> Joe - Brony - Car Fan - Twi s best Pony! - new to fanfics - collector of mlp merch!
Based Upon Freinds Forever Comic #6, Rainbow Dash recieves a letter asking her to display her aerobatic skills from a Monarch in a Never before heard location, She goes but once she arrives everything isnt as it seems...
Please give feedback on how i could improve!
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Okay, you asked for feedback. I'll give you feedback.
Your grammar is off, your punctuation is bad, and there are plenty of spelling errors. This is the very core of writing skills, and you need to improve those. Read more books and pay attention to how they form sentences, ask your teacher in school for advice (assuming you haven't graduated yet; I don't know about that), and use a spell checker until your spelling improves. There are no shortcuts to improving these skills - you just have to work at it.
Also, this story is essentially a straight retelling of FF #6. What's the point of writing a story that I could have read just as easily by reading the comic (and enjoy artwork and better quality writing)? It could have been interesting if you had made your own plot, deviating from canon. For instance, the title suggests that RD joins Trixie's court instead of saving her. What could that story have been like? If they, for instance, took control of the kingdom instead of letting them keep Trixie prisoner? Next time, write your own story instead. You can do it, I'm sure.