Real Date

by -Rainbow-Dashie-

Mission Impossible

It was a lovely day in Ponyville. The sun was shining bright, birds were chirping and two pegasi were having a race.

Soarin did a loop. "Top that!"

Rainbow Dash grinned. "Okay, watch me!

She flew past the finish line in the speed of light as her boyfriend flew close behind. He looked worn out, that's

"You could've waited for me you know?"

Rainbow Dash laughed. "Heh, yeah. But I didn't listen to anything you just said!"

Soarin rolled his eyes and stuck his tounge out making her giggle. Suddenly Rarity called down from below.

"Hello, lovebirds! Rainbow darling, may I speak to you?"

Dash nodded and flew lowly near the ground as Rarity looked at her, probably waiting for a reply
"So..?"

Rarity sighed.
"Dear, have you two gone of a real date yet?"

Rainbow didn't really know what Rarity meant by real date, but she guessed it had something to do with loving romance. The thought of her and Soarin cuddling while kissing made her gag. How disgusting, she thought.

"Ugh, Rarity! No. Does it matter?!" She huffed.

Pinkie Pie appeared out of...well, nowhere "Yes! and me and Cheese can help you!"

Cheese Sandwich jumped out behind her blowing a kazoo.

Pinke made balloon animals of Soarin and Dash and spoke.
"You have to have a real date!-"

Cheese popped them both, scaring Rarity slightly.
"-Or it'll end up you both breaking up forever!"

Soarin tapped his chin.
"We could consider it"

Rainbow Dash fake laughed. It was nearly impossible to date him, and she didn't want that falling apart.
"Heh, yeah sure..."

Rarity waved to them. "I'll be on my way. See you later darlings!"

Pinkie wrote in her notebook in messy hoofwriting as fast as she could.

ATTEMPT ONE: CODE SOARINDASH. Need to get them to have a real date, stat!

Soarin peered over her shoulder. "What are you writing?"

She giggled and winked.
"Nothing~"

Soarin blushed. "Uh..."

Dash blushed in rage. "Hey! Don't hit on him!"

"But I never hurt him!" She frowned.

Rainbow facehoofed. "Ugh, nevermind..."

Later that night, Soarin and Rainbow came to a restaurant called "Ma Amire Votre Amire" that apparently sells the best hayburgers with ingredients from Prance.

They sat at a table and a waiter came over.
"Welcome, what would you like to have?"

Soarin smiled. "We'll have two hayburgers"

He wrote something down. "That'll be twenty bits"

Soarin gave ten dollars, but Rainbow couldn't find any money to her displeasure. The waiter scribbled out two hayburgers and wrote one instead.

The wonderbolt grinned. "Don't worry Dash, I'll share my hayburger with you"
The pegasus mare smiled. "You're so sweet"

When their meal came, Soarin leaned in to take the first bite. Instead, he tipped over the table with a loud BANG! and fell face-first into the hayburger with a equally loud SPLAT!
Everyone giggled lightly except for Rainbow Dash

"You alright Soa-"

The boss stormed over and yelled in Prance. "VOUS ETES JAMAIS PERMIS A MA NOURRITURE LIEU JAMAIS DE NOUVEAU!" The couple cocked their heads.

The waiter scribbled in his notebook yet again "He said you are never allowed in my food place again, though I assume he meant restaurant. Now scram!"

Cheese Sandwich and Pinkie Pie watched the sad pair walk away. "Time for plan B: Presents!"

Cheese smiled and turned to his marefriend
"This is gonna be the best plan ever! Unless we count plan C, the party, or plan U, the Cutie Mark Crusader's plan which is basically plan U2"

Pinkie squealed. "Yep! Now can we eat those gummy ursa majors?"

Soarin sat down beside his friend Fire Streak at a coffee shop the next morning.

"Don't worry man, I'm sure you'll have a real date someday. That's how it went for me and Sunset Shimmer, at least" He gushed, thinking of the memories.

The wonderbolt sighed "Yeah, I mean, she's hot, brave, daring, hot, cute and loyal. I'm just worried. What if mushy romance isn't her thing?"

Fire considered it thoughtfully.

"Well, you've been dating for seven weeks now. I'm sure she's tired of waiting. Just surprise her with a gift of some sort!"

Soarin gasped. "That's it! I need to surprise her with a gift of some sort!"

Fire Streak sighed in annoyance. "It's like talking to a brick wall..."

Meanwhile Rainbow Dash was talking with Twilight Sparkle.
"-And he yelled at us in Prance or something!"

Twilight levitated Spike into his throne. "He's grown up so fast" She smiled and turned to Dash.
"I just think the perfect date is alone time with each other"

Rainbow put on a smirk.
"Oh, because you and Flash Sentry did?"

"W-We did not!" The alicorn blushed red.

Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Sure..."

Spike woke up from his nap and yawned.
"Hey, Twi. Can I go vist Rarity?"

She nodded.
"Yep, sure. But don't do anything...bad..."

He sweat knowing what Twilight meant.
"Don't worry, I'm just going over for dinner"

And with that he left.

"So, um. What do you suggest I do besides alone time? Cause what you said with Spike made me wanna reconsider that"

"Well, if you really wanna prove your love to him, give him a gift!" She smiled brightly.

Rainbow gasped.
"That's it! You're the best Twi...but when will the real date happen?"

Twilight giggled "Oh, Dash. I'm certain you will have a real date someday. Rarity and Spike have, Fluttershy and Bulk Biceps have, Pinkie and Cheese have, Me and Flash have, even Applejack and Flim!"

Rainbow nodded.
"Wait, Applejack and who?!"

Author's Note:

I was listening to Feel Good Inc while writing this. I love that song
If you see any errors please let me know
Oh and Pinkie doesn't have a crush on Soarin. Cheesepie forever brah
It took me a while to get the French things.

Comments

[Normal]

Already I would like to recommend to you some show don't tell. I haven't read too far in yet but I am seeing a lot of sentences that are name did verb. On occasion sentences like those are fine, but reserve them to make a statement, to say something meaningful, with power behind it.

For the majority though you want a bit of spice. We want to see what is happening. Detail is your friend

[-Rainbow-Dashie-]

5961912 Alright, thank you for the help

[LeopardCay]

twenty bits"
Soarin gave ten dollars,

......
Twenty Bits. Not dollars. I recommend sticking to the first choice of calling. If you choose something first, stick with it.

Pinkie squealed. "Yep! Now can we eat those gummy ursa majors?"

Soarin sat down beside his friend Fire Streak at a coffee shop the next morning.

Since time has passed and we're changing scene, I'd recommend a small line or so between to make it easier to read.

The wonderbolt sighed

"Wonderbolt" is a name of something, capital W.

at least"

End of a sentence and you're lacking a dot.

other"

Dot.

dinner"

*sigh*

that"

I'm just gonna ignore these now.

Alright...
Now to judge the story itself.
It lacks proper pacing and is cringe worthy at some moments. It has loads of clichés and the characters are, well, out of character. I suppose the Idea is well, and I'm willing to continue this story. My advice is, slow down in the pacing department and get the characters more believable dialogue and actions. L
I'll give you 4 Photo Finishes out of 10.

[Dusk_Writer]

Nice :)

[dracone]

close behind. He looked worn out, that's

it just cuts out there and moves on to the next paragraph. You might want to do some editing of what you have up right now, just make sure you manged to get all the errors out of the way. A fun read regardless. Also when you're since Prance is a country when speaking the language you call it Prench, nopony speaks a country, that just doesn't feel right when it's read.

[Misty Moonshine]

xD Love it