Wow, I just burnt through that pretty fast. Now, I can definitely see that there are some flaws in your writing style, and some improvement is needed. However, I do very much like the idea and potential of this story, I hope to see more of it soon.

5473998
Glad to hear you like it. Is there any thing in particular that you could point out for me to improve on, I would greatly appreciate it.

Here you go, I read this guide a while ago and I can tell you it will help you, ALOT! if your really interested in making this story high quality, then I highly suggest reading this thing. even if it is super long. http://www.fimfiction.net/writing-guide

5514611
I was writing this story just for fun but I'll give it a look see. Thanks for the info

Nice action in this chapter. This reminds me of the Deadrising series, with the aggression going up at night.