On the continent of Chreathail, there exists a new pony nation. Formed on the dying embers of the three pony tribes, the country is unified in Harmony and guided through Chaos by its seeming immortal alicorn princesses.
After their success in defeating Discord with the Elements of Harmony, Equestria has had the luxury of nearly a century of peace and prosperity. Quickly the equestrians set to work, becoming the largest exporter of food and craft goods. With the power of Harmony, pony-kind seemed wholly unchallengeable. Yet, just beneath the skin of the seemingly perfect kingdom, there exists a dark secret. A single generation of peace cannot wholly erase the ideas of old. Prejudice and thoughts superiority are not so easily extinguished, yet they lie dormant, biding their time.
With the unexpected appearance of a foreign being, everything is about to change. The world will be thrown back into Chaos, hard choices will have to be made. Tragedy will strike, and the Royal Sisters will have to decide if Harmony can truly persist in a world so unexpectedly cruel.
This story is based only about 100~ years after the original imprisonment of discord, well before nightmare moon ever happened.
Sex, violence, and tragedy tags are mainly for things that will happen later on in the story. It won’t have any real impact on most of the beginning of the story, however, this series overall will get dark.
Now with awesome cover art done by the talented Pigeonsmall!
tell you what, i'll add it my read later. looking forward to when you have more available :D
Interesting. I like this start. I'll be keeping an eye on this.
7623349 All right all right! WOO :P chapter 2 should be up soon
7623518 Wow thanks!
I'll track it for now, see how it goes.
Looks interesting, follow it i will!
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7623349
7626417 New chapter! Please enjoy and tell me if you see any mistakes.
loved chapter 2. and finally, celestia actually telling the nobles off for once. xD
noticed a few errors, let me know if you want it gone over.
7627785 Yes please, if you see a mistake tell me in the comments.
This is turning out for the better i do hope this story continues to do so.
i did find an error where Luna is called Loon or something but i can't find it again sorry.
Very good! Man was this an emotional chapter! All aboard the feels train! Lol.
Anyway, I spotted a few mistakes. On some parts, namely Celestia's anger at the nobles, you forgot to input periods and commas. And there were some parts where Luna and Celestia were not capitalized. Same with Jack. Just wanted to let you know.
Keep this up, because this is fantastic! I hope to see another update soon!
P.S. I can be a beta for you if you so wish.
7627799 alright, i see a few others spotted some of them to. i'll look through and put up what i saw.
It is really good story, i like it. And so far i havent seeing any mistake, The only thing is that sometimes i get confused of whether is Luna or Celestia talking, but may be that is just me
. looking forward for more.
7628042 Ok thanks for the feedback, ill go through later today and make some changes.
Great job Mate!
Nice story you have there my friend and hope to read more
it's time for Luna to have a nice big hug.
7628042 ... WHAT?!?
No offense against the author but this story is RIDDLED with typos, missing words or bad punctuation
Now I enjoy this story (riddles with errors as it may be) don't get me wrong, and do take what I'm about to say too seriously....
Could you make Luna anymore of a wimp? She is a millennium year old alicorn who has stood against discord and many other foes, surely a few words couldn't harm her? Besides, her attitude always made me think of her as more of a warrior than a rule....
Now I enjoy this story (riddles with errors as it may be) don't get me wrong, and do take what I'm about to say too seriously....
Could you make Luna anymore of a wimp? She is a millennium year old alicorn who has stood against discord and many other foes, surely a few words couldn't harm her? Besides, her attitude always made me think of her as more of a warrior than a ruler....
Such a great story! The feels are strong with this one.
The only real criticism I really have to say about the story is that it is just slowed down a tiny bit but besides that the potential in this story is overwhelming. It would be fun to see what the nightmare part of Luna's personality has to say, possibly even caring for the child as much as Luna does. Mother Nightmare moon anyone?
Awww, loved how Jack and Luna bonded.
7631767 SHHHH DONT SPOIL IT
7631750 Look im not portfect *jokes* no but I know its got some spelling and punctuation errors. For some reason my keyboard isnt very sensitive, the other reason is I write on my phone when im away from my pc, so it auto corrects stuff that doesnt need to be autorcorrected.
I have two editors/betas now so hopefully they will spot these problems.
7631865 Why thank you!
7631767 I tried my best. Also its going to pick up. Time skips will happen as summaries of years and or special events.
7631897 I know the pain of autocheck my friend, tis a frustrating experience
7631750 Also I can understand why some people may think that I have butchered Luna's character. However;
Imagine you have been alive for who knows how long, you've fought discord and saved your subjects from harm many times. Then you adopt a child. And suddenly your subjects hate you. They even say that they never really cared about you. Meanwhile they lavish love and affection on your sister, and hate your night. Tell me again how she is a wimp for cracking?
I dont mean to sound like im on the offensive here, im just trying to give you the best analogy I can. (Besides its already cannon that she cracked in anger. That's what made her become the nightmare, im simply suggesting that it happened more than once.)
7631742 well yea, I guess I shouldn't have said ANY but they aren't that big. I could understand the story, I guess I just turn off my brain well reading, but still is a good story.
7631748
And I think you forget that Nightmare moon is canon. We know that Luna feel (or will feel, is not clear yet) resentment against Celestia because ponies like more the sun that her moon, now we found out the she isnt even recognize as a Princess and after, as you say, fight for Equestra sake against Discord and others. Tell my how would you feel if you went to a war for America but when you come back you werent even recognize as a citizen of the U.S.
7631989 That's what I was trying to say basically.
7631907 Also Please keep reading im not hating on you or anything! You have every right to state what you think of my story! Im just here to write it and settle any misconceptions!
7632056 Thats completely fine, i was just voicing my opinion, of course i will keep reading
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Thats fine, and your explanation makes sense, i suppose with all the eventd you would be a bit emotionally unstable as well. Thanks for not going on the offensive, i still heavily enjoy this story and it doesnt bother me all that much
I will keep a watch and see if it goes the way so many do... never updates. If it proves steady with updates, I will read it.
I Love mother stories they always make Me happy.
I couldn't help but notice this.
And how that this...
puu.sh/rKEQZ.png
Don't line up.
Unless you wrote this than revoked it. Or your month counting skills are off. Since October is the tenth month of the year and August is the eighth.
7645824 *facedesk* IM *Facedesk* SO *Facedesk* STUPID
Fixed :P
first off this is very well written and I found a song that may fit this first chapter it does its job by setting the mood.
Liking this story so far, can't wait to see how it play out!
Nice short and sweet chapter! Loved it
7660918 Jeza, I wasnt expecting anyone to read it that fast! Thanks anyway!
7660925 Sure thing dude!
7660941 Next chapter will be 5k or more. Promise.
Its all about quality over quantity. Liking the story, can't wait for more!
I like this story. Waiting for the next chapter.
Man, I still love this story. A very new perspective I do believe. Great work Mate!! Can't wait for the next chapter in this tale!
7661361 thanks!
I wish I knew who the three downvoters were. I kinda wanna ask what was wrong. If they just didn't like the story or if there were some errors or something.
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I wouldn't worry about it. Already 96 people have pivoted this story! You're doing great!! But I do see what you mean. Good luck with the next chapter!
Not sure where you're going to go with the plot (unless you do huge time-skips), but it's a cute slice of life. I'd read more.
You are anything but noble.
'You are nothing but nobles' implied that they ARE noble (in both personality and station). Unless you meant that they are only nobles in titles and nothing else.
Why not execute the lot of them for treason and be done with?
You don't acknowledge the sovereign of a nation means you don't acknowledge that you belong to said nation's governmental body. Especially with such treasonous ideologies and thoughts.
Remove their titles and assets. Their resources are better used for improving a nation's economy.
P.S. Say what you want about uprisings, revolutions, and rebellions in our history, but those ARE acts of treasons. The only difference are those acts of treason succeed. And the sovereigns just so happened to be bad or downright evil. Which in turn, making all those revolutions heroic wether they succeed or not.