This story is (partially) a prequel to Knights of Siponia
Please note that this story is not dead, we are just currently experiencing some technical derpiculties and we just don't know what went wrong
—Skye Serpent {24/04/15}
Character Profiles
Table of Contents
Terminology
Title Picture created by me
Note: This is just a draft until I can make the final
Quick Quill, a fraction of the Aeon Gate, Monotreyis, was heading to the recently formed town of Ponyville with his two adopted sons companions to fix a crack. Whats so bad about this crack? Oh nothing, just that in roughly 25 years, the inhabitents of the Realm of Demons will invade the Realm of Existance and kill everything so yeah, no pressure to find it and fix it before Ragnorok.
Time Things
Start date: 11:48pm Wednesday 18th February, 2015
End date: Not for a long time
Time elapsed (from most recent chapter): T+ 76d, 6h, 4min
Next chapter (from most recent chapter): T- 8d, 4h, 38min
Botaglove: hey everyone, thank you for the support so far. just letting you all know, tags will change as the story goes and chapter 2 may be delayed a bit; also, the long description will be fixed as it's a bit awkward at the moment and a title picture will be added when I can make one
Hm... I don't know if I like it or not. I guess I would read another chapter to see how things are going. I also need to see more character interactions, since I have no idea, about the personality of these three. It seems to me a little exaggerated maybe, with the whole panic and head smashing, but maybe that's just me. Also you could add character descriptions, so that your readers can imagine your characters looks better.
You should work on your punctuation and on capitalization, since you use small letters in places, where they probably don't belong.
One last thing. I find the thing, with the clock at the end slightly funny, but I'm wondering, why Jay just didn't let his clock rang earlier to wake him up. Maybe it was inside the shield too. Thinking about the shield. You should describe it. I'm wondering how he didn't notice the shield with the pan attack and why he didn't consider him having a shield, when it is not the first time, where he was waking him up.
I know, that are quite some points, but you should see it as a way to improve your writing. Maybe you should try to question the actions of your characters more. This could also help to improve your writing. Just think about the points and improve the things, that you think are necessary.
5643999
thanks so much for this review. I'll have it betterfied as soon as possible
though I though of a good name for the outta nowhere clock: deus ex clockina