An Archer's Pride On The Line
Okay, so maybe my efforts in the Empire weren’t good enough, thought Cadence as she flew onto the streets of Ponyville. A few onlookers gazed at her, pointing at the princess and wondering why she was here of all places. Not to mention asking themselves why she was dressed as a superhero from San Franciscolt. Cadence ignored them and trotted forward. But perhaps I can make a difference in Equestria!
Sure enough, Cadence spotted her first task. There were two colts—Snips and Snails, if she remembered right from her last visit—dressed with smart bowties and fancy top hats. They were kneeling before Ponyville’s infamous rich brats, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, while holding out bouquets of flowers to the snooty fillies. Sensing the already foregone conclusion, Cadence was about to draw her arrow when her mouth suddenly dropped.
The brats were accepting the flowers! And they were kissing the boys on the forehead! Cadence, and she was sure a few others, watched in stunned awe as the four skipped merrily down the street, holding hooves like old married couples. Cadence just shook her head and looked above to see any signs of the end of the world.
“Wow! That arrow magic stuff really does the trick!” Cadence blinked a few times before turning around where she saw Pinkie Pie, dressed up like cupid and holding a crossbow with a quiver of pink arrows behind her. “Hiya, Princess Cadence! Why are you dressed up like some superhero?” She gasped. “Are you on some sort of super secret mission to stop your arch-nemesis from blowing up Ponyville?! Can I be your side kick?! I can be The Pie of Pink Mystery! Hehehe!”
Cadence narrowed her eyes. “No, Pinkie Pie. I am trying to spread love today since it’s Hearts and Hooves Day.” She then eyes the quiver of arrows, scanned them with her magic, and gasped. “How... how did you make love arrows?! I thought I only knew that secret besides Princess Celestia?!”
“Well, I asked Princess Celestia to make it for me since I wanted to spread love on Hearts and Hooves Day! I mean, what better way to make ponies smile then having them fall in love?” explained Pinkie Pie with a smile.
“But how did Aunt Celestia agree to this?!”
“I made her forty cakes,” answered Pinkie Pie.
Cadence facehoofed. “Oh course...” She glared at Pinkie Pie and held up her bow. “Listen, Pinkie Pie, I had this idea first and, as the alicorn of love, it is my duty to see that all ponies find love on this day.”
“But as the Element of Laughter it’s also my duty to see everypony is happy.”
The two narrowed their eyes as competitive grins appeared on their muzzles. “It seems there is only one way to settle this,” said Cadence.
“I agree...”
***
Rainbow Dash never saw much point in celebrating the holiday of Hearts and Hooves Day. Romance was something she wasn’t really looking for in her life at the moment. Sure, having fun in the bed with a stallion—or mare, she wasn’t picky—was nice and all, but commitment? No, thanks. She had only one kind of commitment in her mind and that was The Wonderbolts.
Although I wouldn’t say no to Spitfire asking me out, she thought with a chuckle. Or Soarin’...
Her ears suddenly perked up upon hearing something cutting through the wind. While Rainbow Dash wasn’t the smartest of ponies, she knew aerodynamics pretty well and she could tell that whatever object it was would be heading towards...
ME?!
Rainbow Dash jumped off the cloud just in time to see an arrow cut right through the cloud, missing her by mere inches. She yelped before looking around for the shooter. Who the heck would want to kill me?! A changeling spy trying to weaken the Elements of Harmony?! A rival trying to take me out of the picture so they can be a Wonderbolt?! Rarity getting even for me and Pinkie coloring all her coats with orange polkadot dye?!
Rainbow Dash didn’t get a chance to think further as a dozen more arrows sailed through the air, all aimed directly at her awesome flank. Screaming, Rainbow Dash flew as fast as she could, zig-zagging through the clouds for cover as each puff of water vapor was cut down from the barrage of pointed projectiles. Whoever it is that wants to do me in wants me dead real bad!
She made for Sweet Apple Acres where she spotted Applejack bucking apples as always. Realizing she needed help, Rainbow Dash tackled her and they rolled into a nearby bush. Applejack tried to get up, but Dash put a hoof on her mouth and dragged her down. “Quiet! Are you trying to get us killed?!”
“Only one gonna be killed around here is you if ya don’t tell me what the hay yer doin’!” shouted Applejack, before being muffled again.
“Ssssh! Not so loud!” hissed Rainbow Dash as she poked her head out of the bush. “There’s somepony trying to kill me! I think it’s an assassin!”
Applejack raised and eyebrow before rubbing her forehead. “Let me get this straight. Ya think somepony’s tryin’ to do ya in? Dash, have y’all be gettin’ in the hard cider again?”
“I’m serious, AJ! About a bajillion arrows just flew right past my butt! You gotta help me! I’m to awesome to die! And if I’m gonna die, it has to be in an awesome way, like sacrificing myself with a giant sonic rainboom to kill a horrible abomination from another dimension! Getting hit by an arrow would just suck!”
“But getting killed by an alien monster wouldn’t?” pointed out Applejack.
“Yup! It’s at least better than dying of sickness or in your bed of old age,” Dash stuck her tongue out. “Can you imagine that? Me? Death by natural causes? Please, I wanna go out with a bang.”
“Death fantasy’s aside, I think yer overractin’. Why would anypony want to kill ya anyway?” asked Applejack.
Rainbow Dash rubbed her chin. “That’s a good point. Maybe my child is going to be the future savior of ponykind when the machines rise up against their creators after the Pony Apocalypse? Or maybe I’m actually a clone of the real Rainbow Dash and she’s trying to kill me as an act of revenge? Or maybe I’m the future overlord of the world and a resistance member was sent back in time to kill me so a dark future doesn’t happen.”
“So pretty much every cockamaime Applewood movie plot that ever happened?” Shaking her head, Applejack got up and began to walk out of the bush.
“What are you doing?! They saw me with you! They’ll target you next!” shouted Rainbow Dash.
“Dash, Ah’m perfectly fine. Nopony’s tryin’ to kill you,” said Applejack, right before she felt something hit her in the rump. “Wha’ the...” She turned around and saw an arrow sticking out of her rear. “Huh... guess Ah should have saw that comin’.”
Rainbow Dash cried out in horror as Applejack fell forward, lifeless. “Nooo! AJ!” she rushed over and held her closed-eyed friend close to her. “Don’t leave me, Applejack! Who will I compete against?! Who will take care of the farm?! Who will grab my tail which I admit I kind of like... uh, I mean... why did you have to go!” Rainbow Dash raised her hoof at the sky in anger. “Damn you mysterious archer! Damn you to the moooooooon!”
Her rat was cut short when an arrow struck her dead center in the chest. Rainbow Dash flinched and her eyes flashed pink, just like Applejack’s had. Rainbow Dash stared at her best friend and saw something... different about her... she never noticed how beautiful her emerald eyes were. The mane in her hooves felt like soft silk that she could put her face in and nuzzle for hours. Not to mention her body looked so... so...
“...sexy...” whispered Rainbow Dash as everything she ever thought was awesome was thrown out of her mind for one thing only: Applejack. Wonderbolts? Flying? Daring Doo? All of it was nothing compared to the treasure she had in her hooves now. She lowered her head down and pecked her lips to taste that sweet apple flavored muzzle..
Only to meet an orange hoof as it clocked her in the muzzle, sending her flying off hte farm pony.
“Outta mah way, Skittles! Mah true love awaits me!” shouted Applejack as she galloped so fast down the trees the apples themselves were ripped off their branches.
Rainbow Dash blinked before chasing after Applejack. “Wait! Come back!”
***
Cadence smirked with success as she saw the fruits of her successful labor. At least to a degree. Sure, Applejack didn’t have the same feelings as Dash did for her, but she still won the contest. A disappointed Pinkie Pie, flying on a series of balloons wrapped around her waist, said, “Darn it. I thought that was Rainbow Dash who came out first.” She then smiled again and turned to Princess Cadence. “Well, I guess you win Candy-Cadence!”
“Naturally,” said Cadence, standing tall and proud on her cloud. “As the princess of love, whose duty is to bring harmony and feelings to all, it stands only right that I win a contest of love. Now I shall continue by duties by searching for those who need love in their lives and—”
A flash of light and the sound of a balloon popping shocked both ponies as Discord, Lord of Chaos, appeared before them with his arms spread out. “Greetings! I’m back from my vacation!” So spooked was Cadence that she drew an random arrow and fired directly at Discord who took it right in the heart. He stared at the arrow for a bit before glaring at a horrified Cadence. “Really now, I know that some ponies are a bit angered about my betrayal but I thought by now you were all...”
He stopped as his eyes began to glow pink. Cadence, mouth wide open, stared at her bow as if it was pandora’s box itself. “Oh my Celestia, what have I done...”
“Celestia.... Celestia!” shouted Discord as he snapped his fingers and turned into a Discord shaped rocket. With a burst of magic, he launched himself straight towards Canterlot with a ray of hearts right behind him.
The rocket swerved and smoked out a single sentence: “I LOVE PRINCESS CELESTIA!”
“Wow....” said Pinkie Pie, with wide eyes. “I don’t think I even need my Pinkie Sense to tell that this is a doozy.”
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Shit just got real.
I worry at who it's gonna be... but just in case, I'm already gonna call you a sellout :p
There is no possible way this can end poorly.
That’s terrible.
Doomp woomp doo-doo. Bwooooooooooowwwwmmmn!
I needed this
5571634
That's as many as four tens.
Never actually watched Torchwood.
5571688
Hollywood
5571702
Oh.
This chapter is hilarious!
Trolling AppleDash fans?
Please proceed.
Who's AJ's true love?
That was awesome. I loved it. I wonder how Celestia is going to react. Also who did AppleJack see?
5571938
Big MacProbably Fluttershy, just for the hilarious drama.I thought you said in your blog that you were going to ruin a good ship,
If Applejack's love doesn't turn out to be something people generally wouldn't expect, I will be very disappointed.
Please tell me Apple Jack is running to confess her feelings to Rarity, the two of them together, romantic or otherwise, is always fun!
5571634 5571654
Nope. That's
briberybusiness!Wait, so who was Applejack after when she got shot?
Oh dear, Cady has REALLY done it this time!
5571898
Indeed. Well played Ponystar, well played.
media2.giphy.com/media/Y7qWrwJgYTYfC/giphy.gif
Yes, I certainly don't mind you chewing up those silly Appledashers. Especially since Rarijack is the true ship of Orangehonest.
What I mind is this horrid Discolestia!
Chaos + Love =
fc09.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2013/042/7/7/enemy_mine_by_mlp_silver_quill-d5uk3b5.jpg
I wonder who Applejack's crush is.
I started laughing here, and didn't stop for the entire rest of the chapter.
Applejack heard Dash saying 'moon' and immediately cued on Princess Luna. So Luna's going to have Applejack pouncing her, while Celestia faces an amorous Discord! ... Which are perfectly good pairings, really.
Omg, this is hysterical and also painfully in character!
I can't wait for more of this insanity 
Two pink ponies, three arrows fired, and enough disasters to last a lifetime.
Things are getting nutty!
5637545
Proud of it
Only to meet an orange hoof as it clocked her in the muzzle, sending her flying off hte farm pony.
Typo
Forget angering the AppleDash fans, this FlutterCord fan's pretty pissed that you didn't take this opportunity for FlutterCord shipping…
However, if there's FlutterMac in the future, I will wholeheartedly forgive you. 
Now, if you forgot FlutterMac and chose to insert CheeriMac shipping… *le shudder* No table on this planet would be left unflipped.
This is AMAZING!!!
I can see you ship CelestiCord
Dash, that's stupid. the Elements provide the positive emotions we love eating.
YOU HAVE ANGERED THE GAZEBO.
5777360
The big, white, winged and horned, four legged... gazebo.
Yes, you're cooked.
And every Fluttercord fan, too.
getting "five score, divivded by four" vibes from this.
I'm going to make sure my Peanut Butter and Chocolate Ice Cream cake is safe and away from Celestia...
*eyes tear up*
Oh, the glorious splendor of shipping and anarchy.
Praise be.