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A Day With Twi and Luna

Source

Er... yeah, Twi and Luna Doing things together [ not in a clop way ]
easilly purest form of Slice Of Life lol

Please Give Me Your Feedbacks :3

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 5 )

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NotATree

NotATree #1 · Dec 3rd, 2014 · · ·

You need to go back and proof this. You didn't even capitalize the I's. And the format is terrible. I like the concept, but this needs a lot of work.

BronyH8ter

BronyH8ter #2 · Dec 3rd, 2014 · · 1 ·

District 6 Military Child Care & Services Facility
Columbia, Maryland
1:47 August 23rd, 2033
Acceptance

Shine

Shine #3 · Dec 3rd, 2014 · · ·

I like the idea of this, but it needs some work, you put some commas where they shouldn't be, put spaces before some commas, forgot some capitals, put a few capitals where the shouldn't be, and the actual story should have some more detail. I don't mean to sound like a critic, just saying that the story needs some work, and pointed out some things.