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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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7924342 I got words for you. Damn you got on this fast, I only just posted the thing. Are you stalking me?
7924368 Don't know, never had a stalker before. Is it fun?
7924381 Ugh, I hate paperwork. I think I'll pass.
7924382 You could always hire someone to do it for you.
7924387 Zimmerwald my dude, that requires money I don't have. I have the kind of job where I can spend half the day writing poni. As you can imagine, it's both a not a highly paid job, while being the best job ever because I'm essentially getting paid to write said poni.
What was my point again? Oh yeah, I'm not paying anyone to do anything.
7924416 Pro bono service is a thing
7924421 Does that still count as hiring someone? I dunno lol. There's way too much thought going into this totally hypothetical and never going to happen scenario. Think I'm going to go now and have a shower to wash away my sins and impure thoughts.
7924433 It does, because you're still owed the various duties.
I was somewhat expecting a fight between Twilight and Trixie, but not this.
You have truly awed me with the battle scene, and for that, have some applause. *claps hands rapidly*
7924486
Start it 19 secs. No idea how you do the start at that time link thing.
Yay Trixie survived but twilight got her hooves burned by dark magic......
I hope she doesn't have to cut them off again
*Raises my hand.* Yeah I saw this coming from the last chapter. When there is no hope for winning and escaping most Tyrants choice suicide then facing justice for their crimes. So the idea Trixie won't able to get her revenge came to me and that it would mean that Twilight would have too fight her. You have been hinting that Twilight and Trixie would duke it out from the moment the dark magic started to take hold on Trixie.
I hoped Trixie would get her revenge, but once I saw he poisoned himself it was inevitable. Luna did once mention losing the horn would mean a new horn would regrow that was normal though so not all bad.
7924816 Well of course there had to be one.
I gave Trixie wings. Did ya see that? Huh? Did ya? I made them just for you.
7926845
Really? Why would give Trixie wings just for me?
The fight was never fair from the start. Actually any battle against Twilight isn't fair in your story because she can't die. You did good job with revealing that Trixie would hurt other ponies if Twilight didn't kill her but once they were in the clear it was obvious the story could only end with Twilights victory.
If you had gone with road that Dark Magic could indeed make Trixie an Alicorn then the threat level as well as the consequences after the fight would be many times greater and the victor of this fight wouldn't even be that important in the larger scale of things. Just thinking of what would happen both Mareitania and Equestria society if the knowledge came out that through dark magic a pony whom couldn't possible become an Alicorn did became one. Chancing her entire destiny.
The aftermath (sequel) would then be a lot more interesting because now the princesses have not only to deal with Faust but with Trixie whom very existence alone threatens the foundation of their society. Would they trap Trixie in an escapable dungeon (Tartarus?) or would they try to reform her and keep rise to Alicornhood a secret and replace it with a fabricated lie? Which of their morales would they sacrifice? You see what I'm going with here.
But don't get me wrong I really love this story as it is, everyone has their own taste and views how a story progress. Your a good writer whom clearly knows how too build up drama and not to mention in so many areas, whether it's on the battlefield, personal, society, etc... you always are good writing these scenarios. When I mentioned the battle looked like 40k novel I realized that this story really falls into the same style and feeling. Since I love those dark Gothic stories it's no wonder I enjoy reading this story so far.
7927417 Gotta say, what you said would also be an awesome idea. One that I never thought of like that because when you first mentioned a dark alicorn I was pretty sceptical, but now you mention the social upheaval it would create, along with other issues, the idea has a lot more appeal. But at the same time it would put a lot more focus on Trixie when it already feels to me like half the story is already about her. Not saying this is the end of Trixie's journey by any means (because I love that lil blue nutcase too much), and she has quite a bit more story to tell yet, but yeah... This is heading into spoiler territory so I'll stop.
Anyway, Alicorns are OP, not going to lie. Unless you're talking about canon Celestia that is. Trixie wasn't meant to be a full match for Twilight, because that would put darkness as equal or greater in power to an alicorn, which I'm fine with, but not when that power is concentrated into just one average pony. Two ponies like Trixie would be a considerably larger problem, and would probably have to force Twilight or another princess into killing at least one of them to stop them. Not to say alicorns are unbeatable either, but while they can't be killed, I'm sure death would be a welcome alternative to being encased in a pillar of crystal or something for the rest of eternity in a never ending purgatory between life and death. Maybe. Haven't fully worked out the details on how a rather niche scenario like that would work, and I probably never will.
7928684
You haven't posted the last chapter yet, you could always add sudden plot twist but that's up to you. Just do what you like, for me it's not even a nitpick for this wonderful story only missed opportunity. As for you story too much focussed on Trixie only in the last chapters did focus switched more too her and twilight. Which makes sense because they are the warriors while the rest of the group is not. If had wanted to avoid this. Then perhaps you could have added the perspective of the other warriors in the later chapters or perhaps even Luna to it seem more spread out. Even in most 40k novels you see this happening that entire chapters characters just don't make a cameo or barely appear when the fighting starts.
I always see a story as an act with the characters as actors. Each have their role to play the act that's the story. And some acts they don't appear at all. ^^
7929063 Now that I do have a problem with, focusing too much on one or two characters. Do you remember Summer? Because I barely do, and I sometimes think I shouldn't have added her, but that was back when I was going overboard with making Mareitania out to be this really awful place. Lessons learned as it were.
7930096
I remember summer and she was a crucial part in the story to reveal how much the pegasus were suffering. Just because an actor doesn't appear so much at the end of the story doesn't diminish its significance.