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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Is the title a play off of Freeman?
Sorry, it's what caught my eye.
Would have been nicer if you kept the whole 'ethicnicity vs neccesity' sub arc going on a bit longer, having it run parallel to the 'good vs evil' arc. In future stories, since I doubt it's repairable at this point, try to have an explanation for how come there hasn't been a unicorn/pegasi rebellion to overthrow the earth ponies and why Equestria hasn't taken military action yet.
5530374 Ok, first point, yes I realise it was a whole bunch of exposition, but at the same time I doubt Celestia and Luna would say "Go to this place we know nothing about and do a thing.
second point: I know you need to stand up to play a cello, but that is largely due to the size. Would you really need to stand to mimic playing one that's four inches tall. And yes it was a cello, violins are held differently.
third: they are to create a plan based on what they learn could be the best way to do it. It could end up happening any number of ways.
fourth: explanations coming (sort of) at some point soon.
I do realise I could make a lot of mistakes in this due to being a bit of an amateur. I'm doing my best
5532603
2 and 4 don't really need a response, so I'll only reply to 1 and 3.
1. That's the tricky thing about writing, though. Avoiding lots of exposition where in real life any reasonable person would provide exposition. It's difficult to make it make sense, but that's part of what makes it so nice when an author can do it.
3. That's not Twilight's personality though. Her personality is to make a plan as early on as possible, and account for any detail possible. You could have Trixie cut her off midway and veto her on the idea of making a plan when they don't have enough information, then have Twilight go "Sigh... I suppose you're right," but the problem is not with the protagonists making crap plans, it's with them acting out of character. Just Twilight really, since none of your other characters have enough canon personality for me to call foul on them, but the problem still exists.
5532904 Could be right or wrong. Think about the season 3 premier, Celestia basically said to go to the crystal empire and find a way to protect it, and was sadistic enough to add a extra layer of pressure by making it a test. Twilight didn't have a plan until she got there and found enough out to make a plan and reacted accordingly when the plan went a bit wrong with the absence of the crystal heart. I think Twilight is perfectly ok with working without a plan. Besides this is fact finding, fact finding is totally a legit plan.
Kinda drunk while I add this bit but equestria girls also had a supreme lack of plan going on.
Here's a question in my mind reading about this fic, are there any bands or communities of escaped unicorns or Pegasus? In real life slave societies slaves would escape to the wilderness to escape the whites and would establish these communities of escaped slaves. These semi parasitic settlements would then prey on the neighboring plantations and towns. Most would be destroyed within a few years, but some would resist so fiercely that the Europeans ended up signing treaties with them recognizing their freedom in exchange for them not accepting any new slaves. Thier are still a few of these towns that exist to this day, e.g. Yanga in Mexico, the maroon towns in Jamaica, and the "bush negro" tribes in Surinam.
I also thought she would prostitute herself.
She just described every city ever.
I would say this seems unrealistic but perhaps without wings the pegasi just don't have the motivation to try and continue living in that hellhole.