When Ponyville's ponies get their hands on the Flm Flam Brothers' latest creation-a book-all Tartarus breaks loose as colts begin making moves everywhere. Will Twilight be able to stop the madness, or have Flim and Flam finally won?
~~~~~~~
My first story. Please don't devour me alive.
...please...
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Again, this is my first story. Ever.
Please don't kill me.
It's not much of a cliffhanger, seeing that everypony here has probably figured out what book was causing all this already.
Here's a tip: never post your first story.
No one is gonna kill you. Don't worry. Still; your story does need a lot of work.
Writing takes a lot of effort, but the end results are always worth it!
I applaud you for the fact that you're taking use of the Flim Flam brothers, but your premise needs a lot of work in order to get the kinks out. Try practicing some writing on your own time. Write drabbles to hone your skills and practice with different genres to find your niche.
i think the chapters need to be longer, but DO NOT FORCE IT that's the worst thing you can do other than that not bad
@ GingerNutGin -- Oh, no. No one should hurt HintCore's feelings, but it's totally fine to lay into me. Okay, got it!
Lucky you, no one's laid into you yet. I hope it stays that way. Being crushed isn't fun, but I've grown used to it, so it doesn't affect me as much. I haven't read it yet, but it's in my "Read Later" thingy.
normaly i wouldnt bat an eye towards a story with such short chapters but this is just to interesting not to follow
592748
The fact that you care is a good sign. This is your first story, and you already seem to expect people to be iffy about it. That's wonderful. The hard but honest truth is that your first story is never going to be that fantastic, kind of like the first time a person tries anything else; it takes practice and constant effort. It's a skill that you have to choose to pick up. So make sure that whatever you do, you keep on reading and writing! If you really care, you'll eventually be great at it.
619417
To be honest, his comment on your story was one of the more fair ones. He wasn't being senselessly mean, just pointing out things he noticed. The two above him were the ones with nothing constructive to say.
Thanks everypony!
So, for the third time, thanks, everypony. I'm now going to submit it to a group to get it a pre-reader, so if you ever do stumble upon this again, hopefully it'll be better (and longer
) than the last time you saw. For the last time, a million thanks!
And the reason I did post it here was so I could at least get some unbiased opinions. If you don't like it, then I don't mind if you say, I really just want you to be honest. I myself think my writing's complete rubbish, so it makes me ecstatic that some people kind of even like it.
Now, the reason the chapters are so short is because at the moment, I do not have a lot of free time on my hands, so I'm just trying to get my ideas written ASAP. Because I don't have an editing service, I was kind of hoping the people here would help me with that, and so far you've been brilliant, so again, thank you.
And honestly, rI'm amazed right now. Six likes and only one dislike on my first story and somepony even favorited it? In my book, that's amazing! You lot seem to like my story more than I do.
Thanks for the favourite, originalnamehere! :D
Also, late thanks to you, loststone.
619417
Sugarcube, you should see the way they lay into ME!
Write what you care about, and keep writin' it. That's the important thing.
As for HintCore, you're gonna have to learn to bust separate ideas and dialogue into separate paragraphs, and work out what makes a chapter be a chapter- but you got some stuff goin' for you already, and I can already tell you're going to be able to write when you get a lil' more practice. If you read your stuff aloud, it comes off as way better than it looks on the page- that's an incredibly good sign.
So keep at it, and don't be afraid to revise when you find stuff that's not expressed right! There's a big difference between going back through 120,000 words of novel to fix a personal grammar derp habit (I have done this, just so's you know), and constantly revising the story rather than moving on. The former is refining the craft, the latter is just unsureness- and you'll be able to get the two straight, if you try.
Keep being a poni writer! You're going to be the real deal when you sort out some of the boot-recruit stuff and loosen up the ol' wordspigot. Don't you dare give up on yourself, y'hear?
620280
Aw, thank you very much. At the moment, I just got an edittor to help me make the story better, but I'll be sure to use all your suggestions as well. And thank you for the support, it really does mean a lot that people think my writing is good. I am actually beginning to write a one-shot at the moment, so don't think that I'm giving up on myself. But really, thanks again!
>please don't devour me ...please...
Awwwww! *puts away saltshaker and fork*
620366
You just made me laugh. Congratulations!
No, really, I actually laughed. No sarcasm.
620375 I'm full of comment jokes. My friend once told me that if this was Reddit each of my comments would get 50 comment karma, than again I don't really go there.
Oh, before I forget, *Faves story* you in need of an editor? Cause you're talking to one. well, not necessarily talking, more replying to one.
620406
) is done I'll get back to you. Thank you very much for the offer. :D
Firstly, thank you very much for the fave.
Secondly, I currently have an editor, but when he (or she, that has yet to be confirmed
That is, you know, if you don't mind waiting a little bit.
Firstly, Your editor seems to be doing a fine job, he\she might have forgotten a few mistakes here and there but i'm sure he\she 'll get to them.
secondly, i never mind waiting, that is except if I'm trying my hardest at fan-art. it's not really my forte. when your editor is done cleaning up his shift I'll see if my agenda is half-full (or half-empty, THERE REALLY IS A DIFFERENCE!
)
620455
Actually, the editor has yet to even touch the story. At the moment, it is all my doing. But really, thanks! It is very appreciated.
620470 Man, this is a LOOOOOOOONNNGGGG chain of comments, and i just made it longer
by posting this comment
Thanks to all the people who favorited!
I like the idea of this story. At first I though it was real dating tips but ponyfied, (Hey thats an idea) but the story its just as great. Can´t wait for more.
Thunderlane picked it up? This is going to be good. I've always loved Thunderlane... but I love Flam better.
Oh! I wonder if he likes Twilight, or if he was just trying his new 'skills' out...
It's short, but good. I need more!
Every time I read the title or see it in the story, I grin like a stupid idiot. I just love the way it sounds!
I like the fact you have short chapters, it makes it easier for me to read. Great story so far and I cannot wait to read more!
4 Derpy's for this wonderful story!
