- Member Since 21st Sep, 2014
- offline last seen Jun 28th, 2015
ThePrettyMare
A woman who loves anything that involves ponies. <3
ThePrettyMare
Joined 21st Sep, 2014 ·
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This entire story is really only one chapter; there was no actual need to seperate it into three parts.
I understand..
I guess I should've put it into a full story 
but anyway, thanks for the feedback! 
I know this is supposed to be short, but it just feels to rushed. :(
Mare, I understand the story well, but think as if someone who had not gone through painstaking writing exercises read your story, would they be able to follow it's jumbled and rushed nature?
But otherwise, a good story. 
Thanks for the feedback shatterwing. I understand completely what your saying. I'll try to not rush any more of my stories.
thank you for reading my story!
Just a side note, if you are making a story with more than 1 chapter, the minimum word count should be 1000 words per chapter. Just an fyi
Thanks! I'll try to do that!
What. The Fuck. Far to short, and it was very choppy. My first story attempt was better than this shit!
....
really? Internet troll 
xD
This story seems incredibly rushed with no real lead up to Applejack's meeting with Cheerilee beyond Applebloom was bad, I'll take her punishment, SEX. Also, don't take this wrong, ending the story stating it was nothing more than a dream is a bit overdone not to mention, cliché.
Now that that has been said, should you want to attempt rewriting this in the future, you may want to take the time to establish a pattern of rebelliousness in Applebloom eventually resulting in Cheerilee calling for a parent/teacher (or in this case sister/teacher) conference with Applejack. Also, don't just dive into the sex. Allow time for the relationship to form naturally, say, third chapter at the earliest.
Please don't take my criticism hard and I know I don't have anything published here, just take the suggestions as you use fit. It's your story after all.
5105782 thanks for the feedback! I know it's very choppy, and I lose ideas very quickly. I'll try to make my stories not rushed, and not choppy anymore. Thank you, and have a good day!
5116279 You're welcome. If you loose ideas as fast as you say you may want to keep a small notebook handy to write them down. Also, try writing a basic outline for yourself before diving head first into the main story. It will give you time to organize your ideas and help work on your pacing.
5116694 alright! Thanks!
how did this get past the mods?
5123545 thanks for the insult >.>
This story was rushed, very rushed, too many errors to count, I was bored the whole time. This idea could have been expanded on, even just a little, and would have been better and it still would have been a short story, and it was really only one chapter. So, great idea, but not executed properly. Not trying to be rude, more like constructive criticism
5143278 uh. Thanks?
5150242 sorry, wasn't trying to be rude, though now that I look at it, it sounded worse than I meant for it to
5150275 no, no. It's not your fault. Your actually correct! Don't think that your wrong because of a little bit of critisism!
What could've been really fucking hot was way too short.