• Published 2nd Feb 2015
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A Journey Beyond Sanity - Darkwing Dust



Somehow transported from our world to Equestria, a young man unwillingly arrives in the form of an Earth Pony. Join us as we explore Stardust Balance's adventures, aiding the Mane Six throughout the seasons, discovering friendship... And love.

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Chapter Thirty-Three: Oh God, The Cutie Pox

Another day. Another typical day confined to the underground laboratory. I suppose I should be thankful that no surreal experiments were being used on me, save for the magic spells and analysis' from being hooked to the machine. As I heard Spike devouring a packet of potato chips from the side, my gaze remained focused of the thoughtful unicorn, with her back turned to me.

"Hmm..." Twilight muttered as she read the results from her advanced machine. Seriously, where and how did she get the equipment for all this? All she ever said in reply was 'these were gifts from Princess Celestia', which raised further questions than answers.

"Is that a good 'hmm' or even more curious 'hmm'?" I asked jokingly, wishing the mare would take this damn thing off my head.

"The latter." Twilight replied without skipping a beat, regarding me with a raised brow. "The results remain the same as last time. Apart from your bloodstream, there seems to be no noticeable internal differences of the body."

"Disappointed?"

"There's no other appropriate reaction to the news, Stardust." She approached and finally took the damn thing that was hooked to wires off my head. The unicorn expressed exasperation. "I suppose it's to be expected. What internally separates you from my species is the unusual symptoms in your blood. Do you know what that is?"

I have a feeling I do. "Mostly likely a connection to my uniqueness." I'm not sure if autism is noticed via blood. I wasn't a scientist. Sorry that you couldn't find anything else."

"I should be the one apologizing for wasting your time with this." The disappointed mare gestured to the whole room. "It looks like my curiosity knows no bounds."

"Twilight, spending time with you is never a waste." The evidently flattered unicorn looked away at the truthful statement. Hey, rather her moreso than anyone else in this world. "So, do you have any further questions about humanity for the day, or has your brain finally soaked up enough information?"

Oh who am I kidding? There's always something more when it came to Twilight.

"Actually-" Ya see? "-There is something else I'd like to know about, in regards to your heightened temporary abilities."

Ah. "I told you everything I knew, my dear."

"I know." Twilight threw me an amused smile. "And I'm very grateful for your cooperation. Yet we both know there's evidently more to it than that. This supposed 'balance' being the cause behind it. I've read as much as I can about the subject, but there was never any mention about the concept granting others super strength or deflect magical spells."

I shrugged. "I'm as curious about it as you are, my dear. My own theory is that it has to do with my own philosophy, but that's about it."

"Hmm." Another 'hmm', hmm? Twilight looked at me rather thoughtfully. "Could you perhaps expand that philosophy of yours a little? It could, as unlikely as it sounds, potentially provide us with more answers about these abilities of yours."

At the mere idea of sharing my ideals with someone who's clearly fascinated with it, it was my turn to look away. "I'm... not sure if I can, Twilight. My thoughts about balance is incomplete, plus I'm not sure how to articulate my ideals." I admitted. "And I think you're the first being to ever show any interest in my philosophy."

"You've never shared your ideals with anyone before?" Twilight inquired, sounding deeply curious.

I nodded, my gaze fixed on the wooden floor. "I don't prefer wasting other's time by discussing my thoughts and feelings over an elusive concept."

"Well then, good thing you never waste my time." I finally glanced up at that honest tone, the unicorn smiling at me while gesturing upwards. "I won't pressure you into telling me about it, Stardust, my love for learning aside. In the meantime, I've got some studying to do; the information you've provided to me about there being unintelligent ponies in my world is very fascinating, aside from everything else about your homeworld of course."

I smirked. "Glad I could be of service, Twilight."

"Aren't you always?" We both chuckled. "You're free from my curiosity, for now. I think we need a short break anyway. Do you have anything planned for today?"

A certain yellow meek pegasus sprung to mind. "As a matter of fact, my dear, there is someone I need to visit."


I knocked again for the second time, awaiting patiently for the shy mare to answer the door. Fluttershy, along with Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash, were among the last I've yet to spend any time with since my return to Ponyville... though I was in no hurry to interact with the last two.

At all.

While I waited, I pondered Twilight's words. Yes, there was clearly more to balance than meets the eye. In all my years of dwelling on the subject, turning it into my own ideal way of life, superhuman - or pony - abilities weren't something I believed the power of balance even granted.

My belief was that balance was the stability of the universe. Chaos and order united as one to form everlasting peace and equality across all that lives. If balance held a firm grip over my world, or Equestria's, then there would be no more wars. No more senseless killings. No backstabbing or heated debates. Everyone and everything would live together without the urge to swat a fly. Or hunt animals for sport. Everyone would live and die peacefully, as both order and chaos synchronized as one singular force that promises eternal comfort and compassion between all species.

That was balance.

If only it was possible to express these years of thoughts into words. Who knows what changes it might brings to people's lives. I wonder, would it affect any of these ponies? It obviously didn't affect Discord's...

Speaking of which, the number one mare that villain was shipped with the most answered the cottage door, kind serene eyes meeting mine. "Oh, hello Stardust. It's been a while."

"Indeed, Fluttershy." That smile of hers seemed to brighten. "I decided to visit, if you're not preoccupied of course."

"Oh, of course not." The red door opened fully, Fluttershy gesturing for me to enter. "Please, do come in. I'm sure Angel would be happy to see you as much as I am."

"Thank you." I replied evenly while accepting the invitation, following the pegasus to a table. While wlaking I felt woodland eyes on me, as small creatures from birds to squirrels with also residing in the house. Just as long as they don't touch me or possibly give me rabies, I've no quarrel with Fluttershy's choice of company.

"I was worried when you returned to Ponyville and never seemed to leave the library." The yellow mare commented from the small kitchen, as I took my place by the table. "Though Twilight did say you were busy helping her with some research."

I nodded in amusement. "That unicorn wouldn't let me leave; once that curiosity of hers begins, it never dies down."

Knowing full well I had no fondness for tea, the pegasus set her own cup and teapot down, while handing a bottle of soda towards me, to my surprise. "I know you like this drink, Stardust. So I brought some home... in case you ever decided to visit..."

"Very thoughtful of you." I commented appreciatively as the shy Fluttershy ducked her head a little, seeming to flush at the compliment. "No wonder your little woodland friends love coming here."

"W-Well... what kind of friend would I be if I wasn't aware of another's feelings?" Fluttershy asked rhetorically, a red hue still on her face while her eyes seemed to be looking in all directions but me.

"I don't know, Rainbow Dash?" I chuckled at my own joke, yet the pegasus merely smiled while pouring a drink into her cup. "So, you've been well then?"

"Oh yes, very well, thank you for asking." Finally her blue kind eyes glanced up at me. "What about you, did you have a nice time in Canterlot, with the Princess?"

"In Canterlot? Yes. With Celestia? No." Fluttershy's smile lowered a little; the entire Mane Six would know of my disdain for the alicorn by now. I pulled the lid off the bottle, downing the delicious drink with a gulp before continuing in satisfaction. "That hits the stuff. I should visit you more often, Fluttershy."

Twilight, knowing of my unrestrained love for the fizzy drink, rarely had any at home, saying she was concerned and didn't want me to feel sick from drinking constant soda.

I responded, of course, with the appropriate mocking question of her being my mother.

"That would be nice..." Okay, now she was pink again, staring down at her own tea. Was Fluttershy honestly so embarrassed about the idea of a man - or stallion - spending time with her at her own house?

"Of course if you feel uncomfortable about the idea-"

"Oh no! Not at all!" I blinked at the unexpected raised tone, before her eyes widened in realization and a sheepish smile appeared on her muzzle. "You wouldn't be a bother at all, Stardust..."

"...I'm glad you think that." I said slowly, both bemused and amused. Females. Even in another world they're complicated to solve. Clearing my throat before taking another gulp of the salvation that was soda, I continued conversely. "So, did anything happen during my absence from Ponyville?"


Having decided, in the end, that dropping a bombshell of a revelation to Fluttershy in her own home wasn't the most wise route, I spent my time simply conversing with the pegasus. Now I was currently on a set course to a certain white unicorn. No doubt the mare will be in her boutique preparing dresses for high-class ponies. Which still doesn't make any sense. My only comprehension is that if there's a formal event occurring, or you're of high class, clothing is limited to those circumstances?

I really wish at least pants was a thing in Equestria, more specifically trousers. The cape was fine enough covering the back of my ponified body, but I still feel rather naked whenever getting out of bed. No I still haven't grown accustomed to the face the majority of inhabitants here don't wear clothes.

Anyway, Rarity. How will she react to the news, I wonder? Will she pull a Twilight and faint? Probably. The thought made me smirk.

Well, there's the building I was heading towards. Yet it seems I had to get in line, as another pony already seem to be at the front door. Grey fur, long mane and tail coloured black, a... music note(?) for a cutie mark. Upon approach I was able to hear the feminine mutters of disapproval.

"She leaves her workplace just before I even arrive. Just my luck, and I have formal party in Canterlot that requested my skilled presence tonight!"

Hearing the mare say that, I frowned a little. Does that mean Rarity wasn't there? "Excuse me." I addressed the pony from behind. "Sorry, but did you say Rarity is absent from the building?"

"Hm, absurd isn't it?" Ah, oh well- wait. That accent, it was British. I took a closer examination of the disappointed mare. Dark grey fur, black mane and tail, a music note for a mark. I think I know who this is. My suspicion was officially confirmed when the Earth Pony turned to me, a pink bow tie on her chest attached to a white collar, her dark pink eyes widening in surprise. "Ah, you!"

I could say the same thing, but. "Have we met?" I asked curiously, as I have no recollection of ever meeting Octavia before today.

Her voice was surprisingly more classy than Rarity's. "Well, no. But I recognize the stallion who not only stood up to Prince Blueblood at the Grand Galloping Gala, but also humiliated him in front of all the guests, even Princess Celestia." Ah, so she was at the gala. The mare then expressed a polite smile, nodding formally. "My name is Octavia Melody, it is a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Stardust Balance."

"Likewise." I bowed in response, noting the glint of approval in her eyes.

"As much as I would love to extend this conversation, Mr. Balance, I'm afraid I must seek out Miss Rarity. That unicorn has promised me a dress befitting to my needs for a formal party hosted in Canterlot tonight. Are you searching for her also?"

"I was, but I think it can wait." I stepped out of the way for the posh Earth Pony to pass by. "Happy hunting, Miss Melody."

"Hmm, indeed." The grey mare said thoughtfully, eyeing me while walking by with an intrigued smile. "Perhaps we can talk again sometime soon; perhaps over dinner. I'd love to learn more about the brave defiant stallion who showed that arrogant monarch his place."

At the former sentence I repressed the urge to blanch, my eyes widened as Octavia giggled in that classy manner while walking away. My eyes stayed on her departing figure for a moment before I shuddered in disbelief and disgust.

Did I really just get asked out by a pony? Because that's just... no.


God clearly wanted to punish me. I make out with one pony, and now he suddenly decides to sick another on me. Retribution alright.

Replaying today's... interaction in my mind countless times, like a tape recorder, I shuddered everytime I recall those pink eyes giving me that look. Sleep didn't even help me. I politely dismissed Twilight and Spike's worries when I returned to the library looking, as they put it, like I've seen a ghost. My head laid on my hooves, having no desire to even leave bed at all today-

My head snapped at the door opening loudly.

"Stardust!"

"Spike?" I asked while sitting up, shielding my eyes as light filled the room. "Is something wrong?"

"It's Apple Bloom, she's being covered in the cutie pox!"

...The cutie what now? Was that the equivalent to chicken pox?

I sighed, rubbing my tired eyes. "Explain."

The dragon obliged as I removed the covers off me. "Well, today Apple Bloom got her own cutie mark. And then two. And now three. And Twilight thinks it's the cutie pox; a very old disease no one has seen in years!"

My appropriate reaction, of course, was to stare at Spike uncomprehendingly. What he was claiming shouldn't even be possible; Apple Bloom doesn't gain her mark this early. But from the sound of it, a disease giving her more than one cutie mark...

"It's not contagious, is it?" There was a very haunting image of those dreadful things covering my entire body.

"I don't think so; Twilight and Applejack haven't been getting more than one cutie mark."

...Well, better safe than sorry.

Hopping off the bed, stretching and yawning before nodding to Spike. "Lead the way."

Following the lizard to where the three ponies were, my eyes blinking rapidly to get use to the light, today's event of Octavia... hitting on me... vanished, replaced by my usual disdain for cutie marks in general.

Oh, and what I saw before me upon walking down to the first floor had me loathe the things even further.

There stood - well, tap danced - the young yellow filly, hula-hooping, spinning plates on sticks and tapdancing all at once. Three marks were clearly presented on her body. Upon hearing my arrival, I heard Applejack say, "Stardust?"

"I figured he could help." Spike spoke on my behalf as we joined the group.

"Appreciated, Spike, but I'm not sure anypony could help with this." Twilight said in clear concern over the contaminated filly, who wouldn't just cease doing those three skills at once. Huh, thinking about, I believe Twilight mentioned Apple Bloom gaining her cutie mark earlier today. I must've passed it off as just me hearing things.

Speaking of hearing things, a flash before another cutie mark appeared on the filly, this time causing poor Apple Bloom to-

There's a cutie mark for that?!

"It's ain't funny Stardust!" Applejack exclaimed in frustration as I laughed, as the young Earth Pony began rambling off in French. "How 'bout instead of laughin' at poor Apple Bloom, ya can help us think of a way to cure her?"

"Alright alright." I ceased my moment of amusement, "Well let's think for a moment, when and where did she gain her cutie mark?"

"Is tha' relevant?"

"Wait, I think I see what he means." Twilight spoke contemplatively. "If we learn the location of where Apple Bloom got her cutie mark, that could help us find a way to cure her."

"Zecora." Our heads turned to the child Earth Pony, who repeated herself saying that zebra's name in French. "Zecora!"

"Zecora?" Applejack echoed curiously. "Does she have somethin' to do with this?"

"Evidently, Applejack." I replied before turning around. "Problem solved. I'm going back to bed."

"Oh no ya don't ya lazy pony!" I felt a strong tug on my tail upon reaching the first step. This caused me to look back in annoyance as Applejack stared back evenly. "You're comin' with us to Zecora's-"

"Not my situation."

"Now you listen here-"

"No you listen you-"

"There's no time for this!" Twilight interrupted in her own irritation, gesturing to the diseased filly. "Stay here if you want to and don't help at all, Stardust. Come on Spike, Applejack, Apple Bloom. We've got a zebra to find!"

As the two mares and dragon rushed to the door, a tap dancing filly slowly pursuing them, I found myself within the empty quiet space of the library once again. Apple Bloom turns fine in the end anyway, because I don't recall this 'cutie pox' lasting throughout the rest of the show, so there's no reason to worry at all.

...You know, with a situation like this, this might just be an episode...

Ah [BEEP].

Groaning in displeasure, I followed the group. My morning water can wait.


Things got even worse.

More and more of those damn marks appeared on the filly as she started causing mayhem in the town; from being a sculpt artist, to cleaning chimneys. From being an expert at chess to... an expert at fencing...

Hm, this might not be as bad as they thought. I'd love to be skilled at chess and fencing.

The townsfolk were quick to retreat to their houses, while I rolled my eyes. They panic over Zecora, now they panic over this.

Speaking of which, from the distance I saw the voodoo zebra herself, speaking with Twilight and Applejack while looking around the vacant area. Meanwhile Apple Bloom proceeded to... solve math equations and lift weights with her tail... huh.

I wasn't certain whether to be amused or just shake my head. I'll probably chuckle if the Earth Pony starts speaking in French again.

Seriously, speaking another language counts as a special talent?

As the young yellow mare then began scrubbing windows, Zecora pulled out something from the bag attached to her side, to which Applejack rudely knocked off her tail and planted it - them - into the ground. Seeds? What was some magic flower or tree going to cure the filly of her disease?

...Did I just rhyme? It seems with Zecora around, doing otherwise is a crime. [BEEP] there I go again.

"Now somepony tell the truth!" Applejack exclaimed loudly.

"You can't handle the truth!" I yelled back in my own amusement, seeing the two mare's eyes roll at that response. I smirked, hey, couldn't help myself.

But still, what truth? Was this 'truth' going to grow whatever was planted in the ground? By 'somepony' did she mean Apple Bloom, who was dangerously approaching me while balancing herself with all those special talents harassing her at once-?

Oh [BEEP]!

Immediately I was on the run, being chased by a literal pony tornado that Apple Bloom turned into. "Tell the truth! Tell the truth!" I yelled frantically admist my running, as the body-tornado seemed to favour me as its target. Just my luck!

"Yesterday I told Mrs. Cake I ate two cupcakes, but I really ate three!" I heard Pinkie Pie confess loudly, inciting my glare towards the mare as I continued fleeing from the tornado. "Okay six! I ate six cupcakes!"

If I wasn't so preoccupied running for my life, I'd be calling out the Earth Pony on being more greedy than Spike. "Anything?" I asked instead to Twilight and Applejack, who were looking down at the buried spot.

"Nothing!" Twilight called in response. Well fantastic! This was what I wanted to do first thing in the morning; being chase by a pony-tornado within Ponyville just because she was ailed by some old disease!

God hates me alright!

"Alright I confess!" I yelled admist my frustration, wanting this damn yellow filly to stop chasing me. "I'm an-!"

"I can't take it anymore!" I heard a young panicking voice from behind me. "It's me! I admit it! I didn't earn my cutie mark! They're all fake!"

And just like that I heard the sound of the tornado ceasing. Glancing behind I slowly halted in my running, raising a brow at the saddened filly while internally scolding myself for almost revealing my own secret so soon.

"I figured the Heart's Desire would give me what I wanted most!" Apple Bloom continued while still tap dancing and swinging a hula-hoop. "So when Zecora left her hut, I mixed up a special potion and put the rest of the Heart's Desire in it!"

While catching my breath, a frown creased my features. That's what happened? What in God's name is a 'Heart's Desire'? Obviously an ingredient, but how did Apple Bloom know it'd give her what she wanted most? For that matter, what is a dangerous ingredient like that doing lying around in Zecora's hut? Wasn't she more careful than that?

And finally, what on Earth was I thinking, almost giving away the truth like that?! The consequences would've been more than severe. I blame my tiredness.

So I was correct on my earlier assumption; a white flower bloomed from the ground, in all its nature glory... and then Apple Bloom decided to pounce on it and swallow the thing whole. The flower was quick to work its magic, as the cutie marks surrounding her entire body vanished one by one.

So I suppose the lesson here was patience...


"Here ya go Stardust. A potion to cure that there headache of yours, brewed exclusively by the Cutie Mark Crusaders!" The obvious leader of the pack grinned as she handed over the wooden cup, the liquid created by the fillies with help and guidance from Zecora.

Casting a glance to the nodding zebra to make certain if it was alright to drink, I took a sip of the sustenance, already feeling the effects as the pounding against my head numbed. Now that was much better. "Well done, little ones." The repulsive taste aside, it's the magic that's more important than the quality.

The three young ponies beamed, before Apple Bloom looked quite apologetic. "I'm sorry again for chasing you around town like that. I had no control of myself."

"You're forgiven." I replied reassuringly while smiling lightly at the filly. "Just be sure never to allow your impatience to get the best of you again."

"I promise!" I shook my head in amusement. Kids.

"Drat, still nothing!" Scootaloo stated in disappointment and annoyance, seeing no mark appear on her nor her friends. "Obviously potion brewing isn't our special talent."

"Patience, my young ones, as you were taught today," Zecora announced while looking through her hut's shelves. "Otherwise, you will certainly be led astray. Hm, I seem to be empty on Red Orchid's. I shall have to-"

"That's it!" The young orange pegasus exclaimed, already heading to the door. "Ingredient hunting! That could be our special talents! Let's roll girls!"

"Wait, young ones! You don't even know where-!" But leaving trails of dust behind, the three Crusaders hurriedly departed the hut, leaving just me and Zecora, who shook her head fondly. "Ah the spirit of youth. I should hope they never lose that anytime soon."

"I doubt it." I commented, setting the empty cup to the side. Yes, I drank the whole thing. Sue me. I needed it after this hectic morning. "At least this morning strengthened their resolve."

"Indeed. In pursuing their cutie marks, determination is all they need."

At those words I scoffed a little, "Cutie marks..."

Curious blue eyes sent my way. "You mutter those words with distaste. Do you, perhaps, consider them a waste?"

"More than that, my dear; I consider them unnecessary." I replied. frowning at the very mention of them. "I just don't really view the point of them."

"Please, my friend; share your troubles with me to the very end."

"...Very well." She asked for it. Clearing my throat while Zecora continued looking through the shelves and pulling out a bottle, I proceeded. "I'm not fond of the very concept that some tattoo decides your destiny for you. I prefer choosing what I want to do, and work hard for it, instead of some mark telling you what you are destined to achieve for the rest of your life without your say in the matter."

The magic zebra said nothing for a moment, examining her cauldron with a thoughtful expression. "I can understand your feelings. Does your own cutie mark send you reeling?"

"I don't even know what my own cutie mark even means!" I replied in frustration, the mention of that damn thing riling me up, confirming Zecora's question. "And quite frankly I don't even care; I decided who I am and what I can do, not some damn mark on my rear end. And don't get me started on the fact these things appears on our arses!"

"Hm, this is something you've wanted to get off your chest, for a while, yes?"

"I want that thing off my romp, really."

"More to a cutie mark than what you assume, as show today with dear Apple Bloom." Ah great, a lecture. This time by Zecora. "Decides your destiny, yes and no, they do. Finding one's special talent requires devotion, patience and love for the talent in question. Connected by your love for something, your cutie mark is. Find out what, and perhaps your disdain shall morph into bliss."

"Unlikely." I snorted at the very idea. "But your advice is noted and appreciated, Zecora." Something that I love that reflects what the cutie mark represents... but what? "I can't think of anything I'm fond of that matches this." Pulling my cape back I revealed the dark blue heart with a lighter blue star in the center.

Ugh, the mere sight of it...

"What about writing?"

We both turned at the sudden visitor, as Twilight Sparkle herself appeared through the doorway. Smiling rather sheepishly, she continued, "I arrived here earlier, and I couldn't help but overhear."

Rolling my eyes in good nature, I retorted. "Just like you to be interested in something that isn't any of your business, eh Twilight?" Glancing at the mark as the unicorn frowned, I expressed my bafflement. "I don't think it's writing, though, as much as I love the skill."

Speaking of, I haven't done that since back home. Maybe doing it again would help me calm down a lot more... you know, if I had HANDS.

"Baking brownies? ...Point taken." Twilight said meekly at the look sent her way.

From the side, Zecora chuckled. "Perhaps there is more to his cutie mark than practical skill, Twilight. As there is more than meets the eye here with your dear knight."

There we go with that knight business again!

We exchanged confused glances. Yet before either Twilight or I could ask the zebra what the hell she's even talking about, Zecora continued in that all-knowing voice. "Consider, perhaps, that his mark reflects something more personal. Something that only he would know."

"But I don't know." I protested, pulling the cape back to cover the offensive tattoo.

"I think I do..." The purple unicorn then said quietly, causing to regard her curiously. Twilight looked back at me with a contemplative look. "Stardust, do you think maybe your cutie mark has something to do with your philosophy?"

My philosophy... Oh.

"Balance?" I echoed my thoughts, proceeding to rub my own muzzle. "Well the concept doesn't have any physical representation, as far as I know." Does that mean the mark of my posterior is the insignia of balance itself?

...No, no that was positively ludicrous.

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