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Sweet Nightmares

Princess Luna is banished to the moon and the anger is raging in her. Fortunately, she has made an acquaintance - the little colt! He is more than happy to have somepony by his side, but his first attempt to befriend Nightmare Moon didn't go like he expected. Luckily, even Nightmare Moon's heart began to melt and the little colt's wish to have a friend will might come true.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 3 )

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ocalhoun

ocalhoun #1 · Nov 19th, 2014 · · ·

Well, not horrible for a first story of a non-native speaker.

Some pro-tips:
-Don't say it's your first story in the story description: that makes people expect a bad story. (And don't ask critics to take it easy on you... I don't know about others, but that makes me want to be extra-critical.)
-Separate your paragraphs, either with a blank line or indents.
-Don't use bold text within a story. At all.

You've managed to write a first story that I don't want to downvote. And for me, well, that's quite an accomplishment, since I'm quite liberal with downvotes.
What's keeping it from an upvote?
-The paragraphs and the bold text
-Narration that's at times repetitive and/or hamfisted

Keep at it, though.
Unlike some authors here, I think you've got potential.

FillyHilly

FillyHilly #2 · Nov 19th, 2014 · · ·

Thank you so much! I'll correct my mistakes as soon as I can (and as fast as I can). Writing in my native language is quite different than writing in English. I read books in English whenever I can to improve my vocabulary and grammar and stuff... I wanted to say more, but I think it's enough for now. Thank you and just to reply to your last sentence:
You made me blush