The Ballad of Time Turner and Rainbow Dash: Are a Drag

by dramatic_spoon

Well, what the hell.

“So then,” Firefly trailed off, “I’m sure Streak had a lot to say.”

“He did. I am sure Fortuna had plenty to say as well.”

“Yep.”

“Not all of it was good, of course.” Clagan chuckled.

“Nope.”

“You sound like an Apple,” Clagan scoffed at the memory of his client, “He was infuriating to speak with.”

“I can imagine, Dash complains about her friend Applejack,” Firefly rolled her eyes, “Competitive.”

“I would assume that she is friends with her fellow Elements.” Clagan paused, “That came out more mean spirited than intended.”

“Really?” Firefly snapped back.

“You do realize first impressions work both ways, yes?” Clagan continued on, “It seems that neither of us are doing a particularly good job here.”

Firefly paused. Her mouth twitched slightly as she silently agreed.

“So let us try this again,” Clagan cleared his throat, “I am Clagan, Time Turner’s father.”

“Firefly. Dash’s mom.
I’m not related to the one that founded the Wonderbolts,” she continued on, “My parents just named me after her.”

“Ah. I’ve noticed that sort of naming practice tends to repeat itself.”

“Don’t get me started on that,” Firefly rolled her eyes, “I wanted to name her Venus, but Streak insisted on his great-Aunt.”
Clagan frowned, anticipating Firefly to continue on.

“He obviously won that argument.” Firefly shrugged.

“Why Venus?”

“I like the name.”

The kitchen door creaked every so slightly more open as the three ponies pressed up against it, listening in. Dash and Turner frowned at the story, momentarily pulling away to keep their voices down.

“See? Embarrassing stories.” Dash grumbled, tossing up her hooves in disgust.

“…I don’t know, I think you could pull off being a Venus.” Turner shrugged.

“Remind me to tell the story of how we almost named you Sprocket.” Fortuna chuckled as she motioned for them to return.

“So then, obviously Turner has spoken to you and your husband about us?” Clagan continued on.

“Some. He was the bigger problem at the time,” Firefly traced her hoof on the lip of her glass, “Who cares about the parents if you don’t like the kid?”

“…Valid point.”

“Did they tell you about the whole Hearts and Hooves Day thing?” Firefly refilled her glass.

“What is she talking about?” Fortuna whispered.

“You didn’t tell them?” Dash hissed.

“Well, I try not to talk about the times I nearly died.” he countered.

“What Hearts and Hooves Day thing?” Clagan inquired. A malicious smile crept onto Firefly’s face as she continued on.

“Dash decided to make dinner for the two of them at her place.”

“Well that’s a typical romantic ge…” Realization dawned on Clagan, “she lives in a cloudhouse, doesn’t she?”

“Oh yeah.”

“She did have them enchant her floors?”

“She had some of them treated.” Firefly’s grin grew larger, “He found out the hard way.”

Clagan began to massage his temples. Inside the kitchen, Fortuna stifled a laugh.

“Excuse me for a moment.” the mare giggled as she left through another door. After several moments, muffled, uncontrollable laughter could be heard.

“Called it.” Dash grumbled.

“Well in absolute fairness, I didn’t expect your mother to tell one of the stories about how I almost died.” Turner snarked back.

“Just hope she doesn’t talk about the next one.” Dash muttered.

“I think one ‘Your son nearly died’ story is enough.”

Firefly downed another shot of bourbon as Clagan continued to massage his head.

“He’s her first coltfriend, she’s bound to screw up from time to time,” Firefly shrugged.

“Screw-ups don’t usually kill ponies.” He countered.

“I know.” Firefly shook her head, “She’s trying, though. To get better, not trying to kill him.” she quickly clarified.

“I would hope.”

“Can I ask you something?” Firefly continued on, “Dash mentioned she had met you, but she didn’t tell me how that went.”

“…And you want to know how it went?” Clagan paused, “It went well. We met at a very nice restaurant, although I think it was because Fortuna and Turner didn’t want me to complain too much.”

“Might also have been to keep Dash from snapping.”

“No, that almost happened anyway.” Clagan paused, “Although to be fair I think I deserved it.”

“What did she do?”

“…Well first she threatened to stab me with a fork.” Clagan began.

“You did what?” Turner hissed at Dash, “Where was I when you did that?”

“Bathroom.” Dash grunted.

“But then again, I accidently insulted her friend, Butterfly.” Clagan conceded.

“Fluttershy,” Firefly corrected, “They’re close, almost like sisters.”

“Yes, well…I know that now.” Clagan paused, “How did your first meeting with Time Turner go?”

“Good. For starters our house is treated so he didn’t fall through.”

“…He went to Cloudsdale.”

“We live there and Streak likes cooking. Dash convinced him it was safe, so…” Firefly shrugged.

“And?”

“Everything went well.” Firefly shrugged again, “He likes Skyrosian food.”

“That’s good.” The tension continued to build up as Clagan frowned.

“Both your daughter and husband mentioned you could have joined the Wonderbolts,” Clagan continued on, “But here we are. Why?”

“…Pour me a drink.” Clagan obliged, topping it off. Firefly downed it and slammed the glass on the table.

“Once upon a time, there was a smart-ass filly who thought she was invincible. This meant she did a lot of stupid stunts, took stupid risk and all that stupid kid stuff.”

Turner and Fortuna glanced at Dash. The pegasus glared back.

“So one day she decided she’s going to try and make a tornado, just to prove she could. And you know what?
She did.”

Firefly refilled and drained her glass before continuing, “And I had to save her. She had lost control of the tornado and had gotten stuck, so I had no choice but to dive in and get her.
Tore up my wings pretty badly. Doctors said they’d heal alright, but I’d never be able to hit my old speeds again. Can’t do stunt flying either, just the basics.”

“…I had no idea your daughter was s-”

“It wasn’t Dash,” Firefly cut him off, “This was before she was born. Hell, it was before I got married. That stupid kid’s name was Spitfire.”

The room grew silent again as Firefly pushed her glass away.

“No more.”

“I had no idea. I apologize, I was rather hasty in judging you,” Clagan paused, “I suppose this is going to be an interesting relationship.”

“I guess.” Firefly shrugged, “Although ain’t it tradition for in-laws to sort of hate one another?”

“Hardly.” Clagan paused again, “Fortuna, I know the three of you are listening in from the kitchen.”

“Streak, you might as well come in,” Firefly called out, “You have a shy bladder, but it’s not that shy.”

Bluestreak pushed the door open and blushed as he took his seat, “I didn’t want to interrupt.”

The kitchen door swung open as Fortuna brought out a heavy pot and several bowls. Dash and Turner followed and quietly retook their seats.

“It’s good to see that the two of you are at least trying to be friendly now,” Fortuna beamed.

“Well, I still have one question for him.” Firefly turned her attention back to Clagan.
“What’s the difference between whisky and whiskey-with-an-e?”

“Virtually nothing,” Clagan chuckled, “Only Equestria uses the ‘e’ spelling, and it’s only called Bourbon if it’s made in certain regions of Eastern Equestria.”

“So all that whiskey-whisky stuff was just you being a dick?” Firefly grumbled.

“Basically.” Clagan shrugged.

“I think they’re starting to get along,” Time Turner whispered to Dash.

“Seems like it.”

“Well then,” Clagan held up his glass, “To the future.”

“I can get behind that, Streak pour me some more,” Firefly nudged Bluestreak while Fortuna levitated her own glass.”

“Don’t you think you’ve had enough?” he frowned.

“Last one, I promise.”

“Alright then,” Bluestreak refilled his wife’s glass as Time Turner and Rainbow Dash raised their own.
“Salut!”

Comments

[dramatic_spoon]

And that's it.
For now, anyway.

It's a bit hard to pin an exact age on most of the characters, but it's roughly something like this:
Dash: 21
Time Turner: 26
Soarin: 30
Rarity: 27
Spitfire: early/mid 30s.

Firefly/Bluestreak: roughly mid 50s.
Fortuna: Late 50s.
Clagan: early 60s.

Venus is abit of an ingag, that will eventually be explained...provided you don't figure out before then.

See you in Romance Novels Can Suck It.

[SageBrony07]

Interesting choice with the end of this story. I liked how Firefly saved Spitfire. Also how everypony blamed Dash initially. Great job with this story. I enjoyed it.

[themouthofmush]

that was an interesting way to end this story, though it fits into it pretty well.

[Themaskedferret]

Very cute.