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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Describing big battles is pretty tough but you did well. You weren't trying to give a commanders view of the tactics so the action descriptions were completely servicable.
I was a little fuzzy on how thing went with Ebon getting stabbed. The commander was there, his guard killed any who tried to attack, and then everyone kind of left? I think that scene needed more detail to explain how Filigree got to the center of the city so fast and then didn't get overrun, or why neither he nor Twilight could do anything to the other. A bit more of an introduction to him would have helped. I get the feeling he's the first capable military threat they are facing and he'll be popping up again.
I guess Twi's pacifism might explain it, but no attempts to capture or knock out this new threat? Same on Filigree's part, no interection with the abomination who has starting a rebellion in his country. I feel like he should have had some sort of response to meeting an Alicorn. Unless he was supposed to feel passionless and robotic? He is suspiciously uncharacterized for somepony so pivotal to this chapter.
Otherwise, everything felt like a chaotic battle, I think it had appropriate weight story wise. It just was weak in transition from attack to fighting retreat.
i like this twilight she knows how to fight with wings and gives military soliders a run for there money
6860075 I was trying to go for aloof with him. He considers himself above these degenerates and therefore they aren't worth interacting with. Guess I didn't do it very well getting that across. At the same time he realises that a flying powerhouse like Twilight is so far beyond him and his armies ability that he's not going waste the effort.
Maybe I better have a read through once I feel up to making changes with what you said in mind.
6860669
Giving it a reread now that it's not late at night before bed, I can see the aloofness now. But it still seems passionless and uncaring. I can kind of accept that anyone in Caverndown who ran into him and his guard might either step aside or be cut down by those guards. Possibly making it a bit more apparent that they are a serious threat, they do cut down three thestrals in seconds, but it's only four bodyguards, it's not apparent that the collected dogs and thestrals couldn't overrun Filigree, particularly with an Alicorn's help. Maybe if the rest of his army was closer and capable of slaughtering the small assembly of Caverndowners, but you state they are still far away. It also feels alien to me as an army vet for a commander to walk into the center of a city he is capturing with only his personal guard, be able to kill the enemy leader and walk back to his army without fighting his way back to his unit. I've heard of them joining patrols, but not usually in high threat areas without a platoon (about a dozen) or two of elite troops to make any attempt on his life a pyrrhic victory at best.
Nevertheless this is your story, write for you.
6861125 At the same time though I see your point and I do want to expand that bit a little to cover some of your points while maintaining what I want it to be. Only like an extra paragraph or two.
And done. Hope it's slightly better now.