In case you didn't know, I'm no longer interested in MLP and won't be writing more stories or continuing the ones I started. I'll come online to talk every once in a while, though. :P
Having no choice but to leave their home, Harmony Key takes her younger sister, Sunny Rose, to find another place to stay. On their journey, the sisters meet a colt they've never seen before, who takes them in temporarily. Or so they thought...
Cover art by MirandaEscalante
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Hmm... I' m intrigued.
I'd like to see some back story on the parents. How long have they been fighting? Has either adult ever done anything destructive or cruel to their children? Please tell in the next chapters.
I'd also like some clarifaction on the cutie marks of the sisters. What do they mean? How did they earn them?
Other than that, this is a very good start and I'm to see more. Hope to read the rest soon!
5631303 the focus isn't on the parents really. They've never done anything to hurt the girls and i don't know how long they've been fighting. This is just a start to get the sisters away from them.
The first chapter is actually going to take place somewhere between about 3 months to a year after the prologue. The parents in the grand scheme of things aren't really important. This is going to be a romance fanfic in the end.
As for the sisters' cutie marks, Harmony's is music and Sunny's is taking care of animals (she can't commuicate with them though. That's just fluttershy).
I like this one. Fave & upvote! Those poor sisters, though...
5632313 thank you! Oh and this is just the beginning...
I don't really know how to describe why I like a story, I usually just say 'like it' and move on.
But I'll do my best to give you my thoughts.
I liked that Harmony didn't initially believe her father would really go away. That's very realistic. You can get so used to something being a certain way in life that you find it unimaginable or impossible for that thing to change. It only makes it all the more heartbreaking when she realizes her daddy really did leave.
I'm ready to learn more about these two sisters .
5766481 Suprisingly enough, the fighting between the parents was really hard and kind of awkward for me to write. I mean, my parents fought all the time (they still fight whenever they actually have to talk to each other), but it was always in another room. Door closed. Me not being able to see or hear anything. But I know they did it. And I did get a glimpse of it happening once, but heard very little of what was going on. I know a lot about this (seriously, my parents are officially divorced as of this past January), but it was hard to write. I still feel like it's very awkward.
I say all this because it leads into what you said about Harmony not believing, at first, that her dad would really leave. When my parents first separated, I believed he would come back after a few weeks. A couple months tops, and I already said how that ended. If Harmony's parents are constantly fighting, why should she believe he would do it? It's only logical that she doesn't, in my opinion.
As for the next chapter, I started writing it a few weeks ago and...
I have no idea what happened after that... I've been trying to pick it up again recently, but school has not been kind to me lately.
5766525 Well, no pressure on making more chapters, because I totally understand with the school stuff
The fighting between the parents didn't come across as too awkward to me, though I've never really seen two married adults fight since my parents divorced when I was only two. :p
How about you give this story a song that has the its theme elements?
5859458 What? What do you mean theme song?
And I can't write lyrics. I can sing, but I can not write music.
5859463 I mean a song that's gonna carry us through the story.
Well, if you can't write lyrics, then...Try hiring Keam to do the songwriting work. Keam is a great lyricist. She may want to do the job of lyrics for the song. Try and ask her for me, OK?
5859476 I still don't quite know what you're asking for.
5859480 I'm talking about a song like this. Ahem...
For the end of the Prologue chapter
(J. Coffey) JCP Music Corp. ASCAP.
5859532 I guess I understand... I still don't know if it's really neccessary.
Spacing?
I tried reading it and I just scroll down and I'm already at the end.
I'm interested...but the words are like....mushed together.
6172766 Why don't you try writing something like this? You may want to keep in mind that I'm only 14.
6172826 Got that.
Sorry XD
6172831 It's fine, silly.
6172841
6172850
6172880 Like your cuite mark ;)
6172885 Thanks.
6172895 Yeah...I just wish I could figure out what cutie mark I should have -_-
6172898 Potato?
6172902 No XD
6172904 Waffles?
6172908 A green tornado probably.
6172941 Or Canada.
6173002 Meh XD
6173004 Just trying to get a laugh.
6173006 I know.....
6173010 *hugs*
Hey. How long has it been, seven months? I made the cover art for this story, but looking back at it now, it's positively atrocious.
6731749 What is? Your art or my story??
If it's your art, I think it's fine. If it's my story, then I would probably agree if I actually read through this again..