A Journey Beyond Sanity

by Darkwing Dust

Chapter Eighty-Three: Complete and Utter Dependence!

"I just don't get it..."

"Hm?" Spike perked up from his mopping the floor, noticing me pacing around a few feet away. "Don't get what?"

"Why Fluttershy didn't come to me," I admitted, frowning admist my movements, immediately doing a one-eighty walking during talking, "I could've helped her, advised her to overcome her stage fright, or something."

Yesterday, it was revealed to us, after Big Macintosh had lost his singing voice due to a turkey-calling competition, Fluttershy had been 'dubbing' his voice by singing behind stage while the farmer moved his mouth. Perhaps I should elaborate: basically, Rarity, Big Mac and two nameless ponies had formed a band a while back named the Ponytones. A barbershop quartet, which I approved of immediately; having grown fond of such style of music since playing BioShock Infinite.

Big Mac lost his voice, Fluttershy offered to dub him since she has the singing voice of an angel, as we had recently learned. But Fluttershy had stage fright, so she sung behind curtains instead of flat-out replacing Big Mac while he's unavailable. The ruse lasted for a good while, and we managed to convince Fluttershy to join in the band at the end after seeing just how passionate and enjoying herself she was, along with the crowd loving her performance.

So a barbershop... Whatever you call a band of five people. Or ponies.

Still, there was something about the whole event that bothered me. Not that I didn't manage to catch on to Big Mac's nervous rather-fearful looking expressions during their plays, nor that they didn't consider asking me to participate; I would've LOVED to join a barbershop.

But that Fluttershy handled this all on her own... Without seeking my help in any case. Not that she's dependable on others, oh no, she's perfectly capable of handling her own affairs.

But... Still...

"Maybe Fluttershy didn't want to bother you about it," Spike suggested, washing the wooden floor casually. "You know how she is; never wanting to burden others with her problems."

Which is honestly ridiculous. Fluttershy knew she can always come to me if there was anything wrong. The same applies to all our friends. "Maybe..." I muttered instead, unrelenting in my pacing.

"And besides," The dragon continued after a moment of whistling to himself, "You can't help everyone all the time, Star."

...Hm.

Fair point...

"You might be right..." I agreed quietly, finally coming to a halt, regarding the floor thoughtfully. What to do...

Perhaps some training might take my minds off things.

Within my mind, Sombra exhaled in exasperation. At last, you are sorting out your priorities! We must focus our efforts on this Tirek menace, not ponder about your own incompetence towards your comrades. Now, let us depart.

---

Punch! Kick! Swing!

Focus! You must concentrate that kinetic energy on one particular spot. The harder your strike, the more damaged your opponent shall become.

Punch! Kick! Roundhouse! Elbow!

Ow!

Distract yourself from the pain boy! Your foe wouldn't allow you a moment to recover from a mere bruise. You must be relentless, ruthless in your advances. While you direct your attention to your own pain, how many more will suffer for it?

Elbow elbow! Double kick! Elbow! Punch!

That's it! Your pain only strengthens your resolve, now your precious Princess nor your friends won't be harmed by that monster so long as you dedicate yourself to this power. This is why balance has chosen you, Wright; you will become the avatar of the very unification of chaos and harmony!

Okay, let's just slow down there now, Sombra.

Yet I heard the King only snarl in disapproval, Fool, you must realize your own potential. Otherwise you are fated to doom.

You seem pretty dedicated to my training personally, you know. Almost like you have every desire in helping me defeat this new threat.

Do not misunderstand me boy; I am only looking out for my own interests. What use would ponykind be to me without their magic? And besides, without your continued existence, I will cease to be.

So in other words, you need me.

Only temporarily. Now, return to training.

Alright, pushy...

"Though it might've been you."

Hm?

"Hey Applejack," I greeted when glancing over my shoulder, the orange Earth Pony approaching with a haystack perched atop her back. "Hope you don't mind."

She smiled humouredly. "Trainin' again, huh?"

"How'd you guess?"

Do not delay now, focus on your moves.

Sombra shush.

"Then again, suppose I can't blame ya, considerin' everythin' ya told us about this Tirek fellow." Applejack replied, then seeming to shudder at the very name. "Anyway, don't let me keep ya from it. I've got my own chores to get to, so I'll see ya around."

Oh, wait a moment.

"Would you like some help?"

Applejack smiled, shaking her head in decline, "Nah, I've got it covered." Oh... "But there is somethin' you can do, sugarcube."

Oh? "Name it?"

Green eyes glanced in amusement to the side. "Try not to destroy my trees completely." I followed her gaze to the dented bark of trunks surrounding us, all from my attempts of improving my strength and skills.

"...Oops." And suddenly, just seeing the sight of them put me off from carrying on training any further today.

---

"Oh darling," Rarity said hurriedly, passing by me all around the room. "As much as I appreciate the offer, I must graciously decline this invitation for assistance."

"Are you sure?" Well that's a disappointment.

"Oh yes," The white unicorn replied at once, picking up some materials via magic while speeding across the workshop. "I am well aware of your desire to participate in the Ponytones, but you must understand we cannot allow any further exceptions. It's not that you have an awful musical tone, Stardust, but you know how these things work."

"Of course..."

"Although, if you wish I can inform you immediately should anyone from the band be unavailable from their next performance."

"I'll keep that in mind." My hooves were already reaching the door with that reply, bitter disappointment rising in my being. First Applejack and now Rarity. Who next?

---

"Oh Stardust, of course you can help!"

"Really?" Finally, I can be useful!

"Hmm..." The pink mare then pondered thoughtfully... The shook her head in finality, "Nope."

What? "But you just said I could!"

"Oh right, I did! Well, and I already fed Gummy, and I've set the next party up for Vinyl, and-"

I cut her off before she could start rambling, "So there's absolutely nothing I could assist you with?" Pinkie shook her head again, prompting my annoyed sigh, "Alright, I suppose I could ask the Cakes then if they need help with anything."

"Nope."

"What?"

"They pretty much have everything covered at Sugarcube Corner, even with Pumpkin Cake and Pound Cake!"

"...Even the kids?"

"Uh-huh!"

...Wonderful.

---

Rainbow Dash didn't want any help, nor Fluttershy who politely declined the offer whereas the former laughed. Whooves was preoccupied. Derpy had already delivered today's mail around the Ponyville. Vinyl wouldn't give me a proper answer. I eventually reached a house containing two certain ponies.

And guess what? They didn't need my help either!

Bon grinned apologetically from the doorway, keep the door close so I couldn't see inside, "Thanks for offering, Stardust, but Lyra and I don't need any help right now. We're setting up our present for Vinyl's Birthday and we don't want to ruin the surprise."

"I wouldn't tell her," I assured the Earth Pony, hoping the desperation wasn't clear through my tone or expression.

Bon shook her head in decline, "Sorry Star, maybe next time."

Before promptly shutting the door rather rudely after hearing a crash behind her, leaving me outside, irritated and admittedly saddened.

This was just getting ridiculous...

---

This is getting pathetic.

I blatantly ignored Sombra's mocking statement, glaring at the ground while walking through the quiet streets. So, everyone was busy! Even Twilight, who was preoccupied with her studies currently. Not one pony needed my help or advice about anything! Bull-[BEEP]. What kind of friend am I if I can't help anyone? It's as if I've done something wrong and the world was punishing me for it.

What else was new...?

The fallen King, meanwhile, continued speaking as if his opinion mattered.

You are wasting time concerning yourself over the needs of others. We must resume our attention to this threat Equestria faces, not wander around hoping that some lesser being requires assistance.

They're not "lesser beings," Sombra. They're my friends.

Your point? That doesn't make them any more special. Our destiny is much greater than this mundane life, this so-called need to help others. Stop being so considerate, boy, as you can see; it will get you nowhere in life. Your own species has proved time and time again that one must only look out for their own interests, and it's high time you've matured enough to realize this.

...Hm. Sadly, you're not entirely wrong-

"Hey Star!"

Spike?

"Hey Spike," I greeted in turn, perking up as the dragon rushed towards me, managing a small smile, "What's up?"

"Twilight's looking for you," Was his response, prompting my surprised look. She was? Perhaps she needed some help with the library- "She's wondering if you have anymore information about that chest we found at the Tree of Harmony."

...Oh.

"I've told her already; only that it's involved somehow against Tirek," I muttered bitterly, gazing back at the ground. "Tell her I can't help in that regard."

"Sure thing... Star? You feelin' alright?"

Right now, I only felt useless.

"Fine," Was my lame answer, walking away from the baby dragon. "Just fine." Maybe some time to contemplate on that hill of mine will help calm my mind.

---

...Nope. Not helping in the slightest.

But at least the world was kind enough to provide me with a view of the sunset as I rested atop the hill, watching with a somber expression. It was peaceful to observe, but my mind was too disturbed for the view to calm me down. Maybe I should've brought some soda with me; that always does the trick.

Come to think of it, I haven't had soda in a while.

Anyway, what should I do? I haven't felt so incompetent in ages. No one needed help, not one of my friends in this town. And it would just be pathetic and desperate of me to travel all the way to either Canterlot or the Crystal Empire just to satisfy this need of mine to help someone. But then again, going to the latter kingdom with Sombra still active in my mind may not be the best of ideas.

And speak of the devil. Hmph, you are behaving pathetically regardless-

"Will you just [BEEP] off?!" That was the final straw. Standing up abruptly, my gaze hardened to the golden sky, practically yelling in irritation, "I don't need your snarky comments right now Sombra!"

...And silence. Ah, finally, now I can have some peace and-

"Jack?"

Oh God...

Hesitantly, I glanced behind towards the clearly concerned Twilight, who approached me calmly. "I thought I might find you here."

Shocking. Inhaling deeply, I forced a grin. "Hey love. Sorry about that."

But the mare wasn't fooled in the slightest. Knowing me too well, Twilight stood beside me, taking her own seat to my right and motioning for me to join her. Slowly obliging, the alicorn continued as I sat, "May I ask what's wrong this time?"

Hm? "Does everything seem to be wrong to me?"

"Typically," Twilight teased, smiling lightly before frowning softly, "But Spike tells me you seemed annoyed today."

"Annoyed and disappointed..."

My girlfriend caught that quiet mutter. "Why's that? Did Sombra say something?"

"Heh." I let out a humourless laugh. "No, no, but he certainly didn't help."

"What then?" Twilight pressed, "Is it about... Tirek?"

Shaking my head, I let out a long sigh, meeting Twilight's inquisitive gaze and relenting. This mare can always make me talk with that stare of hers, "Do you ever feel... Useless?"

That incited her frown. "Useless?"

"Yeah." I nodded, proceeding to clarify, trying to express how I felt right then, "When everyone you know is busy, and doesn't need your help at all. Today, no one accepted my offer for help with anything. And..."

"...And you feel useless because no one needed any help?" At my silence, my expression answering for her, Twilight shook her head, smiling reassuringly. "That doesn't mean you're useless Jack. Not everyone needs help all the time. Everyone's independent."

"Everyone but me..."

"That's not true," Twilight said firmly, not unkindly, placing a comforting hoof on my own. "You've managed to do plenty of things by yourself from time to time. And you're always helpful to me, Spike and all our friends."

"Yeah but..."

The Princess of Friendship frowned again, this time at my disgruntled noise, leaning her head closer curiously. "But what else?"

And just like that, I let out my own fear and worries to this mare, as always, "What kind of friend am I if I can't help anyone...?" Twilight tilted her head, prompting me to continue, resuming my gaze on the setting sun. "I just have this... Inexplicable urge to help people whenever I can, to feel like I can make a difference in people's lives."

"And there's nothing wrong with that." Twilight smiled rather lovingly. "Nothing terrible with having such a kind nature."

"I know... But... What else can I do for others if not help them out with anything? How can I be a good friend if not by helping out my friends...?"

This was something that has plagued me for a very long time. An important aspect in life was to help people wherever and whenever, to feel important for someone else and feel as though your assistance matters. That your life matters. And without that, my life feels pretty insignificant, and a waste of space, just a burden on everyone else, if I can't help anyone...

"Jack... There are various just as important things about friendship aside from helping your friends," Twilight began reassuringly. "Your desire to help others is admirable, and we'll always appreciate your willing helpfulness. But not everyone will always need help through life. And sometimes, it's you who'll need help instead of someone else. But we'll always, always, be your friend whether you can be of assistance or not; we'll never hold your dependence on others against you."

I remained silent, just listening to Twilight console me, my mind and heart soothed by her comforting tone and words.

"Now, does not being able to help anyone out today make you useless? Of course not. But that doesn't mean someone won't want your help tomorrow, or the day after. And just because no one needed help today, doesn't mean we don't appreciate the offer from a cherished thoughtful friend who cares enough to help and just wants to feel important; when he's already important to all his friends."

And just like that, I couldn't stop the grin rising on my face, slowly facing the sparkling eyes and loving smile. "You always know what to say Twilight... Thank you."

Replied by a warm welcoming snuggle, the alicorn resting her head on my side. I made sure to keep my eyes from getting poked by the horn. "Maybe it wasn't anyone else who needed help today, but yourself."

...Huh. She had a point. And already I felt immensely better from the comfort provided by this beautiful pony-

"Twilight! Stardust!"

Hm?

The moment was interrupted, prompting our surprise glances towards the side, where we were approached by a smiling Applejack. The orange mare continued with a sheepish tone, "'Scuse the interruption, but I was wonderin' if Stardust would to help with some late-night cropping."

"Stardust, there you are!"

Pinkie?

The enthusiastic mare hopped upwards, grinning down at us with an ecstatic tone, "Vinyl's Birthday party's starting soon! You wanna help with some extra decorations I've got?"

"Oh Stardust darling."

And Rarity?

"Pardon my interrupting at this romantic moment you two are currently having." The classy unicorn said, walking up to join us, "But you wouldn't mind, Twilight, if your special somepony would assist me in setting up a quick rehearsal for the Ponytones?"

And, as more and more of my friends joined us to ask for help, Twilight regarded me with a humoured yet encouraging look. And I grinned happily.

Who was I to say no to my friends?

---

Taking a moment outside the party in Sugarcube Corner, I began writing down the lesson I've learnt today form the journal Spike graciously delivered to me as per my request. It was a book for Twilight and the others to write down any lessons they're discovered, since writing letters to Celestia was no longer a factor.

Gotta shoehorn those overall lessons to kids somehow I suppose. But regardless, I was not excluded from writing in the journal.

And I was rather pleased how my writing lessons from Twilight were paying off.

"Just because your friends don't need your help, doesn't make you any less important. I learned today that friendship isn't all about being useful to your friends; there are many other things you can do with them: chat about nonsensical things, just hang out and, perhaps most importantly, enjoy your time together. And I wouldn't dare exchange any moment I have with my friends - and more specifically her - for the world. You will never be a burden to your true friends; your own self-care is just as important as theirs."

And, as if by convenience, I heard the party music blasting from behind, inciting my satisfied expression to glance over my ponified shoulder. Pinkie was grinning at me excitedly.

"Come on Star, you're about to miss the dance off!"

Snapping the book shut. I set it to one side along with the quill. I'll bring it back to the library later, but for now...

"Oh, I wouldn't miss that for the world Pinkie."

Comments

[Vinyl_ScratchPlays]

hmm decent like always. but it's seems the length and overall quality is fading a bit.
Like lately you have been doing it in a way that here this and now it's done. and a bit of sombra that and it's done. it just seems you have been losing you creativity touch in the last few chapters

[Darkwing Dust]

7696666 I appreciate the honesty. Hopefully the lead-up to this season finale will help improve things over time.

[TwilightHearts]

Whoohoo! Another good one! Keep 'em coming!!

[Starlight Nova]

Why did you make Stardust look like Lero from Xenophillia?(or at least the picture of him in Divided Rainbow)

[Darkwing Dust]

7696748 ...Who from what now? XD

[Darkwing Dust]

7696892 Ohh... Well, Stardust was meant to look like the Equestrian version of me, so... XD

[Silentwoodfire]

heheh Barbershop

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=olw2R9RO3h8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1i8QTOV20Y

[Truthseeker]

Seeing some truly profound character development from Jack.