no way you can eat twenty carrots that fast!' And then I totally did! The trick was eating baby carrots! But then I felt kinda sad for eating the baby carrots, because I knew they would never grow up to be regular carrots. But then again, I've never seen baby corn grow up to be regular corn. That's because I never touch baby corn. Yuck! Who puts that in a salad?! Salad's a funny word. Why isn't it just called 'veggie bowl'? I don't think somepony had to invent a whole new word just for that. Heh, but I'm not really one to say that. That last time I ate a vegetable was I think-"
Pinkie! It's been ten minutes!
"Ooh! The chocolate's melted!" Pinkie hurried over to a small pot on a low boil. Inside, a bar of bittersweet chocolate had melted into a nice warm chocolaty mix. She poured the dark chocolate into a bowl under a mixer, letting it meld into the congealing batter. "Thanks pally! I almost missed that one!"
I got your back, chef.
"Hmm, now what design do I want for this yummy masterpiece?" said Pinkie as she poured over a cookbook. "I guess I can go with a poofy cloud shape. But then I would need to double extra whip the cream cheese frosting for that. Ooh! This one is swirly! It kinda reminds me of unicorn magic. Canterlot has unicorns. I wonder what unicorn magic tastes like? Would it be anything like frosting? I could ask Twilight or Rarity. But that would be kinda weird. It would be pretty funny sticking our tongues in the air like-"
First oven is ready!
"On it!" Pinkie literally leaped across the kitchen to a preheating oven and opened the door. In one swift movement, she slid a pan full of cake batter into the oven and left it to bake. "So far, so oh so good!" she watched the batter bake lovingly. "Boy, Fancy Pants and Fleur de Lis are gonna be so lucky to taste this mother!"
Wait, the wedding is for Fancy Pants and Fleur de Lis? I thought they were already married.
"Weeeeell, they used to be, but now they've gotten back together!" she said. "This is their third marriage! Celebrities, huh?"
Wow, when will it work for them?
"Hopefully when they try this cake!" Pinkie rushed over to another mixing bowl and poured more dark chocolate into it. "Keep up the pace, Narrator! At this point, we'll have this baby ready in just a couple hours!"
I have never been more focused on anything in my entire life! "Said the Narrator in fierce determi-" CREAM CHEESE!
"Right-oh!" Pinkie hurried over to the fridge where the cream cheese frosting had been chilling to a precise temperature. She pulled out a large tub of the frosting and resisted the urge to dip a hoof in and- DON'T! "I wasn't gonna! Jeez!"
"Pinkie, honey!" Cup Cake appeared from the doorway to the front shop. "We need your help out here managing the customers. They're coming in swarms for apple crumbles!"
"What?!" gawked Pinkie. "Why today of all days, Mrs. Cake?"
"Well, ever since we received that overstock yesterday from Sweet Apple Acres, we've been selling apple crumbles like hot cakes, so to speak. I don't know how those farm ponies manage to harvest so many bushels of apples in one day!"
*whistles*
"But what about the Creamatoa?!" frowned Pinkie. "It's the Creamatoa!"
"It won't be long," said Mrs. Cake, exiting a bit frantically. "I just need you to pass out some samples."
Pinkie looked up. "Narrator, keep an eye on the kitchen for me. I am called once again in the line of duty!"
But Pinkie, I don't exactly do manual labor, let alone cook very well.
"Not to worry," she replied. "I have all the ovens and mixers timed perfectly. Just watch and make sure nothing bad happens, like a team of pirate miners digging their way up through the floor to steal the cooking spray!"
...Where on Celestia's green earth do you come up with these thoughts?
"Won't be a moment!" She trotted out of the kitchen.
Oh boy, stuff is happening. The mixers are mixing and the ovens are ovening. The suspense is killing me. Eh, Pinkie's right. There's nothing to worry about. She's a pro at this. It's not like any of the cakes are gonna get ruined while baking...Unless of course...she used too much baking powder. Or not enough granulated sugar! Or almond extract instead of vanilla! Oh my gosh, the cake could explode like a cider keg in a diamond mine! Why did Pinkie have to put pirate miners in my head?! Come at me, you dirt-eating bilge rats!
*slaps self* Get it together, Narrator. You're just obsessing over nothing again. This is supposed to be fun! Besides, if something ever went wrong, I'm sure Pinkie's twitchy tail or whatever will tell her. *sniffs* Ooh! That cake is baking real nice! Just watching that batter take shape is making my mouth water. I can't wait to taste this for myself. The fluffy, moist texture infused with the bittersweet earthiness of dark chocolate. The sweet smooth delight of milk chocolate lava overflowing in a piping hot melted state. The rich sharpness of the frosted cream cheese spread counterbalancing the hearty chocolate flavor. And...what's this? What am I seeing? On the counter! Are those...toppings?! Strawberries?! Blueberry drizzle?! Cocoa shavings?! Sacre bleu! It's a bold introduction to an already perfect combination of tastes! This may just be the most incredible cake ever devised!...Oh, when am I ever gonna get married?!
"I'm back!" said Pinkie.
Gotta go!
"What?! Where are you going?!"
Sorry, Pinkie, I just made myself hungry! You got things taken care of here, right?
"But how am I gonna keep track of all the-"
Great! Be back in a jiffy!...
"Ugh, rookies! Well if the Narrator is gone, then I'll just take his place! How hard can that be?"
...
"Ahem! Tightening the apron around her back, super chef Pinkie Pie braced herself for action! The last oven, with its contents baking soundly inside, gave a loud ding as the cooking time came to an end! It was a sound that put fire in Pinkie's gut, and a look of pride on her face! With a running start, our hero slid over to the oven, threw open the door and gazed upon the magnificence! There it was! The final cake layer! Sitting in its pan and simmering with heat like a sleeping chocolate dragon! Pinkie steadied herself, despite her growing appetite.
Slipping on her chicken-shaped oven mitts, she took the hot pan carefully in her hooves, cradling it like a delicate ancient relic, and placed it on top of the counter with a puff of breath. She then looked over at the five other pans with fresh-baked cake in them, all varying in size. Pinkie focused her attention as she brought over a frosting bag full of hot, melted milk chocolate, just oozing to be consumed! With the skill of surgeon, she plunged the squeezer through the top of each cake, piercing the flaky mold. Slowly, Pinkie squeezed the chocolate lava into the hollow cakes, until they were near bursting at the seams. A full ten minutes passed as she filled each cake. And the action had only just begun!
With the cakes full, Pinkie snapped her hoof over to a spatula dipped in the tub of cream cheese frosting. Like a mighty saber, she raised the spatula up on high and brought it down swiftly! The creamy frosting spread across the first cake like a sugary high tide! The desert warrior glided her handy spatula smoothly over all five cakes, keeping the layers of frosting neat and level. Once the frosting had been lain, then came the designing knife, grazing over the sides in elaborate circular motions, turning the creamy chocolaty confection into a work of art! But our hero's work was not done yet!
Her ammunition of toppings lay in wait! Pinkie swiped another squeeze bag, and with a fighter's pose, she drizzled tangy berry icing around the rims of each cake, drawing snaking patterns on them like a winding fruity river! Next, she took a bowl of diced strawberries in hoof, and dispelled them upon the icinged rims, precisely leaving them with equal space apart. Finally, she tossed a shaker to herself and cascaded a shower of cocoa shavings over the sides, as a final touch to an epic mix of flavors!
Now came the moment of truth. Pinkie stood and closed her eyes in meditation. She let in a deep breath before slowly letting it out again. With a raise of her hoof, and after another moment's pause, she let out a shrieking cry of attack!
Pinkie unleashed all of her energy into her hoof, bringing it down upon the counter top! From the impending force, all five cakes ascended from their pans, floating through the air in momentary stillness. But then gravity took over as they plummeted back towards the counter. Reacting instantly, Pinkie held up a large silver platter and caught the first, largest layer of cake. Then came the other four, smaller as they came, without even spilling a drop of frosting! Pinkie opened her eyes. The cakes had landed atop each other in perfect symmetry, and the final project towered over her like a holy temple! The deed was done. The cake to end all cakes awaited to be eaten. And our cunning hero Pinkie removed her apron in silent victory..."
*burps* Oh man, I'm mad at myself. All I did was pig out of frosted mini donuts. I'm so gross.
"Where were you?!" blurted Pinkie. "You just missed the whole finale!"
Hey relax, you did just fine without me. Besides, the real finale I want to see is the couple sinking their teeth into that monster. This is like cake history in the making!
"I know, right?!" smiled Pinkie as she jumped in delight. "They're gonna be so happy!"
"Uh, Pinkie?" said Mr. Cake, poking his head in. "Just got a letter from Fancy Pants. Turns out they don't need that cake. They decided instead to just go with a vanilla pound cake. Nothing too over the top. I'm sure you can handle it."
"Agh! Come on! Again?! How do you keep wining this game?!"
"Hoot hoot!"
"I have a tell?"
"Hoot!"
"Whenever I have good cards? What are you talking about? We're playing Battleboat!"
"Twilight, quit playing board games with the bird and go to bed already! It's after midnight!"
"No way, Spike! I still have yet to beat Owlowicious at Neighjing checkers! Let's see you try to cheat then!"
"Hoot hoot!"
"Yes you do! You knew darn well that my submarine was on C-5!"
"Hoot hoot!"
"What did you call me?!"
"Twi, give it a rest. I know what's really going on. You've been trying to stave off boredom all week ever since the Narrator left."
"What?! Are you kidding? I don't need that whiny brute and his pesky comments. He wanted to leave so I showed him the door. Besides, if he thinks he can stave off boredom without me, then that's his own delusion."
"What exactly were you two even arguing about in the first place?"
"I don't know, something about a bug zapper?...Wait, I can hear him! He's...outside? That's odd. How is he-"
Twilight stood in surprise as her other friends entered through the boar. I mean door! Heh heh! I don't know how to word anymore!
"What in Equestria is going on?" asked Twilight as her friends shook their fine little flanks inside!
"Ooh Narrator you devil!" giggled Rarilicious!
"Narrator?" asked Twi. "Have you been hanging out with the girls all week?"
Um, DUH! That's what you, like, told me to do, dum-dum!
"What is wrong with you?"
"Hoo! Ya wouldn't believe it, Twi!" said Applesmack. "I taught ol' Narry how to make my special cider blend, and he said he went and drank three gallons!"
"How do you even do that, man?!"
Years of practice, Rainbow Rash! *burp* Ha! Look at Twilight, she's all confused!
"...So...you've all been having fun with him?"
"Well it was pretty awkward at first," said Fluttbutt. "But eventually the Narrator suddenly warmed up to all of us, and we decided to spend time together all at once."
"And it turns out he's a total party animal!" said Ponks. "Hey Narry! This tea kettle-"
-is bigger than my apartment! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha! Inside jokes! Ha ha ha ha! I'm gonna pee myself!
"Well I'm...glad you've all been having a good time." Twily said.
"Oh by the way, Twi," said Rainblow. "I may have spilled some cider all over my copy of Daring Do and the Magic Monkey's Fist. Do you think I can borrow yours, pretty please?"
"Again? You should really be more careful with your books, Rainbow."
...Oh!...Ow!...Ah my head!...hulp! Oh I'm dizzy. Ugh, what happened last night? Where am I?...Oh right, Twilight's place. And there she is. Sitting on her couch. Hey, Twilight. You look mad.
"Having fun last night, 'Narry'?" she spoke with a bemused expression.
Huh? Oh that's right, the girls! Look I'm really sorry about barging in like that. Why don't I narrate you making some coffee?
"It's afternoon, Narrator." She said. "I'm not in the mood."
Are you okay? I didn't say anything bad last night, did I?"
"No, I'm fine." She pouted.
Come on, my head may be killing me, but I know when something's bugging you.
Twilight sighed. "It's just that...I'm a little bit surprised at how much fun you had without me."
...Oh wow...you're jealous?!
"Fine, yes, I'm jealous, alright? I'm a mare, go figure!"
Why the heck would you be jealous? It's only your friends!
"I don't know. I just thought that what you and I have, this connection, was...unique. I honestly wasn't expecting it to shared with others. It's something I can't help feeling."
You're the one who told me to go spend time with them.
She turned her face away.
What? Is there something else you're not telling me?
"Well...I kind of thought that...my friends would be annoyed by you too."
...Wow, you still haven't gotten over that?
"Maybe I wouldn't have snapped at you like that if you had just gone along with my experiment." She said sternly. "All I'm trying to do is know more about you, and yet you persistently hide from me every time."
What is there to know about? I thought you said our connection was already unique.
"Narrator, it's not fair for you to know pretty much everything about me, and for me to know barely little about you."
And yet you still find me annoying! Well I'll have you know that your friends have all warmed up to me a lot faster than you ever have. So I guess you should feel a little jealous.
"Is it really so wrong for me to feel a little left out?"
If you're gonna keep acting immature.
Twilight stood up and sulked. "Look, I don't want to get into another argument. I'm really just mad at Rainbow. She still hasn't returned my Daring Do book and she said she would give it back by this morning."
Maybe she's still reading it.
"Still, this isn't the first time she's borrowed a book without returning it. I've even knocked on her door to remind her, but she never even answers! I give her way too much leeway." Suddenly, the look of irritation on Twilight's face was replaced with one of pondering. "Say, are you still able to narrate the others?"
As far as I know. Why?
"I need you to do me a favor, Narrator." She said. "I want you to go over to Rainbow's house and tell me what she's really doing. See if there's any reason why she hasn't returned my book. Just don't let her know you're there."
...You want me to spy on her?
"Look, I've tried getting my book back from her, but she can just be so careless. If Rainbow's not returning my book on purpose, then I'll have had it up to here with her."
No...way! Twilight, in any other world I would do what you're asking of me. I would have no problem with it. But I seriously can't.
"Why not?" she looked suspiciously. "Is there something else between you and Rainbow?"
Of course not. It's just...*sigh* Alright, if you must know, I can't spy on Rainbow as a rule. It's part of my job as a narrator. If I use my powers for any form of deceit, or for the disadvantage of others...then I will lose my powers and my role as a narrator.
Twilight stared for a moment before responding. "Pfff ha! Really? That's your excuse? You'll lose your powers if you spy on others? If you're picking now to divulge any of your secrets with me, then that's a pretty poor choice."
Twilight I'm telling you the truth. I can't meddle in the affairs of those I narrate.
"Are you kidding me? You've meddled with my life for months!"
That was just harmless mischief. But what you're asking me to do can go against what I'm here for.
"Narrator, stop lying. If you really value our friendship, then you could at least do this one thing and help me."
But I- this isn't- I can't...Fine. If it means anything to you, I'll report everything Rainbow is doing.
"Okay thanks." She said somberly as she started to leave. "I have some work to do in Canterlot. I'll see...or hear from you soon. Bye." She walked out of the castle with a solemn expression.
Oh this is so not right. I have to keep quiet or else she'll hear me. Ahem. *quietly* Rainbow rummaged through her own house frantically, pulling open drawers and cabinets while breathing with nervousness. The house around her was covered in discarded clothes and furniture showing signs of rumpus from the night before. She pulled away the covers of her bed, threw off the pillows and even searched underneath the couch cushions. But what she was looking for didn't seem to be anywhere in sight.
"Oh man this is bad!" she said to herself. "If I don't find Twilight's Daring Do book she's gonna blow her lid! Why did I have to let Pinkie stay over last night and mess up the place?! 'Oh let's keep this party going!' she says, 'The Narrator may be passed out but the night is still young! Let's take this over to Rainbow's!' she says. That's the last time I let her try Wonderbolt-brand energy drink!"
Wow, I was really out of it last night. Hey wait, what's that? Perched atop her ceiling fan, also made of cloud, was the very same book that Rainbow had borrowed from Twilight the night before, half open and hanging off one of the blades. Hmm, if I just tell Rainbow where the book is, she can return it to Twilight, she won't be mad anymore and I can be done with this drama.
Hey Rainbow!
"Wha?!" she startled. "Oh, Narrator, it's you. Look I don't have time to mess around. I have to find Twilight's book or-"
Rainbow, look up.
She peered toward the ceiling fan. "Hey! There it is!" she smiled as she floated up to retrieve the book.
Phew!
"Thanks, Narry. Twilight should be relieved when- Oh shoot!"
What is it?
"There's a huge stain on the front page! And it's soaked through a bunch of other pages!" Rainbow examined the stain closer. "Pinkie!" she exclaimed angrily. "She spilled energy drink on the book! That lunatic! She's gonna get me banned from ever borrowing books from Twilight again!...I mean, not that I care about reading or anything. But that crazy mare is more trouble than she's worth! Hmm..."
Um, why are you making that look?
"Narry, I need ya to get back at Pinkie for me!" she grinned deviously. "And tell her it's for messing up this book!"
What?! Rainbow that's absurd!
"Oh please, she needs a little payback. Why don't you mess up one of her cakes or something?"
There is no way I'm doing that! I've sworn not to use my powers for misdeed, especially not vengeance!
"Fine, be a sissy about it." Rainbow turned away. "Some friend you are. See if I ever invite you over to race again."
You're really gonna do this now?
"Sorry, I thought I was talking to a friend!"
...Agh! Fine I'll do it, but I won't like it.
"Thanks, Narry! Make sure you stick it to her good!"
...
Pinkie slumped over one of the cafe tables in Sugarcube Corner, her chin resting on the surface next to a cup of hot chocolate, the closest thing she could drink to coffee. Strangely, her usual perkiness was not present, her eyes just lazily glowering in a state of doldrums. It was obvious that something was troubling the peculiarly grumpy mare.
Uh, Pinkie? Are you okay?
"Ah, not so loud, Narrator!" she groaned. "I'm still coming down from our party last night!"
Sorry. Um, you would't happen to be planning on baking any cakes, would you?
"I wish!" she rolled her eyes as she slurped her hot chocolate, adding sugar for an extra pick-me-up. "But you wouldn't believe what happened last night after you fell asleep! After we hit Rainbow's, we came back here to Sugarcube Corner to make cupcakes. But the whole time, Rarity did nothing but stuff her face with all the donuts in store!"
Seriously? Rarity did that?
"Yeah! She ate every last donut!" Pinkie continued. "Which meant we practically had nothing to serve the morning rush today! I would've made more if I wasn't crashing so hard, and Mr. and Mrs. Cake were out catering. And when they come back, they're gonna be sore about what happened here! Ugh, this headache is killing me!"
Sounds like Rarity was pretty out of her mind as well.
"Oh you have no idea! I've never seen anypony pig out like her! Hmph!" she dropped her head back on the table. "Thinks she can eat whatever she wants. This ain't a lending donut library! Narrator, can you do me a favor?"
Oh no.
"Go tell Rarity that she's gonna have to work her snooty white butt off here in the kitchen to repay for all those donuts she gobbled up! And if she says no, then just use your freaky deaky Narry powers to make her come."
Pinkie I really don't think-
"Ah ah! I won't hear a word of it!" she turned her nose up. "If no Rarity pay, then no anypony donuts! Comprende?!"
...*sigh* Comprende.
"Thanks, pally!" she immediately perked up. "I'll make sure Rarity knows she'll get no leeway from me!"
Jeez, when did she get so cynical?
...
"Oooooooh, woe is me!"
Rarity lay on her purple velvet drama couch, rubbing her stomach and moaning in agony. Her gut seemed a little distended, still digesting all the sugary, starchy dough she devoured last night. An ice pack sat atop her head, trying to quell a fever brought on by the food coma, as she continued to shame herself for her gluttony. It seemed like it would take quite a while for her extra pounds to burn off after-
"Narrator, is that you?"
Oh shoot.
"Was that you saying that just now?" she said, distraught. "You think I'm fat?!"
No no no! I never said that! Uh, I just meant that...there's more of you to admire now!
"You DO think I'm fat!" she wailed dramatically as she rolled over on her couch. "Oh sweet Celestia! This is the second worst thing to happen to me last night!"
I'm sorry, I just...second?
"Oh Narrator, it's just absolutely dreadful!" she sobbed with her hoof over her forehead. "I decided to wear my best cocktail dress last night during the party. But Applejack had had too much cider, and at one point, she grabbed me by the teeth, and- and- and...she tore a hole right down the ba-ha-ha-ha-hack!" she let out a burst of tears.
...What kind of party did I miss last night?!
"Oh that ungrateful ruffian!" Rarity's mood suddenly swung to angry. "It's going to take forever to repair the delicate fibers in my dress, and it's all her fault! And ponies wonder why I engorge myself!" She covered her eyes to cry some more, but then was struck with an idea. "Ooh I know how to make Applejack feel!"
Oh come on!
"Oh Narry!" she suddenly beckoned pleasantly.
Nope!
"Narrator, would you please be a dear and help me get revenge on Applejack?" she asked innocently. "I was thinking since she ruined my dress, perhaps she wouldn't like it if her hat was somehow besmirched as well! I'm sure you could do something like that, right?"
Okay, let's just pause for a moment. First off, I'm sure Applejack's hat has taken enough of a beating that she wouldn't even care. And second, I will not subject myself to doing wrong to others!
"Oh please, Narry?" she gave a seductive look. "I thought you would do anything for me! You wouldn't want me to stay in despair, would you my dear?"
You're not convincing me!
"Pweeeeeeeeease?" she batted her eyelashes and quivered her lip.
...Mmph! That face...Why do I have to be so darn nice?!
"Oh Narrator do be my hero!" she fluttered. "And teach that miscreant farmer a lesson about fashion! Oof, my poor stomach! Sweetie Belle! Where is my sparkling water?!"
...
"Hmph! Consarnit! I can't believe that girl!" grumbled Applejack as she paced inside the barn.
Uh oh, she looks mad. I'm out of here.
"I can hear ya, Narrator!" she called out, grumpily.
Stupid powers!
"Leave me alone, will ya?" she snorted as she continued pacing. "I'm too mad to deal with anypony else's nonsense."
Okay then!
"But you won't believe what that flousie Fluttershy said about me!" she stomped.
...*sigh* What happened?
"Last night at the party, we both got hopped up on cider, and Fluttershy said that Granny Smith's apple pies taste like moldy crap!"
What?! Fluttershy said that?!
"Yeah! Moldy crap! I couldn't believe mah ears! She insulted Apple Family cookin' right in front o' me! The nerve of that pony!" Applejack shook with rage.
AJ, are you sure Fluttershy said that? It doesn't seem very likely.
"I'm the Element of Honesty, Narrator! I know what I heard!" she snapped. "Boy that really got mah goat! I just wanna tell her off but I'm too proud to do somethin' like that!"
Here it comes.
"Say, Narrator, I got a little somethin' I want ya to say to li'l ol' Fluttershy." She said. "I want ya to tell her that, um, her butt looks like...looks like...uh, yeah! Her butt looks like a mound o' old cheese!"
Goodness! Applejack, that's just plain mean! I can't say that to anypony, especially not Fluttershy!
"Ya gotta be cruel to be fair, Narrator." She said stubbornly. "Now I suggest you toughen up and tell her I said that if you want anymore of my cider ever again."
But- but- but-
Applejack looked upward with a sinister sneer and a piercing gaze.
...Yes ma'am.
"Good. Now if you'll excuse me, I got some steam to let off on some apple trees!" She looked over at a wall calendar. "Wait a minute, today's mah day-off?! SON OF A-"
...
"Angel! Come here, silly bunny! Good boy!"
Oh man, she looks so happy in the yard there! I can't say that awful thing Applejack told me to say to her. Oh why do I do these things to myself?! Why can't I just toughen up?!
"Narrator? Did you say something?"
Gulp!
"It's nice to hear from you again." She greeted warmly. "I hope last night's party wasn't too much for you."
Um...Fluttershy? Uh...Applejack...wanted me to tell you...something...
"She did?" she asked genuinely. "What is it?"
Um, your...your butt...uh......Oh I can't do thiiiiiiiis!
"Oh my." Fluttershy blushed for a second. "Um, Narrator, have you been having a bad day?" she asked sympathetically.
Oh you don't know the half of it, Fluttershy! Everypony is going crazy on me!
"Tell me all about it."
Well, it all started earlier today when I woke up. Twilight was jealous that I was hanging around with you and the other mares all week. And she was also steamed about Rainbow not returning her Daring Do book. So then she told me to go spy on Rainbow and-
"Wait, she made you spy on Rainbow?" she gasped. "That's awful! How could she force you do such a thing?!"
I know right?! I told her that I couldn't in all good conscience do it, but then she-
"That big meanie!" pouted Fluttershy. "How dare she be so cruel over her own jealousy!"
Right! So then I-
"I think she needs to learn a lesson or two."
...What?
"Narrator, you need to get revenge on Twilight!"
What?! WHAT?!
"She made you do something that you feel bad about. Oh she can just be so controlling sometimes! And since she was so fussy about her book, maybe you could take one of her other books without her knowing! It'll drive her crazy!"
No no no no no! You're supposed to be the compassionate one!
"But Narrator, don't you want Twilight to know how you feel?"
Well yes but-
"Then you should take action, mister! Make her pay for her misdoing!"
But that's not going to- Oh my gosh the Stare! Okay, okay, I'll steal one of her books! Just put that lethal thing away!
"Good for you, Narrator!" she smiled as she pranced off. "I'm sure you'll feel much better once you get back at Twilight."
...This is so bucked up.
...
Okay, Narrator. This is no big deal. It's not like she's gonna miss one book. Besides, maybe Fluttershy is right. It's high time I got back at Twilight for being so immature...Then again, what I'm about to do isn't exactly any more mature...Eh, what harm could taking one book do? There's thousands here in the castle library! I'll just...narrate one out of the shelves.
Slowly and silently, a tome entitled 101 Soup Dishes To Make In The Desert began to slide from its perch on a low shelf. The spine of the book tipped over the edge and carefully it floated out from the shelf into midair and- *coughs loudly* Whoa. Where the heck did that come from?
"Narrator? What are you doing?"
Twilight?! Uh, I mean...I am not a narrator! I'm a ghooooooooost! Ooooooooooooh! Fear the Flying Book of Doom!
"Narrator, stop using your powers on my books." She sulked as she levitated the tome back. "So did you find out what Rainbow was doing? Did you see my book?"
...Oh, right. Uh, well, it's kind of a long story. First off, Rainbow found a stain on the book and-
"Aha! So she does have the book still!" Twilight interrupted. "And she got a stain on it! I knew I shouldn't have trusted her!"
No wait, Twilight, I can explain!
"Twilight!" came the voice of Fluttershy, who entered the castle looking scornful. "You have no right to push around the Narrator! And for that, I think you deserve to have lost that Daring Do book!"
"Fluttershy?" gawked Twilight. "Wait a minute! Narrator, you told her about this? You're still talking to other ponies?!"
Twilight it's not what you think!
"What the?! Fluttershy! Get back here with my book!"
"It's for your own good, Twilight!" said Fluttershy discerningly. "At least Narry has every right to talk to me instead of you!"
"What's that supposed to mean?!" glared Twilight.
"Maybe he's better off friends with me instead of a pushy, jealous meanie like you!"
"Why you little-"
"Fluttershy!" Applejack suddenly appeared. "Ya got some nerve insultin' mah family's cookin'!"
"Eep!" Fluttershy turned to her. "Applejack what are you talking about?!"
"Aha! I thought I'd find you somewhere, you clumsy oaf!" Rarity waddled in. "My dress will never be the same thanks to you!"
"Back off, Rarity, it was an accident!" glowered Applejack.
"Donut thief!" Pinkie shouted as she charged in after Rarity. "Mr. and Mrs. Cake will go bananas unless you get your flank back to Sugarcube Corner and sweep up, missy!"
"Ugh! Please, Pinkie, can't you see I am suffering enough?!" scoffed Rarity.
"Twilight! Twilight!" Rainbow rushed in with the darned book. "I have it right here, see?! I haven't been able to return it because...Pinkie?! I should give you such a thumping for ruining this book!"
"Hey, you knew the risk when you gave me a fruity energy soda!" retorted Pinkie.
"I knew you'd get my book defaced somehow, Rainbow!" huffed Twilight. "This is the last straw!"
"Oh come on!" whined Rainbow. "You're such a stickler!"
Girls, please! This has gotten out of control!
"And don't think I still haven't forgotten about you, Narrator stealer!" hissed Twilight.
"Like you're one to blame anypony, book klutz!" shouted Rainbow.
Please! Stop! I can't take any more of *coughs* this is *coughs louder* we can't *wheezes* I just wanted...oh no I...ait...inute...What's... pening...I...an't...eak...elp...ilight............
"And another thing! If I ever hear that any of you backstabbers have been stealing the Narrator away from me, I will never, ever, speak to any of you again! Do you understand too, Narrator?!...Narrator?...What?...I can't understand you...Narrator, what's going on with you? You're cutting out!...Narrator? Can you hear me? Oh no. Oh no what have I done?!"
"Hey Narrator, would ya please tell everypony who's really at fault here?"
"Wait a minute. Why can't I hear him?"
"Hear who? Shining Armor? That's because he's not here, silly! Oh wait you mean the Narrator! Hello! Narry! Olly olly oxen free!"
"Dear me! Is he ignoring us?"
"Hey buddy! Quit giving us the silent treatment and settle this!"
"Guys, he's not ignoring us. He's unable to speak! He might even be gone entirely!"
"What are you talkin' about, Twi?"
"He told me about this. He said that if he uses his powers to act against others, then he'll lose them! Oh gosh, he warned me that would happen but I didn't listen! This is all my fault!"
"What do you mean it's your fault?"
"I told him to spy on you since you wouldn't return my book. But I didn't realize how crazy I was acting. Rainbow I'm so sorry! I don't even care about the book anymore. All this situation has done is drive the Narrator away."
"No, it's my fault too. I should have fessed up to you. And I shouldn't have tried pinning the blame on Pinkie."
"Oh you were right. I did mess up your book after all. And Rarity, I'm sorry for yelling at you and forcing you to owe me work."
"Oh please, Pinkie, it was my gluttony that put you at risk. Besides, it was rude of me to scold Applejack about my dress."
"Nah, I'm the one who's sorry for tearin' it. And Fluttershy, I must've overreacted. You didn't really say that Granny Smith's food tasted like moldy crap, did ya?"
"Oh goodness no! I said that it tasted like golden sap. Of course I did have a lot of cider last night. So I'm sorry if I misspoke. And Twilight, please forgive me for being so harsh."
"It's alright, Fluttershy. But none of this matters now that the Narrator is absent."
"What have we done? We abused the poor thing's powers and let this mess turn us into monsters!"
"I feel like a right two-timer."
"But there's gotta be something we can do to help! We have to bring him back somehow!"
"How can we? I've barely begun to understand his existence, let alone how to find him."
"Come on, Twi! We've managed to whoop supernatural flank over and over again! I'm sure that finding a narrator will be easy peasy with your help!"
"Don't you have any kind of spells or inventions that could find him?"
"Well I do have a spiritual energy detector. I recently created it so I could bring the Narrator into physical view. Unfortunately it requires a rare emerald to power it, and I lost my only one...somehow. I had to search the ends of Equestria to acquire it."
"Well then what are we waiting for?! Let's get out there and find a new emerald!"
"Yeah! Don't you worry, Narry! We will brave the farthest corners of the world to find the key to your salvation! We will risk life and limb! We will see dangers unknown to ponykind! Friends will become enemies and enemies will become casual acquaintances! We will point our caps towards the horizon and face down the light of a new-"
"Hey Twilight! Guess what! I got your emerald back!"
"Spike?"
"Here ya go! Now you can find your Narrator guy with that crazy machine! Sup, Rarity. Lookin' forward to our date sometime."
"Our what now?"
"Twilight this is wonderful! Now we might have a chance to save the Narrator!"
"...Um...thank you, Spike...I'm not even concerned at all about how you managed to get this emerald back. I'll just levitate this, thank you very much."
"Not a problem!"
"C'mon, Twi! Let's get to this contraption ya got!"
"You're right. There's not a moment to lose! It's still in the basement!"
"This castle has a basement?!...Holy cow it's huge! I bet we could fit a whole arcade down here!"
"Yes Pinkie, we should totally be thinking about moving a pool table into Twilight's basement, when we're not TRYING TO SAVE THE NARRATOR!"
"Alright, here it is. I just need to install the emerald and power up the machine."
"Shoot, Twi, how come ya haven't been able to catch the Narrator with this kinda gizmo?"
"I would have if he hadn't been so stubborn. But I guess I just lost it and took him for granted. Whoa...De Ja Vu. I think something might be wrong with me! Am I just socially abusive?!"
"Less talky, more emerald stuffy!"
"Right. Here goes nothing!...Powering up."
Come on, come on! The suspense is killing me!"
"Ooh! Groovy green lights! Why can't more crazy inventions do that?"
"I think I see something! Oh gosh, it's awfully hard to make out."
"It looks like some kinda weird blob."
"Wait a minute, it looks like...a pony? That must be him! It's the Narrator! And he's...lying down?"
"Dear me! He must be hurt!"
Oh please just let him be asleep!"
"Narrator! Narrator it's me, Twilight! Can you hear me? Please wake up!"
"Twi, I think we would know if he could hear us."
"There must be some way we can get him out of this comatose state."
"How can we? It's not like we can do anything to him."
"Maybe not physically. But perhaps if we use the right kind of magic."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying I think we need the Elements of Harmony."
"Oh yeah! I keep forgetting about those!"
"I know it sounds like a longshot. But if our greed and dishonesty were what drove the Narrator away, maybe our friendship could bring him back. So I say we retrieve the elemental jewels from within this castle and call upon their power once again to save our friend. They've helped us numerous times in the past. I don't see why they shouldn't now."
"Alright! Throwback!"
...
"Boy I hope this works."
"It feels weird doing this harmony thing again. How do we know it'll even affect the Narrator at all?"
"Twilight is right. These jewels have helped us with a lot of odd situations before."
"I just hope deeply that we're not too late."
"Let's fire this thing up already!"
"Okay, girls, stand together. Let's hope the elements are still on our side."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"...Did it work?"
"...I still don't hear nothin'."
"Ugh! I forgot how weird that spell feels!"
"Oh my! The Narrator's image! It's gone!"
"What does that mean? Did we...lose him?"
"Narrator?...Narrator can you hear us?...Please just give me a sign."
"Oh no. Don't tell me we used all that magic for nothing."
"...I'm so sorry, Narrator. It was because of me that you're gone. I couldn't just be happy to enjoy your unique presence and accept you for who you were. I've gone and drove you away, this time for good. And now nopony will be able to experience your company. I don't deserve to hear your voice. I don't think I ever did..." said Twilight.
"HOLY CRAP!" shouted Fluttershy.
"IT'S HIM IT'S HIM IT'S HIM IT'S HIM IT'S HIM!!!" Pinkie bounced all over the basement.
"I KNEW IT! I JUST KNEW IT!" beamed Rainbow.
"OH MY STARS!" Rarity nearly fainted.
"YEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAW!" added Applejack.
Twilight gasped. "Oh my gosh Narrator I'm so glad you're back we used the detector and the Elements of Harmony to bring you back to health I'm so sorry for everything I did we're all just so happy to-"
GAH!!! Would you all please stop shouting?! I have the most splitting headache in history! Yes, yes, it's good to be back, I'm glad to see all of you, yaddah yaddah yaddah. Listen, I just need to lie the freak down for like thirty-six hours and maybe take an aspirin. I'll explain everything when I get back. For now, I just- Oh. Oh I'm gonna be sick. Ugh, nothing serious. Just need to...ugh. Zzzzzzzzzzzz
Twilight exited her bathroom after brushing her teeth, finally glad to have the long day behind her. She had just made sure that her little dragon assistant had turned in for the night, and gave her spell book collection one last reorganizing. Levitating a novel off of her nightstand, she crawled into bed and settled beneath the covers as she turned the lights in the bedroom down low. Only the sound of crickets outside the window broke the silence as Twilight sat reading peacefully for a good several minutes.
"Hi Narrator." She said.
Oh thank goodness! I thought I wasn't coming through just then.
"I thought you were out with the girls." She looked up.
Nah, I've had enough socializing for a while. Did you just notice me coming in?
"No, I just...like hearing your voice, that's all."
Oh...I like hearing yours too.
Twilight smiled a bit to herself. But a frown quickly grew as she paused to think for a moment. "Um...Narrator...about everything that happened today, I just want you to know that..." she sighed. "There's nothing I can possibly say to make up for-"
Twilight...?
"...Yeah?"
You don't have to say anything. I know what you mean.
"Are you sure?" she replied. "Because I completely lost it. I misused you and took you for granted. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself. How can you even speak to me again after all that?"
The truth is, Twilight, I wouldn't want to be away from you, even if you tried to take away my powers. Nothing would stop me from coming back. I know I've said before that I simply like narrating your life's stories. But over these past months, I've really begun to know who you are, the real you. I've found myself valuing our friendship so much that I dread to part ways with you. You're just that amazing, despite whatever flaws you may have. I know now that you would never try to hurt me. And I'm especially grateful that you saved my life.
"You really mean that? Because I thought you might have died."
Almost. It's hard to explain the basis of my powers. When they were cut off, it nearly sucked every ounce of energy out of my being. But somehow your magic with the Elements of Harmony revitalized me, enough to regain my speaking powers. Not even I could find a word for that experience. And I think that just proves my point. You really are an amazing pony, Twilight.
With another pause, Twilight tried to smile again, but looked away when a different thought came into focus.
What's wrong?
"I think you're amazing too, Narrator." She said, with a slight grin. "And I'm relieved to have your voice back. But...sometimes I just wish I could experience more than that. I know it might be selfish of me to say, but there are times when I wish I could...feel your presence, physically. I can sense that there's a living being around me. There's a certain...warmth about it. Deep down, I just want proof that that being is real. But I know that you don't want to reveal too much of yourself. So I understand. I don't want to start that whole mess again."
......
"Narrator?"
...Hold on a second.
"What are you doing?"
Suddenly, to Twilight's surprise, her closet doors gently folded open, revealing the wardrobe hung and stacked inside. Then, as she watched in bafflement, some of the clothes began to stir with movement. Immediately, a few jackets began to float off of their hangers and through the air, followed by other various articles of clothing, from robes, to pajamas, to scarves. Twilight looked on as the clothes floated together without any sign of recognizable magic.
"Narrator, you're not misusing your powers again, are you?"
This time I know what I'm doing. As the clothes levitated, they then started to bundle together. They twisted and tied themselves through one another, with even more floating clothes on the way from the closet. Soon, the bundle of possessed clothes began to take on a shape, getting bigger and bigger by the second. At last, one more bathrobe fitted itself around the shapely bundle until Twilight was now staring at a life-sized model of an average pony. The model stood on its slipper hooves like a blank mannequin.
Twilight stammered as she sat on the edge of her bed. "Wha...I don't...I don't understand."
You said you wanted to feel something real, right? Then, with hardly a sound, the pony figure started to move. Its body lurched slightly as its legs lifted in motion, until the entire model was trotting over to the bed, with anatomic accuracy. The clothes pony approached Twilight who grew weary of this bizarre sight. But then, she was caught off guard as the clothes pony leaned in and wrapped its soft hooves around her in a hug. Twilight gasped. Not only was she simply feeling the weight of the bundle of clothes, but she could also feel a familiar source of warmth, one that could only be found in the presence of another. It was as if a real living pony was underneath all of that fabric.
"Narrator?" said Twilight, relaxing under the warmth. "Is this you?"
Eh, not quite but close enough.
After a moment, Twilight finally smiled and squeezed the animated clothes pony, returning the hug. "You do realize that this is incredibly weird, right?"
I think we're way past the threshold of weird.
"Good point." Twilight then sat back in bed and lifted the covers near the strange bundle.
The clothes pony then climbed onto the bed and positioned itself beneath the blankets, keeping together the materials that held up its form. After magically turning off the lights, Twilight slid herself closer to the mannequin and wrapped her hooves around to snuggle it. She held the pony form close to her as she nuzzled her face in the soft fabric, believing dearly that she was holding a real physical being, just as she had wished. In response, the clothes pony held her tight as well. Closing her eyes, Twilight spoke softly.
