Hail Rainbow Dash, Princess Of Dimondia!

by Colthart

Escape Artists

It was dark when Rainbow Dash finally returned, Trixie was still sat in pretty much the exact same way she was when Dash left.
"Did you find out much?", she asked Rainbow Dash was suddenly very lively.
"Lots of things! , like that crown is a collar" , she explained,
"the only way to get it off is to get the dogs to stop believing in you and not want you as their queen".
"Thats going to be hard", whined Trixie "who wouldnt want me as their queen", she said as she twiddled her hooves.
"I could name a few" , Dash muttered.
"Now what could we do to stop them believing in you", said Rainbow Dash as she pondered, Trixie joined in.
"I dont know really, the only thing they like more than me is their diamonds."
"Thats it!", exclaimed Rainbow , "we'll need to use some of your sleight of hoof and a lot of my speed, but i think we can make this work."
"Can you acess the kingdoms diamond vault?", asked Dash.
"Of course i can, im queen!", Trixie responded.

The next morning the show set up was ready , Dash was wearing her flight outfit rarity made before she left and Trixie was in the royal box alongside Jim and some other dogs. Aswell as this , a big crowd has spread across Dimondia town square. It was time.
Trixie spoke ,
"Miss Dash, are you sure you can put on a royal performance fit for the queen of Dimondia", She asked.
Rainbow then stepped up, "It'll be better than royal if i get this spot on", responded Dash.
She took off and swiftly performed some of her favourite flying moves and tricks. The crowd of dogs watched in awe at her, they were all talking highly of her once Rainbow Dash finally came back to the ground.

Trixie stood up,
"Congratulations Miss Dash, i thoroughly enjoyed your performance of upmost soverignity".
Dash knew Trixie was trying desperatley hard to try and sound royal. "Soverinity? thats not even a word is it?", she thought.
"Encore!", Trixie shouted.
Rainbow Dash did so, by writing 'Queen Trixie' in clouds.
"I thought queen began with a k?", one Dog said in the crowd.
"I dont know, i cant even read", said another. Either way everyone was impressed.
"Very good Miss Dash" , Trixie said ,
"for your excellent performance, im giving to you as payment...-"
- "Our Entire Royal Treasury of diamonds".
"What?!", the crow said.
"um.. your majesty can i stress how bad of an idea this is", Said Jim panically
"silence please Jim", Trixie said.
Her collar became loose.
"- and from now on we will not hunt diamonds.... we will hunt... er... Mushrooms!, yeah Mushrooms!", She then said.
her collar became looser. The dogs slowly began to lose trust as they were under the illusion that their leader was a bit mad.
"And even better, every dog will be required to adopt a cat... better still a kitten", Trixie shouted to her now disloyal subjects as her collar slid past her neck. While this was going on Rainbow Dash bagan to fly upwards.
"And now i will show you the greatest trick of all time" , she inhaled hard and just as she was about to exhale Dash Swooped past performing a Sonic Rainboom, causing them both to completely disappear.

"Wow , you really are fast", Trixie said in amazement as Rainbow Dropped her down a good distance from the town they'd escaped.
"Fastest game in town", gloated Dash.
"Youre free now, go enjoy it and dont go near any diamond dogs", Said Rainbow Dash as she giggled.
"I can't thank you enough", said Trixie
"Your plan was excelellent thinking Rainbow Dash", She complemented.
They hugged happily and went their opposite ways, with a fresh memory of a fascinating bout of team work etched in their heads.

Comments

[Mooncalf]

Okay, you asked for feedback. I'll give you feedback.

Your grammar is off, your punctuation is bad, and there are plenty of spelling errors. This is the very core of writing skills, and you need to improve those. Read more books and pay attention to how they form sentences, ask your teacher in school for advice (assuming you haven't graduated yet; I don't know about that), and use a spell checker until your spelling improves. There are no shortcuts to improving these skills - you just have to work at it.

Also, this story is essentially a straight retelling of FF #6. What's the point of writing a story that I could have read just as easily by reading the comic (and enjoy artwork and better quality writing)? It could have been interesting if you had made your own plot, deviating from canon. For instance, the title suggests that RD joins Trixie's court instead of saving her. What could that story have been like? If they, for instance, took control of the kingdom instead of letting them keep Trixie prisoner? Next time, write your own story instead. You can do it, I'm sure.