Government Headaches
Nick Fury leaned back in his chair as he stared across the table at Tony Stark. "Let me see if I've got everything straight. Less than a week ago, a tiny alien-"
"Pony," Tony corrected.
Nick stared at him for a time. "...appeared in your lab from some sort of..."
"Dimensional anomaly," Tony supplied.
"And imprinted on you as her father," Nick finished the first part of his assessment. "Since then, she has the Hulk playing...Nanny for her? And then there's that...thing in the bay?"
"You mean Zuki?" Tony asked. "That's what Rainbow's been calling it."
Shortly after Hulk had dedicated himself to being Rainbow Dash's nanny and bodyguard, he had proclaimed that Rainbow needed a puppy to walk and care for, to teach her responsibility. The reptilian dinosaur-like creature he had dragged back the next day was a puppy only by virtue of the fact that all scans showed it to still be an infant. Scans also revealed it to have undergone a great deal of radiation-based mutation, and having a store of radioactive energy inside its body. While it had struggled a great deal when it first arrived, the first time it had snapped at Rainbow, Hulk had grabbed it by the scruff of its neck, lifted it into the air, and roared in its face. It had since been very puppyish with Hulk and Rainbow.
As a result, a common sight in the city nowadays was Hulk dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire - complete with dress, wig, a pair of beach balls for cleavage, and a pair of coke bottles wrapped in a wire coat hanger hanging around his neck - side by side with Zuki, with Rainbow Dash sitting happily on Zuki's head holding the 'puppy's' leash. This - along with the fact that Hulk stopped every so often on the walk to entertain Rainbow and Zuki by attempting to perform Robin Williams style stand-up.
This had greatly improved the Hulk's reputation for gentleness with the city populace, though said reports had also been what brought the situation to SHIELD's attention.
"So," Nick continued, "you've now got two aliens under your roof-"
"Actually, Zuki appears to be Terran, genetically," Tony interrupted again.
"And what sort of damage is that mutant wrecking on the ecosystem?" Fury demanded.
"Actually," Tony pointed out, "Hulk's managed to get it to behave itself. We just have to feed it its weight in fish in stages over the course of every three days."
Nick Fury could only blink. "Huh. That's a lot of fish."
Tony shrugged. "Compared to what I expected in terms of expenses, it's rather cheap, especially since its fine eating vat grown substitutes."
Nick decided not to pursue that line of inquiry anymore. "Alright. And you want me to do what, again?"
"I was hoping SHIELD could streamline the process of Rainbow getting American citizenship so that I could adopt her as my daughter," Tony explained anew.
Nick Fury could only stare at him. "...why?"
"Because she's not a pet," Tony replied simply.
"And what the hell is that supposed to mean?" Nick Fury demanded.
Tony sighed. "Look, I know she looks like a pet. Even though she talks, a lot of people are going to mistake her for an animal. But she has a lot more personality than that. She is a person, even if she is a pony. She's also a child, and very fragile. It's not enough that Hulk is determined to protect her. If that's all she has, anytime someone tries to snatch her - and you know they will - there's going to be horrendous amounts of collateral damage - not to mention what Hulk will actually do to whoever snatches her - every single time. How long can SHIELD deal with that? How long until some other military group tries to go after Hulk again, and we have the fallout from that sort of futile endeavor? Rainbow Dash needs legal protection as well, so that she'll be safe."
Nick thought for a time about all this. Hulk joining the Avengers had done a great deal for the goals of SHIELD. The idea that the quasi-military defense organization could be used to 'rehabilitate' those who were more dangerous than devilish had cleared a lot of red tape when it came to the more covert operations. The fact that Hulk was now even more gentle with all he was doing taking care of Rainbow Dash had been viewed by those in government oversight that SHIELD worked in that regard. Nick Fury was happy to have SHIELD take the credit for that...but to do that, he'd have to protect the situation developing here. "Alright, I can see what you mean about legal protection, but why you? Why is a dedicated bachelor determined to adopt somepony that just dropped into his lap?"
"Hulk lasted three seconds against her cuteness to become her nanny," Tony pointed out. "After that, I had to argue him out of a French Maid outfit and into the Mrs. Doubtfire look. Exactly how long do you think I lasted against her calling me 'Daddy' before I capitulated?"
"Then why don't you take care of it?" Nick Fury demanded. "You've got more than enough connections and resources to grease the wheels for her. Why me? Why SHIELD?"
"Because if I do it, it'll just be a rich guy buying what he wants out of the government," Tony argued. "If it's you, the government, SHIELD...then not only would people see her citizenship as more legitimate, certain groups would see it as the government deciding her well being was a matter of national security."
Nick smirked. "So you're playing games with public opinion for her sake, huh?" He chuckled. "Alright, I can see that. But why should I pin my reputation - and SHIELD's - on this kid?"
"Pwease?" an adorable voice begged from his side.
Nick Fury turned. Zuki stood there, looking up at him and managing on a reptilian face to give cute puppy-dog eyes. On its head, Rainbow sat there, holding the leash in her mouth as she also gave Nick Fury pleading puppy-dog eyes.
Nick cracked up laughing. "Good attempt, kid, but I'm immune to cute."
Rainbow pouted, crossing her forelegs over her barrel as she spat the leash out. "I not cute, I awesome! Nanny tell you, then Nanny talk you wound."
Nick paled at the mental image of Hulk taking over the negotiations, not so much out of fear of Hulk as from not wanting an up close look at Hulk cross-dressing...and the fear of lost face if he cracked up at Hulk's attempts to act the part. "Awesome, on the other hand, is always an effective negotiation tool," he said quickly. He reached out and ruffled Rainbow's mane. "I'll see what I can do, okay squirt?"
Rainbow squealed happily. "Yay! Tanks, Unca Nick!" Leaping forward, she hugged him around the neck, before settling back on Zuki's head to ride out of the room.
The entire time, Nick Fury did his best to keep a straight face. I am immune to cute...I am immune to cute... He repeated his mantra all the way out of the Stark industries building, all the way back to the SHIELD airship, and all the way to his soundproofed office. He even held it until he'd managed to turn off all recording devices.
Then, all unobserved, he squealed like a love-struck fangirl.
Stats
Page generated in 0.02 seconds
Total duration
1,001 users online
1,444,509 hits today, 2,244,100 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I'm having trouble imagining Samuel L Jackson as Nick Fury squealing like a fangirl.
Poor Nick... Still, has more willpower than anyone else I've ever seen, so... Yeah.
I can only imagine Natasha's reaction to RD.
5214964
Natasha?
Is the Nick Fury in this story the original from the comics in the 60's or the one from the Marvel films?
5214982 Natasha Romanov AKA Black Widow.
5214983
Hmm...more of the modern one, as the original was more out for himself and his own goals rather than the well being of others or the nation.
5214914 I wish I could help with that, but even Youtube has nothing. This is the closest I could find.
Also, this being who it is, NSFW
Not even Nick Fury folks, that was a new record though. And let me tell ya, I'd have caved after the first look, no question!
5214914 You and me both
HAHAHAHAHA oh, oh god that was awesome.
Before I even read this story... I gotta say that this is sooo cool!! *squuuueee*
The pic and the synopsis. I'm excited!!!!
This story is dumb. Pure, unadulterated dumb.
It also happens to be adorable, and well-written, so therefore I love it.
The FUCK not buck but FUCK
5214982
I think she means Black Widow
5214914 Of course you are. And his precautions of disabling all the recording devices ensures that you will never have anything to base your imaginings on.
Holy Discord-in-a-Jesus-Christ-outfit on a bike! this is awsome
As with the other pony reborn in another universe stories that you are writing, I gave this one a shot. And like every other one there is a lot to like about it.
Unfortunately, also like every other story in this series you are doing, there is something that I makes me put it down and walk away.
In this story, the first thing that puts me off is the massive info-dump as Tony learns about Rainbow. (This seems to be the thing that keeps sending me away too...)
Second: Hulk smashes RD through a window triggering a Rainboom? This not only goes against physics (a projectile starts at it's maximum speed and decelerates); it goes against the intent of the Rainboom, which (granted, this is just MY feelings on it) relies on RD's magic.
Third: Tony asks his program for advice. And he's serious. Tony Stark created JARVIS. Yes, JARVIS is an AI, but he was WRITTEN by Tony! This would be like asking your day planner for advice. Facts, figures, schedules... sure. But "What do I do now?"? You'll notice that he never asks things like that of his creations in any continuity that I've seen. For this reason and that he's just that arrogant and rarely asks for advice of anyone.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO crap
Damn
I CAN"T TAKE IT !
5215362
In regards to your three points...
I can't say anything about your problem with the infodump. That's just how I write.
In regards to Hulk and the Rainboom, the Rainboom is a result of a magical reaction of Rainbow's inner energy at specific velocities. Hulk only provided the velocity, which she reached shortly after leaving his hand after being thrown. It's still her magic creating the effect.
For the third, Tony was completely stupefied, and the question was initially rhetorical. It just so happened there was an AI present to respond to it. And in the original cartoon, Tony frequently discussed purely technical matters with JARVIS. Also in that cartoon, Tony would frequently pose rhetorical questions regarding people's motives, which JARVIS would attempt to answer.
is she going to meet deadpool, or captain?
5215389
Captain America? Possibly.
Deadpool? No.
5215393
aw no deadpool how about doctor strange, spiderman, nightcrawler, or blackpanther?
5215401
...this is supposed to be Dashie raised by Iron Man, not Dashie raised by all of Marvel...
Not to say other Marvel characters won't show up, but I'm trying to keep the cast list manageable.
Edit: Also, how many times can you read "Character X squees over Dashie" before you wonder where the plot's at?
5215423
good point
Natasha Romanov (places shopping bag with leash and collar on a nearby counter after finding out about Zuki): "Guess I'm off the hook, since Hulk got Dash a real pet..."
Clint Barton (sets a brand new Teddy-bear next to the shopping bag): "Well if this doesn't work, I also bought a Teddy-bear costume..."
Hulk (picks up Teddy and inspects it before giving it to Rainbow Dash, who hugs it)
R. Dash: "T'anks, Unca Awowman!"
C. Barton: "Glad you like it, kiddo!"
Hulk: "Fine, Arrow-Man can be uncle, like Shield-Man and Hammer-Man."
C. Barton: "Thanks!"
N. Romanov: "May I assume that I'm in the clear as well?"
Hulk: "Hulk not say that. Spy-Lady think Hulk stupid? That Hulk not notice that collar is Rainbow Dash's size instead of Spy-Lady's?"
N. Romanov: "Er..."
C. Barton (tosses a small package onto the counter): "Good thing I made an extra stop then!"
Hulk (opens package to find a collar with a tag that says 'Puppy', and a matching leash): "Arrow-Man make good uncle already. Spy-Lady put collar on now."
N. Romanov (grumbling as she puts the collar on): "Fine, fine. I'm a puppy now. Happy?"
Hulk: "No. Hulk not happy. Puppy naughty! Naughty puppies don't get play dress-up! Collar stays - Spy-Lady take everything else off."
N. Romanov: "What? No! I'm not..."
Hulk: "Spy-Lady take everything else off! NOW!!!"
N. Romanov: "Erk!"
Hulk: "Nice try, but puppies not say 'erk'. Go 'arf' instead."
5215508
When did Hulk become the deviant?
I can see it all now.
Another pony pops up, then another, then another, and we have so many ponies here it's like an invasion.
Then it's revealed that the entire thing actually IS an invasion planned out by the Princesses, but nobody bloody cares because they ponies were so freaking cute!
And then the humans reveal Asgard and the other worlds to the ponies and the little filly Princesses suddenly give giant evil, but heart stopping cute grins...
5215594
...that...is an interesting story concept.
Certainly a better "Ponies invade Earth" concept than Conversion Bureau.
5215601 Hey now, I actually enjoy some of those stories.
But yeah, there are times we need to show that our future overlords can still capture our hearts, as well as our homelands, without turning to the drastic or disturbing.
5215613
They aren't my kind of story in concept.
Huh. He lasted longer I would of...
5215646 Meh, everyone has their preferences and opinions (except for when someone says Rock and Metal suck, then they're wrong).
But back on that invasion idea, now I'm seeing where everyone else would end up...
No one can resist the cute!
Nick Fury? No... Nick Squeelie is more like it now
Though if they think she's cute now, wait till she hits puberty... It always ends the same
I'm just waiting for the finale of all these 'foal Mane 6 in other realities' fics, when they all come home to fight Nightmare Moon.
So... we just need Rainbow to conquer Frank Castle and the adorableness will win! Mwahahahahaha...!
Well, it's official. No one is safe from the cuteness that is ponies.
Loss of face, the loss of HIS face or both? Because laughing at the Hulk is.. umm.. yeah.
5216546
Nick Fury as played by Samuel L Jackson.
......................................hnnnnnnnng what......the........he..........
*Emerald Shield's head promptly exploded from laughing so hard*
I would stop reading this and dislike it...
If it weren't so gorram hilarious!
Immunity to cute is nonexistent. You will bend to the will of cute. It is destiny. Obey the cute. Obey the cute.
5217671 Of course your pic is Fluffle Puff.
I laughed so hard, i got indigestion. Not even kidding. My stomach hurts now.
5214914 i think i can see it for this fics sake.