Vinyl's two best freinds are fighting and Vinyl doesn't know what to do.
Chapters (2)
vinyl soul
Joined 4th Apr, 2012 ·
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Hello! I particularly enjoyed this story, and the fact that you remembered to do the paragraph splitting and stuff was very appealing. If you'd like, I'd be willing to proof-read and correct any Grammatical or Spelling errors you make. If this appeals to you, send me a PM and we'll talk a bit more. Good luck, and I'll certainly be reading more!
562024 dont believe him its a trap he wants to eat your brains :O
562032
!
Why would he want to eat my brains?
562037 because eating the brains if a brony will send you to equestria its science real shit D: were endangered
562048
Dear god!
562070 i know he this author lores people into being pre readers then eats there brians with a straw :O
562074
But...that's where you reasonable logic ends....because you can't eat brains with a straw.
:562080 unless you minx it all up onto a milkshake D:
Vinyl went to the pantree and took out a piece of bread and put it in the toaster.
It should be pantry. Love it so far!
''Octavia sat down near vinyl who is T.v.'' Vinyl is... TV?
''"i guess your right"'' Did you mean ''I guess you're right''?
''She layed down on the'' Did you mean ''laid''?
''stripes on it, Vinyl looked at her flank It was some kind of small'' You forgot to place a ''.''?
''the Orchesra but i quit because It wa too hard'' Did you mean ''the Orchestra but I quit because It was too hard''?
''you get here"? asked Octavia.'' Did you place ''?'' in wrong place?
''to find Lyra ill be back to watch'' Did you mean ''I'll''?
''her sterio system'' Did you mean ''stereo''?
''open for buisness Vinyl'' Did you mean ''business''?
562113
Maybe, but still very unlikely.
563375 bow down to the couier boy xD ive been in many a fallout quest ;D
563473
Quite random. This deserves the utmost respect for a fellow nerd.
563476 nerds for life
( I am glad that you have fixed some of the problem's and a nice story for a starter :P by:Tai
No offence but this seems rushed to me
Still it's pretty good.
more?
This is a first for me. Never before have I read something that was doing so well with pacing, mood, character development, and flow. Just to bring it down with story concepts that ruin any chance for continuation. I could not attempt to see where this story would go next even if I wanted to. By saying the argument was a joke all along it negates the existence of a plot, and by ending it as if it were all a dream negates the existence of the story itself. While I enjoyed reading this story when it comes to those two things I am unable to look forward to anything else you have planned for the future. I desperately hope you prove me wrong and create an amazing story.
Sincerely;
The Fictional Critic
P.S. I do apologize for how this sounds it is merely that both of those concepts in the same story should not be done. Especially if you intend to end the story with one of them.
Thank you for your comment Fictional critic This was the first story i made by myself and i am now currently working on making a better stroy this was just a promo so that i could merely see what i need improving on and this next story will be my best (so far)
Sincerely;
Vinyl soul