Memories haunt a stallion's mind, and the tragic experiences keep him awake. His only escape is sleep, but why does sleep elude him? One-shot featuring cameos of many ponies, but focused around OCs. My first story, so please just give it a chance. All feedback is appreciated greatly
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Wait for Sleep (Taste The Memories Version) - Dream Theater
Not the most metal thing, but Dream Theater gets a free pass.
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That's a pretty cool song, but what'd you think of the story?
Very sad and sweet. I like how you don't use pony names, but let your readers figure out who's who for themselves. I liked the flashback structure. I didn't check the "sad" tag before I started reading, so I was caught off guard during the scene on the train.
Teaches me, I suppose. (That's okay, I like bittersweet stories.) But yeah, that was an effective dramatic scene. Good job on the whole; a thumbs up from me.
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That means a lot to me, thanks. I put a lot of work into this and it's kind of bringing me down that most people won't give it a passing glance. It'll be off the front page view and all of 5 people bothered reading it.
Don't let it get you down. I have a suspicion that anything over a couple thousand words scares a lot of people off. And don't worry about it going off the front page, either. You'll be writing more, right? People will read your next story and be like, "I wonder what else Final Cut has written," and they will be finding this one long after it leaves the front page. (I know someone who puts all his stories up on his deviantart page as well, so people going to that site can find them, too.) Anyway, just don't be discouraged. As long as your story is out there, it's alive. People will find it, and enjoy it.