The new mane six of this new generation are finding a way to make the Fire Heart of Hearths Warming Eve bigger so it doesn't shrink into a raisin-sized ball.
Chapters (2)
- Member Since 6th Jun, 2014
- offline last seen Jan 21st, 2015
TheVeryKawaiiCraftedDusk
I am the most kawaii writer anyone has ever seen .3.
TheVeryKawaiiCraftedDusk
Joined 6th Jun, 2014 ·
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I can't stop laughing at that fucking cover art.
Holy fucking shit.
5422811 XD What's so funny about it?
3 dislikes... HATERS GONNA HATE! #H8ERSGONNAH8YO! #IMAGRABASAMMICH (Clearly a joke...)
Ahh, I love the sight of horrible fiction in the morning.
OC mane six? Oh hell naw!
Too many ocs! Ahhhh!
It looks like it's from that Google + sub-fandom of Target Demos trying to be part of the Brony fandom.
Chapter 1:
Whats with all the questions? You can't just introduce us to her? Then, you kind of insult the reader by saying "none of your business".
If she's thinking it, it should be: Will she die young? Will she get married? Will she have children? These questions seemed to drift in her mind forever.
If your switching characters, make sure to start a new paragraph.
*ten
*fifteen
Are these names supposed to be split down the middle? What's with the name Blue Star?
I've only named a few errors that you've made. People on this site don't like OC stories. Especially if it's just a cannon of the show. The chapters are also too short. Your grammar is also horrible. ~Silver Spoon
Before Reading:
Cover Art:
Horrible, but not crappy horrible. Tells me right away that this will be an OC, mane six type of thing.
Description:
No commas at all? The description is only one sentence long!
Chapters:
Too short.
I know, I posted the "Before Reading", before the "Chapter 1 Review". Seriously?!? I can assure you many people will not like this story. ~Silver Spoon
After reading the two available chapters, I'm not really sure what to say...
The grammar is... Well, I'm not expert but it's acceptable I suppose. (DO NOT QUOTE ME ON THIS, I AM WORTHLESS WHEN IT COMES TO GRAMMAR)
Spelling is, alright. Again, this isn't my strongest area so take my word with a grain of salt.
The rest of the story is odd. I wouldn't call it really good or super interesting, but it has something. It kept me reading without going nuts over something being bad, at least the first chapter. The second one felt dull and rushed though.
I mean, there is potential in there somewhere. I'd suggest finding an editor, some proofreaders and maybe a prereader, because maybe there is a nugget to be excavated here.
I'm just going to leave the story without rating it, it wasn't good enough for an upvote but I don't feel it deserves a downvote.
It may not be a story by a famous writer, but be nice! How would you feel if someone said that on your fanfics? Now off that topic, the story was well paced and had interesting characters, and the reason why I'm being nice is because I got the link off google+, and to top it off, deal with it haters, deal with it