Chapter Sixty-Eight: Equestria Girls I... Yay...
"We've GOT to have mo-ney..." - Hasbro.
It's finally happening...
The one thing I've been praying and hoping with every bone, vein and minuscule piece of DNA through all my being would NOT happen turns out to be, to my misfortune and spite, canon. It was as if God himself hated my very being and wishes to punish me by making these abominations that dared call themselves spin-offs - much less movies - to one of the greatest shows on the planet, and forcing me to partake in them. As we walked from the train arriving into the kingdom, the large sparkling castle waiting for us, Twilight and the others talking while I gazed upwards with dread and disbelief, I knew I should've stayed in bed today.
There was a name for this thing that dared to even exist, a name so horrifying and contemptible I bared my teeth just thinking about it.
Equestria G- Ugh! Sorry, almost choked on my own bile just then.
While Pinkie Pie made an unfunny Transformers joke, my body and mind screamed for me to turn back and run off, insisting this was not worth it. But I had to, I must endure this travesty, this plague on movie media. If not for myself, then for the purple uni- alicorn, still getting use to that. To prevent the most bizarre, awkward, loveless and forced romance in animated history.
A brief image of a famous Disney movie came to mind, one with an annoying talking snowman. Alright, second most forced romance in animated lore.
Right at the beginning, the first of many countless problems about this "movie" rears its ugly head. It starts with my friends over here walking towards the Crystal Empire's castle before us, expecting its audience to immediately identify these mares in particular. The movie should've began with a brief intro of history, providing a small description of the show, characters and why the damn crown is so crucial to everything that happens in this godforsaken piece of [BEEP]. People shouldn't have to have seen the show before watching the movie to enjoy.
Though how anyone can enjoy this piece of donkey [BEEP] is beyond my comprehension. If they like it, more power to them, but this and Rainbow Rocks made me finally understand the feeling of contempt many Star Wars fans would have towards the prequels.
Anyway, a good movie shouldn't have to rely heavily on the source material it was based from. Though a brief introduction to the show's lore and main characters beforehand wouldn't have hurt.
[BEEP] this movie...
Criticizing already, little man? You certainly don't mess around.
Not in this case...
"Jack, are you coming?"
My gaze reluctantly tore from the towering structure towards the waiting Twilight, as the others made their way to the castle's entrance. Slowly nodding, I trailed after them, dread and anger rising along with the bile in my throat with every step I took towards what can laughingly be called the plot in this "movie."
For Twilight. I was doing this for Twilight...
Yes, keep feeding yourself with lies, boy.
Ignoring Sombra's mockful jabs - having grown use to his way with words after a few days - I trudged onwards, swallowing my apprehension and spite heavily.
If I move quickly, then hopefully - however vain it may be - I can prevent the appalling movie from happening in its entirety.
Once again, I find myself lost in this maze of a castle.
Not going to bed by Celestia's suggestion because A. I'm not a toddler. And B. I get enough of that [BEEP] over being sent to bed early via bedtime schedule by Twilight ever since the beginning of our... Relationship.
Still growing accustomed to that reality.
Anyway, if I can hurry, I can prevent the entire movie from happening right at the start. I either force Sunset to flee or convince her to give up and surrender herself to Celestia's custody - You know, what SHOULD have happened at the end of the movie - and no one would have to deal with over an hour of pure bull-[BEEP].
It wouldn't be difficult if it wasn't so damn dark in here!
Perhaps you should have asked for directions to the room with the mirror before wandering off without thinking, again.
If I wanted your opinion, Sombra, I'd ask for it-
GAH!
"Whoops. Sorry sir."
The beacon of light removed itself from my sight, and upon rubbing my eyes I was immediately greeted by-
"You..."
The pegasus in gold armour tilted his head, that flashlight for a horn pointing at a wall because of it, "Is there a problem, sir?"
Upon seeing you? Countless issues. I had vainly hoped that spotting you the last time I visited the Empire was an illusion on Sombra's part. But nope, you're real, only beginning this nightmare. Already my hoofs clenched at the sight of this repulsive excuse for a character, and it took every ounce of my being not to kick his arse, even when Twilight bumped into him earlier.
The pegasus shifted uncomfortably at my look, glancing away and coughing. "W-Well, if you'll excuse me, sir, I really need to continue my patrol and-"
"Stop!"
Twilight!
Our attention immediately turned to the scene behind the pegasus, eyes wide at the teleporting orange unicorn, who smiled smugly behind her before running off down another hallway, pursued by the Mane Six and Spike.
God dammit mother-[BEEP]!
"Out of the way!" I shoved the stunned pony before running after the girls and dragon. I can't believe it! This annoying cardboard cutout manages to get in the way even when I'm trying to prevent all this from happening!
Arriving at the room, finally, I managed to hear two distinct voices.
"What did you do with my crown?"
"So sorry it had to be this way... Princess."
And I only entered just in time to see Sunset Shimmer flee into the portal, smirking in satisfaction and leaving all the girls gasping and stumped. "Who was that?" Fluttershy asked, while the mares only exchanged confused expressions.
"Sunset Shimmer." Their heads turned at my grim statement and stance, my eyes focused on the Godforsaken mirror. I failed to stop her. Which means, I'll have to go through there and retrieve the crown while dealing with the worst movie in existence.
Which means... Everything in the whole movie... Will most likely happen.
"[BEEP]."
When you say things to yourself like "Huh?" or "What?" over how illogical characters act in a movie, it's not usually a good sign.
By the way, love we had to wait until MORNING before the monarchs provide us with expository dialogue, when I could be pursuing Sunset in the other universe right this instant. Only, if Twilight hadn't insisted I wait until everyone gets answers.
"Sunset Shimmer." Celestia began, "A former student of mine. She began her studies with me not long before Twilight. But when she did not get what she wanted as quickly as she liked, she turned cruel and dishonest. I tried to help her, but she eventually decided to abandon her studies and pursue her own path. One that has sadly led her to stealing the crown."
This of course led to many questions. Exactly how long ago was she a student? Why have we never heard of her until now? If Sunset was a pupil shortly before Twilight, then when did she leave? As a filly? A teenager? Does time operate differently in the Equestria Girls universe? Rainbow Rocks wasn't very clear on that. Was Sunset a teenager this entire time from Twilight's student days as a filly before mare? How did she know about the mirror? What exactly motivated Sunset to becoming a jerk? Why wasn't the mirror destroyed by Celestia after Sunset escaped, so she wouldn't come back? And why did Celestia let her go if she knew Sunset would be a potential threat?
Ugh, I'm already getting a headache from all this, and not due to lack of sleep.
"- By the time you did, it would be too late to go after your crown and Element of Harmony." The tall failure of a ruler continued as we followed her, evidently to the magic mirror room.
That's another thing, why that Element of Harmony specifically? Because it's the 'leader' of them? Isn't Twilight's crown just one part of a greater power, combined with the other Elements? Why didn't Sunset attempt to steal the other Elements? How did she know what room Twilight was sleeping in? How did she know about the summit? Wouldn't occupying yourself in an alternate dimension keep you from learning recent news? Was Sunset spying and eavesdropping on guards by occasionally popping back here?
And most importantly, why was the mirror here? Wasn't the Crystal Empire gone for a thousand years? Did Celestia have the mirror moved here when it returned? If so, why? Was this all some elaborate ploy on Celestia's behalf to give Twilight another task?
...Suddenly, things are beginning to make sense.
As we arrived back into the room occupying the accursed object, it was Luna who provided the next explanation.
"This is no ordinary mirror." No [BEEP]? "It is a gateway to another world." And how do you know that, if you've never been through? "A gateway that opens once, every thirty moons." And again, how do you know all this? Did Starswirl tell you?
Then how would he know about it?
As Luna magically pushed an awed Pinkie away from the rippling mirror, the mare of the night continued, "It has always been kept in the throne room in Canterlot castle." It has? I don't recall ever seeing it there? "But when Princess Cadence took over the Crystal Empire, we sent it here for her to watch over."
But why? Did Cadence even know about Sunset and the mirror beforehand? Why entrust her with such a task when it's clearly CELESTIA'S responsibility? Her failure! For God's sake, woman, stop having others clean up your mess!
Hmhmhmhmhm. Frustrating, isn't it?
You're telling me...
Celestia sighed, "I had always hoped that Sunset Shimmer would someday use it to return." You HOPED? "To come back to Equestria seeking my guidance." Because that's why a sensible person would come back, seeking Celestia's self-proclaimed 'wisdom.'
Oh, right, Sunset isn't in her right mind at this point. She's currently just an undeveloped cliche villain.
"Obviously, this isn't what happened."
No [BEEP].
"Twilight," Cadence spoke up next, and the purple uni- alicorn stepped forward, "You must use the mirror to go into this other world and retrieve your crown."
Alright, time for me to step up.
"Yeah, no, not happening." I said in finality, already moving towards the damn reflection, glaring at anyone who dares object otherwise. "You're not recklessly throwing Twilight into another universe she knows little to nothing about. I'm going in her stead."
Of course, there were multiple objections.
"What?!"
"Are you for real?!"
"You honestly think we're gonna let you go alone? We're all in this together!"
Celestia, however, objected to that last statement, "I'm afraid you all can't go." Our heads turned to her questionably. "Sending all of you would upset the balance of this alternate world."
Now what does that even mean?! Isn't balance already disrupted by Sunset's presence there, along with the sirens, who we learn were banished there in the first place? Didn't you and Starswirl [BEEP] all that up by NOT destroying the mirror when the opportunity was at hand? And you'd think a franchise centering around friendship would have all Mane Six facing this new threat together. You know more than you let on, you damn alicorn.
"Once again, you're full at [BEEP], Celestia." My gaze resumed on the rippling mirror. "Let me worry about balance, I'll go in there to retrieve the crown before the day is done."
"But this is Twilight's task, and hers alone-"
"I know what's on the other side." I snapped, not harshly I might add, to Luna, looking over the observant mares and dragon. "As a human, I have more knowledge about this alternate world than any of you. It's wiser to send someone who has a higher understanding how that world works than someone in complete ignorance, just to clean up someone's mess." To her credit, Celestia didn't even flinch. "Spike, the fake crown." The dragon hurriedly nodded, throwing the fake item as I caught it with ease, hiding it within a pocket of beneath my cape.
"And how, might I ask, do you know exactly what's on the other side?" Cadence inquired curiously, while the Mane Six and Spike's eyes widened in understanding. Yes, unlike the tall alicorns, they knew about their world being a fictional creation, so naturally I would have future knowledge and how best to overcome this new obstacle.
"Specter told me." I lied, before stepping forward and-
"Jack, I'm coming with you." What? Twilight joined me at the mirror entrance, eyes firm and determined. "The crown is my responsibility. Without it, the Elements of Harmony will be powerless, and Equestria will be in danger."
Absolutely not. "Twilight-"
"Jack." Uh oh. She's giving me that look. Sparkling eyes blazed in resolve, muzzle thin and expression unwavering. "Don't argue with me on this one. I've been through worse, how bad can it be?"
I have a list if you want one.
...Fine.
"Alright."
Twilight nodded in gratitude, before looking back at the concerned others, smiling reassuringly, "We'll be back soon."
"Good luck Twi, Star." Applejack said.
"We're counting on you."
"You guys got this!"
"I hope nothing bad happens for you two."
"We'll throw a party when you guys come back!"
Heh. Our serious expressions broke into small smiles at the optimism. I'm gonna need a LOT of positivism for what comes next. You gals are the best...
Kill me.
"Time is of the essence." Luna added, producing a magic cloud showing the night sky. "On the third day, when the moon reaches the peak in the night sky, the gateway will close. And once it does, it'll be another thirty moons before you could possibly return."
Well, since I have no idea how 'thirty moons' works, I'm not too worried... Oh wait, yes I am. I'm going to be stuck in the EQG universe otherwise. I'd much rather die.
Frowning again, I glanced at Twilight, who, wearing two backpacks, stared straight into the mirror. "Are you sure you want to do this?"
She nodded, smiling lightly, "Of course. Besides, I've got you to guide me through that world and in case anything bad happens, right?"
...Shaking my head fondly, I whispered in small humour, "Your funeral." Before stepping into the dreaded portal first, so at least Twilight and Spike - who obviously will follow us - would have something soft to land on.
Blue skaddo we can too.
...Ugh!
What a joy to wake up to; the sound of screaming. Right in my ears.
Though, upon recognizing whose scream that was, my eyes instantly opened, greeted by the mare kneeling on top of me.
Or to be more accurate here, teenager.
Blinking rapidly to check if it was a dream, I was disgruntled to be confirmed that this wasn't a hallucination and we were, in fact, now inside the movie. Terrific. What more could you want?
Twilight was panickingly inspecting her hands and then legs, before Spike spoke up as the voice of reason, "Twilight, you have to get it together."
And to get off me...
Oof! Her clenched hands on my chest, Twilight took a deep inhale before asking the dragon-now-turned-dog, "What does the rest of me look like?"
Don't worry Twilight, I'm internally screaming in terror about being here too.
"Still like a purple Goddess..." Purple eyes glanced down in surprise at me, prompting my chuckle, "Heheh, don't worry love, you're still a sight to behold, even here." That was one thing I couldn't hold against the movie, but that list is marginally thin.
"Ja-Jack?" Twilight asked hesitantly, before realizing our position and blushing madly, redness covering her beautiful features. Crawling off my body, I breathed in sweet release. Full air, at last.
Sitting up, I smiled reassuringly at the panicked girl, "Are you alright?"
"I- I don't know!" Twilight replied, checking her own body thoroughly again. "What exactly am I...?"
"Welcome to planet Earth, Twilight." Or at least an imitation of one. Standing up - oh it felt GREAT to be on two feet normally again - balancing myself, having not stood on two limbs exclusively for so long, I held out a hand for Twilight. Regarding it curiously, she accepted the offer, and I carefully pulled her up and- "Whoa, easy there." I added while firmly grabbing her shoulder to support her, as Twilight almost fell down in surprise. "This might take some getting use to."
"Wait... 'Earth?!'"
"Yep."
"So... I'm now a human?" Twilight was now observing her limbs in interest, expression of confusion and worry melting into intrigue and curiosity.
"Bingo." Now then, time to inspect the damage. Still supporting the troubled teen, I began inspecting myself through the large mirror we came from, under a horse statue. Oh. Oh God. I look hideous. I feel dirty.
Hair's a mess, what else is new. Eyes are much smaller, but still big enough to be mistaken for anime eyes. And look, the mirror was kind enough to provide us clothes. That was nice of it. Although... I like the coat, aside from the infuriating cutie mark split half between the jacket. Blue buttoned shirt, dark grey belt, black trousers and... Sneakers? With laces? [BEEP] me. I can't tie laces for [BEEP]. And I'm pretty sure balance can't help me there.
I don't need to describe Twilight's attire, as we shamefully all know what exactly everyone wears in this Godforsaken world.
Now, about this mirror... Where did it come from? The statue and mirrors were clearly designed for the school behind us, correct? So how and why is this reflection connected to Equestria? When did it happen? Another plothole about this film that is left totally unclear.
"So this is your world, Stardust?" Spike inquired, addressing me with a note of wonder.
...
"Hmm." I began sourly, motioning to the whole place. "A good question, Spike. Even though this looks like my world, there are buildings and cars like my world, and everyone walks and talks like the people in my world." I pointed at a particular man walking his dog away from the school for some reason. "There are rainbow-coloured stereotypes behaving like cliches and making a mockery of the human race, so it's clearly NOT my everyday normal world!"
I could go back right now, and leave Twilight and Spike to this mess. But an emotion named affection prevented me otherwise; I was doing this for them. And more specifically Twilight.
Spike shied away at the yell.
But I was hardly finished. "WHY does this make me so angry? Well it just begs the question: What the [BEEP] was the point of there being an alternate human dimension anyway?! Aside from Hasbro finding an excuse to sell some creepy-looking dolls and mind-numbing song numbers!"
Hell, I'd rather watch a trilogy of movies about Spike. Yes, they should have been about Spike! He goes on some epic journey that will save the world and finally give this dragon the respect and love from the fans he deserves! I'd rather see that than an animated High School Musical with ponies only at the beginning and end!
"Jack, calm down." Before I knew it, Twilight was right in my face, eyes pleading for calmness. "We can settle your issues with this world later, but right now, we must find the crown and take it back." She motioned to the atrocious building I reluctantly even spared a glance at, "I have a feeling it's somewhere in there."
Ah, right yes, priorities.
Let's just get this over with.
"Your intuition's correct, Twilight." I nodded and sighed in grief, "Come on. Walk like this." Carefully, I showed the learning teen how exactly to walk like a human as we headed towards the front doors, letting the girl lean on me for support. And eventually, she started getting the hang of it, walking up the stairs towards the door herself. "There you go! Good job!" She grinned bashfully, before heading forward and- "No Twilight wait!"
Ouch... That wasn't even funny.
"Are you alright?" I asked immediately, meeting her at the door.
Twilight nodded after clearing her head, eyes closed and concentrated. Before gasping in realization, "My magic... Isn't working."
Folding my arms, I pointed to her forehead, "I told you once that magic doesn't exist on Earth, as proof with your now-absent horn."
"What?!" She pulled at her hair, once again, in panic.
"It's not too late to turn back-"
"No Jack."
"Oh alright... Well, look on the bright side," Though I wasn't really one to talk about positivism in this situation. "This way you can learn to be more practical, and stop relying on magic twenty-four seven." Walking past her, my arm reached out to hold the door open for them - Which opened on the inside for some stupid [BEEP] reason - and bowed formally, "Welcome to Canterlot High; home of every high school movie ever."
And much much worse.
I followed after the two inside, gazing around the offensive building with ill-concealed disgust. Already I felt the incentive to just turn around, leave and never step foot in here again. God damn, [BEEP] this place, am I right?
Of course I am.
"What do you think, guys?" Twilight said, inspecting a glass wall containing many rewarded items. "Are these artifacts she stole from Equestria?"
I couldn't help it. The sincere suspicion prompted my laugh. "Haha! No they're just trophies students have earned through their achievements." I said while joining them.
"Oh." Twilight said, rubbing her bare arm in embarrassment, before looking at me as though recalling something, "You've seen all this before, Jack, what happens now?"
As I opened my mouth to answer, the school bell responded for me. Timing. "This!" I exclaimed, holding her hand and pressing us both against the wall as wave after wave of high schoolers began pouring through the area. "Spike, get into her backpack!" The dragon-dog obliged hurriedly climbing up the teen and hiding within her open pack. "Come on!"
As quickly as possible, I pulled us through the crowd and out of the chattering herd, giving us time to breathe in relief. Thank God, another hallways away from bumping into someone I'd rather not have Twilight run into her entire time here.
This is the moment where Sentry should never have made another appearance in this film. This is also the part where the movie officially begins to fall in on itself. Broken forever. Logic and common sense compound against the film and now it is unfix-able.
I could stop my inward criticism here, but really I'm just getting started.
While the first of many horrible songs begins playing in Twilight's mind, as we explored the rather complex maze of this damn cliche building. And with every step rises another layer of contempt I hold for this abomination, Twilight being the only source of sanity I have by holding onto her hand tightly, until she pointed out I was squeezing too tightly, prompting my quick apology. Though my feelings of hate towards this school was distracted occasionally by answering Twilight's questions and observations as we explored the place.
God damn, look at all these stereotypes and so-called "cameos." Hasbro is trying its best to make this movie somewhat appealing, all for merchandise. This movie lacks the creativity and originality of the show itself: MLP is know for its bright atmosphere, colourful three-dimensional characters, complex yet entertaining stories, tackling thought-provoking issues, teaching great lessons to kids and, above all, showing that friendship will make your whole life worthwhile-
Jesus! Who let these kids ride their scooters inside the school?!
Anyway, Equestria Girls has none of that. It's just a shadow of the franchise; a stain on a otherwise gorgeous painting. It has no story, no characters - save for Twilight, Spike and, later on, Sunset - no lessons, no nothing.
Everything about this movie is just wrong.
After wandering around aimlessly, Twilight wanting to understand as much she can from this place - resorting in me preventing her from walking into the boy's bathroom - I even had to comfort the nervous teen occasionally before suggesting we continue walking. Really I had no destination in mind, though I did know what came next.
And as luck - If you can call anything fortunate here - would have it, we were greeted by the next boring scene.
"Oh, I'm really sorry." A familiar voice spoke up from around the corner, prompting our exchanged surprised glances. "I- I just found it and- and thought I should give it to her." We immediately walked over, looking down the other hallway and finding the source of the voice. "I didn't know that you had dropped it."
"Found them." I whispered in triumph, inciting Twilight and Spike's curious glances.
"Well, I did and I was about to get it before you swooped in and ruined everything!" Sunset replied accusingly, pointing at the frightened human Fluttershy. The same Fluttershy who that guy from Bronies React - James, I think his name was - immediately and amusedly fell in love with. "You shouldn't pick up things that don't belong to you."
Hypocritical [BEEP]...
"It- It doesn't really belong to you either?" Was that sass? That counted as sass. But Sunset took Fluttershy's observation rather harshly, getting up in the girl's face menacingly.
"Excuse me?"
"Nothing..."
"That's what I thought. It's as good as mine and you know it! You really are pathetic, no wonder all your best friends are stray animals."
Okay, mockery of her own pony counterpart or not, no version of anyone deserves to be treated like that - except for Sentry, but he's not here - most of all Fluttershy. My fists clenched, but Twilight, in all her protective glory, decided she heard enough first, and I smirked proudly as the pony-teen intervened. "How dare you speak to her that way!" You go girl!
Sunset, however, shared a different opinion, looking behind her at the fuming Twilight in disbelief, "What did you say?"
Catfight on the horizon!
You wish.
"I said," Twilight repeated herself as the two girls approached one another and had a glare-down, "How dare you speak to her that way!"
"...You must be new here." Sunset then summarized, flicking up Twilight's face, inciting my low growl, before she smugly walked by and announced, "I can speak to anyone anyway I want." Emphasized by glaring one guy into hiding in his locker.
Scoffing, I walked past the eyebrow-raising girl myself, "Cowards as they all may be, at least they're not a [BEEP]."
Several loud gasps.
"What... What did you just call me?!"
Sombra was chuckling, apparently greatly amused. What? I only made a beeping noise.
But playing it smoothly, I shrugged and replied without looking behind at the girl, "You heard me." And I heard feet stomping off in irritation, grinning in satisfaction myself, before addressing the human version of the shy pegasus. "Are you alright?"
"Oh um, I'm fine..." Fluttershy replied, before raising her tone slightly in awe, "I can't believe you both did that."
"I couldn't just stand there." Twilight said modestly.
"And I don't tolerate bullies." I shrugged, glancing behind just in case the "villain" was listening in.
"Well, it's just that, nobody ever stands up, much less use bad words, at Sunset Shimmer."
"Sunset Shimmer?"
"You understood what I said?" I asked while Twilight looked forward in realization and ignoring her You knew? look sent at me, looking at Fluttershy curiously. At her meek nod, I expressed my confusion. But was that possible? It seems even here my words are censored, so how-?
Only to you, boy.
Huh?
I imagined Sombra shrugging indifferently, Different worlds, different rules. Only you can hear the obnoxious bleeping here, while the humans acknowledge the abhorrent language.
...But that doesn't make any-!
"I don't think I've seen you two around here before." I heard Fluttershy then say curiously, "Did you just transfer to Canterlot High from another school?"
"Umm, yes!" Twilight said, and I pitched in helpfully.
"Yes, my girlfriend and I." I wrapped an arm around Twilight's shoulder, grinning proudly as she blushed shyly, "Just transferred all the way from Glossopdale Community College, and we're already excited to be here!"
Never thought I'd use the name of my old school for any reason once again.
"We are?" Spike whispered.
"Shut up Spike." I hastily shot back quietly through my teeth.
"That's right." Twilight nodded enthusiastically, introducing herself... By doing a weird pony motion. "My name's Twilight, and this is Stardust."
Let me show you the greetings of my people, eh Twilight? "How do you do?" I said instead, bowing politely. As much as I hate this world and everything in it - literally - I can at least show SOME formality to human Fluttershy, who, even here, I can't really be mad at.
"I'm... Fluttershy."
...Are you for real?
"Sorry, what was that?" Twilight asked.
Hasbro, are you serious right now? We're doing all this again?
"It's Fluttershy..."
Okay, nostalgia is one thing. This is another. You can't introduce different versions of the same characters, who are far less developed than their pony counterparts, we've come to known and love all over again in the SAME manner. At least show SOME originality here!
"It sounds like you're saying Fluttershy but... How is that possible?" Twilight asked, looking at me for some explanation.
"Alternate universe." I answered back quietly, before our balance was disrupted by Fluttershy almost tripping us over from her excitement at seeing Spike.
"Oh my goodness!" I shook my head after making sure neither of us fell, the yellow kneeling teen now gushing over the ecstatic dog. "Who's this sweet little guy?"
They even made the human Mane Six somehow dull and uninteresting. How is that possible?!
"That's Spike. My uh, dog."
"Smooth Twilight." I answered in amusement, inwardly hating everything around me.
"Oh! He's so cute! Go on, eat up little pup." Spike happily munched on the offered treat. "Aw, wouldn't you just give anything to know what they're thinking?"
"He usually just tells us." Twilight answered, and I refrained from laughing while Spike panicking-ly waved at Twilight.
"W-What do you mean?" Spike answered Fluttershy's confusion with loud barking, and I covered my smirk.
"Princess of Discretion, eh Twilight?"
She gave me a side-look, before laughing nervously. "Oh, heh, nothing. Never mind. Sunset Shimmer said you picked something up. Something that belonged to her. It wasn't a crown, was it?"
And as we finally move on with the laughable plot of this movie, Fluttershy having taken the crown to the Principal's office earlier instead of questioning where the hell it came from, and then pointed us in the right direction, I could only groan and rub my forehead in disbelief at the words, "Principal Celestia."
...[BEEP] this movie.
While Twilight discussed with the Principal of this school, I waited outside the office, letting her do all the talking. The further I stay clear from scary-face - As one would describe human Celestia perfectly - The better. I mean by God, that face...
It's the face of nightmares.
"You asked me if I was interested in running for Princess. Can anyone run?" Ah, that was quick. Twilight exited the room with that human parasite standing by the doorway, and I quickly moved away from Celestia's line of vision, refusing to even look at it.
Harsh. I approve.
"Yes." Celestia answered Twilight's question informatively, "You just need to let the Head of the Fall Formal Planning Committee know you'd like to be on the ballet."
But... Wouldn't that imply that anyone can participate even if they're NOT a student? No wonder Twilight won!
Even in this world, human Celestia has the competence of a malfunctioning steamroller.
"Was there anything else?"
"Erm, nope." Twilight grinned sheepishly, "That was it!"
"Well if you do need anything else, my door is always open."
"How nice of you." I muttered dryly as said door was closed, approaching the waiting teen, "Learnt about that dance thing they're doing?"
Twilight blinked, "How do you- Oh, right." She shook her head, "I could've just asked you about it."
I shrugged, "It was likely 'Principal' Celestia knew more about it than I, love." As we began walking down through various hallways, "So, what's our next move?"
As we arrived at the large entrance of the school building, somehow, Twilight looked at me curiously, "Wouldn't you know what we do next?"
"I'm just curious to your answer." And I'm trying my best to forget about this accursed world as much as possible, but that was seemingly impossible right about now.
"Hm, well, it looks like if I want my crown back," Her voice and expression rose determinedly, "I'll have to become Princess of the Canterlot High Fall Formal. So that's what I'm gonna do!"
Alright, but before doing so.
"Now, we could do that," I began, standing in front of the observant teen and announcing my own plan to retrieve the Element, "Or we could- Hang on!"
As the bell then suddenly rang, I immediately pulled the two away from the crowded appearing students - How the [BEEP] do they turn up so fast - and at a safe distance in another hallway.
"Now, you could do that." I repeated myself to Twilight, briefly glancing around for any eavesdroppers. "Or, here's a better idea. Why don't we just steal the crown? Replace it with the fake one Sunset used in our world. Hang on." I checked around my pockets - Yep, it's in the inside pocket of my coat - and continued satisfactory, "And then trick Sunset into thinking we brought the real one back to Equestria, and lure her there so we can bring her to justice. And voila! Everything's solved." Folding my arms, I nodded at my own plan.
Twilight, however, expressed reluctance at my idea, shaking her head, "No." No? I frowned, prompting her sheepish grin. "Not that it's a bad plan, Jack, but... That wouldn't really make us any better than Sunset Shimmer if we just do the same things she's done."
"...You know I don't believe in morality, right?"
"But I do." Twilight looked up in resolve, "We shouldn't lower ourselves to her level. We have to do things the right way."
Or the convoluted way. Sighing, I nodded, "Alright." She smiled appreciatively, "We'll do things your way, Twilight. But pardon me if I'm not fond over staying around this place any longer." At her questioning look, I shrugged rather defensively, "Long story."
"So then, how are we gonna get Twilight to become the Princess here?" Spike asked, poking his head out of the backpack the entire time, inciting Twilight to rub her chin thoughtfully.
"Jack, you've seen this all happen before, right? What's our next move?"
Unpleasant memories began unwrapping like banana peels, "Give me a moment..."
"We need to hurry." Twilight insisted.
"Hey, it's hard to remember when repressing memories about this damn movie." I shot back, not unkindly, before thinking hard about it... And then recalling. "I think... The cafeteria. There we go ask Fluttershy about where to apply for the Fall Formal competition."
And, for once the movie does something right, we followed the majority of the students who were heading down towards the location of free food. Good thing too, I'm pretty [BEEP] hungry. And luckily, Fluttershy was looking to get her lunch last, leaving us a grand opportunity to converse with her. As Twilight began gaining information, which accidentally caused the yellow teen to spill juice on the surprised Princess, I found myself scoffing loudly at the many recognizable people.
The Crusaders - I thought this was a high school? - Trixie, and so many others. Jesus Christ, it's like a collection of walking talking mannequins.
"Why is everypony- Uhh, everybody separated this way?" Twilight asked as we found a table.
"Because they're horribly written stereotypes made for the purpose of selling cheap merchandise." I quipped matter-of-factly, prompting Fluttershy's confused expression. "Kidding. Please, go on."
The yellow teenager happily gave us directions to the school hall after we finished our meals - for some reason, I couldn't bring myself to eat the burger - where we would find the head of the planning committee. Oh thank God, because the sooner we get this all over with, the sooner I can go home and drown myself in soda. At the location, we were then assaulted by a cheery human Pinkie Pie and her party confetti. Brushing the stuff off us, the happy-go-lucky teen introduced herself, and as they conversed I waited for the next of the "Human Six" to show up.
But not before helping Twilight sign the board offered by human Pinkie the way we do it. My moment of amusement was cut off when the teen pointed out that, even with my help, the spelling was still appalling to look at, prompting Twilight to giggle behind her hand at my disbelief.
Finally, Applejack and her brother showed up. And just the sight of her attire brought up another thing about this movie.
Now, I was never fond of skirts. Fluttershy and Rarity wearing them? Yes, that's fine. Pinkie and Twilight? Errr interesting, I guess. But Rainbow and Applejack? Not really practical when it comes to sports or hard labour - specifically farmwork - correct? Hasbro clearly just wanted to make them as appealing as possible.
Then eyes glanced over at the orange fizzy drinks, and I was greeted by the emotion of longing.
"Hey, I know you." Applejack then said upon spotting us.
"You do?" Twilight asked curiously.
"Sure, you're the new girl who gave Sunset Shimmer the what-for today. And you're the guy who smack-talked her with soap-mouth-washing language."
Well, I aim to please. I smirked faintly that my tale of exploits have been heard. No wonder many eyes were drawn uncomfortably in my direction at the cafeteria.
Oh, and we also learn here that human Rainbow is the captain of practically everything in this school for no reason at all. But that's not important, Twilight's signed up to the Fall Formal, now we can move on, though I waited for their conversation to finish before doing so.
By practically bolting after Twilight said Applejack's name before the latter could even introduce herself.
"So," Twilight asked when we reached a safe distance, once again wandering aimlessly, "Where and what do we do next?"
Hell if I know. "Let me think..." I said quietly, eyes finding every opportunity to glare at the stereotypes around us. "I think... The library. Yes, that's where we go next."
At this, Twilight's eyes widened, for the first time this day showing excitement, "There's a library here?"
Can't fault her. "All schools have a library... On Earth anyway." I added in amusement.
"Great! Let's go!" Whoa, hey there! My hand was suddenly clutched by the enthusiastic pony-turned-human's own, Twilight pulling me through the hallways to find our destination. "Imagine, I can find more information about your world in there. Not that you haven't given me enough about it." She added hastily, as though I'd be offended.
Instead, I was disgruntled about another statement. "This isn't my world..." I grumbled sourly as we turned a corner, arriving in a dark hallway.
Literally, the whole area was shadowed, the lights flicking and buzzing, and no student was visibly in there... Until she revealed herself.
"Can't believe I didn't recognize you earlier." Sunset commented snidely from behind us, and we turned to face the smug teen. "Should've known Princess Celestia would send her prized pupil here after my crown. And her rude boyfriend and little dog too."
Yeah, about that. How did you even KNOW about Twilight or the crown? When you began and ceased being Celestia's student is a mystery and, quite frankly, doesn't make any sense in the continuity of the show.
Oh right, Hasbro wasn't thinking straight when making this flick, just a blank dollar sign.
"It's MY crown." Twilight retorted, glaring disdainfully at the unfazed girl.
"You had no right to take it." I added in agreement, folding my arms - God how I missed doing that - defiantly.
"Whatever." Sunset waved dismissively, circling around us under the delusion she's a predator toying with her prey. "It's just a minor setback for me." I scoffed. "You don't know the first thing about this place, and I already rule it."
I caught Twilight's brief glance at me before she responded, "I know enough. And besides, why bother even taking my crown if you already rule this place? You went to an awful lot of trouble to switch it with the one that belongs here."
And for that matter, why was the entire school apparently intimidated by you? What could Sunset have done or do to frighten the student body? Does she have dirt on everyone? Does she threaten people by blackmail? Fraud? Everyone just seems to cower or flee from this girl for no reason at all, because we're not told exactly why they're all afraid of her.
"Pop quiz: What happens when you bring an Element of Harmony into an alternate world?" You transform into some sort of demon that contradicts the power said Element of Harmony holds? "You don't know?" Sunset mocked Twilight's ignorance, "Seriously?" Followed by obnoxious 'evil' laughter. "And you're suppose to be Princess Celestia's star student?"
Does this little girl ever shut up?
"She's a greater student than you can ever hope to be, Miss Shimmer." I shot at her heatedly, defending the frowning purple teen, "At least she stayed loyal to her mentor and studies, instead of abandoning them and leaving the cowardly way."
For a moment, that seemed to be quite effective. A wave of hatred emerged on her expression, before it quickly dissipated to coldness. "Oh my poor naive 'friend.' You don't know what you're talking about."
"Leave him alone, Sunset." Twilight demanded while Spike barked in agreement, prompting my surprised look. No need to stick up for me, but I appreciate it love. "This is between you and me."
"Whatever you say." Sunset scoffed, before pointing at us, "Although, I'd suggest you keep your dog and boyfriend's mouths shut. Pets aren't really allowed in here, nor foul language."
"Is that a threat?" Spike retorted defiantly, and I felt a wave of pride at his resolve. That dragon really has grown up to be more braver.
"Oh of course not." The dark yellow teen cooed mockingly, unfazed by Spike's next threatening bark, "Just cut down on the chatter. We don't, after all, want everyone to know you three don't belong here, now would we?"
Bah. Her threats are as empty as my soul.
For once, we might agree on something, Sombra...
"You wanna be a Princess here? Puh-lease." Is it just me or are her words beginning to bore me? Right now I'm more concerned about why the lights in this hallway haven't been fixed yet now or in the next movie. Someone could get seriously hurt in here. "You don't know the first thing about fitting in."
And finally she leaves! Thank God, there was so much cliche villain dialogue I could take.
But, even in the dark I could see that look of depression. "Twilight." Said teen gazed at me questionably, and I placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, smiling reassuringly, even if she couldn't see it. "One thing I do know more than anything about being here, is that you win in the end regardless. Don't let her words get to you."
"Are you sure?" Twilight asked hopefully, while we walked away from the dark hallway that seriously needed to be repaired as quickly as possible.
"Of course. You trust me right?"
"Without a doubt."
...The way she said it so matter-of-factly too.
Unable to repress the grin, I motioned forward. "Come on, we have a library to visit."
So after a small mishap with a vending machine - Don't ask, it was a pointless moment - We finally discovered the library, to Twilight's delight and my immense relief. At last, somewhere peaceful! No student would dare cause a ruckus in a school library unless they want to get in trouble. I was greeted by the oh-so welcoming countless shelves of rows of books.
And most importantly, computers.
Oh how I missed you, my technological friends!
My only nitpick here - Only one? That's a first - Why was Cheerilee the librarian and not, say, an English teacher here? Ah [BEEP] it. Taking my own seat next to Twilight, we started getting to work on these beautiful machines, myself instructing the curious teen how to operate the PC.
All was going well, save for one thing that caused me to shake my head in irritation.
Three human crusaders rocking out to loud music from the other side of the room. Thankfully, before I could go over there and scold them for it, Cheerilee did the job for me. "Girls, what are you doing?" She asked sternly after turning off the speaker.
"We're just seeing how many hits our new music video has gotten." By playing said video? Makes sense.
"No." Cheerilee then said firmly after stopping the obnoxious music again, unplugging the speaker. "Just, no."
Hey, that's my thoughts on this movie in a nutshell.
After the girls finally left, leaving things to peace and silence, I couldn't resist shaking my head again, this time fondly, at Twilight's attempt of using the keyboard. "Heheh, no Twilight." I reached out, gently unclenching her fists and guiding her fingers across the device, smirking slightly at her blush and refraining myself from stammering. "A keyboard is... Well it's like a piano. You have to be delicate, pressing one key at a time." Heeding that advice, she was already getting the hang of it. I smiled proudly, "See? You're doing great love!"
...Was I being... [BEEP] enthusiastic... In Equestria Girls?! Twilight you've made me too soft.
The learning teenager, however, seemed to be enjoying yourself, grinning proudly. And I nodded, confident she was capable of handling the mouse and keyboard fully now, returning to my own PC, "If you need help, just say so. Now then, where should we start?"
The entire half hour was spent with pure research, myself showing Twilight how to access the world wide web and showing which websites will be most useful for her to gain information from about this world. And as she worked, I felt a weird sensation. Pride. As though I was happy to show her the workings of my own world... Or at least a mockery of both my world and hers.
Huh.
Well, some good news at least; this world had its own Wikipedia, Google and Youtube. But I was more concerned whether this world had its own Facebook, or, in some vain hope, Fanfiction. Though I doubt Twilight would likely appreciate me just reading fictional work while we're here.
Afterwards, I helped Twilight pick out the necessary books to aid our research, carrying them across the room to a vacant desk. And as we read, I often glanced at the girl, who was so deep entranced in her findings to notice my staring. Her eyes were sparkling in wonder and awe, hungry for more information about an entire new world; the kinds of things I couldn't describe about my world to her during my time in Equestria. Though I felt a sting of disappointment in myself for not providing enough info to her, just seeing how happy she was, enjoying her time here, had me smile myself, ignoring the wistful look on Spike's face.
Twilight Sparkle. The one good thing about this whole movie...
Hmm. Too mesmerized by her to notice you're being spied upon.
Yeah... Wait what?
My head jerked up, the sudden action prompting Twilight to glance at me questionably. Sombra clarified in my mind through an indifferent voice.
Indeed. Two children are observing your progress, holding what your kind calls "cellphones" and pointing them in your direction.
Two children... Oh!
God dammit!
"I'm an idiot..." I said, facepalming myself in self-disgust. How could I forget that? Oh right, I try to forget this movie as much as humanly possible. At Twilight's confused look, I grinned sheepishly, "Excuse me for one moment love. I'll be right back." She nodded, eagerly resuming to read the pages below her eyes. I stood up, glancing around discreetly.
Where are they, Sombra?
Your problem. Not mine. Find them yourself.
...I think I already have. Though I may have been distracted earlier, even I could hear the snickering from behind the nearby bookshelf. Frowning in annoyance, I briskly walked around said bookshelf at the other side, intending to catch the two boys by surprise.
It worked.
The human Snips and Snails failed to notice until they stopped recording Twilight on their phones briefly, seeing a shadow over them, and yelping in surprise upon spotting me. Arms folded, finger tapping, glare hardening. Before they had time to react, my hand reached out and grabbed the scared walking pumpkin by the collar, pulling him close so our eyes could meet. They need to know they're dealing with someone much WORSE than their mistress.
Why were these two even taking orders from Sunset to begin with? What exactly did she promise them out of this? Ultimate power? A location to the fountain of youth? Did they believe her about Equestria if she told them? You'd think little brats their age would want something in return for being minions.
Unless they're just dumb-[BEEP]es.
"Tell Sunset Shimmer that I tolerate neither myself nor my girlfriend being spied on. And if I ever see you two doing this again." My tone lowered, "Well... Let's just pray I don't catch you doing this again, shall we?"
Snips nodded wildly, and I released the fat kid, inclining my head to the exit, "Now [BEEP] off, both of you." They obliged without hesitation, fleeing from the library as though their lives depended on it.
Teenagers. They always cower when someone much taller threatens them.
Nodding in satisfaction, I returned to where Twilight was, who had remained oblivious to the whole thing. "Sorry about that." I spoke up, prompting her glance. "Seems Sunset sent a couple of spies. Don't worry, I took care of them." I added after seeing her look. "So then, where were we?"
At last, the day was over.
But the bad news, we have to spend the night in this world. Huzzah.
No one even bothering to check if two people and their dog were still inside the building, Spike conveniently created two beds next to each other for us... Entirely made out of books. "Well, not that I'm not flattered Spike, but out of respect for books in general, I'll decline from sleeping there. You can have it." Shrugging casually, the dog leaped onto the "bed" with a blue cover, while Twilight approached her own makeshift "bed."
...Y'know, you'd think that a high school would have something known as SECURITY SURVEILLANCE. No cameras? Anywhere? How was Twilight never caught doing this the next day?
Ugh, this movie gives me a migraine. I need to get some shut eye...
"It's perfect, Spike." Twilight said gratefully to the pleased dog, scratching his head and belly playfully, and I couldn't resist smiling at the sight.
"So, how did your research go?"
"I found this book." She held up the big blue book in question, "It's called a 'Year Book.'" Ah, one of those. "It seems to be something they use to keep a record of things that happened at the school."
Well good for them.
"Look." She motioned us to see. I glanced over the top of the pages to view it. "That's Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Fluttershy and I'm gonna bet the girl on the far right is Rarity."
"Really? What gave it away?" I asked dryly.
Spike, however, was more enthusiastic about it, snatching the book and wagging his tail, "There's a Rarity here?!" Yeah but humans don't date dogs, Spike, sorry.
But they do date ponies, hmm?
Ignoring that...
"It's interesting because they look like they're friends." Twilight said thoughtfully after regaining the book, frowning at the photo of the much younger teens.
"They do look like our friends." Don't remind me Spike... "But I thought we figured that out already."
"No, I mean... They look like they're friends with each other. But it doesn't seem like they're friends now."
"It happens." I finally decided to seat down, leaning like this was killing my back, speaking to the bothered Twilight. "I told you that on Earth - even here - friendships usually don't last forever. People move on. Not everything that happens in Equestria will happen here love."
"Yeah but," Twilight laid down on her temporary 'bed.' "I just can't help but shake the feeling that Sunset Shimmer had something to do with it." Then purple eyes glanced at me curiously, "Right?"
"...Yes, I think she was involved in ruining their friendship." I admitted, as Spike placed the blanket over the teen, "I can't remember the specifics, but we'll find out more tomorrow."
Spike then pointed out, "But she wanted your crown because she's planning on doing something even worse! You're gonna have to focus on making friends here, not worry why these girls aren't friends anymore." I snorted, prompting their looks of confusion.
As if.
"Yeah trust me, her plan isn't really something to take seriously." I reassured them, "Let's just focus on getting back the crown. But first, let's get some rest, alright?"
"...You're right, guys." Twilight said, resting an arm around the snuggling dog. "Eyes on the prize." Atta girl. "...Hey Jack?"
Hm? "Yeah?"
"How exactly will we get my crown back?"
Ah. I smiled gently, "By winning the Fall Formal, of course." Can't believe I even remember the name of that thing.
"Yeah, but how?" Twilight insisted, "How do we win it?"
"Hell if I know." I shrugged, prompting her frown. I sighed tiredly, "Twilight, I don't recall every little detail about this damn film. It'll all come together should we stick on the original path, which seems to be the case here. I'm gonna go and put away the books we left out on the desk. Goodnight my dear."
Hm?
Yet before I could up and leave, a soft hand pulled at my arm, inciting me to look at the concerned Twilight. She was sitting up briefly, "Jack, are you going to tell me what's wrong? You've been on edge ever since we arrived in this world."
"Is it that obvious?" I smiled faintly.
Twilight returned the gesture, "To me it is."
It didn't matter. Not in the long run. But Twilight wanted me to be honest with her...
"I just... I..." How best to put this. "This school brings back... Memories of my own time at my old school..." Understanding then flashed in her sparkly entrancing eyes. Yes, I remember telling Twilight everything about my time in high school.
And then the girl expressed sympathy, "You can go back to Equestria if you want."
Not having it. "I'm not leaving you here." Was my firm response, gently holding her reaching hand in my own. "My suffering aside. You're more important to me than some bad memories." At her flattered smile, I couldn't help but smirk. "Besides, what kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn't support the girl of my dreams?"
Haha! Oh how fun it was to see Twilight turn ten shades of red.
The girl shyly looked away at the praise, her smile now a small grin. "Well if that's what you want... Then I'm glad you're here with me. Both you and Spike."
"I'll tell you more about why I despise this world another time, darling."
At that, Twilight raised an amused brow, "'Darling?' Have you been hanging out with Rarity?"
"Perish the thought." I replied jokingly. Then, I leaned down and, without any embarrassment on my part, kissed the flushing teen's forehead. "Goodnight... My Princess."
Our foreheads rested on each other for a brief moment, a moment which I never wanted to end. "Sleep well... My Warrior." Twilight spoke in soft bliss.
End me with fire.
Eventually, I stood up, walking away to allow the two some rest. It was a big day tomorrow... One I honestly wasn't looking forward to, but hey, what're you gonna do?
...I needed a Plan B, soon.
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I LOVED IT, Oh I can't wait to see the rest of the Movie chapters, heck I can't wait to see the OTHER TWO movies done up for this story of your's, I bet your sister will be on your case for that, anyway Keep up the GREAT work.
I think Stardust is going to ruined everything by just glossing over what is supposed to happen by the number, and neglect the social interactions necessary to create bond between people. I had always thought that the point of Equestria Girls for TS to be sent alone, was to learn to stand up on her own and put into practice all social skills that she has learned and developed during her stay in Ponyville, from her friends; to know how to make allies and how to motivate people to get involved in social activities.
THIS WAS GREAT even if i hate hateee HATE this movie. ok? you did gud
7375768 Oh come now, what more harm can Stardust possibly do to a story that's already ruined itself?
Gonna be honest here. Sombras headlines are just the best thing ever. Just need him and Spectre to redesign the mindscape into a party cellar wirh a pool table for the ultimate dbza easter egg :D
Also regarding the missing backstory at the neginning regarding sunset and the mirror. There ate actually 2 Comics telling the backstory of both. The Sunset one might have been a bit lacking but the one about the mirror was actually quiete good. I recommend it.
7375773 I am not a big fan of EG either, but recklessly bulldozing his way though thought the situation with no regard to his actions might make him do something that will compromise the mission or put him out of the game. he hasn't really assets the situation and just think he understand what is happening around him just because he bore witness to the future even doesn't mean he know everything that happened during that time. His arrogances and presumption will cost him dearly.
7375804 The thing is, relying on other source of media to answer questions that have been left unexplored in the movie itself isn't an excuse. I shouldn't have to read a comic book to understand what's going on in a movie. Additionally, I have no interest in reading the comics.
7375818 and I never said I see it any different :D I just thought you may have been intrested in it, because in my opinion they were quiet enjoyable.
But regardless keep it up and let the Sombra commends flow they literally made my day
Why isn't there an Equestria Girls tag?
7375879 Probably because the majority of the fic will be base din Equestria.
Purrrfect! Nice chapter, finally he goes into Equestria Gir-blagh!
Anyway.
You forgot the tiny detail... Why didn't she just told Celestia the crown was hers and gave her the one that was meant for the competition? Well, it could have or it could have not work. But it was an idea. After all, why would they give up a crown made of crystal and gold randomly(does the school even cover that kind of expenses?) or would they just don't believe in them? Heck, why don't just tell her she is from another world and show her Spike and tell her about the portal and just end it. After all, in the end all of them will know the truth so it won't have made much of a difference. That, and do Principal Celestia ignore Sunset Shimmer bulling everyone? Surely she would hav,.. Oh, sorry. Forgot who I was talking about. My bad. Obviously she is like her counterpart in every way. At least they could have asked for help from Luna no? Meh. What is done is done :P
P.S mooooar!
7376556 Look at you, putting more thought into this plot than Hasbro did!
7377199
LE GASP!
Did you just compare me to Hasbro!? That is the worse insult I have been told in my entire life! 
At this, I went "Wait, what?" This was actually the point where I had stopped watching this when I first tried to go through the thing. So I went on Netflix, sighed, said "Let's get this over with," and went to the movie, which I originally attempted to watch on TV, not Netflix. After a minute of searching, I found that the doors are, indeed, a fire hazard.
Also, here.
I've been tossing things far worse than EQG your way for a while. If this doesn't get you, I quit.
Edit: So it was falsely claimed by copyright, so here's the dialymotion link: http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x4jyn29
yyaaaaaayyy a second voice that is pestering him...........
so Luna only needs to rise the moon several times really fast in one night to activate the portal? I had to think about it since she is doing the thing with the moon not the moon itself.
that's exactly the most awesome thing that he could do in my opinion, anything more awesome of badass looks unrealistic to me right now.
Well otherwise the chapter itself was nice as usual, and I'm somehow expecting Rarity to totally react to her having a boyfriends, since it usually matters way to much in such movies.
OK in preparation of the AJBS adaptation of Friendship Games (also because I'm bored) I decided to re-read the EG adaptation to see if I still don't like it. I also made sure to actually re-watch the movie this time since It's been a long time since I watched it. Okay lets do this.
And we start off with Stardust immediately criticizing the movie and by criticize I mean nitpicking the hell out of it along with some general complaining. Actually the entire first section is dedicated to him complaining if it was kept to just this section it would have been fine.
Considering they gonna reintroduce them during the movie and the ponies have no real role here an introduction would be pointless. We're told everything we need to know through dialog.
Ah Flash always being hated for no real reason. Yeah lets kick his ass for being polite and doing nothing wrong that makes sense.
You know instead of thinking these questions how about actually asking them? The movie only had 70 minutes what's your excuse?
Not really a plot hole as we do not need to know these things for the sake of the story. It would be nice to know but again they had a time limit and needed to keep things moving.
You know he calls them stereotypes but nothing in the movie suggests they are any more stereotypical than their pony counterpart. So just pointless complaints I guess.
To be fair it's the show writer's fault. They could have just made it standalone with no connection to the main series but decided that would have been a little lazy. I fully approve of this choice.
I admit this scene in the movie made me chuckle.
Really giving the show more credit than it deserves, I mean it's good but it's not like the movie doesn't do anything the show wouldn't do.
This is actually a good question there is no reason for the censorship to still continue in that world since the spell shouldn't exist. However since it's not important to the plot it can't really be considered a plot hole. hah!
Weren't you just complaining about them not introducing these characters at the beginning? What the hell is the difference. Better now when they are relevant and what's wrong with having some fun with it?
They are the same characters!
I'll just chalk this up to Stardust's unreasonable hatred of Celestia and leave it at that. Personally I don't mind the character designs.
Am I the only one who went to a school that didn't provide free food?
I mean OK but Applejack isn't working so she can dress however she wants. Rainbow wears shorts under her skirt, still doesn't explain the skirt but maybe this Rainbow Dash always dresses in style.
Again externalize these questions! They are good questions dammit.
Don't really need to know just use your imagination.
Actually it emphasized to Twilight that she knew nothing about the world so not pointless.
She can be both.
It does it's called MyStable. Why not use Facebook? Because they couldn't figure out how to turn it into a horse pun!
This isn't that complicated those who associate with a bully get the same level of fear and respect as the bully.
Wait what! This you leave alone? Equestria has books, it has cameras and it definitely has Schools so how the hell can yearbooks not exist there?
Cynicism is Magic!
What is this feeling? Am I sympathizing with Stardust... no wait, it was just gas moving on.
And that's it for part 1. This was a mistake, I am exhausted now so I will read part 2 later... maybe.
8371002 *Sighs and rubs hands together.* Alright, here we go...
Oh well too bad. It's a piece of turd requiring to be dissected like a dead frog in a science lab.
Are we? Just a few moments about Twilight getting her wings and still growing accustomed to them. That's all we need? Who knew? No, a minute or two explaining their backgrounds and adventures would've been harmless and for people who have never seen the show watching this movie to get caught up better.
A forced bland love interest just for the sake of having one based on a show which thrives around the concept of friendship, not to mention to create some drama that is ultimately pointless to the whole movie. I think some ridicule is warranted.
My excuse is I shouldn't even need to ask them; a movie has to explain what's going on here and now and address any inconsistencies itself. Instead, all that's on Hasbro's mind were "MONEY! MONEY! MONEY!"
Did we... Watch the same movie? With exceptions like Twilight and Spike, everyone else were portrayed as nothing BUT stereotypes doing stereotypical high school activities and groups, including the Human Six.
I... What? It does tons of things the show knows better not to do.
They're not the same characters; different versions with varied backgrounds and aspects to their personalities.
No they're not! I'll say this again; parallel versions = Different people. It doesn't matter if they look or act the same, they're hardly the same characters we've come to know and love throughout the course of the show. They're just shallow, sleazy, walking dolls that are just a byproduct to Hasbro's greed.
Unreasonable- Jesus Christ mate, the facial designs on the adult characters of the human world are Goddamn atrocious to look at.
Good questions I shouldn't HAVE to inquire about, going back to an earlier point of mine.
Yeah, since clearly Hasbro did not in the making of this marketing tripe.
A forced comedic moment of Twilight not really examining the machine further than she would for the sake of adding Trixie in somehow.
Huh... Shame we don't see that for me to buy that. All the students show in terms of being afraid of when Sunset is around, with her "henchmen" or not.
Eh, one of the few things I honestly could care less about in comparison to the major plotholes the size of a Death Star plaguing this movie. My elementary school never had a yearbook, and high schools don't really exist in Equestria so I let that tiny nitpick slide.
Oh good, it can join the major fart cloud that is Equestria Girls.
I don't honestly know what you're trying to achieve. You have an opinion, I respect that, but I'm not gonna stop bashing these horrendous messes for what they are; soulless marketing gimmicks with no cohesive story or identifiable characters barring one or two exceptions. Like I said, just skip Friendship Games and ESPECIALLY Legends of Everfree when we get there.
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I did, I mean I guess you see them doing things you might see people do in a high school but nobody acts like a stereotype. We never see anyone acting like a typical jock or nerd and while you might see small glimpses of that it doesn't actually make them stereotypes. Basically I don't think looking like a stereotype is enough to make you a stereotype and it's only really used as a way to show that the school is currently divided making it easy to recognize these people when they start working together later on. I suppose there are other ways they could of showed this but the idea of cliques is probably the easiest and most identifiable way to pull it off.
No real point, heck some of my complaints aren't even 100% serious. I was bored so I re-read this chapter and decided it would be fun to voice my opinion on certain things. I don't even expect a response unless you really feel the need to address some of the things I say which is fair. I know I won't change your mind that's not the point of this nor do I ever expect you to change your mind considering how you view EQG this is just something I thought would be fun.
so whats the point with sombra being inside jacks head? aside from being comic relief?
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Im assuming those chapters are also going to be more 80% Stardust repeating himself almost word for word about how much he hates the movies, and 20% story? I will read them regardless, but dang we get it, you hate the movie, no need to be a broken record about it Stardust.
Later.
Eh, so that guy is the main reason Jack hates EqG. -_- Ain't it itty bitty little late to prevent that romance, though? Considering it's throughly screwed already by none other than Jack himself.
Besides, EqG deserves to exist just for Sunset alone no matter how lackluster movies themselves are.
He ain't sharpest tool in the shed, is he? I mean, what is the focal point of the scene? Which place Sunset will visit for damn sure and at the same time easiest to find and guard?
Yes, the crown and the room with it. Jack already knew where it is and could just wait nearby. But nope, let's go find that Celestia abandoned mirror.
And ffs, he already told Twi about MLP. Why not tell about potential existence of EqG and ask her to put a trap on her crown as a precaution? That would derail it for sure.
Rightfully so! That's just around two years. Not that much, seriously.