- Member Since 17th Jan, 2015
- offline last seen Last Sunday
Autistic Writer
I am the Autistic Writer. I have Autism (Aspergers Syndrome), but that doesn't stop me from writing great stories.
Autistic Writer
Joined 17th Jan, 2015 ·
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This needs a lot of work.
Your grammar and punctuation are terrible. ESPECIALLY your punctuation--which you frequently don't even bother to use.
One particular thing I'd like to call to your attention is the difference between the words "please" and "pleases".
I couldn't help but notice that you consistently use "pleases" where you should use "please".
Let me illustrate the correct usage of different forms of the word "please":
Please:
Pleases:
Pleased:
"Pleases" is never used when asking somebody to do/not do something.
You have a lot of other problems, but the "pleases" thing and your general lack of punctuation are the biggest failings I see here. Get someone skilled in English to help you correct this story.
As to the content...I have no real comment there. The terrible grammar kept me from focusing on the story itself.
5704865
Thanks for you comments, i am still trying to work on my grammar. :)
5704868 No problem. Just remember, there are groups on this site for people who need prereaders, editors, and general writing help. I'd help, but unfortunately I just don't have the time to spare. I just happened to catch this while taking a quick break.
5704873
I know about Beta readers since i have a fanfiction account. I don't really like asking for editors and all that. No one is perfect.
5704886 Perhaps, but it does help, and forgive me, but you need all the help you can get.
5704908
I think i am good for the moment, but thanks for the constructive criticism. :)
Yeah I just wanna know how this goes!
Still needs work though!
Right. This exists. So everyone is right, you need an editor and definitely pre-readers/betas. Don't tell me you have a few because if you do, they suck. Spelling, tenses, grammar, punctuation, capitalization and story structure problems throughout.
Also don't start half your story with italics, there are so many more ways to have flashbacks. Also, if the flashback starts the story, just start the story there!
This is one of those fics where when you get a lot better, you're going to look at this and say "Wow look where I used to be!"
Dark stories, mature-themed content stories, and deeper stories like this are extremely hard to do. It requires actual in-depth research and very tight character breakdowns to properly convey the psychological aspects of abuse and blackmail. Otherwise it reads like someone in their early twenties is trying to be edgy.
Attempt blackmail stories in five years experience, not instantly.