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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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"Vegeta, what does the author say about his story's word count?"
"IT'S OVER NINE(TY) THOUSAND!"
Anyway, enjoy.
The Great and Powerfu-aww, just Chrysalis?
"OH SNAP CRACKLE AND SODAPOP!!!"
plz ship discord and chrysalis please
Everypony in this town is ca-RAZY!!
Absolutely, certifiably insane.
oh no now we bring in the Therapist
Will the therapist be raping everyone
I hope so I mean ...
I want Rainbow dash and Applejack back together what is their problem
The shrink has the hots for fluttershy, i cant blame him, she is my second favorite pony
843048
This is starting to get silly. I've been following through the story already, but now you're adding three more characters into this. Just the issues between the mane six was MORE than enough for an epic-length fanfiction of considerable quality. Instead, this chapter feels like it dropped in quality and you're going to add -three more- characters into the mix. The mane six and spike/ruby should pretty much be the limit here if you want to keep any level of immersion and detail on the actually important relationships. You were skipping all around in this chapter, leaving sections feeling empty or largely unfinished.
I don't know about this story anymore... You just keep adding and adding and adding, how many more characters will we see before the story ends? I personally thought it was fine with just Mane 6 and spike/ruby...
My head is spinning.
I like this fic. It could ship possibly ANYTHING! And that's what I do. I don't have a favorite ship, but I really like dislestia,dispie,Chrysacord,RainbowPie,Rarishy,ect. See where I'm going? So, I really have no problem where this fic is going .
Please Chryscord!
There is absolutely no good news for anyone of the Mane six in this chapter, is there? No lighthearted moments to give us a reprieve from all the rampant troubles that just about everyone is stuck in the middle of, even the psychiatrist for Luna's sake!
I hate to say it, I really do, but.... It's like this story has just lost that spark that attracted me to it. Like I mentioned in a previous review, the fun that was so plentiful in earlier chapters has vanished almost completely. Everypony, and I do mean everypony, has now got a hideous problem/secret/past trauma that's weighing them down. This would be fine if it was just one of them, maybe even two or three at the same time. But all of them? All at once?
It's such a shame because I genuinely adored this story, but now everything's falling apart for everypony. Everyone's losing their love or affection for their lover/love interest, relationships are falling apart, the psychiatrist's fallen for Fluttershy, etc. All of that happening all at the same time is just too much.
^ agreed
Sorry to say, but this fic is going downhill fast in quality.
Read above for reasons. However you're going to have to show a drastic increase in the happiness of the subjects of this story, within the next few chapters, or you're going to start loosing readers...
It breaks my heart to say this because I have, and despite myself still do, enjoy this fic to at least some exstent.
P.S. You're breaking our hearts with all this tragedy, this story is not tagged for 'tragedy'.
It's not a ruckus, it's a fracas.
So let me get this straight...
Granny Smith either has serious dementia or is dying
The psychologist is badly infatuated with Fluttershy
Fluttershy has mommy and daddy issues
Rainbow Dash is tormented with a myriad of things
Rarity and Spike are now scarred for the rest of their lives
Ruby is about to be dumped...again
Applejack is now going to have to deal with Granny Smith dying (or something) and have to deal with the breakup with RD, and maybe even their friendship
Luna and Celestia won't be able to keep this hidden forever and then shit is going to hit the fan
Pinkie won't help Rainbow in her time of greatest need
Chey and Discord are probably going to release changelings and going to cause more relationship drama (or just cause chaos, this was just a prediction)
The CMC are very confused
Twilight is very happy with her relationship with big mac (until shit hits the fan....again)
.............kill me
Well I totally disagree with most comments here. I think the story just got bigger. I'm not saying better or worse.
Besides, all these problems (of the ponies), are very interesting and I'm really looking forward on how they will turn out.
But the more I'm thinking of the story, I get more and more worried, about how long it will take you to finish it. With all the new characters, it seems like the story is just starting. And with only one chapter of ~5000 words, it will probably take a long time. I know that you're writing on two story's now and that you only have two free days a week, but how long do you think it will take?
Otherwise, this is my first comment on this and I wanted to say that I really love the story, your writing style and the references to the series (and the community), can't wait for the next chapter!
-DaBernd
P.S.: AppleDash is best ship!
Unfortunately I have to agree about the quality going downhill. The story is so muddle and confused. We used to see into the different character's minds and see what they were up to and thinking, now it feels like you barely scratch the surface, and yet you left several characters out of this chapter. We have a few lines of one pony, then we are supposed to jump into the next situation, it's all enough to make mah head spin! And now you feel the need to bring in an OC psychiatrist too? I mean the therapy session was pure gold, but having him start fantasizing about Fluttershy is the epitome of unprofessional. Also the only happy couple by now is Celestia/Luna, and even they will soon have to face ChrysCord.
You might still be able to pull this off and save the story, but as you wrote in the part about Spike and Twilight:
"If you lose the spark, you're in trouble."
I think Rarity and Rainbow Dash are going to go see Dr. Shrink.
Now Chrysalis is up in this story? A massive shitstorm is approaching. Take cover!
Well, thanks for the honest feedback guys. To be frank, I have seen the quality of my writing take a dip and my goal is to focus on what made me first interested in this story and try to return to form. A strong beginning is a good thing, and a weak middle can still be supported with a stronger conclusion.
As far as length goes, I am looking at about thirty chapters, but it could be less than that. I'll see what happens in chapter twenty-one, but if it is still lacking in quality I don't know what I'll do. Maybe cry a little.
Well, not to... Oh, who am I kidding?
Today's forecast is...
SHITSTORM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway, I feel like maybe we're going a bit further than what interested everyone... which was *cough cough* PLOT *cough cough*. Er... Waita second... CRAP, I MEAN THEIR PLOTS. GAAAAAAAAAAAH. Their flanks! We are interested in the Mane 6's flanks! The rapist rarity shit was okay, but... really? Just REALLY? Queen C? Discord now?! COME ON! I would prefer you get back to the attention grabbing flank grabbing! (No, I'm not really in it for the clop, but the clop was the plot and well... all this extra stuff is unnecessary)
I am sorry but what in Equestria is going on here? I am so confused now... I agree with what everyone else has said about the quality of the work, number of story lines and other such things. I feel that the whole new thing with Dr. Shrink is completely unecisary in this case... You cant just keep stacking ship upon ship, there is a point where it is overkill. having the Mane 6 and Spike/Ruby worked well and that was when I liked the story the most! Add in Chrys/ Discord and now things will be even more confusing and overly complicated with changelings and Discord's chaos...
Please, whatever you do, just make the AppleDash work out....
“I'd like to speak to their leader, if possible,”
Take me to your leader!
So Rainbow Dash is cheating. Not very loyal.
Applejack is keeping secrets. Not very honest.
Rarity is trying to keep Twilight to herself. Not very generous.
Pinkie Pie is being serious. No laughter.
Dunno if boring is the opposite of magic, but Big Mac is a pretty boring character(not saying this is a bad thing) so not very magical on Twilight's part.
Other than Fluttershy all of the mane 6 are behaving wildly out of character. Maybe that's on purpose, I don't know.
843071 I also wanted/thought it would be Trixie just for the 3rd person snobbery.
A Chryscord ship?
Oh, boy. I never thought I'd see that one.
So much is going on between each character in the story is raking my mind! So intense!
I echo the general sentiment about how you've been skipping about because you're using so many characters. Rather than cutting them out, though, I'd suggest limiting yourself to one relationship at a time in a chapter, not switching POVs so much in the middle of a chapter as you've been doing. For example, one chapter could focus on Applejack/RD/Pinkie/Applebloom, while the next chapter might focus on Twilight/Rarity/Spike/Big Mac, etc.
846908
Might I give a few suggestions on how to start cleaning this up?
- First off, cut down on the storylines you bring into each chapter. You don't have to prematurely end any ongoing storylines, but why not concentrate on a few at a time? The fiasco that is AppleDash, and Fluttershy/Pinkie ... relationship would nicely fill in a chapter, and the next one could focus more on the Twily-Bigmac-Spike-Rarity -conuncdrum. And maybe then, if you still feel like it, go for the Twincest/Chryscord.
-Whatever you do, don't bring any more ponies into the mix. Soon we'll have Gilda messing around with Trixie and Iron Will. Awesome as it might be, wouldn't bring too much to the table.
-Make the scene with the fantasizing shrink into a Big-Lipped-Alligator-Moment. Just leave him as is, don't go any further. OC-ponies are good as support characters (like as a shrink, to develop your main characters) but not as main characters in and of themselves.
-Bring back the funny. If this gets any darker, you'll need to think about adding the "dark" -tag.
-Remember to ENJOY writing. Don't force it. If you feel like you're not writing for yourself, or that you are just catering to your fans (which we are ), just stop. Take a break, go on hiatus, or maybe just take a brisk walk in the summer evening and dance around naked under the moon. Whatever floats your boat. You're not writing for money, you're not working. Just try to have fun.
848419 Like how Fluttershy is in a relationship that is based on inflicting pain to alleviate her own hurt? Maybe the mane 6 will return to their Elements soon enough, and that'll be the solution to their problems. Don't know. I just love how they are not the Elements of Friendship right now.
I for one still like this story, but more because I make jokes about it. Like the psyciatrist? He's takin the the out of therapist since 1989.
new chapter! and more plot twists! images.icanhascheezburger.com/completestore/WEEEEE128390524419843750.jpg
You achieved something here. A clopfic where the sex parts aren't the reason i want to read it.
Congratulations!
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/328/813/8d6.jpg
Fimfiction seems to be acting up for me, so while I can access it temporarily I wanted to let you know that I'll update Filly Fooling tomorrow night. Sorry I've been late the past couple of weeks!
Goddamnit! Why the heck is this fandom so flippin' awesome?!?
846908 Oh my gosh! I love this fic! the quality has gotten better in my opinion and i am glad that you are adding more to this. Keep it up!
Last few chapters have had a tad bit too much drama for my tastes. Honestly, I love Discord, and the thought of him causing chaos might be a welcome reprieve from the relational chaos facing the cast presently. That's right, I think Discord would be more tame then what is currently happening.
1225524The crazy thing about that.... Your'e right.
If any more shit hits the fan we are in SERIOUS trouble.
:843048
No, wait, Nappa, I had the scanner upside-down.
It's 1006
Wait what? Something evil will happen? That usually doesn't happen in these kinds of stories... IT MUST MEAN THAT THIS IS GOOD, 'cause it is
i dont think i know what is going on really
... Really? Chrysalis? That's what you're going with?
I was kind of hoping we were going to drag Trixie in on this. But a royal threesome with Chrysalis, Lulu, and Celly should be good too.
2529334 That "great and powerful" pain in the flank only belongs with someone as irritating as her....... Anypony know where I can find Flim, Flam, or Blueblood?