Life is too short to try and impress everyone so just try to impress your self.
Read about Chacho and his 'adventurous' final year in Ponyville High, full of heart break and love, while he is an a love triangle between a mare which he has always loved and a mare he just met. Does Chacho finally get to be happy? or will he end up alone? Which mare will he choose? Only one way to find out
Constructive criticism is appreciated. Hope people like it. (Has the teen rating because of the few swears)
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Shit, let me check with my mom first to see if I can read this story.
I am liking the story so far. I can't wait for you to keep writing it. Keep up the great writing!
2451872
and I am actually done with the fifth chapter just looking it over again 
Thanks means a lot
Hey, a BIG congratulations on your first fiction!
It takes a lot of guts to put one of these out there. Here are some questions I think might help you going forward.
Ask yourself "What is the payoff?" Is there going to be a moment where everything "clicks" together? How will Chacho and the others be different by the end?
You were right; the conflict picks up in later chapters. It definitely shows that chapter 4 was a lot of fun for you. That scene with Rainbow Dash got pretty heavy.
I look forward to seeing where you take this. Good luck! 
2501195
. And thanks for those questions they have helped me put together the 'end' of the fic in my mind and I'll try to make it an enjoyable read. 
Thanks so much for the positive feed back
You're missing an apostrophe there, buddy.
Terrible description. Tells us nothing beyond the main character's name.
One cannot "follow" a "final year in [high school]". Reword. And it's Ponyville High.
Heartbreak is one word. And again, this sentence is generic and pointless.
Even more pointless. Thank you, Captain Obvious.
Why are you telling us this? Your fic will be judged on its quality, not on its author's experience. All you're really saying is "Have mercy and excuse my poor writing", which is kinda pathetic. Replace this sentence with "I welcome feedback and constructive criticism".
2540038
Thanks for the criticism although a bit discouraging but none the less helpful. I'm not the greatest writer, and tend to be 'captain obvious' but I guess that something I can work on. thanks for reading anyway.
This chapter picked up when Rainbow Dash got involved. The napping scene was cute. In the beginning, the game was difficult to visualize because you have many OCs in this fic, which means you have to work harder at establishing a connection between them and the reader. That's why the chapter picked up during the nap scene with Rainbow Dash; we already know and love her, so it's easier to feel that connection. I look forward to seeing what you do with her.
The only true issue I have with this fic is capitalization and punctuation. Some of your first person pronouns are lower case, and occasionally there are no periods at the end of sentences.
Keep going!
2581512
and my proofreader has been quit busy lately so I have to check it myself, but I tried to get this last chapter out as quickly as possible.
Yeah sorry about those, I just cant catch them all
That's the one spot I found where the first-person pronoun should have been capitalized. Grammar wise, this is the best chapter yet!
Story wise, this chapter reads like it could very well be the end of the story. Good thing you foreshadowed Velvet at the end.
Also, I would use Italics when writing a character's thoughts instead of single quotation marks. Those are supposed to be used when there is a quote within a quote.
2599660
yeah mulled over this one to try to get the grammar mistakes guess I missed one. I'm trying to get to a point to which I can just put a time skip to towards the end so I can actually write the end. To me honestly i felt like this chapter was just a filler. Thanks for reading my story 
Thanks
Edit: Fixed it
This is quite the topical quote.
Cloud busting with Rainbow Dash?
What's gonna happen? 
Wow, a BIG congratulation for finishing your first fic!!
I'm sorry it took me awhile to finish. What has impressed me most is your willingness to continue writing; most authors quit after their stories don't catch on like wildfire. Seeing any creative endeavor to the end requires great energy, and you've reached the checkered flag. 
I hope you continue writing, but I recommend getting an editor/beta-reader for your next one. Collaboration is one of the most exciting elements of creativity. Congratulations again, friend. 
PS - I loved how you put Chacho and his mom's letters in quote boxes. That's the first time I've seen that. Very clever!
3408157
Thanks it took a while but I wanted to finish it. I would write with another person but I don't think I have that kind of dedication just yet. I never saw anyone else do the quote for a letter so I figured eh lets roll with it see where it gets me. Glad to hear you liked it. And I kinda had an editor but being busy with college not much she could do to help besides check for some minor spelling/grammatical errors (something I find myself doing to others writing while reading.) but that was sufficient enough for me at the time. Who knows maybe ill do another fic just don't expect anything soon.