i'm a guy from Sweden and i don't mind to give honest opinions or advice that may help
this story take place in after the encouter whit tirek. and will this teenager, soon to call himself Night Striker, find a way home or do he even get home? and what problem will he met in the wold called, equestria, aka,
my little pony friendship is magic.
well, read and find out!
i have teen marked 'cause it will be swearword and gore in cluded.
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6178677 ??? thanks?? dont know how to answer that
6178815
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6178884 you are trolling arent you -_- becuse its not working
Woot u know to much
6179727 what can i say pinkie told me
or im just werry exsperiens in allot off stuff and dont look be hind you
I wuv dis story
*See the title*
*See the comments below*
i.imgur.com/uDNqsKs.gif
First off.... here are some grammar mistakes you're making allot of.
"I" I is always capitalized. Examples. I am good. What will I do?
"No time to stay put. I need to get out of this forest
Start of sentences are capitalized. Even if there is a quote mark before the first word.
"and" - Is never used to begin a sentence.
think
Thanks
OK
I think you meant "Sigh" not sight.
Sight - My sight is 20/20, I can count the feathers on a bird 100 meters away!
Sigh - Sigh, I've got so much work to do.
Fixed your story description
"chapter 2 a werry weard whay to greet a princess"
Chapter 2: A very weird way to greet a princess"
werry -> very
weard -> weird
whay -> way
coss -> because
and... I give up.
I really suggest you run your story through an English spell checker before posting and looking up words you don't know in a Swedish to English dictionary rather than try to spell the phonetically (Trying to spell them like they sound).
6419837 thanks for the pointers there and the adviches i'm gonna try fix those miss stakes and dysklesia is really messing me upp at times
6419747 is the facepalm towards me or not?
This story got potential, but you really need to get a English-speaking editor
6421031 thanks for the encuransing words and i have one editor on the way and i will work whit chapter 8 when my frined have chugth upp whit the story.
Well, this is so far a fairly standard human in Equestria turn pony coming from someone how is just started writhing for himself, and how isn’t a native English speaker to bout. While I would never say that you are horrible at writhing a story per say, and I would encourage you to continue writing if possible, but it is just that there isn't really anything about it that makes it standout that would keep your readers interested in your story. That and your spelling need to be address as soon as possible.
So far, aside from knowing that he is from Sweden, we don’t know a thing about Night Striker, how he is what are his likes and dislikes, does he have family, does he work or is he a student. And he generally acts like a self-centered jerk around everypony. Aside that, we don’t know if he wants to go back home, where he is sake and familiar with, or that he wants to stay in Equestria to learn magic with the mane six; that ambiguity of his position doesn’t help your story. Your story still could become good; you would need to set a goals for your character to aim for and it will help to
There is also the big issue of your spelling in your story and I can see that you have no one to help you in checking your story. One prime example that I would like seriously to point out is that you must say “think” not “fink”; it is very annoying after the tenth time. If you can’t find someone to do some editing for your and so that you can actually see how your story sounds from your own ears I would suggest that you use an audio reader program, Like “Natural Reader” or “Work Q” so that you can pick-up what sound bad in your writing that you can’t pick-up while reading it, it could help you a lot. I can tell you being a non- native English seeker myself, that this type of program will help you a lot in your Writing just as it has for me.
If you need some reference of how you could improve you story better, go see One of the Crowd’s story “The Other Button” that I have commented a lot on it and that the story has gone thought a drastic improvement in a short time thanks for the help of the comments that the reader as pointed out the problems that they see in the story. I hope this helps you a little.
Also, not that I am complaining, but I would like to know what the Character is saying is Swedish, and there are thing about the culture that I don’t really understand and I would like some explanations to help me understand.
I wish you luck in your story, keep practicing your writhing, it will improve over time and you will stat liking it.
6552769 thanks for the info i will keep it in mind and it will posebly help me allot,
allso you so far have given me pointer what you would like to know more off so I will try to do something abaout it in the komming chapter.
and i have an editor but we have had an bit issu whit the googledrive so the fing she fixsed didnt save for some resone :/
but i fink it have ben fixsed. allso its not easy to kow when people dont acsully say much what they fink would make an inprovment and i can't fink off everything.
allso the beggining chapter will have some more texsting soon added to it for an bitt depper unde standing how hes days are like. just an littel fast understanding and shus am damn lassy XD but i hoppe this storry will get better than it allready is
oh and i will add an thexs on english next to the swedish one so folks will under stand it better dman googletranslaye wont posebly do it right XD
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/e/e9/NewOED-2001-ed.jpg
^R.I.P.^
7433036 lol funny
Is the author a 5 year old or something?