Sup yal? I'm new to this site and my writing isnt the BEST but it is good.
My name is Lero and I am a human in Equestria. I don't know how I got here or why but I like it here but this so called Chaos Alliance is out to get me because of this Augmentation Gem wedged in my chest.
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first
Plz constructive criticism only we don't want to see people say it sucked and not give us a reason why
second
Forth!
Haha, but i digress.... To be quite honest you lost me within a few paragraphs. You spent too much time just stating random facts about your character rather than describing what was happening. When the action did start however, yeah it's another "I've magically made it to Equestria!" story
I'll read a littler farther in to see if it gets interesting but for now i dare day it's not. Sorry
Deity is a dickhead.
Lero Is a combat badass.
Pony ville is extremely racist and judging.
seventh and this seems familiar, but I am a sucker for HiE.
*Sigh* Yet another Self Insert
478310 SELF insert?! Excuse me?
478806
"My name is Lero and I am a human in Equestria"
478838 What?
478848
"My name is Lero and I am a human in Equestria"
478856 I heard you but how is that self insert?
478860
Is your name Lero?
478876 No... Its Jared. Im taller then Lero, have brown hair not black and Im not rich...
478884
Fortunatly for me i haz teh monees
Very good, please continue.
477848 If your referring to me i did not dislike this because of this, I merely thought "Hey, maybe some criticism given can help this person improve their story"
Overall it's just not a type story I'm a fan of, if you like this kind of story knock yourself out.
479240 i appreciated your criticism and Hibishi will do better in the future
479483 Glad to be of help. I'll be sure to stop by and read more; ya never know what an author can pull outta his or her bag of tricks after all.