It was quiet through the manor as everyone settled to bed in their own way. Applejack faced the Crusaders with a warm smile. "Ya did good. Even if ah'd rather not be here, since we are, ahm proud of how y'all been handling yerselves." Her head rubs were accepted by each Crusader in turn. "Now let's get some shuteye. Ahm sure we'll want to be ready fer tomorrow."
While they had been busy working on the hole, someone had hauled in a second bed into the room. Applejack moved to claim one, but soon found the girls had followed her. She briefly considered shooing them off to their own bed but thought better of it. "Night girls."
"Night, sis."
"Night, AJ."
"Goodnight!"
The room fell to silence, and sleep came to tired ponies.
Applejack lashed out her hooves, striking the tree dead center. Apples rained in a great torrent, filling her baskets perfectly. Whistling softly, she placed the baskets on her floating disc and trotted towards the barn with her haul. Big Mac was there. Applejack paused and looked him over. Something was wrong. Big Mac wasn't his usual self. He had the hard lines, subtle details, and other features of an Everglow pony. "Brotha?"
Big Mac snorted softly. "See where that magic's gotten ya?"
Applejack shook her head, feeling the fog of dreams settle back over her. "Ah'll use what ah can! There ain't nothing wrong with magic." She marched past Big Mac and began unloading her apples, but something was wrong. Each basket was full of rotten apples, their stench wrinkling her nose with an awful potency.
Big Mac frowned from the doorway. "Magic ain't nothing but trouble. If yer such a good wizard, maybe ya ain't nothing but trouble neither."
Applejack turned to face her brother, but he was gone. She trotted uncertainly from the barn to find the entire orchard was laden with rotting and festering apples. Many fell limply from their branches, splattering on the ground into unappetizing mush. Applejack reared up in alarm, eyes wide and heart starting to pound. "Mah farm!"
With a flash, the apples were restored, and a heavy presence came from above. Applejack looked up to see a new pony descending from the sky on large wings.
She was a soft blue shade, with the most brilliant silver for mane and tail. She wore platinum jewelry, studded with deep purple gems. As she drew closer, it became clear that she was larger than Applejack as Applejack was to the Crusaders. She was also an alicorn. "Luna? Is this what ya look like in Everglow?"
The visitor tilted her head. Her voice was at once gentle and resounding, echoing through Applejack's entire body with the new sensation of divinity. "I am not usually called 'Luna'. I am the Moon Princess. Strange pony, you are not one of my children, but your mind is troubled, and you are close enough. I would speak to you further, but I must bid you awaken." The Moon Princess gave a powerful flap of her wings, and Applejack was thrown off her hooves and sent sailing through the void--
--before she woke with a start. Raising her head, she looked around. Everything seemed peaceful, and the soft breathing of the Crusaders told her that nothing had troubled their sleep. Applejack carefully slipped from the bed and moved for the door. She couldn't put her hoof on it, but something was wrong. The dream still rang clear in her mind, and someone like the Moon Princess would not wake her up for no reason. She felt too... real--and too much like Princess Luna--for a dream figment.
Applejack nudged the door open and peered into the gloomy, moonlit hallway beyond with a frown. There! She saw something dart down the hallway. Sucking in a breath, she shut the door as quietly as she could before hurrying back to the bed and nudging the Crusaders awake. "Shhh, Ah think something's going on."
Apple Bloom was fastest to stir. "What's wrong, Sis?" She hopped off the bed and scurried to gather her things.
Scootaloo roused with a stretching of her newly restored wings, rubbing over her eyes with her fetlocks. "What's going on?"
Sweetie was last, looking at Applejack silently and saying nothing. Applejack nodded. "Ah think there's trouble. Git ready." She wove the protective spell, conjuring the protective floating disc.
Everyone quickly readied themselves just in time to hear a shriek from the next floor up. They burst out of their room as if it were the starting bell for a race and began rushing through the hallway towards the sound. They ascended the stairs like a stampede and ran into a familiar figure guarding the door to the next floor.
Thick arms, bipedal, and shrouded, the partner of the foalnapper stood there. He adopted a ready stance when they came into view, clawed fingers at the ready. "Return to your room and we'll pretend we didn't see you."
"Nothing doing!" Applejack charged the figure, bringing down her hooves to have them caught by it. He threw her back a step and stepped in, slashing cruelly along her side.
Scootaloo zipped in with her small sword in mouth, jabbing it into the intruder's side. His flesh was far tougher than Scootaloo would have guessed, and she could barely score a nick. Sweetie glanced around nervously before she took a slow breath and began to sing a song of winter's end. Apple Bloom went for a bomb, tossing it behind the figure where it struck the door he was guarding, singeing him and the door in the flash of fire. Applejack muttered words of power, making her hooves glow with electric might even as she lashed out with them. She planted her hooves in the chest of the biped, knocking him back through the weakened doors with the sizzling crackle of her power.
The figure quickly scrambled to his feet. "Long enough." He vanished without a sound.
The girls charged past the vanished presence. One door was open on the left side and they moved to charge through it, only to come up short. Applejack's eyes widened and she threw herself sideways, blocking the view. "Back! Everypony back!" She ushered the Crusaders out of the room and pulled the door shut.
Scootaloo tilted her head with confusion. "What is it, AJ? Why'd we stop?"
Applejack shook her head, shivering from head to hooves. "Nothin', jus'... nothin'. Stay there."
The butler arrived not too long after. "I heard a noise. Is something wrong?"
Applejack nodded towards him and waved him closer. She leaned in close and whispered in his ear. "There is... a body in that room."
The butler frowned. "Terrible, but hardly your first I should think? You look like you've seen a ghost, madame."
Applejack stomped her forehooves on the ground. "This one ah know! Jus'... do what's gotta be done..."
The butler nodded silently and moved around Applejack, proceeding into the room.
The Crusaders were confused as a group. Apple Bloom approached the still-shaking Applejack. "Sis, tell us what's wrong."
Before Applejack could answer, the door opened and a small shape darted out. Sunflower tripped and collapsed between Scootaloo and Sweetie, sobbing hysterically. Applejack went rigid a moment before advancing on the kitten. "This world ain't right in the head." She grabbed Sunflower and deposited the kitten on her back. "There, there..." She almost said everything would be alright, but that would be a lie.
Scootaloo frowned before she took flight and landed lightly on Applejack's back. She softly poked Sunflower. "Hey, come on. What's going on?" For her efforts, she was tackled by Sunflower, both falling off of Applejack with a thump.
"My mom!" he wailed. "She's dead!"
Applejack winced, but she couldn't take back the words.
Apple Bloom frowned. "What? Who did done it? We'll show 'em a thing or three!"
Applejack stomped a hoof. "Apple Bloom! We are not playing city guard."
Sweetie Bloom shuddered before she turned her head away. "I don't like this anymore. I want to go home. Now."
Scootaloo patted Sunflower down the back. "Oh wow... Uh... So... how'd it happen?"
Sunflower began to recover in Scootaloo's earnest comforting. "Some strange cat snuck in while we were sleeping. She cast a funny spell that woke me up and suddenly I was falling. Good thing... I have wings." He spread his wings as if to demonstrate this fact. "When I got out of the hole, Mom was..." He didn't seem able to finish the thought, looking to the ground.
Applejack sank heavily to her haunches. "I shoulda..."
Apple Bloom tilted her head at Applejack, "Shoulda what? Ya woke us up and came as quick as ya could."
Applejack snorted softly. "Ah coulda just came. I mighta caught the cat before she... I messed up."
Apple Bloom hopped up to swat Applejack's face with a hoof. "Stop that! We're a team! Ya did the right thing."
Applejack looked at the angry Apple Bloom a moment before she smirked a little. "The day ah let mah little sis boss me around." She reached for and snatched up Apple Bloom, hugging her tight. "Thanks, sis."
The door opened and the butler arrived carrying something wrapped up in bed linens. It didn't take much creativity to guess what it might be, and they all turned away, except for Sunflower. He charged the butler's legs. "Give her back!"
The butler moved on, unimpeded by the child's antics. "I'm afraid I can't do that."
Scootaloo advanced to pull Sunflower off of the butler. "Let him go. This isn't easy for him either."
Applejack tried to remember what roused her in the first place, but all the excitement and drama had driven the dream entirely into fog. "Bring him with us. He'll sleep in our room tonight." She rose up and tossed Apple Bloom onto her back before moving to return to their quarters.
Sleep came slowly for the group, but eventually they could find it, and morning came.
A soft knocking from the door woke them. The door opened shortly after and the old face of Lady Longtail peeked in. "I hope I'm not disturbing, but this is not something that can wait." She advanced across the room, moving for the bed filled with ponies, and one kitten. She plucked up the kitten easily, holding Sunflower close. "Poor thing... In my own house..." Sunflower curled up against his grandmother.
Applejack thought back a moment as she sat up. "Uh, pardon mah ignorance, but ah seem ta recall there were ways of... undoing that kinda thing? Mah friend went through it once."
Lady Longtail looked at Applejack with some surprise. "Did they? Even the most basic of ways to turn back death's hand is more expensive than most people ever see in their lives. The... attacker... made that quite impossible."
Apple Bloom, now fully awake, asked, "How'd they do that?"
Lady Longtail's lips went flat and strained. "That is not something I want to discuss with children present, foal or kitten. You're all very brave, but that isn't right."
This is exactly why I make Homunculi in bulk. Once you get enough of them, you pretty much have a stranglehold on localized information superiority.
They are one of the single most underrated magical 'items' available.
But... you just brought Willow back into our lives... why would you take her away! You monster!
Their has to be a deeper game going on here, some play we can't see. To go as far as to prevent Resurrection? Something's up, something's going on, and we have no idea what it is. (Yet?)
Still, that poor kitten... and poor Longtail. She just got her daughter back.
Wow. That was dark.
More like FUBAR, Applejack.
Me first!
Ouch. Hello and goodbye, Willow. It was nice to have seen you. At least Lady Longtail may be able to afford justice, or whatever most resembles it in this town. Though there is the question of why she was targeted in the first place...
If nothing else, we have a well established pair of nemeses for the party. It's going to feel good when they take those two down.
A few stylistic issues to note. The chapter title needs to have "one" capitalized. Also, you may want to change your description of Applejack's shield spell. You have two different floating discs right now.
5882037 Well... that's kinda what they are. One floats along horizontally to put your stuff on, the other goes vertical and tries to intercept blows.
5882076
True. Darn force effects.
I am feeling for Sunflower a new home and now losing hos mother.
he is just not getting a brake,
Harts Fire
Odd as it may seem, "shuteye" is a compound word.
The "still-shaking" Applejack.
You need a period after "hoof."
5882267 Fixed! Not many typos today.
This chapter was tragic. I was pushing as hard as anyone for Willow and Sunflower to be brought back, and now the former is dead and the latter is traumatized (and not for the first time, since he thought his mother had died in the train wreck). I had wanted Sunflower to find a reason to stay with the fillies, but not like this!
As awful as it is to say though, this does get the story moving. If nothing else, revenge (or at least the desire to find out why this happened, as well as make sure it doesn't happen again) will kick the group into being proactive. The fact that they were familiar with the ones who did this, and that they were Willow's friends, is reason enough to go after that masked villain. But I'm curious why she seemed to target Willow specifically - Willow had just gotten back to the city that day, so it was clearly someone who either knew she was coming or knew immediately that she'd arrived. But that still doesn't explain why she was bumped off. Another slaving attempt gone bad? Or something else?
I'm also curious why Willow can't be resurrected. In Pathfinder, there are very few ways to make someone permanently dead, and if there's a body that rules out one or two of them. At this point the only thing left would be if her soul was somehow trapped, but that's pretty major magic unto itself...hopefully there's not a soul-trade market in Murrage, since that'd be going beyond the bounds of normal slavery by a few degrees! Given that Lady Longtail isn't a spellcaster, I'd like to think that she was simply mistaken, and that Willow can indeed be brought back, given enough money (which she certainly has).
I'm more worried, however, about Sunflower. He was such a bright, fearless little thing...but this seems like it's traumatized him, quite possibly permanently. Before he got over what happened only because his mother miraculously reappeared. Now, I worry that he's not going to be the same. Between Soft Mane and now Sunflower, it's really turning into a Bambi's mother-style bad time to have a parent you love.
Lady Longtail should put small tunnels in her walls, and keep the ratkin around as protectors of her home, a la Tucker's Kobolds. Longtail's Ratkin... that sounds great.
5882355 I'm not sure how much I can say without straying right into the spoiler area. Applejack obviously saw whatever it was, and it didn't sit right with her one bit. Sunflower has friends, at least, that'll help! Glad you liked the chapter, dark as it might have turned.
singeing
You use "the figure" a lot. I suggest "her opponent" and "The intruder" for these two cases.
5882355
Soft Mane? I thought her mother was fine. Did I miss something?
5882418 I tend to agree with Alzrius that, as it stands, there is no visible motivation for this crime. There's no profit in murder, there's no need for revenge against a complete stranger, and killing someone who just got in your way would not require any sort of anti-resurrection curse. I assume you'll explain this senseless tragedy later, but make sure it was important, or all the Willow fans will be mad.
5882677 She is, but Soft Mane's father is dead. I was referring to parents of young characters native to Everglow in general, rather than mothers in particular. Though I can see how that wasn't immediately obvious.
5882733 Yeah, with your Bambi reference, I assumed you were talking about single mothers specifically. (Bambi's father doesn't count, he's a deadbeat)
5882665 Tweaks tweaked!
Blech, that was a most horrible effect, which reminded me of what I was thinking of earlier.
the lady says the race used to be happy, generous nomads etc, now they are vicious power grabbing race. within even a long lifetime, thats an awful big turn around, some would say curse or dark forces working to enslave all?
Wow, awesome pic of the Everglow-ified versions of Applejack and the Crusaders!
5882076 If you're going to have customized names for AJ's spells, may I suggest she call Shocking Grasp "Electro-buck?"
Well that was a sad chapter. I guess we will have to see what sort of things Willow got herself mixed up in.
I think she had more going on than failed business plans. Only time will tell
OK, another chapter where I dream of chasing Nightmare Typo... Apologies if I "double dip" and point out something another editor did.
Night, sis.
Night, AJ
Not a typo, but I'd consider putting the dream in italics. It's not like you're hiding the fact that it is a dream....
Starting both these sentences with "She" is a little repetitive. Maybe:
Whistling softly, she placed the baskets on her floating disc and trotted towards the barn with her haul.
subtle details, and
That is something that has bothered me with AJ learning magic. The Winter Wrap-Up showed a definite bias against using unicorn-style magic for Earth Pony work. Though I do see that AJ doesn't use magic to buck the trees, only to help carry them away.
The parsing of these paragraphs bothers me a little... maybe something like this would be clearer?
The visitor tilted her head. Her voice was at once gentle and resounding, echoing through Applejack's entire body with the new sensation of divinity. "I am not usually called 'Luna'. I am the Moon Princess. Strange pony, you are not one of my children, but your mind is troubled, and you are close enough. I would speak to you further, but I must bid you awaken." The Moon Princess gave a powerful flap of her wings, and Applejack was thrown off her hooves and sent sailing through the void--
--before she woke with a start. Raising her head, she looked around. Everything seemed peaceful, and the soft breathing of the Crusaders told her that nothing had troubled their sleep. Applejack carefully slipped from the bed and moved for the door. She couldn't put her hoof on it, but something was wrong. The dream still rang clear in her mind, and someone like the Moon Princess would not wake her up for no reason. She felt too... real--and too much like Princess Luna--for a dream figment.
A few too many "peered" here. Perhaps:
Applejack nudged the door open and peered into the gloomy, moonlit hallway beyond with a frown.
Four sentences in a row starting with "She." Perhaps:
She saw something dart down the hallway. Sucking in a breath, she shut the door as quietly as she could before hurrying back to the bed and nudging the Crusaders awake.
I suggest a paragraph break between these sentences.
There, there
Good thing I have wings.
Thanks, sis
and they all turned away, except for Sunflower. He charged the butler's legs.
If it couldn't wait, why didn't she come earlier? Did the butler not wake her? Was she out of the manor doing something secret? Or was she just dealing with her daughter's death and the authorities?
5882782
you SOB i bet thy stole her soul or something, right?. at least acnolege my question
7056436 There are much simpler ways.
As I understand, that would mean a Morganti weapon (http://dragaera.wikia.com/wiki/Morganti)
Or mutilation. Especially if a piece of the deceased is taken.
5886096
Reminds me of Upheveal, which takes it’s spells from Dnd, changed Burning Hands to Burning Hooves