• Member Since 9th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Apr 28th, 2015


i herd u liek mudkips


The Great and Powerful Trixie will stop at nothing to obtain a royal position and the power that comes with it, even if it means courting the newest member of the royal family.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 64 )

Great story, hope to see more of it in the future.

hmm...this is actually a very good beginning. The story is very different then the normal Twixie's I've seen and takes place in a location that asides from Cadence x Shining Armor fics isn't used alot. Quite happy to see how this goes between Twilight and Trixie. Trixie's personality is fairly accurate, seems like she mellowed out a little bit more around Twilight then we've seen in the past. But if she is trying to court Twilight and become an alicorn I guess it would make sense if she is faking it a little.
Looking forward to seeing how this continues, kinda annoyed that this has several dislikes but not a single explanation in the comments.

Sweet story. Is Trixie trying to schmooze her into luxury, or is she genuinely interested in the lonely princess? Don't tell, we'll find out. Either way, she makes Twilight happy. Much as I don't think canon Twilight would ever let her royalty come between her and her friends (we'll see in a few weeks how things turn out, yes?), it does provide a framework to set the whole situation up. Would be interesting if the friends do show up later, once Trixie's settled in properly.

The restaurant scene ending was nice. I've always believed in treating waiters and waitresses well, even with something as simple as a compliment; it encourages them to give you good service next time you visit. It wouldn't surprise me if Trixie's had to wait tables at some low point in her career, so she has some sympathy for the mare who's just trying to please a difficult customer.

And now we play the waiting game...

Not a bad start, I will be keeping an eye on this one.

Congratulations on the feature old friend, well deserved!

Enjoying this so far!

It's a Twixie? Drat, was hoping for something original involving Luna.:trixieshiftleft:

Whose cover art is that? It's very nice.


Luna will be making a few appearances in this though.

I suppose Twilight could use a suitor

And from the summary, I was expecting Luna/Trixie. You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly.

Hrm. Twi must either be really lonely, or she's been harboring feelings for Trixie already. Aside from her over-eagerness, no complaints about the writing.

Interesting. I like that both ponies have a reason to grow together rather than secretly being in love the whole time. I would like a bit more detail/backstory on Trixie's decision to seduce Twilight and why Twilight is alone and in charge of the Crystal Empire, but those are minor complaints.

The idea is defenetly interesting, If you can reach least 50K words I´ll gladly read it.:pinkiecrazy:


The Great and Powerful Trixie will stop at nothing to obtain a royal position and the power that comes with it, even if it means courting the newest member of the royal family.

Sorry, but how did you think this was about Luna? o.O It had Trixie right in the beginning of the summary. The only possible thing I can think of is people misreading the title and thinking it says 'Lunamoon' instead of "Lulamoon' or something. Just curious since it seems like you're not the only one who thought this.


Yes, I am with you on this one, sire. How about we write a Lixie romance together, then? :trollestia:

Hey, let me know if you do. I'd love to check it out. See if you can integrate Luna's fanon love of video games into it.

Not bad. Pacing is pretty ick. Could have spent some time developing the plot a bit more before throwing us into things, but not bad anyway.I am intrigued to see where you go with this.

EDIT: a prologue is designed to be a crutch, of sorts, and not essential to the plot. This really is more of a chapter 1 than a prologue. I had a look at the next chapter and I find that if I remove the prologue, it doesn't really work.


inb4 someone suggests alicorn orgy on Trixie. (It's the only logical place this was going to end up at.)


... Why is Twilight in charge of the Crystal Empire, anyway? I mean, Cadence's cutie mark is literally the crystal heart, so I'd assume she's the legitimate ruler.

Is Cadence on a vacation of sorts in Canterlot with Shining Armor, then? Is she pregnant, and unable to fulfill her duties until she comes to term?

Or is this a hazing ritual the other three princesses have decided to start?

Because it's based on my season four predictions. And that's all I can say right now.

That's a fine basis, but it would help if those predictions were spelled out in the world of the story.

Edit: Despite the unfortunate timing, I'm not the one who downvoted your comment.

Don't worry, they will be. I can't reveal everything in chapter one.

I think it starts as one and becomes the other.

I think my favorite two bits were the simultaneous 'you can't do that' reactions to throwing away books, and that Trixie went back to apologize for being so upset, which shows she really has changed in character.

I have to second what 3457539 said. The pacing is lightning fast, and Trixie's motivations come out of nowhere. Twilight's characterization is equally perplexing and shallow.

The scene at the end really lacks description; just "a rest stop" doesn't give any idea what it looks like. Same for the "pastel aura". I also think that "the liquid cascading from the heavens" is the most purple prose-y way I've ever seen of describing "rain".

There's also a typo in your short description.

Horses don't have fur, they have coats.

You need to work on describing surroundings; during Trixie and Twilight's meeting I had no idea what was going on (How many buildings are in the area? How populous is the city? Is Twilight working on a balcony or does the balcony have a view into her office? How tall is it, and how can she hear Trixie so clearly? What's the weather like? What is the road that Twilight smashes into like? Why isn't she hurt more?).

I also notice a lot of the same pacing problems from the first chapter. The dialogue in particular moves too quickly; Trixie and Twilight have a prolonged discussion as Twilight is falling off a castle. Twilight recovers from her injury instantly. The discussion with the librarian moves lightning-fast too, like all the characters know exactly what the other is about to say and have their responses planned ahead of time.

"Finally, those long, lonely days are over."

Trixie ignored Twilight’s mumbles about how nice it is to have friends.

More forced characterization. There are ways to show what characters are thinking and how they feel without piling it on like this. Trixie and Twilight's interactions in particular feel forced; they parted on good terms the last time they met, yes, but here they act like they saw each other just yesterday. There's no catch-up or awkward re-introduction and it doesn't feel realistic.

Overall I like the concept, but frankly I couldn't enjoy the story as-written; there's too many pacing errors and minimalistic description. I gave up right after the library sequence. It feels like you are trying to rush through the story to get to the good parts, but for a story that focuses on character interactions, moments like these are the good parts, and they deserve more attention to detail. It seems as though this only got featured because it centers on a popular ship (or the promise of an unorthodox one, if the comments are anything to go by).


Horses don't have fur, they have coats.

Coats of fur.

3459785 Horses have coats of hair, not fur. The use of the word fur is mostly semantic, but there is a difference. Fur is (generally) a product of the fur industry.



First sentence of the article for fur you linked:

Fur is a synonym for hair, used in reference to non-human animals, usually mammals, particularly those with extensive body hair coverage. The term is sometimes used to refer to the body hair of an animal as a complete coat, also known as the "pelage".

(underline mine)

Fur and hair refer to exactly the same thing. Certain individuals may prefer one term over the other, but both are technically accurate, and common parlance doesn't make the distinction. Regardless, a coat is made up of fur/hair, so saying that a horse doesn't have fur/hair but instead has a coat (made up of what you just said they don't have) is silly.

3459923 We'll have to agree to disagree then. Naturally, I'm still willing to discuss any of the other points I listed, all of which are much more important issues than the semantics of a single word.

Well, thanks for reading as far as you had. Much of what you mentioned are things that I was worried about and thought I had fixed. Ah well, I'm determined to have this be the first story that I actually finish instead of just "ending" like the last two, so there's noting to do but keep moving forward.

The only part I'm really disagree with you on is what you said about Twilight falling out of the castle. I'm going to pull the "It's a cartoon" card on that.

Due to circumstances and characteristics (which cleverpun pointed out), this read like a fanfic written by Trixie.
3460022 Are you actually Great and Powerful Trixie? It would explain a lot. :trixieshiftright:

In any case, I'm curious to read more.

Okay, I've been captivated.

You have a like and a fav, now don't you dare slack off on this wonderful piece of work.

Btw, if the quality diminishes in any observable way, we'll be sure to scream lovingly harsh criticism at you.:rainbowwild:

Yes, that's pretty much what I was going for with this. It's kinda how the third limited viewpoint works.

Please do. This will be the first time I actually finish an ongoing story, so I don't have as much experience with endings as I have with openings.

I really like how this story is going, and I really look forward to the next chapter.

3456886 I would definitely latch on to a familiar face if I was all alone for an extended period of time...


Please do. This will be the first time I actually finish an ongoing story, so I don't have as much experience with endings as I have with openings.

I do hope so :p

"as if it was sculpted out of frozen water"- They have a name for that. It's called ice.

Oh the many, many issues to discuss. Lack of description is a problem you seem to struggle with quite extensively- One cannot merely state that a location is 'a rest stop', and nor can you simply say that everything is made from crystal. You've given an aesthetic, not a scene. I could go an entire chapter with no information on the aesthetic, but whether the room has tables, chairs, if the rest stop is merely a restaurant or if it perhaps contains a series of cottages- are we talking hotel? diner? dive? bar? It could be any of those things, or none, and I would have no idea.

Second up on my 'things to bitch about' list, is Trixie. While matching her characterization in her first appearance quite expertly(which is to say that you made her insufferably self-obsessed), you entirely missed the boat on the entirety of her characterization in her second appearance, sparse though it might be. Trixie was remorseful, sure, but she was also scheming, conniving, and bitter. The Trixie shown in Magic Duel holds a grudge, and is willing to work for months or years to see revenge through. In short, she's PATIENT- something this story could use a little bit of. If Trixie is going to play the suitor, I'd see her returning to Ponyville, trying to get a little bit of information from her friends, learn more about the mare she's spent all of two days around, and play up the 'lovestruck fool' angle.

Next, let's look at Twilight: she's desperate to see someone she can properly interact with, not a servant or someone who will scrape and bow. Now, assuming this is happening after the events of EQG- because Twilight barely arrives in the crystal empire before ending up in the other world- then where, exactly, are Cadance, Shining, Celestia, and Luna? Did they all just decide to leave Twilight alone in the Crystal Empire, newly crowned and with almost no experience, despite the fact it already has a princess? And Spike is Twilight's little brother, number one assistant, and best and oldest friend. I don't really see him leaving her absolutely alone. Bros before Hoes, eh?:moustache: He has always stood by her when noone else would, and it's not like waiting a week or two for Twilight to return to Ponyville(which is where Twilight is still living, just as a side note) is much for him. It stretches the imagination, and breaks immersion.

And I guess that's all I really have to discuss right now. Good luck with this, regardless.

You got featured! :yay:

Way to go, broseph. :moustache:

the cover art is nice but is the thing pined by trixe's spear a banner with twi's cutie mark or is it..........OH GOD is it her mark and flesh pined by trixes spear:pinkiesick::fluttercry::pinkiesad2: that would be the cause of the blood on the spear I hope its not going to happen to twi?

3460022 Even in the show the characters still react when somepony gets injured. The fact that you describe her injury so vaguely, if at all, makes it even harder to accept as part of the story. It feels like it doesn't need to be there, which is a pretty severe contrast with the aforementioned lack of description.

Since I'm not the only person who noticed all the issues with it, hopefully you'll make an effort to address the problems in later chapters, even if you don't end up repairing the first ones.

Wait what? What is going on? Why is Twilight in the Crystal Empire? What happened to Cadence? Where is Trixie? What is she doing? Why didn't I have time to process any of this?

Why is nothing explained?

Seriously, this is your frickin' prologue, you could do to fill the reader in a bit.


I'm all for metaphors, but how exactly does one make a, "mess of journalism"?

It doesn't work in this case because I have very little context for where Trixie is, so because my mind is still trying to get a handle on the setting, and I wind up taking the sentence literally.

Now if something to the effect of, "there were newspapers strewn about the floor", I'd know what was going on. (Without laughing.)

"It feels barricaded somehow"

I died. :rainbowlaugh:

Who thinks like this? What's wrong with, "it won't budge"?

Overall, the concept and characterization is sound (at least in the prolgoue) so I encourage the development of this story, and hope to see more.

Fair enough. While no one may agree with me, I do believe that this is along the lines what will happen in season four.

I figured that they'd have half a season of Princess Maker, then there'd be a time-skip and the cutie mark crusaders would become the new mane six.

Hey, couldn't do it without you. Thanks!:pinkiehappy:

How did I not notice that 'til now.:facehoof:

Will do. I would like to avoid "Special Edition"-ing the early chapters though.

That was all I had to argue about. Gotta take what I can get, y'know?

And on my second read through, I realized what the Philonomicon was: The Book of Friendship. Like Necronomicon, but not evil (hopefully).

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